If he doesn’t keep his word

[Rose]

Hi all,

 

The guy that I’ve been “seeing” is unable to keep his word. It’s about little things like “I will call you tonight” or “I will do this today”. We were supposed to meet shortly after our initial trip, but it’s been more than a month now. He keeps postponing it too.. now he says that he will come to visit me.. first it was this week, then it was next, now it’s at the end of the month. And I keep asking him to just buy the plane tickets already, but he keeps postponing it as well “yes, sure, tomorrow”..

 

I don’t like this at all. I don’t like that I don’t know what my next month/year/whatever is going to look like with him (especially because I have exams and need to plan every day of my studying). He is always working and never has the time to talk about anything. And if he does have the time it is usually sexy things that he wants to talk about. He does say how he wants family and all that and how we should live together soon, which makes me even more anxious because why build all this perfect life in my imagination if he can’t even do the most basic things like call when he says he would.

 

It’s difficult for me to breakup with him because I’ve been wanting to move to Europe for a long time now, I completely hate Canada, the people, the culture, everything about it.. so him appearing in my life seemed so perfect at the time.

 

Should I just break up with him? He is still way better than any guy I dated in Canada.

Edited December 9, 2023 by Rose

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Rose said:

It’s difficult for me to breakup with him because I’ve been wanting to move to Europe for a long time now, I completely hate Canada, the people, the culture, everything about it.. so him appearing in my life seemed so perfect at the time.

 

What do you need him for though? Can't you move to europe by yourself?

 

Where would you like to live in Europe?

[Rose]

39 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

What do you need him for though? Can't you move to europe by yourself?

 

Where would you like to live in Europe?

Because I don’t speak any other European language, so it may be difficult for me to get a job there.

 

Probably Switzerland. 

[Phil]

It sounds like integrity, honesty, transparency & the truth have come into question, and this is being postponed for a variety of reasons. Primarily that life is busy, truth doesn’t fit into planning, and short term desires need to be satisfied first as truth is contingent on life being less busy, goals being met, accomplishments being realized, and a relationship being secured.

 

Yet, it also sounds like the guidance of unworthiness is present, but possibly conceptualized as anxiety, as if the guidance is not certain and therefore unreliable. It also sounds like the guidance of hatred is present, but is framed as a product of assertion, or caused in some way. 

 

It might be fruitful to question which one you are. The one who hates & is unworthy, or the one experiencing and feeling hatred & unworthiness. This might shed light on what can & can not come from an other, yet is readily available to share with all. Likewise, it might be profitable to question if you are the one believing, or the one attracting. 

[Rose]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

the guidance of unworthiness is present

What do you mean by that? By guidance?

[Blessed2]

15 hours ago, Rose said:

Probably Switzerland. 

 

Such a beautiful place! Traveled through there by train last summer.

 

15 hours ago, Rose said:

Because I don’t speak any other European language, so it may be difficult for me to get a job there.

 

What do you study? What's your profession?

 

It might not be as hard as you think. The big urban areas, especially when you go a bit north (Berlin, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm etc.) might not be that bad even if you don't know the local language.

 

[Phil]

46 minutes ago, Rose said:

What do you mean by that? By guidance?

Unworthiness is an emotion. 

Emotion is guidance which is not a thing, and not at all of this world. 

Guidance for the alignment of thought, with feeling. 

 

[Mandy]

"I hate Canada", does not write the love story you're wanting. Although it could be a good first chapter, a really interesting place to start, but boy the twists and turns after that. 😬 It certainly wouldn't be about the main character securing what it is she thinks she wants in the avoidance of what she really doesn't want. Author could change the setting whenever she wants, it's more interesting to start with one that's not desired, because it's actually desired. Not by the character, but by the Author. Which one are you? What if there aren't two of you? 

 

The universe is your waiter, your Maître d', the Author if you will, if you just vaguely let it know what you don't want, that's exactly what it thinks you're requesting. Place your order loud and clear, and let go of whether it comes to you correctly or not, because no one can serve you if you're constantly checking to make sure they are doing every step correctly. That's exhausting. At that point, why not do it yourself? Is that what you want? 

 

 

[noomii]

What is it that you don't like about the people in Canada? Where in Europe does the guy live?

[Rose]

On 12/9/2023 at 2:59 PM, Phil said:

Unworthiness is an emotion. 

But if I use that scale, wouldn’t I be ignoring my baseline emotion? Moving up the scale and feeling better wouldn’t I just ignore and repress my bad emotions? 

[Phil]

@Rose

No, not at all. Emotion isn’t a thing, so it’s not something you have which could be judged.