Kevin

Yeah Kratom is really interesting. When I first tried it in college I loved it. It felt like a stimulant. But I took really low doses. When I tried the average recommended dosage it made me super tired and nauseous. So I think I’m probably really sensitive to it. it’s a weird drug though because I tried it again recently and I just didn’t get the same pleasure from it that I used to. I agree on the last bit too. For me at this point staying away from all substances is probably the way to go. Also I think we can outgrow these things. In college I had a love-hate relationship with weed. I liked it but it made me lazy and antisocial. Nowadays I’ve completely given it up and it wasn’t an effort. There’s just no desire anymore. Whatever hole that drug was filling has been healed. I think that can happen with all substances and I’m sure it’ll happen for you with any habits you might want to give up.

yes definitely. Our last talk where we ou mentioned the distinction of feeling being fluid really helped. By that I mean saying I’m angry freezes things in place. where as saying I’m experiencing anger isn’t saying something about me and it seems like it’s easier to move through the emotion. I experience frustration because I want to work on that so I feel happier but i don’t think I can make a goal of that. yeah definitely not trying to Minimize. But I think a lot of people hear about someone doing heroin and it seems drastic. Like their deeply sad and ready to end it all. I don’t have that stigma so I did heroin once in college cause I was bored and my friend offered me some. I haven’t done it since then to be clear. Love ya too man. I definitely feel the support and I try to take any guidance or insight offered to heart.

Definitely I agree. Do you do Kratom extract or the powder? And have you experienced withdrawals from it? In college I did a lot of Kratom powder. It helped me get through rugby workouts. I felt like I could run forever. It made hard work easier. I never felt like it was addictive though. I would stop taking it all the time and never experienced withdrawals or cravings. I’ve heard Kratom extract is what causes addiction because it’s so much more potent.

I’m actually leaning more towards a meditation retreat. I think that would be better for me. I would want to find one that isn’t a goenka retreat though. Idk if any of yall have been to a goenka vipassana retreat but they make you watch hours of goenka talks. And he’s probably the most boring speaker I’ve ever seen in my life.

I’m really trying to be open minded here because you all keep telling me to go to rehab. I think there might be a disconnect in perception. I’ve never really had a stigma around “hard” drugs. Even when I was in high school. I didn’t do them but they don’t seem extreme to me. But I can see that for most people, hearing about crack usage is extreme. to be clear I’m not defending drug use and I’m never doing coke again but I feel like it probably sounds a lot worse to talk then it is. in terms of using drugs to avert from feeling, isn’t caffeine use averting from feeling? If I wake up feeling tired and not motivated or excited. Maybe even depressed. But then I drink a coffee isn’t that just suppression? My next question would be everyone does is so is it bad?

Im 27. Idk man I could be wrong but I don’t think I need to. Here’s the honest truth. I like drugs. But I don’t think I have a problem because I can easily not do them. I did drink 2 drinks last night when I was at the comedy club. Maybe I’m mimimizing that because everyone else was doing it. It was at a bar after all. Rehab felt necessary for me back in November or December when I was doing crack. And I felt scared because I liked it too much and I didn’t want to quit. Now I don’t like it and I have zero desire to do it again. I also have zero desire to even do powder cocaine. I’ve said that before and I’m actually sticking with it. i haven’t slept for the last 2 days so not gonna lie I’m craving a Xanax so I can sleep but besides that I don’t think about Xanax on the regular. And to be clear I haven’t been doing drugs. I don’t know why I can’t sleep. I had caffeine before 12. Maybe it’s that and maybe I’m sensitive to caffeine.

I went to a comedy open mic tonight and I did a set. I thought I did badly. It was beautiful seeing the community. I’ve been to like 4 open mics and it’s usually the same people. Everyone is so warm and welcoming and kind. I experience suffering because I think I’m the odd one out. I’m the one dwelling on how my set was shitty when everyone around me is congratulating me and including me and being kind to me. I believe it’s thoughts. I believe it’s not really me but the emotions come up. the comedy community here really is beautiful. I’m hanging out and enjoying hanging out with people I never thought I’d hang out with. It’s wonderful but partly I believe I don’t belong. I believe it’s selfish and self centered to be so focused on negativity about myself when I don’t even know who that self is. And I readily acknowledge I can’t find that self. I experience frustration because I believe I can’t fix it because there’s nothing to fix. But I feel guilty when I can’t fix it. Which is stupid. i sound insane bitching about an imaginary self but it feels real experientially. Then there is a belief that something’s gonna change to where it’s clear I don’t need to fix anything. Then my next thought is it’s about love. When I felt love for the last girl I dated it wasn’t because of her. It was just love and acceptance and it felt right. And I want that but how do you make a goal out of love? You can’t I don’t think.

