Emotion Identification Journal

[Reena]

Emotion identified -

 

Extremely horny.

 

[Reena]

Joyful things I can do with my future boyfriend

 

 

[Reena]

dont turn it to dust.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

Yea I'm problematic as fuck. But I don't judge.

 

[Reena]

 

Write down things I  like about myself and things I hate about myself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 21 by Reena

[Reena]

 

Write another mental health questionnaire question 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

The progress is quite slow. I still feel nervous. Too many days consumed by nervousness over my future. 

 

Purple 

 

Yellow

 

Pink 

 

Blue

 

Green 

 

 

Brown 

 

Red

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

Write things that consume my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

What do I plan on doing or getting done?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

Write down your needs, wants and problems.

 Purple      Yellow     Pink      Blue     Green         Brown      Red

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

I don't know if I should judge myself for feeling horny.

 

Sometimes it interferes my work. On Sundays when I masturbate, I tend to get tired and fall asleep right after. I don't know if these are my unmet sexual needs.

 

Purple      Yellow     Pink      Blue     Green         Brown      Red

 

I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Th

 

 

Edited March 21 by Reena

[Reena]

Maybe I'm trying hard to meet my love and affection needs through sex or something like that. Every time I masturbate I feel all lovey dovey. Like a baby receiving love. Like a daily shower. At least it's not the rape dreams kind of way anymore. That's a huge change. Now it's changed to healthy sex from a nice gentle boyfriend. Wow big change. The rape dreams used to feel so dirty and awkward. But these sex dreams with my imaginary boyfriend feel healthy and nice. Like my body receiving all the cuddly cuddly love it deserves. Feels great everytime I think about sex now. So much affection. Real affection in my head. No more feeling guilty crappy. It's like an upgrade.

 

How did this remarkable change happen?

 

I think I trained my brain for 10 days to think that I deserve a lot of gentleness, and a big hearted person. And that im much more than all the negativity thrown at me. I elevated my standards of how I wanted to be treated. I slowly began to see the difference between abusive behavior and gentle loving behavior. My mother had blurred those lines.. She had sexually abused me as a child at least on one occasion which was gross. She used to call me  cute and touch my sexual parts.

 

When I began to imagine that a non judgemental respecting big hearted person is showering me with love, the frequency of the rape dreams significantly declined and I began to feel lovey, dovey and protected and not abused or punished.

Then gradually the rape dreams began to be replaced by dreams of a man looking deep into my eyes and sexing me up and loving me, kissing, hugging and caressing me like a baby. I felt lot healthier and nourished and pampered.

 

 

Then I had dreams where I would wake up with this person in grass or in bed and they would slowly tuck me up in bed and put me back to sleep as it wasn't morning yet. And then let me sleep peacefully. Small kind gentle gestures.

Basically giving me the love and gentleness I was denied in childhood. It felt like a huge glass of milk. And I began giggling and screaming with laughter and joy. I was never treated like that before.

 

 

Hehe.

 

 

Edited March 21 by Reena

[Reena]

I'm pinching and teasing myself over this recent change. I can't believe it.

[Reena]

That's me(as a kid) sitting on my Dad's lap. He left too early. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that's my mom. 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 21 by Reena

[Reena]

This guy is 100% correct. He is called Goatis. Found him a few days ago. I wish he was my boyfriend. He can discipline me in just 4 hours. I agree with him a 100%. He is so on point. He is just being raw and practical. I wish my ex boyfriends were even 10% like this man. This man speaks raw truth unfiltered unapologetic.

 

I'll follow all of his advice. He is a Godsend right now when I'm going through a difficult time.

 

 

[Reena]

 

At 23.22 (23 minute 22 second), he says "you should never control your emotions. A real masculine man always shows his emotions because he is not afraid of what anybody is going to think about him no man or woman. He could start crying if he feels sad or if he feels happy, it wouldn't matter to you if somebody believes that you are weak which for example modern society would want you to believe because you know that you are strong, nobody's opinion is going to change that but if you are weak then you are going to try to control your emotions and you're always gonna look at what people think about you, how am I supposed to react to that, what should I express right now, should I laugh, should I not, what is she gonna think about me, oh no, that's a weak man. "

I liked what he said.

[Reena]

I am feeling a bit stressed out.

 

[Reena]

You can't fix stupid right.

[Reena]

I hate myself for being stupid.