Annie

I work with magick and I'm not the worst. Just an average person all-around. I got initiated into it when I my auto-immune disease first flared up in 2016 and and got very real about myself, I journaled hardcore for like four months, then went through the fear of death, found God, had a few more awakenings, had a shamanic initiation and am learning about magick, or "The Word", or... what would you call it intention. People are doing magick all the time, they're just not aware of how powerful the imagination can be. I'm still an initiate, so I couldn't really instruct anyone on what to do and my knowledge is incomplete in a lot of areas, the more I go into this aspect of spirituality, the more I realize that the other side has a complicated system of its own, that through downloads, I can decipher, but it takes time, work, dedication and I go into trance states to get there - I have autism and this disorder helps with the alternate states of being. I don't work with other magickal folks, because they don't seem to have a clear understanding of the darker aspects of spirituality and this tends to make me question some things, because it really is a double edged sword and you gotta learn about both if you want to be proficient. My initiation told me that I needed to share Love, and spread Love - that this is a energy that can orient other souls in the right direction regardless of what they know spiritually. So I work on my ego - which is still there, of course, because death is scary... so it's still there, and I am instructed it will take a few lifetimes before I am the shaman I am meant to be - that this life is just for gathering knowledge, Light, Love and transmuting personal problems into solutions. I've never been in a magick circle before - most spiritual circles aren't my thing, I tend to do my own thing. This was the song that was playing when I was initiated. It happened during a non dual experience, so there really wasn't much to it - I just got downloaded the info and wrote it down and proceeded with my life. No amazing fancy thing, just a quick download and a jolt in the heart. I think some of you here just like talking smack - and don't wanna look at it or work on it. You should, though. Because you can't go inwards, and focus outwards at the same time - and that's all it says to me is "I don't wanna look inwards at why I am addicted to talking smack." He's the worst. She's the worst, that guy does this, this girl did that... I don't feel like I am any better, because I see that I still have so much work to do on myself that when I criticize, it is either ego... which I need to work on, or a genuine desire to help the other person see something - which is... still ego, but at least it's well meaning.

Yeah, I don't really understand all the outwards nitpicking, unless you really wanna change someone for the better it's best not to say anything if you don't really know much about the person. I've been guilty of this in the past, but I'm working on it. I'm a bit confused on the whole questioning Phil thing - what exactly is he doing? I'm not even seeing it. Are you sure you guys don't just have ego problems with needing to look outwards at what other people are doing wrong? Maybe it is an inwards problem, too? Because if you do have that ego problem, you'll be looking for it in everyone - and then everyone will just be nitpicking each other and not understanding one another; like that happens on the other forum too much already. I just worry that this is all this place could turn into if we aren't careful - we should always go in with a growth oriented well meaning position. I don't think the suspicion is warranted. Let's try viewing people with universal Love.

We aren't full of shit, we are all just works in progress.

Interesting, I think it is okay to share answers if you have them, but the rabbit hole goes down quite a ways and as I have found my answers, I've learned there is so much more to learn and have a pretty clear understanding of where/what I need to work on and what my limitations are. Answers from others can be your best friend, you just need to learn to pick apart ones that serve you and throw away, or put on the backburner at least, ones that don't serve you. The questions will never stop, and they shouldn't because the world is so complex, there is always something to learn - so no answer is going to lead to a resolution - the confusion is a good thing when you are learning because then you don't take an answer as the end all be all. When I offer an answer - it comes from a lot of self reflection and spiritual work, but I'm not a teacher and never plan on becoming one. I think the middle ground is to build up your own answers and questions and keep at them until you know what's up. And when you get an indication of what's up, to learn that there is still so much more out there. I think the main problem is people become lazy and they try to look for solutions that are quick and painless that can help ground them. With confusion comes a lot of distress so people can't remain in a confused state forever. You're free from a lot of things when confused, but also it is a form of being ungrounded. Not knowing, would perhaps be a better way to live then being confused. Anything that I write should always be looked into first before taken as a fact - it is such an inwards process that you can't really look outwards. We each get our own personal puzzle picture with unique pieces. You need to get an idea of what a puzzle piece looks like for you, for your personal picture, and to remember that picture is an inwards process. Always inwards. One person's words or advice may not be enough, you should look at many many different sources to get an idea. This is why journaling is such a great tool, because it allows you to go within and also to understand parts of yourself that you may not be able to see. I tend to use a lot of pictures and music with my advice - I am not God realized or enlightened, but I do have some insight; just not the entire picture - I still seek pieces for my puzzle - but the pictures and music tend to speak in ways that words are simply not capable of doing. My advice is to stop seeking, and instead try Bhakti yoga which involves prayer. To send out gratitude, Love and humility to your fellow man, and everything that is alive. When you send "out" energy, this allows and clears space for energy to come to you; which is much more effective than seeking. Look for the miracles in the little things in day to day life, because God likes to hide in these things. When you stop seeking and clear space - the answers will come to you automatically. Tend to your consciousness bubble as a master gardener would tend to his plants - so all things within the bubble - bring to it that humbled energy, the Love and Light - share it, just as God shares it. Just don't give your authority away to anyone while looking for answers. You know what is best for you. Feel into your heart and soul what you are looking for and sift through whatever you find that might be blocking it. Get it all out.

