Annie

They are blessed. Sometimes I feel a little jealous. But you know what, so are you. You're blessed, too.. How to find blessings: Try looking around for blessings in your life because they are everywhere, right under your nose. Waiting to be illuminated in the smallest of things. I don't have a higher consciousness than anyone else, but I feel quite blessed in life. Simply Look. The sun on a leaf, an ant in the garden, a spider's web with morning dew, the happy smile of a puppy, the taste of morning coffee, things that are satisfying in nature that bring you closer to God, things that contain an illuminated presence within them that speaks to your soul. Here's a blessing...!

I've had mental breakdowns before, they are not fun... What I do is I take a break from it all and focus on self care and Love and reset myself that way, if a belief or fear of something grows too strong to handle. For me, the realization that nature and reality is brutal and loving but also uncaring of the ego's will as it has its own Will - meaning that everything is ultimately easily destroyed and ruined - this frightens me, as I need things to be the same in order to be relatively stable. I walk a thin line between spiritual revelation and psychosis and sometimes it overlaps. My experiences have shown me that there are souls, like swimming in a soup, and it is a more unified experience of Love, everyone who ever was or will be is already there, giving their heart away in song (metaphor) to the divine. Life is like a song. Try to find things that allow you to feel inspired, bring things into your environment that give you a sense of safety, order. Meditate, a lot. Try meditating on the emotion of joy - wire your brain to accept joyful emotion. Bring things into your life that evoke the power of joy. The problem with spiritual teachings is that the path is so tailored to the individual, not the collective, but we work in a collective fashion to understand things. Try going inwards. Start a journal and really seek the truth, and what it means for you, individually, without any advice or authority from anyone - face death... for real, and go into the fear of it until it becomes second nature to move past the fear, and you will find Love there, illuminated in all things, together as One. As I say this to you to try to explain, it does a disservice in a way because then you have a concept. When you find "it", you can play with it, like a puzzle. Finding your own unique pieces to the picture. And it manifests things in real time. Everything is alive, and aware. You are not alone, you are surrounded. By life itself. Connect to that so you don't feel alone. That's all I can really think of, hope it helps! Good luck!

Try meditating on the darker side of reality and seeing the Love within it. The perfection within the rot, the darkness, the damp fetid void. The sickness, the murder, filth, all of it - is an energy unto itself and you can manifest it - but it is a wise, ancient energy. Try viewing death and disaster as a friend, as something that will follow you, just like Love and Light - and that there is more to it than meets the eye. There's a movement that comes with manifesting this kind of energy, it's violent, but motherly and understanding with a wicked sense of humour. It's all perfect. Even the horrible things. But hard to remember this when it happens to you, you almost have to look at the perfection or remember what it's all for. When you combine the darkest aspects of reality with Love, there becomes a sort of magick to it, in the way you perceive the world. Nothing can touch you - once you look at your own death, even time itself becomes seen for what it is and you can step off the ride and just kind of look around for a while at whatever you might find on the other side. I would get acquainted with death as much as you can until the idea of it and manifesting it no longer bothers you. I manifest the magick of death all the time in the outer environment - and it always reminds me that there is a plan for these actions and that I will get to see it through; and I am reminded to be Loving to All. There's a lot of wisdom to be found in the eye of the storm, and if you can follow the eye instead of getting caught in the storm, you can stop to stare into the void and see what it has to say, and the void, for all it's terror, it's body and reality ending horrors - is very loving, and understanding. It has seen it all and judges you and everyone fairly. Look into different traditions and how they viewed death, like the Aztecs, Mayans, Tibetans, etc. Try practicing Memento Mori, and really contemplate your own death. Death is simple and clean. Like fresh snow, embrace it, don't run from it. When you walk away You don't hear me say, "Please, oh baby, don't go." Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight It's hard to let it go You're giving me too many things Lately, you're all I need. You smiled at me and said, "Don't get me wrong, I love you, But does that mean I have to meet your father?" When we are older you'll understand What I meant when I said, "No, I don't think life is quite that simple." When you walk away You don't hear me say, "Please, oh baby, don't go." Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight It's hard to let it go So simple and clean The daily things (like this and that and what is what) That keep us all busy are confusing me That's when you came to me and said, "Wish I could prove I love you, But does that mean I have to walk on water?" When we are older you'll understand It's enough when I say so And maybe some things are that simple When you walk away You don't hear me say, "Please, oh baby, don't go." Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight It's hard to let it go Hold me Whatever lies beyond this morning Is a little later on Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all Nothing's like before When you walk away You don't hear me say, "Please, oh baby, don't go." Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight It's hard to let it go Hold me Whatever lies beyond this morning Is a little later on Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all Nothing's like before Hold me Whatever lies beyond this morning Is a little later on Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all Nothing's like before

