Jealousy and frustration

[Kevin]

So I’m feeling huge amounts of jealousy and frustration. It seems like it’s super easy for girls to find people to hook up with. But for some reason it seems very hard for me. I’m honestly feeling super sad and discouraged about it.

 

I’m not sure why it’s affecting me so much right now but I haven’t felt this sad in a long time.

[Phil]

What specifically is hard about finding people to hook up with? 

The opposite(s) will be the easy way. 

Don’t forget to include the for me as well. 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

What specifically is hard about finding people to hook up with? 
 

It’s hard because I believe I’m not outgoing enough. It’s hard because it’s just harder for men. Logically I know that’s not true because I know guys who hook up with a lot of girls. However for me it seems true.

It’s hard because I’m shy.

It’s hard because I’m afraid of expressing my sexuality.

It’s hard because I believe in order to attract girls I need to be thinking positive thoughts and I need to be happy. So often when I’m not thinking positive thoughts I feel lots of pressure to change my thinking because girls won’t like me if I’m being negative. (Logically that doesn’t make sense though because lots of girls are with negative and toxic guys. Hell some even stay in relationships with guys who hit them. I would never do that but I think I’m the one putting the pressure on being positive.)

2 hours ago, Phil said:

The opposite(s) will be the easy way. 
 

I’m not sure what you mean in the above sentence.

2 hours ago, Phil said:

Don’t forget to include the for me as well. 

I guess all of the problems above are for me.

[Phil]

@Kevin

It’s easy because you’re outgoing enough.

It’s easy because it’s just easier for men.

It’s easy because you’re bold & confident.

It’s east because you’re not afraid to express your sexuality.

It’s easy because you don’t need to think any certain way.

It’s easy because there’s no me. 

It’s easy because there is no one I need to be and nothing I need to do or have to be happiness. 

[Mandy]

@Kevin So you just wanna hook up with any girl?

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

It’s easy because you’re outgoing enough.

It’s easy because it’s just easier for men.

It’s easy because you’re bold & confident.

It’s east because you’re not afraid to express your sexuality.

It’s easy because you don’t need to think any certain way.

It’s easy because there’s no me. 

It’s easy because there is no one I need to be and nothing I need to do or have to be happiness. 

I don’t know man, on the one hand I can see that it could be that easy but on the other hand it hasn’t been that easy for me for a while.

I feel very overwhelmed.

[Kevin]

32 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin So you just wanna hook up with any girl?

Not any girl. I am feeling pretty desperate though. I love the feeling of connection when I’m with a woman who I like and who likes me. Doing things with her, laying in bed with her, etc.

It’s been a while since I experienced that and I really miss it.

 

Bigger picture I want to find a woman who I can spend my life with but I feel like that’s asking a lot right now if I can’t even meet a girl who wants to hook up with me.

[Phil]

31 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I don’t know man, on the one hand I can see that it could be that easy but on the other hand it hasn’t been that easy for me for a while.

I feel very overwhelmed.

It is that easy, and then the story about a self in time whom it isn’t easy for arises. The sadness might be grief, in letting the story die. Often there is an ever deeper sorrow underlying, and then relief & clarity, laughter and love. And then a girl just shows up. 

[Mandy]

49 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Not any girl. I am feeling pretty desperate though. I love the feeling of connection when I’m with a woman who I like and who likes me. Doing things with her, laying in bed with her, etc.

It’s been a while since I experienced that and I really miss it.

 

Bigger picture I want to find a woman who I can spend my life with but I feel like that’s asking a lot right now if I can’t even meet a girl who wants to hook up with me.

Not judging or implying, honestly asking, does the woman who you want to spend you life with hook up with guys casually? 

[Kevin]

33 minutes ago, Phil said:

It is that easy, and then the story about a self in time whom it isn’t easy for arises. The sadness might be grief, in letting the story die. Often there is an ever deeper sorrow underlying, and then relief & clarity, laughter and love. 

Yeah that’s really the crux of it. And there is clearly huge attachment to the self in time story otherwise I’d just drop it. I think I’m unable to drop it even though it’s clearly causing me a lot of pain.

[Kevin]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Not judging or implying, honestly asking, does the woman who you want to spend you life with hook up with guys casually? 

Idk I hadn’t thought about it. I guess I would prefer that they hadn’t casually hooked up with guys. Although I think that’s hard to avoid. It seems like almost every girl I know sleeps around.

 

Honestly I am just feeling very lonely today and it’s really getting me down much more than usual.

[Mandy]

@Kevin If I'm out metal detecting, is it required that I find 30 1995 pennies in some random place before I find my antique silver coin at a historical site? Or does the metal detector just beep when there's metal? 

[Kevin]

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin If I'm out metal detecting, is it required that I find 30 1995 pennies in some random place before I find my antique silver coin at a historical site? Or does the metal detector just beep when there's metal? 

That’s a good point. I think the hooking up with girls thing is really a self worth issue. I don’t feel attractive and the idea behind this is that if I hook up with enough girls or a hot enough girl then I’ll be attractive. Logically I can see that’s the same thing as thinking “I’ll be happy when I make a million dollars”. I can see that one is not gonna work because money has never really had a hold of me psychologically.

 

I guess I’ve felt insecure for a long time around whether or not I’m attractive and worthy of a partner. And I remember when my first girlfriend broke up with me in high school it was proof of that. And so I guess I’m just chasing validation.

