fopylo Posted November 26, 2022 Share Posted November 26, 2022 Recently I've been obsessed with trying to be more of a leader. I believe it is rooted in the belief that in order to get girls I need to show more leadership (as well as to get more respect, fundamentally, love). Not gonna lie, ever since last year I've realized that some girls have found me attractive based on my looks, but history says that it never paid at the end - nothing really ever happened and lasted because of it. I'm still kinda scared of being intimate with someone. Also, I'm bad at getting people's attention, as well as speaking in a group setting (also sometimes with one person), sound like a p***y sometimes - what is attractive about those things? This is why I feel the need to be more of a leader. Even though getting attention and girls could be the root motive, I still want to do it to prove to myself that I can become a great respected person. This is highlighted more in the military environment: Becoming an officer. You must have at least a bit leadership skills, as well as being responsible and know how to be smart with people. Officer uniforms look better and higher prestige, and walking with them outside could bring me more respect. This also goes to say that when I see other people show leadership skills I immediately feel inferior and as if I have to somehow "overcome" them (be one step above them), or just go my own way. I might hate them for it, and how easy it is for them to just be themselves, and have the faith in themselves that the others will listen to them and follow. I hate them the most, even to the point of feeling revenge when they expect me to follow their leadership. Yeah, here's a piece of the raw me. How do I solve this shit? How do I live comfortably in my own skin and have an easy time speaking to groups and have faith in my words? Maybe loving those people and being on their side, or some shit. But dang it, I want to lose my virginity already. There's this girl that is studying with me right now, but I feel it's only right for things to happen between us only when the studies finish (in 2 months). She showed signs of attraction towards me, and I'm also kinda attracted to her. I think we should still get to know eachother more, but she's cute and I think I like her for now. Hope she won't go for some other dude until the end, or lose interest in me because I won't be taking any drastic steps during those 2 months. I'm telling you, having some affair with her during those studies will just make it awkward with everyone else. It is really not a good place for it now. But she is sexy... dang. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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