I need help after a date with a girl - I am experiencing very hard crushing thoughts/energy

[ConsciousDreamer666]

This dark energy I am going to describe is what I have been feeling-being possessed by most of my life, since I can remember. Is only when events like this that happen, that it gets triggered and appears to the surface in very clear ways. But this last experience triggered in a way that I didn't knew possible. Today I am better, but the last 6 days I have been experiencing a brutal hell, EXTREME emotional suffering, to the point I was in the verge of existential trauma. Expiring 24/7 non stop beliefs about myself that I am not-life , not-worthy , not-love. I don't know how I have survived feeling that. I need someone to save me of this fucking nightmare. 

 

Basically, I met this girl 2 weeks ago, I had an awesome interaction with her the day I met her, we kissed and made out. The following week we texted and I had a thrill (and also her). And then at Sunday we met again. The date in my view was good, but the next day she texted me saying she had an awesome time but would not like to go further and would like to stay friends. This message really crushed me, I know there is nothing wrong with that, but that message it triggered this dark-soul crushing energy of not being wanted from girls, that I was terrorised to feel again. (last time it happened was with another girl 8 years ago).

 

The next days I started thinking about the second date. Then I realized, there was subtle anxiety, fear and doubtfulness through the whole date. This was the obscure energy I have inside and I was in it, subtly dominating me and not letting me being a man and feel loved. Of course she might have sensed that through the date and she lost the desire/wasn´t attracted to me. In fact through the whole date I displayed some people-pleasing / validation-seeking traits. Now it makes sense that she didn't felt attracted. Ok, I accept that. I wasn't able to be free of the dark energy, so that happened.

 

But what even tortures more is that I can remember now that at some points on the date, I gave her a compliment, and she found funny the way I complimented her. A word I used. In that moment I was not aware I felt that obscure energy again. But now contemplating about it, I did. In the same moment she laughed, I instantly inside felt she was laughing of me, making fun of me. I even said that to her, but not in a very emotional way, more like it was nothing. She replied saying something like "I laugh about everything, is my filosophy. "

 

Now thoughts about that compliment have come back. I can not cut them off. I really feel they are true. I was a loser and not enough of a man, and she took advantage and laugh of me. I only want to feel I am the same Love as the love/acceptedness I project to her. But I don't know how to do it. The fact she rejected me because of not being man enough and being weak-doubtful through the date (I only kissed her when we went home), makes me think is true. I am a loser, I am inferior to her, she is better than me. She is life and worthy to life, I am less than life and unworthy in an inherent way.

 

This is a nightmare. How do I fucking get out of this insane energy of inferiority and self unworthiness? Especially towards women. 

 

Please HELP

Edited September 18, 2023 by ConsciousDreamer666

[ConsciousDreamer666]

Here's what I think: This hunky dory perspective of love is not real. I should just accept she is in this sinister macabre word of being HUMAN, and Humans try to bully and humiliate when they can if they have certain tendencies. She saw me WEAK and she thought I was a complete subhuman loser. She didn't have any respect for me and considered me complete shit. 

 

What if that is truth and I just have to accept that? If I have the balls to accept the game, I will finally open my plexus solar chakra and will stop being a loser and I will have respect for myself because I will treat this game as is the fucking jungle. Because it definitely seems like it. 

[spiritual dreams]

Seems like the rejection triggered an exile. 

https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline

1 hour ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

Here's what I think: This hunky dory perspective of love is not real. I should just accept she is in this sinister macabre word of being HUMAN, and Humans try to bully and humiliate when they can if they have certain tendencies. She saw me WEAK and she thought I was a complete subhuman loser. She didn't have any respect for me and considered me complete shit. 

seems like a protector (firefighter) part has taken you over and is trying to mitigate the damage of the exile. 

 

Go deep into the feeling on unworthiness and give the part of you that feels unworthy love and compassion. Don't try to repress it.

[Devin]

Work on yourself, becoming who you want to be, then you'll easier than you think get to a point where you won't give a fuck what anyone thinks about you, you'll be "better" than everyone else actually.

 

Start with the greatest ROI things you can work on, excercise?, diet, reading and studying, socializing, make friends, join a group you're interested in even if you have zero no how or ability join a group or activity/hobby that allows beginners.

 

Work on you, get to a point where you love you, then date more seriously, in the mean time don't take dating so hard or personal.

 

Yeah interpersonal love seems like bullshit to me, relationships are transactional, but some are very healthy, go for a healthy one, she was not there yet anyway.

Edited September 18, 2023 by Devin

[Mandy]

You aren't a loser, and you aren't less of a man. You did a thing that was vulnerable and you had a great time initially. If you're doing something wrong, it's that you really ought to be patting yourself on the back for putting yourself out there, instead of fixated on what you think you may have done wrong. There's all kinds of people in the world, and many are struggling with the same attitudes about themselves that you are in different ways, many of them are just reflecting to ourselves how we feel about ourselves. Even if they reflect something different and you get hate or disrespect, if we don't resonate with it, it just bounces off. 