I have not had the experience that I was the entire soup - just an extension of the soup, like so, like a tendril or a bubble in carbonation: ^ The whole soup is what the "souls" are resting on, all connected through the soup - but a partition is there - I can personally "feel" souls on the off occasion, but it isn't like a specific soul, usually just me going back to the tendril to feel the interconnected nature of everything - I believe that humans used to be connected to this all the time. It felt like this - like realizing that God was there and watching me the whole time, but that God was a feedback loop of actions that it put in place to get me to the point where it could reveal itself to me, and it felt like the "life force of everything" and it felt like evolution was put in place for it to simply witness itself through us. It's like... "in between" but always there in everything, thus everything is alive. Sometimes when the right feedback loops align, you can see God within nature. You get there by doing very, very honest self inquiry, going through the fear of death. And then, all the junk that you've accumulated will dissipate and "in between" or "right there" God will appear, just like... Like that. Once you find God, or consciousness, you can "key" its energy by collecting what you fancy that reminds you of it. It's like a mixture of interconnectedness, love, gratitude, no fear of death, satisfaction, and it feels like you always were and always will be. It's such a warm feeling, to find God. ^ God works through these loops, observe nature without touching it for hours, days, weeks and you will start to see God and understand it. It's like a play, a musical, all happening at once but with the illusion of moving forward - I don't know how to explain it, but that's what I experienced. Consciousness without an object, this is my favorite teaching of all time, and explains those feedback loops so well. You find God through Being as much as you can, through knowing your shadow as much as you can, for accepting death as much as you can, for loving and feeling gratitude for your life as much as you can because the hints are everywhere. And then it just happens spontaneously, the right set of actions allows God to come through and you will see it. Suddenly what you're looking at becomes illuminated with life. You see that your senses are creating this life, in everything, everything you experience. @Zeroguy - Thanks Zero! I think I'm getting better at matching the pictures with what the experience is like, but I'll need a few more awakenings to really be proficient at it, there's still a lot of questions I have not gotten the answers to. I hope that it helps other people kind of get it, a picture really does a much better job than words do. I could write and write, but the picture literally holds all the info needed for someone to gain an intuitive understanding of the divine. This is why I am such an advocate for the arts, it is all a great medium to express God and God's Will.

Some heated comments on the other site... it reminds me of scientology where if you leave, then everyone you know gets pissed off. There can be two forums - it is seriously not a big deal. Nothing is going to happen to the original forum, it is still quite active and people often times have their own reasons for leaving - Leo aside - sometimes people just grow away from things and it doesn't have to have a reason or anything - you know? There is enough room in this world for two forums like this, the main problem is people thinking it has to be either or instead of both. My advice is not to get so attached to places, to forums, and not to worry about what other people are doing with themselves, there could be many reasons why people choose to leave. In my case, I simply had to many issues with my ego that I was trying to dissolve, I went through a breakdown and used the forum to try to stabilize myself and my problems just became to known and I decided that the best thing to do was to start over with an attitude that I want to portray in mind that is more in line with who I am most days. Sometimes people and places get to familiar, you work through some shit, and then you gotta move on. Seeing the same people day in day out after having ego breakdowns, it just didn't seem like I should be there anymore. It became a baggage forum, and that's not what it was meant for, either. So, I'm saying all this to say, that we aren't trying to turn people against one another - this isn't a forum vs forum. We are all one community. So there's two forums, we can still act as one community and work together instead of having two factions fighting. People have their individual reasons for why they move on, you can't hold onto a community and keep it the same forever, it's always going to evolve in one way or another. Personally, I am not against Actualized, I love the work Leo does and wish him the best, but my awakenings simple don't align with what is being taught and I find that the difference is actually making it hard to work on my own unique path with authenticity because people there seem to all want to be the teacher. I tend to work solo and just pick up what I need, but so many people there are not on authentic paths - they're just following Leo, and there's so much out there - it doesn't work, you need a multitude of sources to combine for the best of all worlds. I don't see people doing that, and so when I ask for advice or give a different point of view it is picked apart and not integrated - because it doesn't mesh with Leo's teachings. Y'all need to learn to think for yourselves, to inquire authentically, some do, but many don't and... I don't know, a fresh start just seemed right up my alley. But we are one community, and we don't have to fight. It don't gotta be like that, yo. But also, no one is allowed to critique Leo without his followers chiming in, like... the student 'has' to critique the teacher, that's how we all learn and things don't get stale - if everyone was infallible that would be great, but we aren't, we are human beings and we are fallible and everyone has room to grow. If something like this was made about me - I would have a lot to learn from, it would be great. I wouldn't object. But maybe that's just me, when I face critique I just go through what is true and what doesn't feel true and integrate what the critique says; with a little bit of defensiveness, but I'm still open minded enough to allow different pov's. I think Leo needs to get away from the echo chamber he's built. Just have the mods take care of the forum, take a break for a few months and stay off the drugs for a while and just integrate this shadow he's got. And then professionalize his approach on the forum. This change to professionalism would have a lot of good affect on the people there too who don't think for themselves, they could see a role model in action. Just my two cents. I hate seeing that people over there think there can't be two places to hang out - to work on ourselves in - and that it has to be either or. It can be both. And without malice or feeling like a person has "betrayed the forum" in some way. Instead, view us all as individuals who each have our own reasons for being here, of which the reasons are legitimate. The less "here or there" this is, the more integrated both places will be. That's what we should strive for.

Haha, yeah, pictures and music - does a much better job than my words could do. ❤️ Thanks!

Love.