I hate you. I hate life.

[Blessed2]

I just tried meditation with a journal on the side to be ready when difficult emotions arise.

 

Three times during that meditation I had to stop and journal. And I don't feel rested or relaxed at all. It was entirely pointless.

 

I kept journaling after it and the same thing happened that happens over and over. I journal and I start feeling worse and worse because it isn't helping. I try to journal every thought that arises and it's impossible to keep up with it. The frustration and despair just builds like a thought-loop and gets worse and worse.

 

That has happened so often.

 

It gets so bad I start experiencing thoughts that are not at all fun. Like losing all hope and staring down a void of helplessness with no end and no way to get out of. And this pressure just builds and it's like there is no end to the suffering and despair and hopelessness.

 

Why is journaling doing the exact opposite that it's apparently supposed to do (like is told on this forum for example)? Making it worse rather than relieving the discord?

 

 

I hate how you recommend meditation and then tell me I'm doing it wrong. I hate it when non-dualists talk about stuff that's impossible for me to even understand.

 

"We're talking about something that's impossible to talk about or understand." Why the fuck are you even talking about it then? Just shut the fuck up

 

I hate that. 

 

I hate it when you say "meditate every morning" but then say there is no morning and no meditation routine or habit.

 

I hate it when you recommend meditation and then say it's not something that "works" or makes you feel better.

 

It makes me think the entirety of nonduality is just a trick. Like a unicorn. You say everyday common things like time, body, food, money, death is unicorns, but then say this thing that I have never experienced and cannot experience is not a unicorn.

 

When I return attention to breathing, thoughts do not stop. Even though attention is on breathing, thoughts keep coming.

 

I could keep writing these thoughts down forever, in the hope that maybe at some point I'll write the right words that empties it out or bursts the bubble. I'm doing that literally right now. This paragraph is me doing that. Desperately trying to find the right words, to express it fully, get it out, make the suffering end.

 

But it doesn't help. I'm not feeling better, and I'll just give up and focus on something else like watching TV. Which is "suppression" or whatever, according to you. And I'm not "feeling it fully" and it will not be healed, as I'm not listening to the guidance and letting the discordant thoughts go.

 

Edited February 24 by Blessed2

[Mandy]

53 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

It was entirely pointless.

 

It was entirely pointless. 

 

What's your interpretation of pointless?

 

IT WAS ENTIRELY POINTLESS. ANGELS SING. BLISS. 

 

55 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

It makes me think the entirety of nonduality is just a trick.

 

If this is a trick I'm not getting much payout. 

 

YES IT'S POINTLESS. 

 

Do whatever the heck you like. Maybe you already are. 

[Blessed2]

38 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What's your interpretation of pointless?

 

Didn't make me feel better.

 

No calming down, relaxation, serenity.

 

40 minutes ago, Mandy said:

YES IT'S POINTLESS. 

 

Every single user on this forum is here because we want to feel better.

 

So all the suggested methods are pointless as in will not help to feel better? This entire forum is pointless?

 

[Rose]

Isn’t meditation supposed to be about stopping your thoughts and being in the joy of a quiet mind?

[Orb]

@Blessed2 its a parachute day bro. Tomorrow is a new day 🙂. 

 

Wholeness will make itself known( to put it metaphorically or whatever )🙏. 

 

Just keep going, daily meditation is freaking awesome. Consider maybe increasing the duration, hell maybe a whole hour in the morning. Imagine the quality of life when you start the day off with a whole hour of being in touch with Feeling / Self. 😌

 

Also exploring emotion by being aware of the emotional scale seems promising. I haven't utilized that tool much tbh but I'm inspired to start looking at the scale more. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Negativity is like keeping your hand on a hot stove.

[Rose]

On 2/24/2024 at 7:56 PM, Orb said:

being in touch with Feeling / Self.

How are you in touch with feeling exactly through meditation? Aren’t you supposed to calm down the mind and focus on just being? How is feeling a part of any of this? Aren’t feelings part of thinking?

Edited February 26 by Rose

[Phil]

Feeling, which is happiness, peace, love, is not an object, and is not a subject. Feeling is appearing as thoughts and perception. You are Feeling. Feeling is you.

How can you get to what you already are? Obviously you can’t. So you uncover yourself.

 

How can you feel better? Obviously, that is a thought feeling is appearing as. A belief, if believed.

 

When will you feel better? Obviously, there is no experience of time. Such as a past or future. These are thoughts feeling is appearing as. Beliefs, if believed.
 

 

[Mandy]

On 2/24/2024 at 7:21 PM, Blessed2 said:

 

Didn't make me feel better.

 

No calming down, relaxation, serenity.

 

 

Every single user on this forum is here because we want to feel better.

 

So all the suggested methods are pointless as in will not help to feel better? This entire forum is pointless?

 

Imagine if babies came with manuals, and everything had a point to it. 

 

Love is pointless, it's not trying to feel better either.