I Can't Surrender All the Way

[Orb]

11 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Orb

What do you do instead of snow balling / spider webbing / taking the discord to the life sized / enlightenment etc mental picture?

Put other ways, self soothing, relaxing / relaxation, keeping it to what’s it’s really about, non-rumination, remaining present, letting it (what thought is focused on which is discordant) go. 

 

What do you do to keep the tasks at hand actual vs spiraling? Like a to do today list etc. 

And what do you do to ensure feeling great is before the doing of tasks? 

 

I've written down goals in my dream notebook. 

 

And I usually just drink coffee, meditate, workout before starting the day.

 

The freakouts feel more physiological than just based on thoughts. Like emotionally or physically there's so much discomfort that I can't take it anymore and start freaking out. 

 

I've been meditating daily first thing in the morning everyday this whole time. 

 

I was able to let go of substances for 4 days but relapsed today and I'm not feeling the same high I used to feel so in a way its a bit saddening. I got money now in my account but the temptation to spend it all on substances is strong. 

[Orb]

I think too much caffeine amps me up and leads me to use other substances to calm that feeling down. 

 

When I let go of the substances I felt a mild flu on the 2nd day but after it went away.

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Orb said:

I've written down goals in my dream notebook. 

I mean today’s tasks. A daily ‘to do’ list. This simple tool helps take the ‘beyond today’ ‘bigness’ out of it. Especially in a stressful & difficult time as you’re experiencing with the job change.  Thought about just today are a lot different than ‘my whole life’ ‘reality’ ‘enlightenment’ etc. 

 

1 minute ago, Orb said:

 

And I usually just drink coffee, meditate, workout before starting the day.

Overall there’s a lot of taking the fault but not taking the credit. Include (mentally) those. As in the day started before those. 

 

1 minute ago, Orb said:

 

The freakouts feel more physiological than just based on thoughts.

Freak out is a thought - yes or no? Physiological is a thought - yes or no?

Be decisive and you allow clarity. 

 

1 minute ago, Orb said:

Like emotionally or physically there's so much discomfort that I can't take it anymore and start freaking out. 

Recognizing thoughts as thoughts is the other than that. The other than rumination about a separate self. Instead of ‘discomfort’, use rthe emotion scale and acknowledge the emotion felt. This sheds light on how the thoughts feel. That sheds light on ‘reaching for’ a better feeling thought and - feeling better. (Allowing the goodness you are). 

 

1 minute ago, Orb said:

 

I've been meditating daily first thing in the morning everyday this whole time. 

Awesome. If meditations “not working”, it’s hijacked by the separate self of thought. The doer doing it is let go meditatively as well, and all the mental baggage along with “it”. 

 

1 minute ago, Orb said:

 

I was able to let go of substances for 4 days but relapsed today and I'm not feeling the same high I used to feel so in a way its a bit saddening. I got money now in my account but the temptation to spend it all on substances is strong. 

This is a story about a self in time. 

Emotion is now and is the other than a story about a self in time. 

What’s wanted is presence. What is, is already and only ever, present. 

Grand central station. 🤍

[Phil]

49 minutes ago, Orb said:

I think too much caffeine amps me up and leads me to use other substances to calm that feeling down. 

 

When I let go of the substances I felt a mild flu on the 2nd day but after it went away.

This is another thought story about a self in time. Try acknowledging an emotion and feel the relief. Put yourself (awareness of thoughts) first - not thoughts. 

These thoughts are arising and being believed / identified with. The self these thoughts are about isn’t present and doesn’t exist. The self which does exist, you, is feeling the discord, of these thoughts. The separate self of thoughts is not surrendered by focusing on “it”, but by letting “it” go. 

 

Stop using enlightenment and spirituality to support the story of the separate self. 

 

This is what’s surrendered. By surrendered all that’s meant is - noticed. 

(By awareness).

 

Don’t concoct a big story (believe the thoughts) about one surrendering / the surrenderer. It’d all based on the false presumption there is a separate self, a knower, which knows what enlightenment is and that it can be attained. 

 

 

The discord is not the caffeine, the substances etc. 

Stop telling the discordant story about “yourself” - and the conceptualizations like “hunger” “cravings” etc, all the separate self bullshit rationalizing & justifying will literally just fall away. Use the scale instead. Use breathing techniques instead. Ground instead. Use any grounding, centering, mindfulness, presence technique instead. Truth is that good. Effortless. You are not a thinker or a doer. Those are thoughts. 

Noticing is not an effort, not a doing. 

 

That which is not thinking or doing is not arrived at by thinking & doing. Allow this to be obvious. Common sense. 

 

Read The Six Pillars. 

 

It’d be way better and way simpler to acknowledge changing jobs / being in between jobs is stressful, and expressing the emotions all the way up the scale, and allowing / attracting a desirable job. The grandiose ruminating about enlightenment is unnecessary and unhelpful in any way. It’s unproductive venting and complaining while self is actually infinite and creating (no one’s actually listening). Express on purpose, with a point. Finish the scale. 

 

Forum wise, make a journal. 

Imo the best name for a journal is Using & FINISHING the scale. 

 

A breath of fresh air… there is no need to mentally size up, score keep or compare.

What is is what is. What’s focused upon / what’s unfolding, is what’s focused on / what’s unfolding. 

Corks float (unless held under water). 

[Orb]

@Phil fine, ill make a journal about the emotional scale. 

[Phil]

@Orb

Complaining & venting aren’t expression and the difference is the unburdening, the unfettering, the putting down the carried weight - and feeling better and all the clarity & creativity that comes with. 

 

I’d also make a list of 10 things learned. Learning happens, it just doesn’t happen to anyone. I think there is a ton learned recently which you would feel really great about recognizing. 

 

[Orb]

@Phil Alright I made a list.