Understanding male psychological process megathread

[Reena]

I think one way to  harmonize with men is to understand male psychology in sex and relationships. Just like I would want a man to listen the feminine perspective from my side, I should also be open to the male perspective as well. I'll try my best to gather resources on the male perspective as well as male psychology in relationships. 

 

 

Edited October 20, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

[Jonas Long]

How about "white people psychology" to learn about "white people"? Feels off, right?  It's not that different though.  You might feel like if you can understand something you can control it or not be surprised by it, so its tempting.  But is it really useful, when it comes to understanding an individual?  That's who you'll be in a relationship with, an individual, not with the concept of "men". 

Edited October 20, 2023 by Jonas Long

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Jonas Long said:

How about "white people psychology" to learn about "white people"? Feels off, right?  It's not that different though.  You might feel like if you can understand something you can control it or not be surprised by it, so its tempting.  But is it really useful, when it comes to understanding an individual?  That's who you'll be in a relationship with, an individual, not with the concept of "men". 

But the person I'll be with will be a man after all and he will belong to a larger group sharing similar traits called "men." Wouldn't he be glad that I am already trying to know more about the group he belongs to. I mean if a man said to me that he has read books on women and sharpened his skills on how to talk to women or understanding their psyche, I'll actually be happy knowing that he is interested in harmonizing with me and isn't clueless on the subject of relationships. 

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Jonas Long said:

How about "white people psychology" to learn about "white people"? Feels off, right?  It's not that different though.  You might feel like if you can understand something you can control it or not be surprised by it, so its tempting.  But is it really useful, when it comes to understanding an individual?  That's who you'll be in a relationship with, an individual, not with the concept of "men". 

Also I believe there's a particular culture like a women's culture or a bro culture where men talk to each other about women in a certain way that women aren't aware of. Being aware helps to know what kind of women men consider high quality/low quality and other things. Women also have a way of judging men in general. We intuitively know what sort of men we categorize as a "creep." So I guess this is a part of social learning just the way you see in pickup culture. 

[Jonas Long]

10 minutes ago, Reena said:

Also I believe there's a particular culture like a women's culture or a bro culture where men talk to each other about women in a certain way that women aren't aware of. Being aware helps to know what kind of women men consider high quality/low quality and other things. Women also have a way of judging men in general. We intuitively know what sort of men we categorize as a "creep." So I guess this is a part of social learning just the way you see in pickup culture. 

There's as many different ways to be a man as there are men.  I think you'll get a lot farther by talking to people, generally socializing, than you will from books and videos on gender theory.  I doubt I would relate to much of what they say about "men" in these types of videos, in fact, I definitely don't, so, personally I can say, you won't learn much about me by learning about "men" or "masculinity".

[Jonas Long]

21 minutes ago, Reena said:

But the person I'll be with will be a man after all and he will belong to a larger group sharing similar traits called "men." Wouldn't he be glad that I am already trying to know more about the group he belongs to. I mean if a man said to me that he has read books on women and sharpened his skills on how to talk to women or understanding their psyche, I'll actually be happy knowing that he is interested in harmonizing with me and isn't clueless on the subject of relationships. 

I wouldn't want to be with someone who has a bunch of expectations about me from having read or watched videos about "men".  Sounds like a nightmare actually, but maybe thats just me. 

[Reena]

15 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

I wouldn't want to be with someone who has a bunch of expectations about me from having read or watched videos about "men".  Sounds like a nightmare actually, but maybe thats just me. 

What's nightmarish about it? 

[Jonas Long]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

What's nightmarish about it? 

Having expectations because of what they've learned about "men" from youtube videos, or books.  Whenever I try to watch one of those videos, it's really off from how I am.  

[Jonas Long]

10 hours ago, Reena said:

 

Like this.  I don't care about this. 

[Jonas Long]

It's like they are training you to make assumptions about people based on their gender.  I don't want anyone assuming things about me because of my maleness.  If they do, they are usually wrong. 

