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How to stop faking it socially?


Celestial

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On 4/21/2023 at 10:23 AM, Celestial said:

How do you become completely comfortable and at ease in all social situations?

Not appearing comfortable or acting comfortable but actually being completely comfortable as if you were by yourself. 

 

How do you follow your deepest desires at all times? 

🙂

Just felt like sharing my own experience, maybe something resonates.

I try to bring awareness to how I feel or perception when I'm with others, instead of believing thoughts.
Take deep breaths.
Allow silence (Instead of saying things you don't even feel like saying; how does it feel to be silent? Explore how it feels to stay in silence together with someone until you feel drawn to express anything).
Express how you feel honestly (with compassion).
You could express how you feel about what you've shared in this thread to a friend you want to connect more with. Often expressing how one feels can help with allowing yourself to just relax and be exactly as you are. Not needing to change.
When feeling more relaxed with being seen as you are, naturally it feels easier to just follow any desirable impulse.

I sometimes meet people in a practice called Circling (relational mindfulness). Essentially, being with others, bringing presence to how it feels and expressing freely what feels most alive right now.
What I see happen there is that we allow intuition/feeling to guide us. Feels kinda like floating on a stream of water.
Sometimes I experience intense insecurity just by being seen and listened to while I express my experience honestly. Sometimes I barely talk.

There are a lot of people I meet for the first time in these groups but I quickly feel connected and more freedom to be as I am, however that looks or feels like.
When I do the same with people that don't have the same intention as me it feels like I need to put in a lot more effort to be present with how I feel and not believe thoughts. In the groups I mentioned for some reason it feels very effortless to let thoughts go and follow intuition, it's a very different experience. I guess the more challenging the experience is, the more growth there is.

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On 4/21/2023 at 4:23 AM, Celestial said:

How do you become completely comfortable and at ease in all social situations?

Not appearing comfortable or acting comfortable but actually being completely comfortable as if you were by yourself. 

 

How do you follow your deepest desires at all times? 

I limit context and vocabulary to interpretation, not definitions of life.  My brain navigates living in the same moment life is never same results as before again. Evolving is an ongoing process, evolution is a topic between results evolving forward now.

 

The equality to sharing the moment as a mutually evolving reproduction just adapting to life in real time. My deepest desires were always to discover what the one thing was nobody believed possible.

 

and I have.  Just because people don't want to know explains the hostility towards the few that do by every society protecting the rights to ignore it..

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On 4/21/2023 at 4:23 AM, Celestial said:

How do you become completely comfortable and at ease in all social situations?

This is not something someone will ever actually be able to do, as comfortable and at ease is inherently, not a doing.

As far as the wording of ‘how to stop faking it socially’, the ‘doer’ is the ‘faking’, and ‘the doer’ is the activity of thought. 

It is because there is already no ‘doer’, that a ‘doer’ can never ‘do’ what already isn’t a ‘doing’. 

This, or what is, or, what already is can never be ‘reached’, ‘attained’ or ‘arrived at’, because what is is already, what is. 

Completely comfortable & at ease is the default. Is what is. 

Uncomfortableness & dis-ease is indicative of discordant beliefs, added to what is… which incidentally are also already, what is. 

So there is no problem whatsoever already, but via belief, problems seem to be or be added. 

You’re perfect how you are, and also, judgment happens. 

If you don’t want to feel judgement, don’t employ it. 

Don’t ‘feed that wolf’, and it will indeed die. 

This includes ‘feeding your wolf’, while believing it’s on behalf of others as well. 

 

On 4/21/2023 at 4:23 AM, Celestial said:

Not appearing comfortable or acting comfortable but actually being completely comfortable as if you were by yourself. 

Is it possible appearing is already the situation?

If so, what possible reason could there be to feel socially discomforted or in dis-ease, while the very reasons are apparent as well?

 

On 4/21/2023 at 4:23 AM, Celestial said:

How do you follow your deepest desires at all times? 

That is impossible, as you are always prior to and creating. 

What are you creating right now?

What kind of moment are you creating, right now?

What, of yourself, are you allowing right now?

And when is it not, right now?

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it has always been my brain navigating time occupying space one at a time evolving simultaneously here as anything and everything outside my skin. I say this because words describe things taking place in series parallel events translated into intellectual time frames of past, current, future segments.

So when someone is talking thoughts, that is sharing ideas of the past and currently in use by most people alive.  Thinking is comparing/judging what to do since nothing happening is the exact same events from before in all the similar situations taking place current relative to geographical area separate populaiton share being alive now.

