I can't do it alone.

[Blessed2]

It's out of my ability. I don't know how to feel better. I don't know how to reach infinity.

 

I don't know what sensations to focus on, how to listen to emotional guidance, what thoughts to think, how to let go discord, how to succeed in alignment and all this.

 

All effort is unsustainable. All trying in unsustainable. You cannot try, you cannot give effort forever. It's unsustainable. You will get tired, you will burn out.

 

All I can do, all I want to do, is how I am when in deep sleep. Total self-unconsciousness. That's the only sustainable way to spend an eternity. That's the only way I can be without discord. The only way I can be. The only way eternity can be. The only way peace can be. Anything else must be a "failure". Anything else is "off". I can feel it.

 

It must be done to me, for me. I just want to sleep.

 

Yeah I've heard many times how you just gotta give it to God or Source, to let go the wheel and sit on the passenger side. But I don't think that works. I don't think God would do it for me. If I let go the wheel, wouldn't the car just ride off the road and crash.

[Blessed2]

Drown me into sleeping sand

never wake me up.

Let me sink down

the Mariana Trench

 

 

[Someone here]

@Blessed2

I'm sorry you're feeling like this . Are you suicidal?  If so please seek professional help .this is not the first time you make posts like these. 

Over the 2021 year  ..I  suffered from anxiety disorder and panic attacks . I tried therapy of course. I saw a psychiatrist and he prescribed me some SSRI’S.  Namely Prozac, Invega, and  zyprexa. They have some nasty side effects (dry mouth ,needing to pee constantly, erectile dysfunction and lack of sexual interest). But they are 100% worth it . Try these medicines for few weeks and notice how your anxiety will subside effortlessly.  Thats the physiological aspect.  Also you want to eat food that helps the brain to release feeling good chemicals (serotonin, dopamine etc). Like fish .

The psychological aspect is not less important. What I did is I tried a meditation technique called (watch the space between thoughts ). I" invented" this technique myself.  I talked about it here :

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82442-notice-the-space-between-thoughts-best-meditation-technique/#comment-1157776

Give it a read . What this meditation technique does is it blocks away the whole story of your past and the whole story about your future.  And makes you 100% grounded in the present moment.  And there is no anxiety to be found in the present. Anxiety is always about what's gone and what's coming.  So when you block away every single thought about your history and your future and just stay with what's present...you will feel safe and secure. 

I have moved from being a fear based person to being a love based person. Anxiety is a form of fear. I can not have fear and faith at the same time. I choose to walk in faith and put myself in the arms of God, where all is safe. I identified each fear and released it replacing it with love and grace. Today, I live in the moment which is a gift and why it is called The Present. There is no fear in the “Now”. Everything is just like it is supposed to be and I enjoy the moment. 

So in conclusion.: try these medications mentioned above +try this meditation technique +put your trust and faith in God. The only place who you can let go and enter the kingdom of heaven. 

I wish you a long happy life with peace in your heart .

[Blessed2]

The moment there is self-consciousness, there is discord, and everything goes to shit. The moment there is self-consciousness, there is hell.

[Blessed2]

@Someone here Thank you 🙏🙂

[Phil]

If you’re experiencing suicidal ideation, don’t wait, immediately google suicide prevention hotline and talk with somebody uniquely trained and wanting to help. 
 

 

If the recap / op is believed to be indicative of what’s being shared here and there are any specific questions, as always feel free to ask.

[Blessed2]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

If you’re experiencing suicidal ideation, don’t wait, immediately google suicide prevention hotline and talk with somebody uniquely trained and wanting to help. 

 

Not experiencing suicidal ideation. More like just giving up and never leaving bed again - ideation.

 

9 minutes ago, Phil said:

If the recap / op is believed to be indicative of what’s being shared here and there are any specific questions, as always feel free to ask.

 

It's believed to be indicative, but what is not believed is that any answer someone would give here would be helfpul. If it was, wouldn't it have already worked?

 

Meditation is not going to work and I'm not going to do it even if someone suggests it. Same for the scale.

 

Probably only a miracle would do. God's grace. Magic.

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 What's your diet like? 

[Blessed2]

12 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What's your diet like? 

 

Not going to change the diet either.

 

Healing cannot come from me. That doesn't make any sense.

[Someone here]

@Blessed2 look..I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I was there .

I've gone through something similar and come out the other side (it seems).. but from your post not to the degree you are going through. It's very tough.. but not impossible.

Of course meditation can help if you are aware of that practice. Sitting silently with our thoughts and becoming an observer helps take out the "sting" of them so to speak. As you realize most of them aren't useful.. and just contribute to the "feeding" of the depression. 

Depending on the severity though and how severe the symptoms you've described are some of these practices can only do so much for you. It might be wise to seriously consider seeing a therapist or getting some medication to ease the suffering.

If something like that is getting in the way of you functioning in daily life or going out in the world to fulfil any obligations..the problem needs to be tackled and handcuffed like a violent person in public.

The stuff talked about in this forum  can help..but it's mostly for healthy already stable people. If you don't feel stability then I would ignore everything here and seek professional help.

[Mandy]

47 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Not going to change the diet either.

 

Healing cannot come from me. That doesn't make any sense.

"A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast."

"No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me."

Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat.

"Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee's gonna break any minute."

Once again, the preacher is unmoved. "I shall remain. The Lord will see me through."

After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone.

"Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance."

Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him.

And, predictably, he drowns.

A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, "Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn't you deliver me from that flood?"

God shakes his head. "What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

[Blessed2]

14 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Blessed2 look..I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I was there .

