WhiteOwl Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 So, a girl i was and still am attracted to and really liked, is not interested as far as i know. We are not talking or seeing. I met her the other night where i felt insecurity and also some anger i think. I was hard to stay cool in the situation. How do you put all this aside? I want to be able to be around her normally like anyone else. I was thinking "it needs time" but what is "it" that needs time? Guess its beliefs i have that are causing the strong emotions. I still have so thoughts of just working on myself and feeling better and then seeing how everything is in some month. No stress, but i want to be able to feel good around her at least just as a friend for now. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Accept whatever happened rather than deny. Your mind needs some rest for coping. Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 @ReenaI don't think i am denying it. You accept everything yourself and just be happy. Not that easy right? It requires looking into what might stand in the way. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 @WhiteOwl are you unable to handle her rejection? Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 8 minutes ago, Reena said: @WhiteOwl are you unable to handle her rejection? How do you handle a rejection? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Just now, WhiteOwl said: How do you handle a rejection? By learning to understand that the other person might have had their own reasons why they rejected and not blaming or resenting them for doing it. Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 8 minutes ago, Reena said: By learning to understand that the other person might have had their own reasons why they rejected and not blaming or resenting them for doing it. Sounds very right. Guess i am not taking her reasons in consideration. I just feel anger and resentment for her not being honest about it when i asked her. She hooked up with her best friend who she told me was like family. He is also my friend, so i think i feel used as a catalyst for them getting together. But its this feeling of resentment and anger that i want to let go. That she wants to be with someone else more than me you can't blame anyone. Its more the way it happened i guess. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 2 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said: Sounds very right. Guess i am not taking her reasons in consideration. I just feel anger and resentment for her not being honest about it when i asked her. She hooked up with her best friend who she told me was like family. He is also my friend, so i think i feel used as a catalyst for them getting together. But its this feeling of resentment and anger that i want to let go. That she wants to be with someone else more than me you can't blame anyone. Its more the way it happened i guess. That's unfortunate. But I don't think she meant to hurt you. During such situations I would like to remind myself (that is you) is that the greatest wisdom lies in knowing that certain things just aren't meant for us. Once you realize this, you have to let it go and let peace come in. You are emotional. Be easy on yourself. Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 3 minutes ago, Reena said: But I don't think she meant to hurt you. I know she didn't. She was nice while we were together. I also am not sure we were aligned as a couple. I felt some unworthiness and insecurity, which is also why it feels like it wasn't given a proper chance. Sometimes i think we are going to be just good friends at some point, but i do care and like her more than i felt for anyone else which is the problem. Hard for me to accept fully that it might never happen, even though it was short. Sounds a bit dramatic when i say it but i guess its true right now Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Maynor Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 (edited) If she dumped you I would go no contact. Dump me and you're gone. Have some standards for yourself. There's usually reasons you broke up. If you're a glutton for punishment you can return to the same issues over and over and over again. The friendship thing might be possible after like 6 months of no contact. You have to go through the grief process of losing the relationship. And it's hard. It's one of the most painful things a person can go through emotionally speaking. It's worth it though and you'll feel better after 3 months or so. Once someone knows they can crap on you, next time they'll reach for more, so it's best to just end it. End the misery and find someone who respects you more to relate with. Find someone who cares more about you. This is very hard to put into practice though, I realize that. But I wish my dad told this to me when I was younger. You don't have to settle for someone who doesn't really respect you that deeply. You want someone who is committed to the relationship with you who will weather storms with you through thick and thin. Edited February 5 by Joseph Maynor Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 Do you love her? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 (edited) 1 hour ago, Mandy said: Do you love her? I actually think i do. Feels much to say that after only 1.5 month but it was quite intense. So much that i had a hard time being relaxed around her sometimes while we were seeing each other. And seeing her few days ago was quite difficult, or i had to avoid her during the night. Funny how i used feel/think. It feels like being so fucking vulnerable saying it but yes i love her. Edited February 5 by WhiteOwl Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 @WhiteOwl How does love feel? Does it feel like the opposite of relaxation? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 37 minutes ago, Mandy said: @WhiteOwl How does love feel? Does it feel like the opposite of relaxation? Dont think so. I was thinking that would come from being afraid of being not liked back. Trying to control the situation sort of. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 @Mandy i feel this uneasiness around other people also. The more i like them. So there can still be love i would guess Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 @WhiteOwl maybe for the time being you can let go. Seems you are very emotional about this. Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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