Jealousy and frustration

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl Is it about the music itself or how the music is received? or both? Experienced recently how having others appreciate your creative work really seems to help it flow and expand out in so many way, yet that popularity can also be focused on in the form of expectations and demands, and narrowing ones efforts to try to please an audience and deliver on what you're "known for". 😬 It's both the easiest it will ever be and the hardest it will ever be to start out. Either you have no expectations and demands because you're unknown or you have appreciation flowing from all directions because you are known. That's the beauty of the moment, that's the beauty of what's meant by no self, you already have those best of both worlds. The manifestation will always be some unbalanced reflection, like red absorbs all colors wavelengths bur rejects red, if we look for the appearance, the "thing" the light lands on, we always see imbalance, but if we know ourselves as the light, we're always free of the dilemma. 

 

Sometimes I take my dog out for a walk in miserable weather and I laugh because he stays right by me instead of running circles around me like normal, and he kinda shirks from the rain, but is so dutiful, and looks to me, as if he's out there for me as a loyal companion, but I'm only out there for him. We trick ourselves into doing things for ourselves or others, doing something for others or doing something for some future result as a way to sort of accidently stumble on alignment. Again there's really no dilemma, for me or for others. If I'm in the woods thinking it's fun and all I see is the rain contradicting the fun, I'm not aligned. If I'm braving the rain for my dog's happiness, my focus is his happiness, and I'm aligned. But you can go straight to alignment. Alignment needs no reason. I don't know who I'm writing this for anymore, just like the rainy hikes in the woods with my dog. 😂

 

 

[Kevin]

20 hours ago, Phil said:

The ‘hands’ seem to be self (awareness, consciousness) and the separate self of thought (‘for me’).  It (the separate self of thought) goes on until inspected & noticed. Noticed, ‘it’ fizzles out in being seen clearly as experience / experiential (appearing thoughts and not a self).

 

Seen clearly the sep self never happened (as ‘it’ is - and not was - thoughts). The thought, ‘it hasn’t been that easy for me for a while’ feels off not because it’s true, but because the thought isn’t about you. 

 

As a concession, self is feeling emotions, such as overwhelment, jealousy and frustration. 

But as to a self which is overwhelmed, sad or discouraged… check direct experience. 

That (second) self is not actual or present, and thus the discord of thoughts about it / that it is actual or present, are felt. 

This is being, being called ‘sad’ or ‘sadness’. It feels off because being is not. 

I really resonate with what you’re saying. I’m currently experiencing a lot of suffering. I experience thoughts around how it’s not normal that I feel this much suffering. Lots of stuff coming up relating to being back in my hometown and lots of material coming up around seeing my parents.

 

It’s more clear that this isn’t happening to a Kevin character but still the overall tone of experience has been very painful. I’m feeling very raw and sensitive and I just want to hide. But at the same time I crave connection. Quite a predicament. 
 

That’s how I’m feeling. From the heart. I’m hoping that this is a part of the process and not an issue of me being mentally weak. As I write that I see the error. But still this is the direction thought has been going lately.

[Kevin]

3 hours ago, Devin said:

It's super easy for a type of people to find others to hook up, I don't mean attractive It's more subculture, and you're not in it, for a good reason in my opinion, it's low quality living in my eyes, if you're like me the girl you would want to be with wouldn't be in that and she wouldn't want you if you were.

 

I've never felt spending time with those types of women was of any value to me.

 

Do you, have fun, work on what you want to do, you have the rest of your life to be confined to a marriage. It's probably just social pressure you're feeling. And Women are easy.

Yeah definitely social pressure but also loneliness.  I think I would feel better if I was with someone. The hooking up thing is probably misguided though. 

[Phil]

52 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I really resonate with what you’re saying. I’m currently experiencing a lot of suffering. I experience thoughts around how it’s not normal that I feel this much suffering. Lots of stuff coming up relating to being back in my hometown and lots of material coming up around seeing my parents.

 

It’s more clear that this isn’t happening to a Kevin character but still the overall tone of experience has been very painful. I’m feeling very raw and sensitive and I just want to hide. But at the same time I crave connection. Quite a predicament. 
 

That’s how I’m feeling. From the heart. I’m hoping that this is a part of the process and not an issue of me being mentally weak. As I write that I see the error. But still this is the direction thought has been going lately.

The suffering = the second self. The one who is said to be experiencing the suffering. That is the suffering. The process, the hope… that’s a seeking of better experience. There’s already no one there judging this experience. The end of suffering is that there already isn’t anyone there suffering. The solution is that there’s already no problem. There might be an experience of a predicament, but there’s no one in it. No one it’s happening to. No seer who see’s an error. No one in error. This is the Good news. 🙂

[Kevin]

31 minutes ago, Phil said:

The suffering = the second self. The one who is said to be experiencing the suffering. That is the suffering. The process, the hope… that’s a seeking of better experience. There’s already no one there judging this experience. The end of suffering is that there already isn’t anyone there suffering. The solution is that there’s already no problem. There might be an experience of a predicament, but there’s no one in it. No one it’s happening to. No seer who see’s an error. No one in error. This is the Good news.

 

 

I guess allowing that to be seen is the only thing left. 

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Devin said:

Normal friends should help in that department, it's also easier to meet women through friends.

Yeah I’m working on that too.

[Phil]

7 hours ago, Kevin said:

I guess allowing that to be seen is the only thing left. 

I would say allowing that to be felt is the only thing left. 

But then it isn’t really a thing and is already felt. 

 

[WhiteOwl]

21 hours ago, Mandy said:

Is it about the music itself or how the music is received? or both?

How the music will be received. I enjoy making it but sometimes doubt it afterwards or become unsure if people will enjoy it. I know some people do like it for sure though. Is not doubting it and finding a feeling of confidence how it will be received great for manifesting it in my experience? Seems very "easy" that its just about that compared to hard work/skill etc. Then it also doesn't matter what product i make, if i am just completely sure how it well be welcomed. 

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl It's not a "if I do this, I get this", deal. It's a feel good to feel good, now, and that's enough, lets see what happens, no idea where this is going, but I'm thrilled to be on the adventure, kinda attitude. 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Devin said:

Even loneliness is usually just social pressure. Not that it isn't hard, I just want you to know it isn't something wrong with you, it's just society in general.

 

Not that friends and girlfriends aren't nice, but they fill no real need, the relief felt is just satisfying that social pressure, joy is always with you, it actually is you, we just get distracted and let it get covered up.

Yeah that really resonates. A lot of the pressure is from thinking I should be with people because that is what everyone else is doing