[Mandy]

What's wanted from romance is interacting without walls up. Trying to know the other conceptually so that one can know what to expect from the other puts the very walls up that they seek the other to dismantle in the first place. 

[Phil]

12 hours ago, Reena said:

to understand male psychology in sex and relationships

Men don’t have a psychological process for sex. 

For men’s psychological process on relationships, see: men’s psychological process on sex. 

 

The memes and jokes about a woman thinking about what a man’s thinking, and all this stuff in her thought bubble… and then the man’s thought bubble being empty or maybe just having a picture of a dog or something are funny because they’re true. Men already want to have sex. No thinking process occurs. Men don’t share the need to let psychological resistance (impatience, irritation, etc) go first to get in the mood like women. Men are already ready. We’re like sex-firemen; we’re ready. Women seem to struggle to grasp there’s no ‘get in the mood by releasing tension first’ for men… because for men sex is the releasing of the tension, so there’s nothing to think about, no causation. 

 

This is verifiable indirect experience:

 

Text man at work: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

Wake a man in the middle of the night: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

Ask a man exiting his own mother’s funeral: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

Media has just announced nuclear destruction of earth is imminent: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

 

There are three kinds of men. Men who say Yep, men who have to pee first, and liars. 

[Mandy]

24 minutes ago, Phil said:

(impatience, irritation, etc)

"etc", like common sense, consideration, etc. 😂

[Jonas Long]

31 minutes ago, Phil said:

Men don’t have a psychological process for sex. 

For men’s psychological process on relationships, see: men’s psychological process on sex. 

 

The memes and jokes about a woman thinking about what a man’s thinking, and all this stuff in her thought bubble… and then the man’s thought bubble being empty or maybe just having a picture of a dog or something are funny because they’re true. Men already want to have sex. No thinking process occurs. Men don’t share the need to let psychological resistance (impatience, irritation, etc) go first to get in the mood like women. Men are already ready. We’re like sex-firemen; we’re ready. Women seem to struggle to grasp there’s no ‘get in the mood by releasing tension first’ for men… because for men sex is the releasing of the tension, so there’s nothing to think about, no causation. 

 

This is verifiable indirect experience:

 

Text man at work: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

Wake a man in the middle of the night: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

Ask a man exiting his own mother’s funeral: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

Media has just announced nuclear destruction of earth is imminent: Want to have sex?

Man: Yep.

 

There are three kinds of men. Men who say Yep, men who have to pee first, and liars. 

I don't want to be part of your generalization either.  I've turned down sex. 

[Phil]

9 minutes ago, Jonas Long said:

I don't want to be part of your generalization either.  I've turned down sex. 

Please share as much of this scenario as you’re comfortable with. You got me curious now. 

 

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

"etc", like common sense, consideration, etc. 😂

Woman: You’ve no common sense! No consideration! Wanna have sex?

Man: Yep.

 

[Jonas Long]

15 minutes ago, Phil said:

Please share as much of this scenario as you’re comfortable with. You got me curious 

 

To be fair I've mostly turned it down from guys.  But in one situation there was a woman who really liked me and offered "no strings attached" sex, and I didn't want to do it, because I knew it wouldn't really be that for her, I didn't want to lead her on even though it was presented like I wouldn't be.  Also when I didn't want to drive to far at night, I've turned it down, from a woman.  And when I knew it meant someone sleeping over, I turned it down, because I wanted to wake up by myself.  

[Phil]

@Jonas Long

Notably conscientious of you imo, thoughtful, but these are technically psychological process for not having sex. I’m just saying men down have a psychological process for sex like it seems woman do. For sex, not per se for people. 

[Mandy]

@Phil😆You forgot the man cold. 

[Jonas Long]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Jonas Long

Notably conscientious of you imo, thoughtful, but these are technically psychological process for not having sex. I’m just saying men down have a psychological process for sex like it seems woman do. For sex, not per se for people. 

What is the difference between having a psychological process for not having sex and not having a psychological process for having sex?  I think some kind of process has to take place, even if the process is merely "willing woman, sex opportunity".