 

15 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

How do I fucking get out of this insane energy of inferiority and self unworthiness?

You have to change your attitude about yourself. Little by little, one thought at a time. 

[Phil]

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

This dark energy I am going to describe is what I have been feeling-being possessed by most of my life, since I can remember. Is only when events like this that happen, that it gets triggered and appears to the surface in very clear ways. But this last experience triggered in a way that I didn't knew possible. Today I am better, but the last 6 days I have been experiencing a brutal hell, EXTREME emotional suffering, to the point I was in the verge of existential trauma. Expiring 24/7 non stop beliefs about myself that I am not-life , not-worthy , not-love. I don't know how I have survived feeling that. I need someone to save me of this fucking nightmare. 

The thoughts arising (not life, not worthy, not love) arise as attempts to reconcile the discord of the belief ‘dark energy’. It’s a self referential thought loop. 

 

You’re not post-thoughts, and therein you are not and have never been possessed by anything. You’re prior to and aware of. This is relevant in terms of allowing & experiencing uncomfortable or discordant emotions. You aren’t coming and going, phenomena is appearing as disappearing. If & when, affirmation of the truth is most helpful and might sounds like ‘this was not and has arose, therein this will pass’. Then it’s allowed, and aversion (suffering) dissipates (1st meaning), and Life, aliveness does not (2nd meaning). Instead ‘you’ Fill Up with the Goodness you are. 

 

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

Basically, I met this girl 2 weeks ago, I had an awesome interaction with her the day I met her, we kissed and made out. The following week we texted and I had a thrill (and also her). And then at Sunday we met again. The date in my view was good, but the next day she texted me saying she had an awesome time but would not like to go further and would like to stay friends. This message really crushed me, I know there is nothing wrong with that, but that message it triggered this dark-soul crushing energy of not being wanted from girls, that I was terrorised to feel again. (last time it happened was with another girl 8 years ago).

The suffering is in the thought / belief about being unwanted but is masked by the asserting ‘energy’ belief. There’s a lot baked into that concept about energy. That it’s dual, good & bad, light & dark, and asserts upon someone. It’s good that the discord of some thoughts is felt as it’s the evidence you are nondual unconditional Goodness. 

 

Sincere feedback is helpful. Maybe ask her for some…? Are allow it directly from the source but proposing the question of what she might say, and allowing insight to arise. It’s healthy to acknowledge spider webbing, gloom & doom perspective, blowing things out of proportion (dark-soul crushing energy). It helps to notice the skipping over the guidance, the emotions felt. The ground is very… grounding, you know? Keep it ‘down here’. Ground level. Rooted in direct experience / what’s actually experienced. Use the soul-crushing energy, dark energy, etc stuff for creating. There might be an award winning book or movie in ya. 

 

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

The next days I started thinking about the second date. Then I realized, there was subtle anxiety, fear and doubtfulness through the whole date. This was the obscure energy I have inside and I was in it, subtly dominating me and not letting me being a man and feel loved. Of course she might have sensed that through the date and she lost the desire/wasn´t attracted to me. In fact through the whole date I displayed some people-pleasing / validation-seeking traits. Now it makes sense that she didn't felt attracted. Ok, I accept that. I wasn't able to be free of the dark energy, so that happened.

With any relationship there are disgreeances, opposing opinions, preferences, etc that come up. Communication is fundamental. Dark energy, even from a scientific standpoint is a misnomer. Communication works with interactions and relationships. Mysterious energy theories doesn’t really, unless by chance it’s with someone with the same belief(s). Even then, all roads lead to dispelling / expression / sincerity and communicating therein. 

 

There’s nothing ‘being a man’ about emotional suppression with grandiose spiritual bypassing. It feels off because it is off. Feeling’s never wrong. She probably wants a partner on the same planet as her, who uses normal relatable language. Emotion is a deeper language than words. Prior to words, but not prior to you. 

 

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

But what even tortures more is that I can remember now that at some points on the date, I gave her a compliment, and she found funny the way I complimented her. A word I used. In that moment I was not aware I felt that obscure energy again. But now contemplating about it, I did. In the same moment she laughed, I instantly inside felt she was laughing of me, making fun of me. I even said that to her, but not in a very emotional way, more like it was nothing. She replied saying something like "I laugh about everything, is my filosophy. "

Sincerity, openness, vulnerability and conscientiousness are attracting. Laughter is a little release of tension therein. If something’s torturing you that something must be stopped. If an interpretation is discordant it can be changed. 

 

Maybe write down three aspects you love about energy. This helps dispel ‘held’ interpretations that are discordant, and also affirms again that you are by far greater / phenomenon arises within you, not the other way around. 

 

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

Now thoughts about that compliment have come back. I can not cut them off. I really feel they are true. I was a loser and not enough of a man, and she took advantage and laugh of me. I only want to feel I am the same Love as the love/acceptedness I project to her. But I don't know how to do it. The fact she rejected me because of not being man enough and being weak-doubtful through the date (I only kissed her when we went home), makes me think is true. I am a loser, I am inferior to her, she is better than me. She is life and worthy to life, I am less than life and unworthy in an inherent way.

