Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 I just can't do it, like ive tried a million times, ive meditated many times, felt into emotions a million times. Ugh. Ive questioned who is the one who wants to be free a million times, ive done self inquiry, felt into the I am sense, focused on sensations. the most that unfolds is a temporary relief that lasts a few hours, sensation becomes louder than thought, then thought pulls me back in. Im losing my fucking patience with this. Ive walked around my house begging god to free me from myself, ive bowed down and asked to remove all the ignorance, ive laid on the floor and surrendered my whole being to the universe. Ive literally talked to god/source and asked what to do. I want to be freed from myself!!!! Who wants to be freed? I don't know! Im tired of watching videos of spiritual teachers, im tired of listening to all the messages. Ive lost almost all my money already. God im so tired of all this! Please make it all end! I know for sure I can't let go, only god can free me from myself. At this point I don't even care if I literally drop dead, just make this shit go away! (No im not suicidal!) There's always a thought in the background "what's the point? How many more spiritual experiences? How many more temporary moments of peace? How many more moments of thinking you've arrived?" Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 Being freed from myself is more important than money, belongings, materials!!!!! Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 When there's no food in the stomach for a few hours the hunger pangs come, then after many hours the hunger intensifies so much, then after a few days it goes away completely. When the body is injured beyond repair it fights like hell to stay alive, then when it can no longer keep on going it just ceases to function. This seeking energy is like hunger, I have to trust that while the hunger pangs are so intense right now eventually it will cease. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 Shat does "surrendering" mean? 🤔 Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 @Blessed2 the end of the hunger for more. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 (edited) @Blessed2 from all the "enlightened" people I've spoken to, the symptoms are the same: -drastic reduction in thoughts that arise -no more thoughts about the past -no more self referential thoughts (unless they're used in a conversation) -no more suffering -Loss of sense of doership -Drastic weight taken off the body/mind system Edited July 20, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 You is being dramatic. Be dramatic like Shakespear, not King Lear. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 @Mandy 99 percent of ppl feel the same way I do deep down. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 Just now, Orb said: @Blessed2 from all the "enlightened" people I've spoken to, the symptoms are the same: -drastic reduction in thoughts that arise -no more thoughts about the past -no more self referential thoughts (unless they're used in a conversation) -no more suffering *Yawn* Now is all there is, whether you know it or not. Symptoms are of illness, like Jim Newman said, you don’t celebrate the end of a headache. You don't even notice cause you just stopped thinking of it. Love yourself instead of turning yourself into a headache. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 Just now, Mandy said: *Yawn* Now is all there is, whether you know it or not. Symptoms are of illness, like Jim Newman said, you don’t celebrate the end of a headache. You don't even notice cause you just stopped thinking of it. Love yourself instead of turning yourself into a headache. I'm not interested in anymore knowledge. I just want this hunger to go away. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 1 minute ago, Orb said: @Mandy 99 percent of ppl feel the same way I do deep down. You realize it's that thought now that justifies why you feel the way you do. Just drop that thought and you're the whole you're calling 1%. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 1 minute ago, Orb said: I'm not interested in anymore knowledge. I just want this hunger to go away. Then eat an apple. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 6 minutes ago, Mandy said: You realize it's that thought now that justifies why you feel the way you do. Just drop that thought and you're the whole you're calling 1%. I dropped it already but it doesn't make a difference. No insights or temporary experiences of lightness matter. The only thing that matters is liberation. Not some temporary pleasure or happiness. If it goes away, it isn't the true nature. You know how many loops I've gone through? Cycles of meditating and experiencing synesthesia, oneness, no senses, etc. They're meaningless, completely useless. No different than a drug experience or having sex. 7 minutes ago, Mandy said: Then eat an apple. The hunger is of the separate self implied by thought. No technique or modality can cure the hunger, the ego has to starve to death. Theres no way to sugar coat this. It has to just burn itself out. You can't speed up the starvation or slow it down. I'm not falling for anymore blissful experiences. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 6 minutes ago, Orb said: The hunger is of the separate self implied by thought. No technique or modality can cure the hunger, the ego has to starve to death. Theres no way to sugar coat this. It has to just burn itself out. You can't speed up the starvation or slow it down. Bla bla... this is so far from "surrendering all the way". "I can't feel good because this and that, because this and that is like this..." You are a creator, and right now you are creating whats in front of you, and you don't like it. Try something else. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 17 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said: Bla bla... this is so far from "surrendering all the way". "I can't feel good because this and that, because this and that is like this..." You are a creator, and right now you are creating whats in front of you, and you don't like it. Try something else. That implies that happiness comes from what is created. You can't think or manifest your way to happiness. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 34 minutes ago, Orb said: I'm not falling for anymore blissful experiences. NO BLISS FOR YOU!!! The problem isn't the bliss, it's the noticing when it ain't, (or what this bliss means for me) that's the fall. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 48 minutes ago, Orb said: That implies that happiness comes from what is created. You can't think or manifest your way to happiness. Okay okay.. alright. You got it. Just continue, you know where it leads. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 2 hours ago, Orb said: @Blessed2 the end of the hunger for more. What does it feel like, to let that hunger be as it is? To let the desire, the search, the wanting, the craving, to be & not judge, not hide. We're here for you brother. Let it all out. What do you want? What do you want to say? Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 21, 2023 Author Share Posted July 21, 2023 4 hours ago, Mandy said: NO BLISS FOR YOU!!! The problem isn't the bliss, it's the noticing when it ain't, (or what this bliss means for me) that's the fall. Hm, it feels good to love. That usually sparks me right up. 2 hours ago, Blessed2 said: What does it feel like, to let that hunger be as it is? To let the desire, the search, the wanting, the craving, to be & not judge, not hide. We're here for you brother. Let it all out. What do you want? What do you want to say? It's all good, I went to a church group today after posting this and prayed in the auditorium and meditated, the love feels so good. Sometimes I just don't know what's what. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 @Orb What do you do instead of snow balling / spider webbing / taking the discord to the life sized / enlightenment etc mental picture? How do you nip it in the bud? Put other ways, self soothing, relaxing / relaxation, keeping it to what’s it’s really about, non-rumination, remaining present, letting it (what thought is focused on which is discordant) go. A lot of people use breathing techniques, labeling and the like to stay with perception & sensation. What do you do to keep the tasks at hand actual vs spiraling? Like a to do today list etc. And what do you do to ensure feeling great is before the doing of tasks? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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