Why letting go is so difficult?

[Jane]

3 minutes ago, James123 said:

Definitely. 

Why don't you just love the other person without any expectations? 

Thank you that’s exactly what we have to do.

 

I’m capable of that kind of  love. 
 

But can we expect other people to love us unconditionally?

[Jane]

7 minutes ago, James123 said:

No problem whatsoever. Thank you very much too!!! Don't worry, i love you. 

🫢❤️ oh James I love you two 🫠😉

[Jane]

Byeee for now James 

 

James, you have said some amazing stuff .  Much resonance here. Thanks. You can rest now. Goodnight. 

[James123]

9 minutes ago, Jane said:

Thank you that’s exactly what we have to do.

 

I’m capable of that kind of  love. 
 

But can we expect other people to love us unconditionally?

When you smell roses, do you expect something from rose? Or it just smells good? Same thing for human beings. Love the way that they are. Rest will come inevitably. 

[James123]

4 minutes ago, Jane said:

Byeee for now James 

 

James, you have said some amazing stuff .  Much resonance here. Thanks. You can rest now. Goodnight. 

Good night. Anytime!!! Thank you very much for the conversation. 

 

Peace!!!

[Jane]

Just now, James123 said:

Good night. Anytime!!! Thank you very much for the conversation. 

 

Peace!!!

You’re welcome. I enjoyed the conversation very much. 
 

 

[Orb]

2 hours ago, James123 said:

When there is no expectations you can completely be free. 

Yes 🙏👌

[Jane]

9 hours ago, James123 said:

When you smell roses, do you expect something from rose? Or it just smells good? Same thing for human beings. Love the way that they are. Rest will come inevitably. 

I understand; but why do intimate relationships with others …hurt so much…for me they do anyway.

 

It’s like as soon as I tell my partner of 18 months some random spontaneous things ..like I want to do something that doesn’t include him, namely, I want to be alone for awhile….he responds by saying to me ( “don’t feel bad about it, I was expecting it, I hope everything works out for you” )

 

And then when I try to explain to him about why I don’t want to visit him anymore at the moment but would dearly love to keep open a line of communication between us …but then after a day or two,  I then change my mind and send a text to him …that asks, do you still want me to visit you? )……his reply asks, “ what’s changed” ? and when I try to explain to him by answering his question……it hurts me, why, because he  suddenly says to me, “let’s just leave it there for now.” It’s like he shuts off as if he is trying to protect himself.  In the moment I didn’t want to leave it there, I wanted to be totally transparent and talk about my real and true feelings ….not just leave it there, like he wanted to do.

Should I have just said ok let’s leave it there, when all I wanted to do was talk?

 

Its like he is not feeling secure with me because I keep changing my mind about whether or not I want to be alone, or be in a relationship with him, it’s as though he can’t handle me changing my mind sometimes about what I want. It’s as though he expects me to be more solid and certain about us as a couple,  as though he doesn’t want to be put in a situation where he’s not sure about what I’m going to want to do next. 
 

IDK,  I just feel confused in relationship with him, I am crazy about him, and the sexual chemistry between us is electrifying…but all I want to be, is free to be myself. But relationships tend to make me feel shackled even though I adore him …I can’t seem to feel relaxed with him. I recently said I wanted to shave all my hair off and be bald like a Buddha, and he responded with….” I won’t like that” ….so again I just don’t feel free to be myself.

 

I just don’t know how to be in relationships because I’m always feeling like I can never truly be myself with people. It’s like I have to play a kind of role that is expected of me before they’ll be accepting of me. And sometimes I just don’t think it’s worth the effort or bother, and that’s why I get the urges to be alone.

 

I would appreciate anyone reading this …to offer some advice…. Thanks. But it’s ok if you don’t want to say anything . I’ll understand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[James123]

1 hour ago, Jane said:

I understand; but why do intimate relationships with others …hurt so much…for me they do anyway.