@Blessed2 lmao y’all are killing me😭

I feel you on the drug use. That’s over. Something that’s been a habit for me for so long is training hard. Definitely overtraining. Also eating a lot. I weigh 210 and I’m not fat. But maybe it’s catching up to me because I notice days I train hard I usually have trouble sleeping.

I actually did that recently. Low vitamin d was the main thing. I’ve been supplementing that and it’s been helping. And I definitely need to start hiking. I always feel good after.

lol cryptic as always Phil😂

Basically the point of this post is for me to bitch about not sleeping and to ask about talks experience with no caffeine. i haven’t slept for 48 hours. When this happens i experience lots of sadnesss and general apathy and guilt. For example i saw a cute girl at the gym and normally I think I would have talked to her but I’ve just generally felt super out of it today. Idk how i even made it to the gym. Also does anyone here have experience waking up daily brimming with motivation and energy without any caffeine at all? I’ve gone a long time barely drinking coffee but my motivation is low so I’ve started drinking coffee again but it gives me anxiety and sometimes makes it hard to sleep. basically I’d love to wake up and have that energy without drinking caffeine.

Haha oh yeah my bad I forgot

Sorry what missing plane?

this is great advice. I think it has a lot to do with me thinking a woman and a family with full me cup, so to speak. I think a happier perspective would be joyfully bringing that family into existence instead of waiting for it to happen to me. I will do this. Facts. I posted a couple weeks ago about a girl ending things with me and it’s turning out to be a blessing in disguise.

thanks man. I think dwelling on the past is a huge part of it. I wasn’t ready for a family or commitment before so I subconsciously pushed it away even when it was there. Now I’m ready and it’s not showing up quick enough. Things are looking up lately though. The techniques espoused on this forum are certainly helping.

Maybe more calls per month? Maybe once a week🤔😂

I’m halfway through the video and it’s gold. Thank you so much for sharing

Well that would be ideal. A life without drugs. To be honest though I often feel unhappy and hopeless. I often get back from working out and jiu jitsu which I very much. But as I head home my heart sinks. I know I’m going home to an empty apartment where I cook for myself and then eat standing over the counter feeling alone. I want to come home and have a wife/girlfriend excited to see me . I want kids that are ecstatic to see me. I experience sadness knowing I’m going home to be by myself. And sometimes the only thing that’s makes me happy or gives me hope is drugs,

Can I do psychedelics during this 3 months?

No idk why I’m so wrapped up in this.

I was still feeling the effects of Xanax when I read this. Reading it sober I’m confused. Could you clarify what you mean by the above paragraph?

I’ll admit they do. I few a feeling of superiority over other truck addicted because I can quit one whenever I want. Even if that means a few weeks later I’ll do a different drug. challenge accepted. Do psychedelics count? I’ll definitely watch that video today or tomorrow. Thank you.

Really like the analogy. I truly don’t believe there will be a satisfactory result of violence. Some with drug use. I just get overwhelmed, sad or I experience intense insomnia and I reset to them. As for the violence of course there won’t be a resolution. Sometimes I get sad like my life has no meaning. And it seems like a a good way to solve that would be to join the IDF.

I hear you. I personally have a unique relationship to substances nowadays. High school and college I had a an unhealthy addicted personality. Maybe you could say I have that now as well. The difference is that I wasn’t a wife and kids and a family. Sometimes I get discouraged and will take drugs. it’s no where near my unhealthy drug seeking behavior when I was young. I don’t view myself as an addiction with a problem because when I have. Responsibility I can easily forgo the drugs. they don’t have a hold on my like they once did.