Hard to let go being treated unfairly

[Kevin]

I feel like kind of an idiot posting this because it’s honestly a pretty small thing that I’m pissed about. Basically on a camping trip my friends stole my flashlight. I never noticed because they have a flashlight that looks almost exactly like mine so I took his home thinking it was mine. I wasn’t really mad about that when they told me. Maybe a little annoyed but that’s it. I was giving them shit for it and just kidding around and one of my friends girlfriends kept telling me to get over it which made me really mad. I got mad because if I told her to get over it when she’s mad it would not go well.

 

It’s been like 4 days since then and just thinking about it pisses me off. I felt like my feelings were completely disregarded. I feel all wrapped up in the story and it sucks.

 

Seems like the thinking sucks which is why I feel the discord and then the discord is being projected onto this girl in the form of hatred and contempt but I feel like my interpretation is accurate so I’m very confused on what to do. The thought of letting it go makes me feel like a doormat and like I’m allowing others to disrespect me and walk all over me.

 

It reminds me of being a child and feeling like I was being treated very unfairly by my mom and feeling like my mom was completely disregarding my feelings. I ended up hating my mom for a long time because of that and to be honest I’m still not too tight with my mom. I don’t know how I ended up talking about my mom but I guess the situations have a very similar emotional feel.

[Eothasian]

You did ok and you found something out about yourself.

[Mandy]

What exactly do you seek in the desire for your feelings to be validated? What does validation feel like? 

[Eothasian]

8 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What exactly do you seek in the desire for your feelings to be validated? What does validation feel like? 

Feels like freedom to express yourself and learn unhindered to me.

I understand intellectually it should be me who is allowing it ultimately.

But some part feels like waiting for others to wake up as themselves in me. 

 

And then when I see @Phil, I just don't feel engaging at all or that this were true.

 

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by Eothasian

[Phil]

Did a they really steal an it… or was there a belief in regard to the light, and who’s it is… and in the innocence of ignorance, misinterpretation  & misperception - there was a light which was very much believed to be … theirs?  

And maybe even… yours. 

 

I don’t per se, have a vagina… but if I did, and you came out of it… I don’t know if I could really see you as separate as you might think I am. But I suspect if I believed I was separate, and went about life as such, it’d probably result in you thinking I’m unfair. When really there’s just that ignorance of believing the thoughts that I’m separate.  Don’t hate on me or anything though. That’s just how ignore-ance works. I’m already suffering enough without ya blamin me for ‘yours’… and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that my interpretation here is right. 

[BlendingInfinite]

Solution:

It is the meta-guide to your life, which implicitly includes what "Phil says".

Edited June 14, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Eothasian said:

You did ok and you found something out about yourself.

❤️

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

What exactly do you seek in the desire for your feelings to be validated? What does validation feel like? 

It’s not so much the me needing people to validate my feelings. It bothers me a little bit that in my perspective she totally disregarded how I felt. The part that really bothered me is my thoughts about it being unfair that she would say that to me when I believe that if I told her to get over it she would be furious.

[Mandy]

15 minutes ago, Kevin said:

It’s not so much the me needing people to validate my feelings. It bothers me a little bit that in my perspective she totally disregarded how I felt. The part that really bothered me is my thoughts about it being unfair that she would say that to me when I believe that if I told her to get over it she would be furious.

I'm not at all saying or suggesting that you do need people to validate your feelings, or saying this is some personal flaw that you have. I'm asking you to tap into or imagine the feeling you wish to have from the interaction, rather than what you are getting. If you could have the interaction or the result you most desire what would that feel like? Sit with it, envision and imagine it. 

 

The other thing I would suggest is to go to the beach, build a sandcastle as the tide is coming in, or leave a painted rock or a gift somewhere in a park for some random person to find, give someone on the street money or donate to a charity. Sometimes when we feel like someone wrongly took something, giving of our own accord is the best way to release it. 

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Did a they really steal an it… or was there a belief in regard to the light, and who’s it is… and in the innocence of ignorance, misinterpretation  & misperception - there was a light which was very much believed to be … theirs?  

And maybe even… yours. 

 

To be honest I’m a little confused on this. I get the feeling you’re not talking about the flashlight. Can you elaborate?

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

I don’t per se, have a vagina… but if I did, and you came out of it… I don’t know if I could really see you as separate as you might think I am. But I suspect if I believed I was separate, and went about life as such, it’d probably result in you thinking I’m unfair. When really there’s just that ignorance of believing the thoughts that I’m separate.  Don’t hate on me or anything though. That’s just how ignore-ance works. I’m already suffering enough without ya blamin me for ‘yours’… and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that my interpretation here is right. 

 

I think I follow what your saying here. Sounds like my mom is dealing with pain as I am. Maybe just in a different way?

[Kevin]

43 minutes ago, Mandy said:

I'm not at all saying or suggesting that you do need people to validate your feelings, or saying this is some personal flaw that you have. I'm asking you to tap into or imagine the feeling you wish to have from the interaction, rather than what you are getting. If you could have the interaction or the result you most desire what would that feel like? Sit with it, envision and imagine it. 

 

I feel what your saying. Sort of a switch from being resentful and upset to focusing on what I actually want. That would feel a lot better.