 

It’s like as soon as I tell my partner of 18 months some random spontaneous things ..like I want to do something that doesn’t include him, namely, I want to be alone for awhile….he responds by saying to me ( “don’t feel bad about it, I was expecting it, I hope everything works out for you” )

 

And then when I try to explain to him about why I don’t want to visit him anymore at the moment but would dearly love to keep open a line of communication between us …but then after a day or two,  I then change my mind and send a text to him …that asks, do you still want me to visit you? )……his reply asks, “ what’s changed” ? and when I try to explain to him by answering his question……it hurts me, why, because he  suddenly says to me, “let’s just leave it there for now.” It’s like he shuts off as if he is trying to protect himself.  In the moment I didn’t want to leave it there, I wanted to be totally transparent and talk about my real and true feelings ….not just leave it there, like he wanted to do.

Should I have just said ok let’s leave it there, when all I wanted to do was talk?

 

Its like he is not feeling secure with me because I keep changing my mind about whether or not I want to be alone, or be in a relationship with him, it’s as though he can’t handle me changing my mind sometimes about what I want. It’s as though he expects me to be more solid and certain about us as a couple,  as though he doesn’t want to be put in a situation where he’s not sure about what I’m going to want to do next. 
 

IDK,  I just feel confused in relationship with him, I am crazy about him, and the sexual chemistry between us is electrifying…but all I want to be, is free to be myself. But relationships tend to make me feel shackled even though I adore him …I can’t seem to feel relaxed with him. I recently said I wanted to shave all my hair off and be bald like a Buddha, and he responded with….” I won’t like that” ….so again I just don’t feel free to be myself.

 

I just don’t know how to be in relationships because I’m always feeling like I can never truly be myself with people. It’s like I have to play a kind of role that is expected of me before they’ll be accepting of me. And sometimes I just don’t think it’s worth the effort or bother, and that’s why I get the urges to be alone.

 

I would appreciate anyone reading this …to offer some advice…. Thanks. But it’s ok if you don’t want to say anything . I’ll understand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What about being effortlessness. Do not spend any effort on him, let everything go. You will see how everything will drastically change for you. Even if he talks or not talks to you, do not expect anything. Just love the thing that he does not want to talk to you. It does not matter he talks to you or not. All the matter is loving the situation either he wants to talk or not to talk. Both are identical. 

[Jane]

7 minutes ago, James123 said:

What about being effortlessness. Do not spend any effort on him, let everything go. You will see how everything will drastically change for you. Even if he talks or not talks to you, do not expect anything. Just love the thing that he does not want to talk to you. It does not matter he talks to you or not. All the matter is loving the situation either he wants to talk or not to talk. Both are identical. 

Thanks James. That’s brilliant advice. Truly appreciated. 👍

 

I’ve taken the decision to end our relationship. I don’t even want to be platonic friends with him because I know that will hurt not being able to be intimate with him.

 

The only solution for me is to be alone and cut off all intimate attachments and ties with him. I can’t deal with all the hurting. 
 

I’ve already explained all this to him that I can’t be with him anymore, and left it with I LOVE YOU
 

Is that bloody selfish of me or what? 

[Jane]

39 minutes ago, James123 said:

All the matter is loving the situation either he wants to talk or not to talk. Both are identical. 

Yes, you are right, they are both identical.

 

This is heartbreakingly beautiful, it takes my breath away. ❤️👍

 

Thank you, I really needed to hear that today. 🙂

[James123]

2 hours ago, Jane said:

Thanks James. That’s brilliant advice. Truly appreciated. 👍

 

I’ve taken the decision to end our relationship. I don’t even want to be platonic friends with him because I know that will hurt not being able to be intimate with him.

 

The only solution for me is to be alone and cut off all intimate attachments and ties with him. I can’t deal with all the hurting. 
 

I’ve already explained all this to him that I can’t be with him anymore, and left it with I LOVE YOU
 

Is that bloody selfish of me or what? 