 

There is genetic timing as evolving and there is relative time analogies of what to do about socially making tomorrow better better results than history developed into current events evolving leaves nothing the same again.

 

So this thread is asking how to stop faking it socially and there is really only one actual answer that doesn't exclude anyone or anything universally present as physically evolving forward one detail at a time spontaneously happening simultaneously here.

 

All humans stop pretending now isn't eternity and genetics cannot sustain eternal separation of active reproductions as the complete food chain occupying time now.

 

Instinctive honesty has to be regained in every society. that takes choice, free will, understanding what went wrong with every reality and correcting it unanimously as a species.  It is very simple but there will be great resistance to it occurring by those defending humanity until extinction happens.  

 

that is what instinctively scares everyone any ideology in power of suggesting nobody knows when their point of origin ws and what time their departure will arrive.

 

Kind of like calling 00:00am a new day and 24:00 end of yesterday and a new today arrives 24 times a rotation.

Evolving doesn't exceed now, but every reality ever obeyed for generations define life never eternally separated in plain sight   

 

Rescuing the species from itself is an ugly job because anyone trying will be resented by everyone believing eternal life is outside living here now.

 

I know this from 40 years living  it and 16 and a half years actually trying to get it too happen without disrupting people in their day to day living by using messageboard in cyberspace.  Where everyone feels safe from mob rule..

Edited by solereproduction
correct spelling
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It's hard to imagine what this would even look like. It seems almost like the functioning of society relies on inauthenticity. Just try to imagine what romantic relationships would be like if both parties were 100% honest with each other. lol. It would be ridiculous! If you're too authentic in any social situation, you'll probably be hated and ridiculed. That's why children are shamed into submission from day one. You can't even be a functioning member of society without having any individuality literally beaten out of you. It's so bad that we all forget who we are and end up going our entire lives living a lie.

From the Ashes 🔥🔥🔥

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3 hours ago, DMT Elf said:

It's hard to imagine what this would even look like. It seems almost like the functioning of society relies on inauthenticity. Just try to imagine what romantic relationships would be like if both parties were 100% honest with each other. lol. It would be ridiculous! If you're too authentic in any social situation, you'll probably be hated and ridiculed. That's why children are shamed into submission from day one. You can't even be a functioning member of society without having any individuality literally beaten out of you. It's so bad that we all forget who we are and end up going our entire lives living a lie.

yes, you will be exiled and every reality demanding execution for defying hope, faith, charity ,and the promise life was never eternally separated now.  See with now being eternity, what was the concept of Eternal Hell leading too?

 

punishing anyone not complying to the realities geographically in power now governing all 5 generation gaps living one at a time here.

 

peace is obtainable but not by saving realities as all anyone needs to know to obey rule of law.

 

there is always a necessity for civil behavior however civic minds don't acknowledge eternal separation is the energy within adapt or become extinct for the complete food chain having individual reproductions alive now.

 

this species has socially engineered methods to eliminate the whole food chain with one event.  Humans create their actual point of no return and look at the population being prodded into WWIII  globally from within the species itself.

Edited by solereproduction
fixing punctuation.
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21 minutes ago, solereproduction said:

yes you will be.  exiled and every reality demanding execution for defying hope, faith, charity ,and the promise life was never eternally separated now.  See with now being eternity, what was the concept of Eternal Hell leading too?

 

punishing anyone not complying to the realities geographically in power now governing all 5 generation gaps living one at a time here.

 

peace is obtainable but not by saving realities as all anyone needs to know to obey rule of law.

 

there is always a necessity for civil behavior however civic minds don't acknowledge eternal separation is the energy within adapt or become extinct for the complete food chain having individual reproductions alive now.

 

this species has socially engineered methods to eliminate the whole food chain with one event.  Humans create their actual point of no return and look at the population being prodded into WWIII  globally from within the species itself.

Well, the vast majority of people are unaware of how society constructs itself, and this ignorance is at the root of most misplaced priorities which create conflict. Conflict such as war and violence might not be necessary if we just shifted our priorities, but people don't understand that this is possible.

The essence of hell is in being unaware of how suffering is created.

Edited by DMT Elf

From the Ashes 🔥🔥🔥

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8 hours ago, noomii said:

I try to bring awareness to how I feel or perception when I'm with others, instead of believing thoughts.
Take deep breaths.
Allow silence (Instead of saying things you don't even feel like saying; how does it feel to be silent? Explore how it feels to stay in silence together with someone until you feel drawn to express anything).