My stance: The person causing mischief on Leo's forum is just a troll, like a legitimate troll. I would ignore it... the forum over there has a lot of trolls. To the people over there, that user is a troll don't feed him he's just trying to cause conflict, rumour, division, etc - we can co-exist peacefully. People can choose both forums, it doesn't have to be one or the other. We are the same, we don't need to have factions between the two groups. At the very least, there shouldn't be animosity. Leo isn't exempt from critique. You have to critique people in positions of power and influence especially. Leo, work on your approach with women, especially how you communicate. That's your "Fe" aka "extroverted feeling", and it needs improvement. I don't say that to judge, just as an observation. I would seriously consider professionalizing your approach on your forum. I have to work on my Fe, too, it's a part of life to have to learn to polish your approach. You're a perfectionist so you should already know this, that your approach with the forum has gone down a little, but you always needed some improvement with that. As a woman, I didn't always feel comfortable there. There is a collective ego that developed there that needs to be popped. I would suggest working on yourselves without any forums for a few weeks and then come back and "look" and you will see how forums can influence your moods, your development, and much, much more. I go back now and I can see the ego there - it's hard to see when you're in it. Try taking a break for a little while just for the sake of seeing it, and then start again. That's my advice... My personal opinion is that we should move on from this thread and focus on other aspects of the site. Y'all can do what you want, but that's what I'm going to do because I came here to move on from Actualized, and just focus on personal improvement, and finding truth/God. Peace!

Yeah I saw one of the threads. I think people can do what they want. I feel so utterly neutral. Actualized just didn't serve what I needed it for anymore, I needed a fresh start, there's no hate from my side, it was totally personal - but there is some stuff Leo could work on and the forum that much is true, and I do look at myself; but tbh some of what was happening there affected me - but it's my responsibility to work on it... I just wanna do it here and said my piece and totally took self responsibility. I think people should be allowed to use both forums, and just communicate as they want to without hassle. I mean why not? Everyone got to the point where we were fighting and had old beef and it didn't/doesn't matter, and so some people should get a fresh start elsewhere. That's totally legitimate, to grow away from something, and sometimes things split apart and that's okay. Like Leo once said, that's how it has to be, it splits apart and then unifies and that's how things stay lively. They're calling it a hate echo chamber, which simply isn't true... I never subscribe to the loyalties of anything, because that's the trap that people can fall into, this either or thinking. It just goes to show how little I got to know the people there and that's another reason why I left, is it just got too big. Too familiar. I don't know what else to say, so I'll leave it at that. I just wanna work on my karma somewhere peaceful; this place is good.