I've gone through something similar and come out the other side (it seems).. but from your post not to the degree you are going through. It's very tough.. but not impossible.

Of course meditation can help if you are aware of that practice. Sitting silently with our thoughts and becoming an observer helps take out the "sting" of them so to speak. As you realize most of them aren't useful.. and just contribute to the "feeding" of the depression. 

Depending on the severity though and how severe the symptoms you've described are some of these practices can only do so much for you. It might be wise to seriously consider seeing a therapist or getting some medication to ease the suffering.

If something like that is getting in the way of you functioning in daily life or going out in the world to fulfil any obligations..the problem needs to be tackled and handcuffed like a violent person in public.

The stuff talked about in this forum  can help..but it's mostly for healthy already stable people. If you don't feel stability then I would ignore everything here and seek professional help.

 

I've been on medication for several years.

 

These sort of rough days and storms of discord come and go, I know it's going to pass. Just squeezing the juice out of it with expression and honesty. I'm actually somewhat happy for this shit. Storms are good. Getting tired is good. Burning out is good. It's a good sign.

 

 

Also to @Mandy @Phil the "I can't do it alone" and "healing cannot come from me" is honestly how it seems right now. There's like a brick wall. I do not know how to help myself, and I'm unable to help myself. I'm totally lost. The only way I see and what makes sense is God's grace, and in fact in some moments of clarity I see this is exactly how it is. I cannot lead myself because I am blind.

 

This was my lesson yesterday and this storm might have something to do with it:

https://acim.org/acim/lesson-47/god-is-the-strength-in-which-i-trust/en/s/449

 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

"A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast."

"No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me."

Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat.

"Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee's gonna break any minute."

Once again, the preacher is unmoved. "I shall remain. The Lord will see me through."

After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone.

"Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance."

Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him.

And, predictably, he drowns.

A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, "Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn't you deliver me from that flood?"

God shakes his head. "What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

 

Why did God not just help the preacher understand that he was sending him the boats and the helicopter in the first place? Why only after death?

 

I'm too tired to fix my diet. I've been too tired for that for years. Maybe God could stop being such an idiot and fix it for me rather than wait me to save my own lost ass.

[Mandy]

@Blessed2 You are God. Ask yourself. 

 

Write out a conversation with yourself, ask yourself. 

[Orb]

@Blessed2 On the path there comes a time when the emotion/trauma work is unavoidable. 

 

There comes a time when you cannot think yourself out of discord, emotion must be released. 

 

Give TRE a shot, it really works, soldiers recovering from PTSD are using this modality and it works for them! 

 

A self realization teacher I spoke with told me her son did TRE and stopped his crack addiction, married and had kids, and also awakened! 😃

 

It really is energetic, the body is letting go of the emotional energies, essentially emptying itself out. 

 

Just try it once. 

 

You'd be surprised how many dis-eases stem from unresolved trauma or emotional energies. I'm gonna do a session tonight now that I think about it.

Edited May 22, 2023 by Orb

[Blessed2]

1 minute ago, Orb said:

@Blessed2 On the path there comes a time when the emotion/trauma work is unavoidable. 

 

There comes a time when you cannot think yourself out of discord, emotion must be released. 

 

Give TRE a shot, it really works, soldiers recovering from PTSD are using this modality and it works for them! 

 

A self realization teacher I spoke with told me her son did TRE and stopped his crack addiction, married and had kids, and also awakened! 😃

 

It really is energetic, the body is letting go of the emotional energies, essentially emptying itself out. 

 

Just try it once. 

 

You'd be surprised how many dis-eases stem from unresolved trauma or emotional energies. I'm gonna do a session tonight now that I think about it.

 

Alright bro. 🍻 I'm gonna give it a shot, maybe tomorrow. I'll share how it was here. 

[Orb]

7 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Alright bro. 🍻 I'm gonna give it a shot, maybe tomorrow. I'll share how it was here. 

Sweet! 🙂

 

I'd do it for like 20-30 minutes. Lemme send a video guiding it for ya: 

 

 

Have you ever seen a dog tremoring during a storm? That's actually a natural response built in to us as well. Tremoring is the body's natural way to release stored stress and emotions, but thought suppresses that response. TRE is about the reactivation of this tremor response which in turn releases trauma, stress, emotional baggage, etc. 

 

I'd do this and meditation as well. 

 

Also for research purposes here's a link that addresses different questions regarding TRE: https://traumaprevention.com/frequently-asked-questions/

Edited May 22, 2023 by Orb

[Blessed2]

@Orb Just tried it. Didn't really feel like anything. Seemed kinda useless. 😕

[Orb]

10 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

@Orb Just tried it. Didn't really feel like anything. Seemed kinda useless. 😕

Were your legs shaking/tremoring? Was your body shaking in general? 

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Orb said:

Were your legs shaking/tremoring? Was your body shaking in general? 

 

Legs, yes. Rest of the body, no. It did not spread. There was no sense of release.

[Orb]

15 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Legs, yes. Rest of the body, no. It did not spread. There was no sense of release.

Oh okay that's good, it's supposed to be like that in the beginning. I'd stick with it and stay consistent, 3-4 times a week is all that's needed. Even if it seems useless just stick with it, think of it as just making your legs shake for 20 minutes 4 times per day, what's the worst that can happen? You're not really losing time by just devoting 20 minutes right. 

 

I'd do meditation daily to sharpen the ability to develop a "release/relax" response rather than a resistance response when anything discordant arises. Then TRE to go deep into the nervous system and shake off trauma, the trauma will bubble up to the surface and then meditation will help immensely during that time to just be open and let it leave.