Just be what you really are and do not change for anyone. That time, you will find the true love. 

[Jane]

1 hour ago, James123 said:

Just be what you really are and do not change for anyone. That time, you will find the true love. 

💯

 

Thanks James. ❤️

[James123]

23 minutes ago, Jane said:

💯

 

Thanks James. ❤️

Anytime Jane!!!

[Phil]

Maybe the paradigms of life as a game / playing mind games doesn’t jive well with relationships. 

[Phil]

On 5/3/2024 at 2:47 PM, Mandy said:

Apparently neither Phil nor Michael have that ability. 

 

22 hours ago, Someone here said:

Lack of maturity and life experience. 

 

Slippery slope, group think / normalizing  projection of lack. 

There’s another forum built on that already, isn’t it so?

Like a Slip & Slide made of olive oil.

[Joseph Maynor]

Letting go is difficult because Truth vs. false is not clearly realized.  If false was realized, there would be no problem.  If you knew Plato's cave was an illusion and you were outside the cave, you wouldn't be concerned about what's going on in the cave -- unless you're curious about studying illusion for some reason.  Or it would be like clinging to a dream you had at night like it was Truth.  Nobody would do that.  That's a good pointer.  That's what the whole Life is a Dream pointer is really trying to get at.  It's a great analogy to what the false is in relation to Truth.  It gets even sneakier in that there's nothing to let go of because the Self is not a doer or a results seeker.  So any letting go is sneaky ego.  The Self doesn't need to let go of anything.  Renunciation is just a pointer just like solipsism is.  They both involve ego/mind and get close but no cigar to Truth.

Edited May 14 by Joseph Maynor

[James123]

11 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Letting go is difficult because Truth vs. false is not clearly realized.  If false was realized, there would be no problem.  If you knew Plato's cave was an illusion and you were outside the cave, you wouldn't be concerned about what's going on in the cave -- unless you're curious about studying illusion for some reason.  Or it would be like clinging to a dream you had at night like it was Truth.  Nobody would do that.  That's a good pointer.  That's what the whole Life is a Dream pointer is really trying to get at.  It's a great analogy to what the false is in relation to Truth.  It gets even sneakier in that there's nothing to let go of because the Self is not a doer or a results seeker.  So any letting go is sneaky ego.  The Self doesn't need to let go of anything.  Renunciation is just a pointer just like solipsism is.  They both involve ego/mind and get close but no cigar to Truth.

What about attachments?

[Blessed2]

On 5/14/2024 at 7:42 AM, Joseph Maynor said:

Letting go is difficult because Truth vs. false is not clearly realized.  If false was realized, there would be no problem.  If you knew Plato's cave was an illusion and you were outside the cave, you wouldn't be concerned about what's going on in the cave -- unless you're curious about studying illusion for some reason.  Or it would be like clinging to a dream you had at night like it was Truth.  Nobody would do that.  That's a good pointer.  That's what the whole Life is a Dream pointer is really trying to get at.  It's a great analogy to what the false is in relation to Truth.  It gets even sneakier in that there's nothing to let go of because the Self is not a doer or a results seeker.  So any letting go is sneaky ego.  The Self doesn't need to let go of anything.  Renunciation is just a pointer just like solipsism is.  They both involve ego/mind and get close but no cigar to Truth.

 

👍

 

On 5/14/2024 at 7:41 PM, James123 said:

What about attachments?

 

It's the same for attachment. Attachment happens because there is a belief that the thing what's attached to is real, valuable and meaningful.

 

It's impossible to "just let go" something like fear of death for example, because there is a reason why fear or death is being held onto in the first place. (the belief that fear is real and means something). The reason for holding on must go first. Then letting go happens, which isn't really even a letting go.

 

Why is letting go so difficult?

 

Not only difficult, I think it's actually impossible. You can't let go what you're holding onto, because you're holding on.

 

 

The only attachment that needs or even can be to let go is the "I" that has attachment or would be letting go.