Reena

Narcissists might feel slight guilt or remorse when you completely break off with them and leave them. They can't stand the loss of a person, not because they loved that person but because they viewed that person as a commodity and now that commodity is lost, most likely forever. They certainly regret the loss of this community.

Cupcake's job - Compile a list of gaslighting phrases

Narcissists operate on a few things - ego - pride - jealousy - greed - fear

You should treat people for who they are and not for how you expect them to be.

The word loyalty should be outlined as the biggest joke for a narcissist. Does a narcissist ever know loyalty?

Lmfao.

IFS chatbot lol. https://ifs-therapist.vercel.app/

@Joseph Maynor When you have an entire community of people giving you a lap dance, why would you need sock puppets? Leo has so deeply manipulated people that they would do anything to please his attention. But i don't entirely disagree with the sock puppet theory.. Wanna know a secret. This account is Leo. It's his sock puppet sort of. Ask Leo if you don't believe me. https://www.actualized.org/forum/profile/2-mod1/ It shows gender as female.

@Joseph Maynor what do you mean? What specific part? Can you elaborate?

Trenton Quinn Adgin Manny David Witherbee Dale Bert Dawson Gayle Zane Pearce (basically P)

Aha true.

One question I wanted to ask myself- What will my healing look like? This is a difficult question. This is a sad question. For the 1% people who talk about their success of healing from abuse and trauma, there are millions globally that don't heal from abuse and trauma. So it's a reality, a bitter reality, a tough pill. The short answer is I really don't know what my healing will look like.

I discussed earlier why the abuser doesn't kill the victim. That's because their agenda is not to kill but to just control. That's why the violence is not very extreme. It's measured violence, sufficient enough to instill fear and control. Also the abuser is looking for some kind of validation from the abused. They don't want the abused to absolutely hate them.. You'll see that the groomer or pedo doesn't want to enrage the child or threaten it too much but rather please the child with candies.

So this is what I meant by the replication of my mental abuse. The physical manifestation of my mental abuse as a child is happening now in the form of rape dreams. What do i mean? The replication.... The manifestation... The materialization. The materialization of my mental abuse as a child is happening through physical abuse in the form of rape+torture in my dreams. These dreams show a physical materialised form of my mental abuse, that's why the constant rape trauma dreams.

Also these are sexually abusive dreams So in these sexually abusive and violent dreams, the abuser is also trying to protect me. I think this aspect is a mirror aspect. What is it mirroring? When I lived with my abuser, I saw them from time to time, do acts of favor or kindness. Like they would let me have something I wanted. They would protect me from immediate danger. They would feed me if I were hungry. They would give me medication if I was in pain. My brain noted these acts. So in my brain these acts were placed alongside the acts of abuse, torture and violence. These specific random acts of kindness by the abuser is being reflected (in the dream), in the form of the rapist/pedophile trying to protect or comfort or guide me. Like in certain dreams I see the groomer placing his hand under my head so that I'm not hurt or injured while he is sexually abusing me. These gestures in the dreams are mirroring or reflective of the acts of kindness shown by the abuser to me in a real life situation.

Ok so I'll rewind back to this. Again back to my sexual abuse rapey dreams and nightmares and understanding their origin. I feel like all of my rape nightmares are associated with the mental abuse I suffered as a child. These rape nightmares are a physical replica of the mental trauma process. That is my mind is replaying the trauma in a physical format as a coping mechanism. That is aspects of these dreams and patterns of nightmares and fantasies are closely linked (and replicating or mirroring) the aspects of mental abuse. So a curious aspect of these dreams is where I feel comforted or protected by the abuser or I feel the abuser/pedophile/rapist/assaulter is engaging in kind acts. Like one where the abuser is making sure that I'm not hurt when they are assaulting me. And you'll probably ask how is this even possible? You'll ask -isn't the objective of assaulting me hurting me? The short answer is yes and the long answer is no. The short answer is that the abuser wants to Inflict pain or at least it appears so. The long answer is no because the abuser doesn't want the abused victim to be maimed or disabled or hurt or killed. Because if they wanted that, then that's so simple, they could have just killed the victim. But they didn't. In fact in many circumstances they save the victim from directly dying. For example, a pedophile/groomer/sadomasochistic abuser might save a girl from dying by offering her food but also sexually violate her. But still let her live. This can arise from two sentiments - 1. Either the abuser wants the victim to survive so they can continue using and abusing them for pleasure (thus creating a dependency cycle between both predator and prey). Now the prey is dependent because the predator won't let them die, so in a way it's proxy survival. The predator is dependent on the prey because they can't let go of the pleasure /power they derive from controlling the prey. 2. The second reason can be more humane. The abuser is just having pity or mercy (maybe born of guilt from knowing the abuse that they're putting the victim/prey through) on the victim and simply saving them out of mercy.

