Is this Normal for Men?

[Orb]

I notice if I abstain from masturbation for more than a day I start experiencing an aching sensation in the groin and become increasingly agitated and aggressive. 

 

There was a time that I stopped for 25 days and everyday there was crying or losing my shit or being pissed off all day. 

 

As a guy, am I gonna have to ejaculated everyday at least once to not get that agitated feeling? It becomes very difficult to deal with. 

 

It's kinda like having an empty stomach and becoming hangry,  but in the groin. 

 

Maybe having a regular sexual partner is the healthiest way to approach this? 

[Blessed2]

9 hours ago, Orb said:

I notice if I abstain from masturbation for more than a day I start experiencing an aching sensation in the groin and become increasingly agitated and aggressive. 

 

I don't experience that. Especially the pain sounds quite unusual.

 

 

Isn't the 'solution' simple though? Just masturbate every day!

 

 

What you describe here sounds very much like 'outside' manifestations of 'internal' judgements, discordant interprerations, shoulds and shouldn'ts etc. 🤔

 

Do you notice any judgements about masturbation?

[Orb]

@Blessed2 I don't experience any moral judgements about masturbation. Its just that those kinds of behaviors tend to be taken off the rails, there's no such thing as just masturbating once a day in this experience, it quickly becomes 9 times a day.

 

I know myself very well, this addiction has been going on since 12 years old (watching porn and jerking off 6-9 times a day). 

 

I've injured my penis from doing it so much lol, that's the level of dysfunction. 

 

It's much more preferable to not use porn or not masturbate, and just have sex with a partner, it's more intimate and connective. 

[Orb]

Also, it's noticed that the porn/masturbation habit is the source of a weakened willpower (weaker front brain activity). 

 

When there's no porn or masturbating its a lot easier to sustain newer habits and be more responsible.

[Phil]

@Orb

Self referential beliefs & interpretations innocently created in childhood based on experience might be coming up & out. When expressed such as with a journal and therapist, clarity & relief from the discordant self referential beliefs ensues. It makes more and more sense essentially that this happened and therefore I believed this about myself. 

 

Expression can be difficult as beliefs & interpretations, though felt as discordant, are believed to be true. Post expression, beliefs & interpretations are readily seen to not be true, and it’s clearly seen that is why they felt discordant. That the interpretations and beliefs were quite literally the discord felt. Sexuality / porn / masturbation are sometimes employed as coping mechanisms similar to using substances, thrill seeking, victim personifying, controlling and or state chasing. 

 

In short it’s seeking good feeling physical experiences / sensations, to offset the discord felt of beliefs or ideas about myself, to feel better about ‘who I am’… while ‘who I am’ is actually what’s sought in an outside of myself / from experiences manor all along, but only comes from within… hence the importance of expression. Expression is the allowing of what is within to come up & out, interpretations to change, and alignment to ensue, and ultimately the true nature to be uncovered. 

 

There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it whatsoever, but for clarity and lasting relief… consider expressing emotions instead of ‘beating up on yourself’ with  interpretations like ‘I become increasingly agitated and aggressive’, ‘crying or losing my shit or being pissed off all day’, and ‘get that agitated feeling’, and it becomes difficult to deal with’, as well as referring to this as an ‘addiction’, ‘dysfunction’, ‘irresponsibility’ and ‘weak willpower’. These are all discordant self referential guilt-laced beliefs. Instead, recognize what emotion is felt presently as this acknowledges that there is discord / suffering, and that there is guidance, and that the beliefs aren’t true about you. This is allowing truth into the situation… and that’s what’s actually wanted. 

[Orb]

@Phil thank you, just some thoughts that were believed 🙂.

[Phil]

@Orb

Agitation is an interesting word. It means a state of anxiety or nervous excitement, and or the action of briskly stirring or disturbing something. The opposite is calmness & relaxation. Much like the analogy of stirred water being muddy and still water being clear.

 

Op wise, I would take the ‘become’ out of it. I’d also try to notice the activity is being said to be a way to avoid agitation. Avoiding doesn’t address why agitation is arising. Doesn’t ‘get to the root’. Avoiding anxiety, nervousness, agitation, or what is disturbing… not ‘getting to the root’, tends to be the perpetuation of it. There’s truth to ‘what you resist persists’. Wether inspecting directly or with assistance therapeutically I’d inspect more, peeling away layers of conceptualization like agitation, losing my shit and pissed off, and expressing more deeply as it were. 

 

In the same way I’d also question the notion that having a regular sexual partner is a healthy way to approach this. It’s very close to thinking they would be the solution, which isn’t quite the same as inspecting & seeing there is already no problem, and can make for a co-dependent and tumultuous relationship, as opposed to calm, relaxed & enjoyable. 

[Mandy]

On 8/6/2023 at 6:55 PM, Orb said:

Maybe having a regular sexual partner is the healthiest way to approach this? 

Partners will only heighten the momentum you got going. If you look at a woman as a means through which to resolve your sexual discomfort, that's going to repel rather than attract. If you want to share what's already going great, that's incredibly attractive. 

[Orb]

@Mandy that's a good point, i didnt notice that desire was coming from a place of need or lack. Thank you for pointing that out. 🙂 

 

@Phil thanks for sharing that, i find sitting down and letting the discord come out for a few minutes helps. I notice things are so much more peaceful when there isn't any resistance to the changing textures of sensation. It's just letting everything be what it is already. 

Edited August 8, 2023 by Orb
Clarifying the communication

[spiritual dreams]

@Orb Try unblocking your sacral chakra. The pain in the groin and agitation is because energy builds up and has nowhere to go. A part of you is scared of this energy and wants to get rid of it, and the best way is by using porn. To heal yourself, you have to heal the repressed sexuality and also the part of you that is repressing it.