💕

I was Loba/Keyhole from actualized. I left because I just couldn't deal with the atmosphere of the place anymore. It was partially me, partially the forum. I burned bridges and so did others, and in the end I felt like it would be in my best interest to leave - I wanted to know if how I was feeling about it was all me or all the forum and I found it to be about 50-50 after taking a break, so I wanna work on my 50 here around people that I know - but maybe not so many people like on the forum there - because my awakening is a delicate process for me, a smaller community seems right up my alley. I want to work on being more helpful and plan to continue managing myself and doing the best I can, to improve my karma - needed a clean slate to work from. During the time gone, I found another forum and have been offering my services, giving the best answers that I can for where I am at. I sought out a psychiatrist and am working on getting a therapist soon. Still in med management. I quit drinking. I saved my dog from parvo, she almost died three times during the few weeks she was sick, but she pulled through. Had many more awakening experiences, once the feeling of having to follow another path was gone I was able to let go easier and had more personal insights. Leo if you read this, I don't mind being banned, I had my time there and now the time has changed... But it would be beneficial to keep your regs, so if you see other people here please leave their accounts alone, you can't decide for people what websites they go onto. Especially if you banned people who are friends with one another they will want to keep in touch and this is a nice way to do it without having to scroll past too much nonsense or trolling, you know? The forum just isn't what it used to be back in 2016-2019. It changed and just can't offer me what I need at this time; I spent too much time growing there, like building a launching pad for myself to see myself and now that I have seen my demons face to face, I need to work on them, but not where I left them - if that makes sense.

Thanks, I hoped it would be helpful, it's the only time I've experienced what could possibly be the mechanism of reincarnation, but tbh I have only scratched the surface of it all. 😛

Ah yes, I know those feelings well. I wanted to be special in an artistic sense for a while when I was younger because my family always encouraged art, but were pretty negative people and so I realized that art gave them joy and I got better and better at it. But eventually the passion for art faded away, and so did the need to feel special - which was replaced with the need to blend in or feel like everyone else. Your survival is more intact if you don't stand out too much and I learned this lesson from over-expression. It's true that not needing to have these feelings creates moments of joy. It makes me question where it is that I divide people; and what sort of distortions that would cause - something to look at for sure... Letting go feels great; I love it and get into those states often - on and off, letting go, holding on, but just Be-ing seems to be an easier this to access as of late. Love it. Self Love is totally key for sure - I can't recommend that enough, it changes the entire game. I have been working on that one a lot, and it is making a huge impact on my psyche for the better, if you don't love yourself, then everything else seems to fall apart, that love keeps me connected to God. I've been able to extend it to loving every aspect of what is in my bubble for longer and longer periods of time; but there's still work to be done. It feels like with every answer, a million more questions pop up. I feel like an intermediate beginner. I've learned a lot about certain things, but could stand to learn more about other things.

No worries, I get it, we are all works in progress and that's the best thing. Yeah, I relate to that for sure. It can be kind of infuriating if you can't get a point across that has validity, and people cut you off or brick wall you to avoid looking at themselves.

Love the image for this. Looks like the Void is peering out from a nice veneer. Feels like the void, it is two faced. One minute you're channeling Love and the next it's Hate. Boo Lately I've been talking with a ghost He tells me all the places I should go He makes me paint my face so that I know That I'm not the only the person in my soul He tells me that a monster lives inside And when It gets too angry I should hide Cause if I were to try and pick a fight I would barely stand a chance and I'd die Two face call me Harvey Never know when it could change Tried to talk to my reflection but he said he wants my name Wake up the beast Bury the bones Enjoy the feast Take all control When I give you my soul Devils on my shoulder Got an aching down my spine Feel like chains are getting heavy But I don't know which are mine Can you save me Am I lost Is it Time to take me From all of these thoughts Wake up the beast Bury the bones Enjoy the feast Take all control When I give you my soul Bury the bones Enjoy the feast Take all control Wake up the beast Bury the Bones Enjoy the feast Take all control When I give you my soul

