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How I feel-the suppressed expressed


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5/10/2022

 

I feel like garbage, I feel like shit, I feel like I'm some going insane, I wish I could be happy again. I wish my thoughts didn't go apeshit. I wish I could talk to people with screaming and losing my fucking mind. It feels hopeless. But oh well, tommorrows another day of shit. I feel like people who think too much are insolent morons who need to be locked up. Oh well, that's how how I feel. 

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 this weekend has been pretty shit and I feel pretty bad. It feels like every time I’m happy for more than like 2 hours life finds some stupid ass way of destroying that happiness. I’ve felt like shit most of the weekend and a lot of my insecurities and depression has come back sorta all at once. I feel really sick right now and I have a massive feeling something is going to go wrong, and my anxiety keeps creating horrible things to boost that feeling and I have no clue what to do. The person I usually talk about this kind of stuff who usually can make me feel better no matter what simply by existing is asleep, and I also feel like I’m pushing him away recently. I keep feeling like he deserves better than me. He deserves somebody with less baggage somebody normal who can do basic fucking things without having a mental breakdown every 5 seconds. Idk I just feel he deserves better than me. And he could 100% get better because he’s an amazing person. My thoughts aren’t even organized I just feel like shit and I don’t know why or what to do about it.

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@Someone here is there anything available to you right now that you like, that you would like to do, that you enjoy? Watching the sky, yoga, basking in the sun, watching birds and butterflies outside or in the park, drinking a glass of water, eating something, sleeping, working out, jog, walk, .....

 

There's always something I can come up with, just do that, if you can. You're not productive being negative anyways, so you may as well do what you want to do, it makes you positive for production and you're doing what you want.

Edited by Devin
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19 minutes ago, Devin said:

@Someone here is there anything available to you right now that you like, that you would like to do, that you enjoy? Watching the sky, yoga, basking in the sun, watching birds and butterflies outside or in the park, drinking a glass of water, eating something, sleeping, working out, jog, walk, .....

 

There's always something I can come up with, just do that, if you can. You're not productive being negative anyways, so you may as well do what you want to do, it makes you positive for production and you're doing what you want.

Yeah I enjoy most of these things .  But that's not my problem . My problem is even after doing fun stuff ..I still feel like shit .

I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I’m overwhelmed by university so far and I can’t seem to focus on any of my studies and I feel like a fucking idiot because I seem to be the only fucking person having any goddamn problems like this. Everyone else seems to be doing great juggling a job, school, boy/girlfriends, and sports and whatever. All my friends and everybody around seems to be doing great while I just feel like I’m fucking drowning in this shit.
I want to fucking cry but I can’t even do that. I can’t even fucking cry like a normal human being. 
I wish I could just run away from everything sometimes. I wish I could just run away from life and responsibilities. But I can’t and I know it.
 

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you can run away, don't, because you don't need to, but you always can, in any situation, run to what you want to do, like enjoying a simple glass of water.

 

But you're focussing on failing, but you'll be fine no matter what happens man, because you can always "run away" to that glass of water or whatever, joy is not something you ever have to do or not do something for, it's always here with you, and joy is all you ever really need, so the University stuff and all that, however it goes is fine, it doesn't really matter

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7 minutes ago, Devin said:

@Someone here so you're behind in schoolwork and lacking motivation? Do you work and do school?

I don't work . But I attend university. And I don't study and waste my time playing video games and smoking and eating garbage food (aka junk food). And I always procrastinate doing my assignments .so when I do go to college I have nothing to show up for .

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16 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I don't work . But I attend university. And I don't study and waste my time playing video games and smoking and eating garbage food (aka junk food). And I always procrastinate doing my assignments .so when I do go to college I have nothing to show up for .

I suggest doing the healthy things you like to do instead of the video games, smoking, and junk food. Go for a walk, make avocado toast with tomato, a little red onion, and salt, watch the sky, journal, meditate, just meditating 10 mins daily really helps with this sort of stuff. And yoga, I love yoga.

 

When I do those "healthy" things I feel unstoppable, in complete control of everything

 

You don't want to do video games smoke and junk food, you're brainwashed to do those things, trained

 

The "healthy" things are what you want, that's why you consider them "healthy"

 

You have to take these breaks from your studies, you can push yourself to study but you have to take breaks from it when you get like this.

