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The layout of my life needs a fix


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I'm soon (in a little less than 4 months) turning 20.

I'm then getting recruited into the military (at a month before 20), so basically starting my military journey at 20 years old.

The military lasts a minimum of 2.8 years of service, which you can lengthen if you choose and then you can get into higher positions and higher payment.

So the minimum age I finish the army is about 23 years old, and mind you, but that sounds quite late already. Most people get recruited at like 18-19 and finish at around 21 years old. After the military service then you start your real life (college, uni, living on your own).

About the military, I have a somewhat desire to become an officer, just like my dad was, but than means to sign for another year in the military (finishing at 24). Since I'm in some unique program, they are more flexible with me, so if worst comes and I really want to end my service, they'll allow me to cut my service shorter. Thing about becoming officer is that currently on my profile I have a low match for it, but it can still change during my service. But in any case my leadership skills aren't great and below average so I might not be able to become one. In that case, it could make more sense to decide to cut the service shorter.

So I am finishing my army service at like 23-24.

This feels like I've already spent all my early twenties.

 

Now that I'm out of the army, the question is what carrier should I pursue. Say I start at 24, which sounds already late, what should I study? Should I even go to uni? (Luckily, here in Israel it costs about 5,000 usd a year) What should be my job?

I know I also want to be financially free, but when will I have the time for this, for building a new skill that I can sell online?

It takes 3 years for a bachelor's degree, so minimum age for when I get my first degree is 27 years old.

27 years old. Do you understand what this means to me?

Where is my life?

Goddamn, starting life in my thirties? What if I require a second degree? And what if I want to start an online business for financial freedom?

 

Before all that I also have a desire to learn Shaolin Kung Fu in China. I want to go to the Qufu school for like a year. I also want to travel the world. I want to also create music, maybe even a Youtuber. You know, I want to live enough life when I'm still young and physically capable. Man... but in the military I will barely have freedom for like 3-4 years (won't have freedom to travel).

But for travel I need money, preferably passive income, or a remote business.

But I will be in the military. And I'll need to somehow live off once I finish the military.

And also, I want to have relationships with women and start testing this kind of ocean because marriage won't be far away (don't want to get married later than 35)

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Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

Where is my life?

Goddamn, starting life in my thirties? What if I require a second degree? And what if I want to start an online business for financial freedom?

 

Before all that I also have a desire to learn Shaolin Kung Fu in China. I want to go to the Qufu school for like a year. I also want to travel the world. I want to also create music, maybe even a Youtuber. You know, I want to live enough life when I'm still young and physically capable. Man... but in the military I will barely have freedom for like 3-4 years (won't have freedom to travel).

But for travel I need money, preferably passive income, or a remote business.

But I will be in the military. And I'll need to somehow live off once I finish the military.

And also, I want to have relationships with women and start testing this kind of ocean because marriage won't be far away (don't want to get married later than 35)

Your life is "there" all the time, every "second". Right in this moment, and you are creating it for yourself continuously. Focusing on these perspectives is where your life is at when you focus on them.

 

It seems you have the very typical young male perspectives and beliefs. "I need to have achieved this by 25 and this by 30", "Need to get married before 35". Need, need, need. 

 

I am 27, and studying at the moment. I am surely not in a rush to finish. It's an amazing time. Life is great if you feel great. Putting a lot of limitations of when you are allowed to feel great is not very helpful.

 

It's very easy to feel a lot of pressure now a days with other peoples success blown into your brain scrolling through instagram or fb, and the infinite "personal development" skills you need to gain or improve. 

 

It sounds like you have a lot of things you want to do,  nobody can guide you better than yourself through that. Drop all the "needs" and expectations/comparisons of where you think you should be at certain stages. The more you can let go of these perspectives the better you will feel and the more inspiration you will have to create the life you actually want to. From someone going through the same.

Edited by WhiteOwl
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2 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

Drop all the "needs" and expectations/comparisons of where you think you should be at certain stages. The more you can let go of these perspectives the better you will feel and the more inspiration you will have to create the life you actually want to.

@WhiteOwl Ok I see, but isn't there some value in roughly planning? If I just go with the flow, then yeah, perhaps I'll be in control moment to moment as I go along and things might even look very different a few years from now, but I might look back and be disappointed a bit.