 

43 minutes ago, Mandy said:

The other thing I would suggest is to go to the beach, build a sandcastle as the tide is coming in, or leave a painted rock or a gift somewhere in a park for some random person to find, give someone on the street money or donate to a charity. Sometimes when we feel like someone wrongly took something, giving of our own accord is the best way to release it. 

I like this. In the last couple months I’ve started giving food and water to homeless people at stoplights and that always feels good.

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

To be honest I’m a little confused on this. I get the feeling you’re not talking about the flashlight. Can you elaborate?

I find source to be quite humorous. I think source, and by that I mean the love that you are, is showing ‘you’ The Light doesn’t belong to any separate selves. It’s not “your  Light”.  Perception would be another pointing word, like “Light”. Or, you are The Light. 

I’m not so much talking about the “small thing you’re pissed about”, but more to the ‘thorn’… to the bigger picture. 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

I think I follow what your saying here. Sounds like my mom is dealing with pain as I am. Maybe just in a different way?

If we start a place for those who were treated unfairly… everybody would get in line and the line would never end. Are you or are you not doing your best? Can you admit (inwardly) that even when your best sometimes just, sucks… still - that’s you doing your best! 

Then can we make that “leap”… to that this is true for mum too? 

 

Also, if it’s clarifying… maybe it’s not my feelings which were disregarded… maybe it’s more my thoughts which were disregarded. Mum would have to feel your feelings, to be able to then even disregard them. But mum’s feeling mum’s feelings. Maybe your friend’s girlfriend is the same. Maybe she’s disregarding your thoughts… because you don’t actually like how those thoughts feel. I don’t think you actually want her or mum to suffer. 

 

When I’m saying source is funny, I mean sometimes source is all “homeless folks, yep, for sure, here’s some food & water, God bless you… friend’s girlfriend and mom though - no way! fuck you! That was my light and you treated me unfair!” 

 

When The Buddha was asked if he’d rather go to heaven or hell, he said hell. 

When asked why, he said, cause there’s nothing for me to do in heaven. 

 

The way to let go of the one who is being treated unfairly, is to look around right now and find that one. If you do somehow manage to find that one, be sure to treat that one fairly. Treat that one the same way you see fit to be treated. 

[Mandy]

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

I get the feeling you’re not talking about the flashlight. Can you elaborate?

The symbolism of it being a light that was taken is incredible, BEAUTIFUL and synchronistic. 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

people at stoplights

 

Now I'm singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"

 

Streetlight people...

 

😂
 

[Kevin]

On 6/14/2022 at 12:59 PM, Phil said:

I find source to be quite humorous. I think source, and by that I mean the love that you are, is showing ‘you’ The Light doesn’t belong to any separate selves. It’s not “your  Light”.  Perception would be another pointing word, like “Light”. Or, you are The Light. 

I’m not so much talking about the “small thing you’re pissed about”, but more to the ‘thorn’… to the bigger picture. 

If we start a place for those who were treated unfairly… everybody would get in line and the line would never end. Are you or are you not doing your best? Can you admit (inwardly) that even when your best sometimes just, sucks… still - that’s you doing your best! 

Then can we make that “leap”… to that this is true for mum too? 

 

true true. I’ve noticed when I’m getting mad it’s got nothing to do with what’s going on but I’m holding on to unprocessed resentments. I’m hoping eventually I empty all that out.

On 6/14/2022 at 12:59 PM, Phil said:

Also, if it’s clarifying… maybe it’s not my feelings which were disregarded… maybe it’s more my thoughts which were disregarded. Mum would have to feel your feelings, to be able to then even disregard them. But mum’s feeling mum’s feelings. Maybe your friend’s girlfriend is the same. Maybe she’s disregarding your thoughts… because you don’t actually like how those thoughts feel. I don’t think you actually want her or mum to suffer. 

 

When I’m saying source is funny, I mean sometimes source is all “homeless folks, yep, for sure, here’s some food & water, God bless you… friend’s girlfriend and mom though - no way! fuck you! That was my light and you treated me unfair!” 

 

Man I straight up started laughing at that last part. It’s so true I don’t know why I’m like that. I’m kind of like oh poor homeless people they at least deserve to eat. With certain people closer to my I just think fuck them they should be better.

 

 

 

On 6/14/2022 at 12:59 PM, Phil said:

When The Buddha was asked if he’d rather go to heaven or hell, he said hell. 

When asked why, he said, cause there’s nothing for me to do in heaven. 

 

The way to let go of the one who is being treated unfairly, is to look around right now and find that one. If you do somehow manage to find that one, be sure to treat that one fairly. Treat that one the same way you see fit to be treated. 

Damn very true man. I can’t ever seem to find that guy.

[Kevin]

On 6/14/2022 at 1:57 PM, Mandy said:

The symbolism of it being a light that was taken is incredible, BEAUTIFUL and synchronistic. 

Now I'm singing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing"

 

Streetlight people...

 

😂
 

I realize that now. When I read your comment I laughed. The whole situation seems much lighter.

[Phil]

9 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Man I straight up started laughing at that last part. It’s so true I don’t know why I’m like that. I’m kind of like oh poor homeless people they at least deserve to eat. With certain people closer to my I just think fuck them they should be better.

😅 😂