Expression

[noomii]

Last night I dreamt I was being attacked by a bear 😂 I stood by a swing and it ran towards me. First I thought I could climb up on top of the swing but I felt too weak. 

I thought I'm just going to face it, I was aware it was a dream when the bear suddenly looked like a big teddy bear. 

Then it attacked and crushed me with it's weight and I was mindful of how it felt. I wished I would wake up. I didn't die and later the bear was going to do something with me, I don't remember what. I seemed to forget that it was a teddy bear or that it was a dream.

Then later on from what I remember I think I turned out to be a non verbal disabled kid. Then I met my uncle, and I was not sure if he recognized me.

 

[noomii]

I have felt so much nausea lately, I really need to change my diet again.

 

I only ate one small meal yesterday, felt a lot of nausea while eating and then later right after I did the emotional scale stomach acid came up in my mouth.

 

I don't think I can eat any fruits right now, at least not banana, orange, apples or dates. 

 

I think I'm going to do an anti-fungal diet, but I feel discouragement about it. From my experience it only worked while I was on it and it feels very challenging to exclude so much food from my diet.

I get really confused by people's different opinions about what I should do to heal.

 

If I just follow what feels good for me then it seems like anti-fungal diet is the closest to what fits me? 

 

I have been tempted to do the medical medium cleanse but I feel a lot of resistance about that.

[noomii]

I don't think I'm going on a diet.

I'm going to let go of the rules, tune into feeling and eat intuitively.

 

I thought about making a list of foods that feel good that I can eat but honestly most food feel off or nauseous, I don't feel drawn to any food that I have in mind.

 

First meal today I ate some meat with tomato sauce, mushrooms and carrots, broccoli, haricot verts, khol rabi, avocado.

Khol rabi and avocado felt okay but I didn't feel drawn to it. Rest of it I felt nausea by. Meat felt heavy and I felt disgusted by it.

 

Second meal I ate one brazil nut, one apple, a lot of dates and a little bit of carrots, broccoli, haricot verts. 

Brazil nut felt ok but not drawn to it.

Apple felt nausea. Dates felt better than apple but then I felt pain from eating too much. The rest of the veggies I felt nausea.

 

Not sure where to go from here. I think I'm going to pinterest or youtube for inspiration maybe.

 

 

Edited April 1 by noomii

[noomii]

I don't feel like using the emotional scale anymore. It just feels like a burden everyday. It feels much easier to just acknowledge and allow emotions as they appear.

I don't really understand fully why using the emotional scale is better than that, or if it is.

Either way I don't seem to be feeling better no matter what I do.

 

I feel kind of desperate wanting help. I don't know what to write, I just feel so much worry. 

I want to spend more time questioning thoughts but I feel so much worry and want to relax. I don't want work and effort.

I don't know what to do.

It feels difficult to even write on here because of feeling a lot of worry, breathing shallow and really not thinking clearly. Then I sit and ground myself over and over like now but that doesn't work.

[Mandy]

The subject of "how I feel", or "how I feel not how I want to feel" is not a subject that you want to focus on too long. Choose an easier subject. Often you'll find that they connect and there are metaphors, symbolism, when you're feeling better because you forgot to think about how you were feeling and just felt better. Let the cork float. Find an easy random subject and write about it. 

 

 

[noomii]

On 4/2/2024 at 7:59 PM, Mandy said:

The subject of "how I feel", or "how I feel not how I want to feel" is not a subject that you want to focus on too long. Choose an easier subject. Often you'll find that they connect and there are metaphors, symbolism, when you're feeling better because you forgot to think about how you were feeling and just felt better. Let the cork float. Find an easy random subject and write about it. 

 

 

Thanks! @Mandy 

[noomii]

I had my first meeting since january today with my psychologist. 

I have repeated the same things and he asked the same things. 

I'm not sure if I want to see him but I don't know what to do if I wouldn't.

 

I have had the worst period pain ever today, I felt so incredibly exhausted and didn't have appetite for dinner. 

I feel so incredibly isolated and misunderstood by people around me. I feel really stuck here and that things are not working for me. 

Seems kind of obvious that I need to relax and let go but it just doesn't work. 

 

I have also thought that my adrenals are stressed out from chelation, so I thought that's maybe why I feel the way I do and that I need to support them more.