Edited July 5, 2023 by Kevin
Adding a missing word

[Mandy]

22 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Idk I hadn’t thought about it. I guess I would prefer that they hadn’t casually hooked up with guys. Although I think that’s hard to avoid. It seems like almost every girl I know sleeps around.

When we define what we want and stop doubting it, it appears. Otherwise it's vibrationally unavailable, by that I mean we plain old don't see it or recognize it. Stop metal detecting the same old place everyone else is, stop digging up 1995 pennies because people say pennies are lucky, and look where no one else has thought to. 

 

You're plenty attractive but you aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea and women don't even care about how attractive you are. No one cares. Just because a painting is really beautiful doesn't mean I want to buy it frame it, and put it on my wall. It means something far more than that, it's symbolic, it's spiritual, it's emotional, it's vibrational. I can't explain why or why not. Attractive is not an inherent quality "things" have, it's attraction, it's a verb, it's always attraction vibrational law of attraction not inherent attraction possessed by objects. Let people have their weird and inexplicable likes and dislikes. Let yourself. Let women overlook you because they are also looking for 1995 pennies and have com passion for it, you been there too.  Just because people say pennies are lucky, doesn't mean you'll feel that way when you find one more.

[Kevin]

26 minutes ago, Mandy said:

When we define what we want and stop doubting it, it appears. Otherwise it's vibrationally unavailable, by that I mean we plain old don't see it or recognize it. Stop metal detecting the same old place everyone else is, stop digging up 1995 pennies because people say pennies are lucky, and look where no one else has thought to. 

 

You're plenty attractive but you aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea and women don't even care about how attractive you are. No one cares. Just because a painting is really beautiful doesn't mean I want to buy it frame it, and put it on my wall. It means something far more than that, it's symbolic, it's spiritual, it's emotional, it's vibrational.  Attractive is not an inherent quality "things" have, it's attraction, it's a verb, it's always attraction vibrational law of attraction not inherent attraction possessed by objects. Let people have their weird and inexplicable likes and dislikes. Let yourself. Let women overlook you because they are also looking for 1995 pennies and have com passion for it, you been there too.  Just because people say pennies are lucky, doesn't mean you'll feel that way when you find one more. Again, not judging if that's what makes you light up, find more pennies. 

Thanks yeah your saying a lot of good stuff here.

What I’m hearing is that I gotta get more specific about what I actually want. That makes sense to me. I was feeling very sad earlier and there was a lot of feeling like I need that relationship. Wanting that relationship feels a lot more aligned.

[Mandy]

@Kevin ❤️

 

My kid gets really upset sometimes when she's hungry and asks for food, acts like she's gonna die without food but can't specify what kind of food she wants because she's so distraught she doesn't have it and needs it, so I can't get her anything. The Universe is like your waiter, you have to tell it what you want or you get nothin. 😂 Not even that you have to, you GET TO! 

[Kevin]

11 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin ❤️

 

My kid gets really upset sometimes when she's hungry and asks for food, acts like she's gonna die without food but can't specify what kind of food she wants because she's so distraught she doesn't have it and needs it, so I can't get her anything. The Universe is like your waiter, you have to tell it what you want or you get nothin. 😂 Not even that you have to, you GET TO! 

Definitely, thanks Mandy.

[Phil]

15 hours ago, Kevin said:

I don’t know man, on the one hand I can see that it could be that easy but on the other hand it hasn’t been that easy for me for a while.

I feel very overwhelmed.

The ‘hands’ seem to be self (awareness, consciousness) and the separate self of thought (‘for me’).  It (the separate self of thought) goes on until inspected & noticed. Noticed, ‘it’ fizzles out in being seen clearly as experience / experiential (appearing thoughts and not a self).

 

Seen clearly the sep self never happened (as ‘it’ is - and not was - thoughts). The thought, ‘it hasn’t been that easy for me for a while’ feels off not because it’s true, but because the thought isn’t about you. 

 

21 hours ago, Kevin said:

So I’m feeling huge amounts of jealousy and frustration. It seems like it’s super easy for girls to find people to hook up with. But for some reason it seems very hard for me. I’m honestly feeling super sad and discouraged about it.

 

I’m not sure why it’s affecting me so much right now but I haven’t felt this sad in a long time.

As a concession, self is feeling emotions, such as overwhelment, jealousy and frustration. 

But as to a self which is overwhelmed, sad or discouraged… check direct experience. 

That (second) self is not actual or present, and thus the discord of thoughts about it / that it is actual or present, are felt. 

This is being, being called ‘sad’ or ‘sadness’. It feels off because being is not. 

[WhiteOwl]

22 hours ago, Mandy said:

When we define what we want and stop doubting it, it appears.

What about doubting the work/projects you do. Will they also slow down due to that. Will loving my own music (in my case, could be anything) and trusting it make it possible for it to be a success? Is that "necessary"? I notice i something doubt what i create a lot, and then not a lot happens. Maybe if i really started loving it.

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl Focus on what feels good to you, doesn't matter the subject. Phil said something here recently that totally hit it out of the park, something along the lines of  "don't aim to love the things or people, love the thoughts". Love the way the thoughts feel. There are also some tools you can use to realign your thoughts on a subject, if it feels good to use them. But if you're getting too much resistance about the subject, choose easier ones then come back to it when there's less resistance. I started recently appreciating three things about the day, anything, whatever I want, before I go to bed every night. Highly recommend it. It sets the tone for waking up, ties the day up with a bow and magic ensues. 😊