I find that I'm able to be in silence with people who I'm comfortable with, or when I don't worry about how I think people view me. When I'm around people who I'm not as comfortable with, the silence can be 'triggering'.

 

8 hours ago, noomii said:

Express how you feel honestly (with compassion).
You could express how you feel about what you've shared in this thread to a friend you want to connect more with.

I feel like I'm a fair way away from being able to do this. Probably because I'm scared to show how I'm actually feeling.

 

I've told two of my friends before a few years ago that I thought I had social anxiety and they kinda laughed it off and didn't take it seriously at all. This was over PS4 while we were playing video games. I lost the ability to speak and reason after the way they reacted. (I think it was some sort of panic attack not too sure). I'm not blaming them but I just felt like sharing that. 

9 hours ago, noomii said:

I sometimes meet people in a practice called Circling (relational mindfulness). Essentially, being with others, bringing presence to how it feels and expressing freely what feels most alive right now.

This is something that I would be extremely averse to. But I can also imagine that being a beautiful experience.

 

9 hours ago, noomii said:

There are a lot of people I meet for the first time in these groups but I quickly feel connected and more freedom to be as I am, however that looks or feels like.
When I do the same with people that don't have the same intention as me it feels like I need to put in a lot more effort to be present with how I feel and not believe thoughts. In the groups I mentioned for some reason it feels very effortless to let thoughts go and follow intuition, it's a very different experience. I guess the more challenging the experience is, the more growth there is.

Hmmm interesting. Thank you for sharing it makes me think I need to get out there and do something similar. 

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You are not doing anything.

 

The faking etc. is just a movie playing in front of you. The movie constantly presents "problems" like this to be figured out, in order keep your attention fixed. Stop trying to fix the problems. You'll never get it done. They're not supposed to be fixed.

 

Wake up. Go for a walk. Watch ants and bugs walk around and building their colonies. Allow yourself to be who you are, as you are.

 

Everyone is waiting for eternity but the Shaman asks: "how about today?"

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3 hours ago, Phil said:

This is not something someone will ever actually be able to do, as comfortable and at ease is inherently, not a doing.

As far as the wording of ‘how to stop faking it socially’, the ‘doer’ is the ‘faking’, and ‘the doer’ is the activity of thought. 

It is because there is already no ‘doer’, that a ‘doer’ can never ‘do’ what already isn’t a ‘doing’. 

This, or what is, or, what already is can never be ‘reached’, ‘attained’ or ‘arrived at’, because what is is already, what is. 

Completely comfortable & at ease is the default. Is what is. 

Uncomfortableness & dis-ease is indicative of discordant beliefs, added to what is… which incidentally are also already, what is. 

I feel like I get what you're saying but for me, all of this flies out the window once I start feeling insecure socially.

 

Literally walking past people on a forest walk causes feeling of insecurity and embarrassment. I know it's because of my interpretations but it doesn't help in that moment. Idk if that's makes sense.

3 hours ago, Phil said:

 So there is no problem whatsoever already, but via belief, problems seem to be or be added. 

You’re perfect how you are, and also, judgment happens. 

If you don’t want to feel judgement, don’t employ it. 

Don’t ‘feed that wolf’, and it will indeed die. 

This includes ‘feeding your wolf’, while believing it’s on behalf of others as well. 

But it seems like judgement spontaneously arises, how would I stop employing it.

How do I stop feeding the wolf? 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Is it possible appearing is already the situation?

If so, what possible reason could there be to feel socially discomforted or in dis-ease, while the very reasons are apparent as well?

I'm honestly not sure. There would be no reason at all. But it doesn't feel apparent.

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

That is impossible, as you are always prior to and creating. 

What are you creating right now?

I really don't know.

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

What kind of moment are you creating, right now?

What, of yourself, are you allowing right now?

I'm not sure how to answer but I would guess that I'm not allowing a whole lot.

 

3 hours ago, Phil said:

And when is it not, right now?

Never.

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3 hours ago, DMT Elf said:

It's hard to imagine what this would even look like. It seems almost like the functioning of society relies on inauthenticity. Just try to imagine what romantic relationships would be like if both parties were 100% honest with each other. lol. It would be ridiculous! If you're too authentic in any social situation, you'll probably be hated and ridiculed. That's why children are shamed into submission from day one. You can't even be a functioning member of society without having any individuality literally beaten out of you. It's so bad that we all forget who we are and end up going our entire lives living a lie.

I feel you. Sometimes I just wish I could go back and be a kid again, so free.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, DMT Elf said:

Well, the vast majority of people are unaware of how society constructs itself, and this ignorance is at the root of most misplaced priorities which create conflict. Conflict such as war and violence might not be necessary if we just shifted our priorities, but people don't understand that this is possible.

