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Attachment to the leadership role


fopylo
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Recently I've been obsessed with trying to be more of a leader. I believe it is rooted in the belief that in order to get girls I need to show more leadership (as well as to get more respect, fundamentally, love).

Not gonna lie, ever since last year I've realized that some girls have found me attractive based on my looks, but history says that it never paid at the end - nothing really ever happened and lasted because of it. I'm still kinda scared of being intimate with someone.

Also, I'm bad at getting people's attention, as well as speaking in a group setting (also sometimes with one person), sound like a p***y  sometimes - what is attractive about those things? This is why I feel the need to be more of a leader.

 

Even though getting attention and girls could be the root motive, I still want to do it to prove to myself that I can become a great respected person. This is highlighted more in the military environment: Becoming an officer. You must have at least a bit leadership skills, as well as being responsible and know how to be smart with people. Officer uniforms look better and higher prestige, and walking with them outside could bring me more respect.

 

This also goes to say that when I see other people show leadership skills I immediately feel inferior and as if I have to somehow "overcome" them (be one step above them), or just go my own way. I might hate them for it, and how easy it is for them to just be themselves, and have the faith in themselves that the others will listen to them and follow. I hate them the most, even to the point of feeling revenge when they expect me to follow their leadership.

 

Yeah, here's a piece of the raw me. How do I solve this shit? How do I live comfortably in my own skin and have an easy time speaking to groups and have faith in my words?

 

Maybe loving those people and being on their side, or some shit. But dang it, I want to lose my virginity already.

There's this girl that is studying with me right now, but I feel it's only right for things to happen between us only when the studies finish (in 2 months). She showed signs of attraction towards me, and I'm also kinda attracted to her. I think we should still get to know eachother more, but she's cute and I think I like her for now. Hope she won't go for some other dude until the end, or lose interest in me because I won't be taking any drastic steps during those 2 months. I'm telling you, having some affair with her during those studies will just make it awkward with everyone else. It is really not a good place for it now. But she is sexy... dang. 

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@fopylo Are you sure this leadership thing is even your own original desire? 

What do you mean with this word?

Do you want to order people? 

Being bossy is something nobody likes.

Leadership is earned not even by trying to be a leader.

I find it hard to come to your shoes because the idea of someone being above someone else disgusts me.

We all trying to survive here. You can't force anyone to respect you. You must earn the respect. 

You have absolutely no need for this comparing with others. Look honestly at your actions and choose slowly better actions. 

Maybe i'm not the right person to listen to though. When i hear the word military i want to throw up. 

 

 

 

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On 11/25/2022 at 7:25 PM, fopylo said:

Recently I've been obsessed with trying to be more of a leader. I believe it is rooted in the belief that in order to get girls I need to show more leadership (as well as to get more respect, fundamentally, love).

Not gonna lie, ever since last year I've realized that some girls have found me attractive based on my looks, but history says that it never paid at the end - nothing really ever happened and lasted because of it. I'm still kinda scared of being intimate with someone.

Also, I'm bad at getting people's attention, as well as speaking in a group setting (also sometimes with one person), sound like a p***y  sometimes - what is attractive about those things? This is why I feel the need to be more of a leader.

 

Even though getting attention and girls could be the root motive, I still want to do it to prove to myself that I can become a great respected person. This is highlighted more in the military environment: Becoming an officer. You must have at least a bit leadership skills, as well as being responsible and know how to be smart with people. Officer uniforms look better and higher prestige, and walking with them outside could bring me more respect.

It isn’t that that is true, and thus unattracting. It’s the believing of the self interpretation, that resonance, which doesn’t attract… noted in direct experience by that it doesn’t resonate. Imagine saying to the very females you desire to attract “You’re bad at x, y & z and sound like a (derogatory) x, y or z. You need to be more x, y or z so you get more attention.”  Compare that, in terms of what resonates (attracts!)… with… “With more experience with x, y & z… x, y & z naturally become more comfortable. Don’t judge yourself - go easy on yourself, love yourself & lift yourself with yourself. You’re perfect how you are right now, you are always enough. You can enjoy experience without believing in deficit. It’s not about how you look to others, it’s about how you feel. It’s about the communion between you & You. It’s about self-respect”.

 

Address inferiority directly. Inspect it, question it, understand, heal & up root it (vs trying to compensate or prove).

On 11/25/2022 at 7:25 PM, fopylo said:

 

This also goes to say that when I see other people show leadership skills I immediately feel inferior and as if I have to somehow "overcome" them (be one step above them), or just go my own way. I might hate them for it, and how easy it is for them to just be themselves, and have the faith in themselves that the others will listen to them and follow. I hate them the most, even to the point of feeling revenge when they expect me to follow their leadership.

 

Yeah, here's a piece of the raw me. How do I solve this shit? How do I live comfortably in my own skin and have an easy time speaking to groups and have faith in my words?

Daily meditation & the emotional scale. 

A solution can not arise in a mind holding a problem.  Think of it as one space, and what is presently occupying that space. If the occupancy is discordant, let it go rather than attempting to solve or figure out. Then solutions naturally arise. 

Be more articulate, look more acutely (for yourself / your own good) than… “shit”. Consider conditioning, beliefs, thoughts identified with. Above all, consider the inherent alignment & discord. Choose alignment. Put feeling first. 

To have an easy time doing anything, practice. Would you tell someone they’re bad at piano… or would you recommend practice, resources, maybe lessons, etc?

 

On 11/25/2022 at 7:25 PM, fopylo said:

Maybe loving those people and being on their side, or some shit. But dang it, I want to lose my virginity already.

Focus on what’s wanted, and it will be. 

 

On 11/25/2022 at 7:25 PM, fopylo said:

There's this girl that is studying with me right now, but I feel it's only right for things to happen between us only when the studies finish (in 2 months). She showed signs of attraction towards me, and I'm also kinda attracted to her. I think we should still get to know eachother more, but she's cute and I think I like her for now. Hope she won't go for some other dude until the end, or lose interest in me because I won't be taking any drastic steps during those 2 months. I'm telling you, having some affair with her during those studies will just make it awkward with everyone else. It is really not a good place for it now. But she is sexy... dang. 

Focus on what’s wanted, and it will be. Allow every one to do the same. 

Now is always the best time & place. Today is always the best day. 

Because a comparison can not actually be made. 

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So many people want to be teachers before their student days are over.  The ego wants to be the master not the student.  In spirituality this is worse than in other areas because there is really no consensus as to who is right or who is wrong.  But those who have been doing spirituality for a long time can tell.  One way to tell is to see if the "teacher" applies and embodies what they teach.  Also see if their ideas change or always stay the same.  Is it theory dictating practice or is it practice dictating theory?  A seasoned person is much more cautious with what they say because they know how much of what they said in the past was having theory ahead of their practice.  This is why declaring yourself to be a teacher without having been taught long enough can be a problem.  The ego wants to elevate itself above others.  And that's fine if you live it and are truly a light for people earlier on on the path.  One way I can tell is the degree to which the "teacher" has major shadow issues or not.  If they have a lot of shadow issues or maybe one or a few tightly bound shadow issues, that means they still have major work to do on themselves and their "teachings" will be crooked not straight until they fix those issues within themselves.

Edited by Joseph Maynor
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