@LovingPresence it doesn't keep me in a negative spiral.. Why make assumptions about me or my mental state when you don't know me? Looking at this thread every day actually makes me positive and hopeful that my fight is not in vain. If you don't understand my brain, then it's best to keep your opinions to yourself. Can you do that?

I'll compare sexual abuse or any form of emotional and mental abuse to disability. Disability can change your brain. It can make you feel lifeless, depressed, helpless, infantile, dependent. You might not feel mentally ready or empowered to do the things that you're unable to do. This doesn't mean that you're supporting or enabling disability. This only means that the by product of disability is feeling helpless, weak, dependent and these are just supplementary aspects of disability like the comorbid aspects of disability just like the "related complications" of any disease that are apart from the main symptoms. For example. Cardiovascular complications in patients with HIV infection include myocardial, endocardial, pericardial, and vascular diseases. These are not the direct symptoms of HIV. But these are the future complications that arise from the long term suffering of the disease or even it's treatment. Similarly long term depression can have immediate symptoms like listlessness, suicidal behavior but complications can include weight gain, trouble in relationships and insomnia which are not the immediate symptoms but a by product or side effect long term. And in the same way, long term mental/sexual/psychological/emotional abuse is also like a disease in which the complications can include mental dependency, co-dependency, coping mechanisms, promiscuity, attraction to predators, Stockholm Syndrome, helplessness, addiction, continuation of abusive relationships, cycle formation. Being promiscuous, development of attraction to predators, unable to differentiate between abuse and love, co-dependency on abuser doesn't mean that the person is supporting or enabling abuse in any way. It only means that they are not fully healed and continue to suffer the complications. What I find most annoying is the question - why did you go back to the abuser? This question is the most frequently asked question to victims of abuse.. Because people don't understand or grasp the intricacies of how abuse operates and impacts your brain. So they look at it very logically and conclude that you must like abuse if you're going back to the abuser. Because you're going back to the abuser not because you appreciate or like the abuse, but because you are addicted or dependent on the abuser for something and this dependency is also a part of the abuse process. That's why such question doesn't serve a good purpose and it only aids the victim shaming process.

I would like the thread to stay because there will be more people in the future having similar opinions. Why is a thread a big deal? If you have already offered your opinions then move on This was actually my most important thread.. Should I suffer because some people don't know how to behave and are using this thread as an opportunity to showcase their immaturity. Why should I suffer? There was nothing originally wrong with this thread If someone cannot maintain civility on the thread, they should first be told about their lack of civility and then punished with warning points if they don't listen despite being told. I'll be very saddened if the thread is locked because I put so much effort in putting it together. What was the purpose if the thread has to be finally closed? How is the purpose served? This thread is meant for future reference too. So people can always add their experiences here, those who continue to suffer on Actualized org. If you don't like a thread just ignore it, simple. Not complicated at all. The main purpose of the thread is to spread continued awareness of the malpractices that happen at Actualized org. If the thread is closed/locked it will be flushed down and forgotten forever. That's not what I want.. I don't want this forgotten and lost underneath a heap of threads. Also the decision to lock a thread should really be left to the person who opens a thread because imagine how frustrated they would feel that they put effort and the thread was closed? Yea do we agree? I don't like how people want to make decisions and my opinion is disregarded when I'm the one who started the thread. Kinda nuts.

I think I always suffered a power dynamic situation in my family relationships and that could be the hidden reason why a power dynamic oriented relationship tends to satisfy me more or at least gives me a modicum of comfort and security.

Last night I had a dream where I'm being groomed by a groomer or a sleazy uncle kind of a character. In the end of the dream I get nasty, uptight, angry that he isn't in love with me. I'm 14 in the dream. For a strange reason the creepy sleazy guy was a source of comfort and protection. I felt like I should not judge him and understand his vices.. He wasn't trying to harm me. He protected me sometimes.

Name suggestions Wrett Xyme Zaiden Moonwolf Blackrose V P

Full list Trenton Quinn Adgin Manny David Witherbee Dale Bert Dawson Gayle Zane Pearce (basically P) This picture reminds me of P.

Characters that are sweet Trenton Manny David Witherbee Characters that made me suffer Dale Adgin Bert Dawson Characters that are older than me Gayle Characters that are young Manny Trenton Quinn Adgin David Witherbee Dale Bert Dawson Characters that I'm attracted to Manny Characters that i experience intensity with Manny Characters that i married David Witherbee Dale Gayle Other characters that appeared rarely Dawson the pirate character Bert the forest character Zane is the stalker

Trenton Manny Quinn Adgin David Witherbee Dale Gayle