Edited by Devin
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37 minutes ago, Devin said:

I suggest doing the healthy things you like to do instead of the video games, smoking, and junk food. Go for a walk, make avocado toast with tomato, a little red onion, and salt, watch the sky, journal, meditate, just meditating 10 mins daily really helps with this sort of stuff. And yoga, I love yoga.

 

When I do those "healthy" things I feel unstoppable, in complete control of everything

 

You don't want to do video games smoke and junk food, you're brainwashed to do those things, trained

 

The "healthy" things are what you want, that's why you consider them "healthy"

 

You have to take these breaks from your studies, you can push yourself to study but you have to take breaks from it when you get like this.

Thank you for your advice . I sincerely appreciate it .

I'm actually gonna drop smoking and pick up a meditation habit daily and daily exercises too.

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1 hour ago, Someone here said:

Could you elaborate?  It's not going to be fine if i drop out of university or fail exams. How am I supposed to have a good job without a uni degree? 

The only thing that really matters is joy; being happy, content, fulfilled; that's what you're ultimately seeking, but the funny thing is is that it's already with you. So really whatever you do isn't necessary; college, career, marriage, children. You already have joy, this doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything, you should do what you want to, but it will never bring you anything because you already have everything, so it doesn't really matter, it's just for fun

 

And another funny twist; knowing this frees you to do what you want, frees you to study

 

If you wind up in a "bad" job, or take easier classes at uni for a lower degree, you'll still have that joy of those small things you love, you can't lose joy.

 

If you disappoint your parents and family, whoever, doesn't really matter, you still have joy, which is the only thing you can ever have, you already have everything

Edited by Devin
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24 minutes ago, Devin said:

The only thing that really matters is joy; being happy, content, fulfilled; that's what you're ultimately seeking, but the funny thing is is that it's already with you. So really whatever you do isn't necessary; college, career, marriage, children. You already have joy, this doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything, you should do what you want to, but it will never bring you anything because you already have everything, so it doesn't really matter, it's just for fun

 

And another funny twist; knowing this frees you to do what you want, frees you to study

 

If you wind up in a "bad" job, or take easier classes at uni for a lower degree, you'll still have that joy of those small things you love, you can't lose joy.

 

If you disappoint your parents and family, whoever, doesn't really matter, you still have joy, which is the only thing you can ever have, you already have everything

Before that one needs to understand what is joy

if you think it is instrumental, biological so joy is external.

If you think it is somewhat related to emotions and feelings it is internal..

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3 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Before that one needs to understand what is joy

if you think it is instrumental, biological so joy is external.

If you think it is somewhat related to emotions and feelings it is internal..

When you do the things you like, when you're in the moment and not thinking, just experiencing, that's joy; simple and everyone knows what it is, they just don't know it's always there

Edited by Devin
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28 minutes ago, Devin said:

When you do the things you like, when you're in the moment and not thinking, just experiencing, that's joy; simple and everyone knows what it is, they just don't know it's always there

How is it always there ? Have you ever had a bad day even once in your life ?

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7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

How is it always there ? Have you ever had a bad day even once in your life ?

Yes, I have bad days, had a lot of them, now when that happens I do what I suggested to you to re realize I can realize joy at any moment, in any circumstance. And that knowing frees me from those debilitating pressures you're under, then I can study, because I no longer need to worry about failing school and all that, I don't need to worry about anything, I have joy always at my disposal, I'm invincibile

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20 minutes ago, Devin said:

Yes, I have bad days, had a lot of them, now when that happens I do what I suggested to you to re realize I can realize joy at any moment, in any circumstance. And that knowing frees me from those debilitating pressures you're under, then I can study, because I no longer need to worry about failing school and all that, I don't need to worry about anything, I have joy always at my disposal, I'm invincibile

I wish I could have joy for free always in my disposal like you.  But I don't see it in reality . I feel very limited and confided by certain things.  It's not like there is a button I can press and it just washes over all your problems and give you instant satisfaction. It doesn’t work like that, imo.

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