The essence of hell is in being unaware of how suffering is created.

I disagree, the essence of Hell is knowing what everyone else believes isn't possible by speculation done historically but evolving worked as since inception of our species never being same ancestors any generation lived to date.

 

Knowing the universe only exists in perpetual balancing and humanity plays the odds nobody knows that by educating every great great grandchildr to repeat the traditional values of the previous 4 generation gaps honoring history of societal evolution last 400 gaps in a row. I use 20 span between inception of species to each generation gap there after just to simplify the math principle.

 

So to figure out evolving cycles between generation gap it is for each ancestor 20 years conceived to becoming 1 of 2 parents, another 20 years before the parents become 1 of 4 grandparents, and another 20 years for original parents to reach 1 of 8 great grandparents.

 

that works for each ancestor that did create another generation and the siblings that didn't went extinct.  Think that would change some priorities?

 

it hasn't yet, after all it is self evident and people in every reality deny it with dignity and superiority complex over those that accept it..

Edited by solereproduction
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27 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

You are not doing anything.

 

The faking etc. is just a movie playing in front of you. The movie constantly presents "problems" like this to be figured out, in order keep your attention fixed. Stop trying to fix the problems. You'll never get it done. They're not supposed to be fixed.

Yeah I do find myself constantly trying to "figure it out" and it feels horrible. Trying to figure out my self created problems.

 

30 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Wake up. Go for a walk. Watch ants and bugs walk around and building their colonies. Allow yourself to be who you are, as you are.

Yeah I think I need to allow my inner child. I used to really enjoy just watching ants while I was on LSD a few years ago. So simple yet interesting.

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You don't act the way you want to act because you fear that you won't be able to accept and love yourself if you do, and you hate the way that feels. So you call your current behavior fake and you don't accept and love yourself for being fake. Its a stand off with yourself. The feeling wasn't guidance in the form of punishment for being socially awkward or wrong in some way, it was guidance for how you feel about you. There aren't two, there isn't a you that can think itself, just the love and its inherent acceptance and spontaneity. 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Mandy said:

You don't act the way you want to act because you fear that you won't be able to accept and love yourself if you do, and you hate the way that feels. So you call your current behavior fake and you don't accept and love yourself for being fake. Its a stand off with yourself. The feeling wasn't guidance in the form of punishment for being socially awkward or wrong in some way, it was guidance for how you feel about you. There aren't two, there isn't a you that can think itself, just the love and its inherent acceptance and spontaneity. 

It's almost like I also don't really know how I would be if I were truly being myself. Because it seems like all of my actions are in part to 'fit into society', 'be liked', 'avoid uncomfortable situations', 'maintain relationships and friendships', 'not look like a fool', 'find peace' etc. 

 

It feels a lot easier to accept and love peacefulness compared to intense embarrassment. I could be doing a lot more 'work on myself' I admit. I distract and avoid feeling a lot.

 

I find that I get the most socially anxious and feel the most angst when I talk about myself or when people ask me questions about me. Something like a job interview for example. 

 

 

Edited by Celestial
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27 minutes ago, Celestial said:

It's almost like I also don't really know how I would be if I were truly being myself. Because it seems like all of my actions are in part to 'fit into society', 'be liked', 'avoid uncomfortable situations', 'maintain relationships and friendships', 'not look like a fool', 'find peace' etc. 

 

It feels a lot easier to accept and love peacefulness compared to intense embarrassment. I could be doing a lot more 'work on myself' I admit. I distract and avoid feeling a lot.

The question is, is this just one more standard you're imposing on yourself, is it the very same escapism movement that created the perceived issue to begin with? Is it one more thing that "I have to be" to be ok with myself? If you were kind to yourself for being phony sometimes, would you still be phony? 

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7 minutes ago, Mandy said:

The question is, is this just one more standard you're imposing on yourself, is it the very same escapism movement that created the perceived issue to begin with? Is it one more thing that "I have to be" to be ok with myself? 

I do think that if I completely accepted myself that there wouldn't be any problems. 

 

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

If you were kind to yourself for being phony sometimes, would you still be phony?

I guess but there'd be less beating myself up over it.

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@Celestial What can you do but recognize that right now you're holding yourself to a standard and finding yourself lacking and therefore feeling the judgement of that? Can that recognition be accomplished in the past or the future? Isn't it already a ridiculous expectation put upon ourselves that in the future or past we can let go of a discordant thought? 

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