 

2 hours ago, WhiteOwl said:

From someone going through the same.

Please explain

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@fopylo Good luck with the military. You may make up your mind on future goals while you are doing that, so I wouldn't put so much pressure about it just yet. 

 

When my sister was 21 she was going no where fast, so she joined the Air force for 4 years and her job there was military police. While she was in the service she decided to go to a certificate program for legal secretary. When she got out she did that first, then went to college to be a paralegal. Now she works for the government. So, you just never know where life will take you. 

 

There's a saying, "we make plans and God laughs". 


 

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20 hours ago, fopylo said:

 

Please explain

I've also had a lot of the beliefs and perspectives you mention. Wanting to be and have achieved this by xx time. I still have a lot more "work" to do also. The more you are able to inspect and drop those beliefs, the more things will fall into place for you.

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Posted (edited)

@fopylo My two cents about the topic:

 

On 5/2/2022 at 10:50 AM, fopylo said:

Goddamn, starting life in my thirties?

The sentence "my life starts only once I finish my military service" is so common in the everyday language in Israel, until it actually feels this way. In reality though, every thing you experience is part of your life. You are not in a race against other people in the globe and nobody really is ahead of you in life just because you have a military service and others not.

 

Look, you can't change the fact you are obliged to be recruited to the army so you better accept it and try to make the best out of it (as much as possible). However, whether you choose to extend your service or not, it's only up to you.

 

Thirdly, comparing yourself to the lives of people living in other Western countries is useless. You are not living their lives, accept it. And if you are comparing yourself to them, be fair enough to compare yourself to the lives of those who live in third world countries as well.

 

Regarding the whole age thing. If you were born in a cave and didn't have connection to the outside world then your age would have a zero significance to you. The number is meaningless. Social codes give it meaning. Now, I do agree that because you wouldn't like to live in isolation then age does matter in some topics, like marriage and kids. Nevertheless, if 9 million Israelis can get married and have kids then I think you'll be able to do so as well😉.

 

Just so you can have another perspective - I am 26 years old from Israel, I also was in the army. Lately, I quit my academic studies 'cause I didn't feel like it's the direction I'd like to pursue. Now I feel lost and don't know yet what my next steps are. I'm confident though that I'll find it.

 

Don't worry, your life questions will be answered gradually.

Al tidag ahi, yihe beseder🤙

Edited by Valley2Mountain
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It's quite shocking what some poeple managed to accomplish at very young ages. If you look at pop star sensations, professional athletes, influencer, etc. , in many fields there are some of those individuals. But these individual are exceptions and they also get older and suddenly there are not that young anymore. Are you scared of getting older?

 

One good advise I heard recently was, when you grow up time goes by very slowly and you feel like you have been in shool for ages, but after shool time goes by faster than you think. So 27 might feel like an eternity from now for you, but it will come faster than you expect. You are still using your notion of time you had, when you were a kid/ teenager. 

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@fopylo Has something ever happened to you, or turned out way far more unimaginably better and different than you ever could have dreamed? I think we get to have our cake and eat it to, you do get to dream and intend, but in the letting go, and letting flow, often what comes back is far more satisfying than we could have expected. Isn't that what we really want, surprise, spontaneity and also the creating? Look right now across the room at something and really open to it, really see it. Is it what you expect, really? Or in the direct looking at it, is there an aliveness to it that the expectation can't touch? That now aliveness is the satisfaction we seek from everything. Right here. 

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@Valley2Mountain Wow dude I'm actually very relieved to hear that from you, from another fellow Israeli who can relate to me. This is so awesome. I didn't know there are Israelis here. How was your service? Btw I'd like to talk to you more if you're ok with that.

Ahi ze mamash tov lishmoa, sof sof mishehu shemevin oti tov yahasit po

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On 5/7/2022 at 3:08 PM, Pieherto said:

One good advise I heard recently was, when you grow up time goes by very slowly and you feel like you have been in shool for ages, but after shool time goes by faster than you think. So 27 might feel like an eternity from now for you, but it will come faster than you expect. You are still using your notion of time you had, when you were a kid/ teenager.

@Pieherto Bro I don't understand what you're quite saying.. It isn't that encouraging when you say that time will pass fast and I'll become 27 before I know it 😂

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