 

The belief is you feel discord because the thoughts are true. The discord felt is because the thoughts aren’t true.

 

That you are projecting love and acceptance in this incidence is a belief.  The projecting of this as about her or anyone else is the overlooking of that the thoughts / interpretation is felt as true.

 

That she rejected you is a projection of that you are rejecting the inherent guidance of yourself with respect to the interpretation(s). It feels discordant loud & clear, but this guidance is rejected. It really does boil down to do you want to feel as yourself, happiness, or be right in regard to the belief / interpretation. There might be some ‘deeper’ discord to be expressed, to empty. None of the justifications and rationalizes that follow a discordant belief feel any better. Most often, worse. They all point back to the original belief and the overlooked discord of it. 

 

Loser is a judgement which arises from the belief in separation. That it doesn’t resonate says something about you, about your nature, about truth. Continuing to believe that is sort of taking advantage of yourself. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself. 

 

There also seems to be a belief that if you don’t do more than kiss her you’re not ‘man enough’. The “one” which is not worthy to live, which is less than life etc isn’t ever actually present. When content is discordant, and this is just opinion… don’t continue listening to it. Repeated exposure can wreak havoc in terms of interpretations and the discord and alignment felt therein. Can take a while to untangle. Consciously affirm what does resonate, and utilize all resources. 

 

 

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

 

This is a nightmare. How do I fucking get out of this insane energy of inferiority and self unworthiness? Especially towards women. 

 

Please HELP

Let the energy paradigm go. Let conceptualization like inferiority and self unworthiness go. Express regular day to day emotions. Utilize all resources available to you. There isn’t something wrong which needs to be fixed. There are views, beliefs, interpretations ‘held’ which can be expressed to be emptied of, relinquished. Naturally the goodness you are fills in. 

 

https://community.actualityofbeing.com/forum/29-guests-new-members-suggested-methods/

I don’t mean to ‘link slap’ ya or anything here, it’s just easier than typing it all out. If you have any questions whatsoever please don’t hesitate! 

 

 

 

🤍

 

 

[Blessed2]

21 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

What if that is truth and I just have to accept that?

 

That's not possible.

 

The thought / interpretation feels like shit because it's not true. And it will not stop feeling like shit whatever you do. Everyone would experience the exact same suffering as you if they believed that thought.

 

Fear isn't a quality of a separate person. There is no more or less fearful people. Fear is how a thought feels, and everyone would feel the same about that thought.

 

That's the good news. You don't need to accept it. You're not supposed to. That's why it feels like total crap.

 

The ego is that which cannot accept the Truth, because it assumes it would be too good to be true.

 

The ego cannot accept the truth because the truth is so good. For the ego, someone always has to lose something. Someone has to sacrifice something. The ego just cannot fathom 100% good news.

 

Just like when you close your physical eyes and you see darkness (or to be more specific, darkness is the lack of seeing), this world, getting rejected by a girl, dark beings and dark energy, existential terror etc. is what you see when you close your eyes from 100% Good News. (Love).

 

If Love was light, what would you see when you closed your eyes?

 

To put more simply, you are innocent. You cannot not be innocent, even if you tried. YOU ARE INNOCENT! There is nothing wrong with you. There will never be anything wrong with you. There is nothing you need to do.

 

The world is already saved. Everything is already made right.

 

In Christian theology it is said that at some point in the future the world and all of us will be judged and all sins must be atoned.

 

But Christian theologians haven't been listening. What The Message really is, is that the judgement & atonement has already come and we have all been deemed innocent, worthy and perfect. The world has been saved.

 

There is only to open your eyes to that fact. Dark energy, dark beings and rejection is just the non-existent darkness that seems to appear when you don't.

 

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me
Ah, love was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams

Then I saw her face

 

 

 

[Blessed2]

22 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

The next days I started thinking about the second date. Then I realized, there was subtle anxiety, fear and doubtfulness through the whole date. This was the obscure energy I have inside and I was in it, subtly dominating me and not letting me being a man and feel loved. Of course she might have sensed that through the date and she lost the desire/wasn´t attracted to me. In fact through the whole date I displayed some people-pleasing / validation-seeking traits. Now it makes sense that she didn't felt attracted. Ok, I accept that. I wasn't able to be free of the dark energy, so that happened.

 

But what even tortures more is that I can remember now that at some points on the date, I gave her a compliment, and she found funny the way I complimented her. A word I used. In that moment I was not aware I felt that obscure energy again. But now contemplating about it, I did. In the same moment she laughed, I instantly inside felt she was laughing of me, making fun of me. I even said that to her, but not in a very emotional way, more like it was nothing. She replied saying something like "I laugh about everything, is my filosophy. "

 

On a more practical note .. Bruh, you are way overthinking. I've been there too. But... She didn't "sense your energy" etc. Sometimes it just doesn't click with people. Some other gal would have continued the dating. I'd suggest to drop the idea that there is something you did wrong, said wrong, thought wrong or felt wrong during the date. That's just not true.