My personal direct experience - back in 2016 I almost died from an autoimmune disorder - and one day realized that I had to go through the fear of death once and for all and when I did I was playing this song, and out of the blue God appeared! Like, I just needed to stop being a person for a second to see the truth and it was right there and it had this very alive and illuminated quality to it that was just incredible. There was something about this picture and song, and I can't put my finger on it, but appreciation for the present moment, knowing this is a destination, that it's Mine, I just became One with it and there was an end to seeking, and there was so much Love I could feel connected to the entire planet and it was alive and breathing, and oh my God, the breathing of the planet feels so intense... And then I listened to this song here: And I could see God within it, too, and I saw the grid, sacred geometry and how we go back to this "underneath" everything, in a way, like the web of life... and it was "reaching out" to me, like an entire universe, telling me that there was a plan that was beautiful and everything was in its proper place, and I was a part of the whole, just a piece, moving along, but still the whole thing, somehow. And then I listened to this song: And I could feel every soul that ever was or will be, all singing in unison like angels, all in their proper places - and it felt like a reaching towards some gravitational center made of pure love, I felt like I stepped outside of time and could feel it go by me, and I could feel all the other souls on the other side, all participating in this, and I could even feel my own bubble. Everyone that ever was told me that they were all my ancestors, and they congratulated me for reaching this point in the journey. I realized that I was always at that point, and things were just giving the illusion of going by and that I always will be "here", that reincarnation is the process of removing the layer of delusion and this will just keep happening and that is reincarnation; but everything has a soul and is in it's proper order for a bigger plan - which is to bring God to this reality in a way that allows the human being to express all that it is and can be, to Love, to feel connected to everyone and everything and nature and for life to feel almost orgasmic because it is so full of wonder and beauty; that art is a vehicle of God's and that human beings are meant to create a lot of art so that we can use it to send messages to one another about the nature of how God works. That music, art, etc. are magickal when you infuse them with intention. Powerful. After I went onto YouTube and could feel connected to the Love of everyone in the comment section, even the stupid comments, I could just feel the presence of us all... innocent and free, and then during the afterglow I ate three oranges, peeled them, smelled them, really looked at them and ate them slowly, then went outside and I felt rebooted, reset, but that I didn't have a grounded place in my psyche to contain it all - and I didn't have the right karma. I have also seen the Devil himself. He comes in through the same way that God does, and contains all of consciousness's collective suffering, hatred, pain, agony, rot, entropy, filth, etc. - it is "Kali", a dark void, something run amok that was once chained and forgotten like the great Fenrir wolf. Destined to break free and destroy reality. Like Shiva, the End, the Night, the perfect, putrid night. And he/it shows you your karma, when you're backed into a corner and there is nothing left but one consciousness that is with you and it's like the shadow you can never face in yourself come to life - I made a deal with it when I was at my weakest point that I would work on my karma and bring it to Light but it has such a strong influence over my psyche, we really don't match well. I feel possessed by it often, and have been looking for answers into my dark side for quite a while now - it has a life of it's own, a personality of its own in a space I can't access, that just springs on me sometimes, and everything aligns - just like with witnessing God. Its presence concerns me because it contains all the collective suffering of everything that ever was, like nature is brutal in some aspects and I just can't wrap my mind around brutality despite having such a brutal shadow, and despite feeling so little for anything at all. This thing makes me want to try salvia to see if I can bring it closer to inspect it because I simply don't understand it and yet it dominates my life in such a strong way, it has such an influence on me. I have felt odd things... Biblical things underneath it all. It feels like, once you let go of your self concept, that just outside of reality altogether is the game of life, the game of reality and it is to see if you will chose Love, Light, Truth or if you will chose Hatred, Darkness, Falsity. And often falsity will have aspects of truth within it that lead you along, it isn't so easy to pinpoint what you've gotten wrong. All you really know is that seeing the self-aware hatred that humans can possess at the same level as understanding God; that there is something more to this game. And that is what I am after; something about the other side pulls me into it; I feel like I need it and that it is a part of me... I think someday I will understand the mechanism of reincarnation - I think it's possible. I've seen the face of death - I see it everywhere I go... reminding me... work on yourself... and be Love, and then you can transmute that shit into gold.