Phil Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 The references to sleep are… My sleep. Lack of sleep. I wanted to sleep. I go to sleep. I’m not able to sleep. I don’t get much sleep. I crave sleeping. I fall asleep. I didn’t sleep. 21 minutes ago, noomii said: No. What comes to mind is that falling asleep maybe is like a surrender to your true nature? In noting there is no actual experience of sleep… Can it also be noticed there is no actual experience of the one to whom sleep belongs (my sleep)… The one who knows there is a ‘lack of sleep’. The one who ‘wants sleep’. The one who ‘goes to’, ‘sleep’. The one who is not able to sleep. The one who doesn’t get much sleep. The one who craves sleeping. The one who falls alseep. The one who didn’t sleep. These are thoughts (about another self, and about sleep) - yes? Is that one present now, in accordance with direct experience? Can that one be pointed to? What if it is these thoughts which feel off, feel discordant? And emotions are felt? And guidance is felt? About these thoughts, about sleep, and a second self…? For example…. The thought / belief in lack feels off… because in truth I am abundance. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 4, 2023 Author Share Posted December 4, 2023 On 12/1/2023 at 11:28 PM, Phil said: Jaw tension is ‘keeping the mouth closed’ when there is resentment held, and anger & revenge unexpressed. Do you mean express just for myself by journaling or emotional scale, or express it verbally when it's experienced in a conflict with someone else? I believe it's not a good idea to express how I feel to my parents specifically. On 12/1/2023 at 11:28 PM, Phil said: Anxiety is the other-than acknowledging emotions (like anger & resentment) & expressing (and releasing tension & conditioning therein). Resentment is not an emotion right? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 11 minutes ago, noomii said: Do you mean express just for myself by journaling or emotional scale, or express it verbally when it's experienced in a conflict with someone else? I believe it's not a good idea to express how I feel to my parents specifically. Resentment is not an emotion right? Yes, exactly, resentment is not an emotion. Resentment is a concept. Introspectively… When the concept or thought of resentment arises… the emotion ____________ is felt. I’m in total agreeance that it is not about sleep, and there is no sleep, and in spite of how paradoxical it might sound…. The key to a better night’s sleep…. Is reconciling the resentment. Reconciling as in allowing it so process emotionally. Processing as in allowing transmutation, which is a discordant ‘subject matter’… becoming a very aligned feeling and liberating insight, or simply, unfettering clarity. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 4, 2023 Author Share Posted December 4, 2023 I've had a high-grade fever and fatigue since friday, today I feel a bit better but I've felt tired. Third time I've had a fever in a month. I've been coughing until I vomit this morning. 😂 I met a doctor today and he prescribed me a cough medicine which is the same one that my dad have given me at home, that didn't even work, the doctor still gave it as it's the only one for this kind of cough apparently. I'm struggling a lot with anger, irritation and revenge about my parents. We have had so many small unnecessary conflicts this weekend. I have felt like saying the worst things to them. I want them to be wrong and I want to be right. Before last weekend I think I've been pretty good at acknowledging anger and irritation and I've been sitting in the same room as them more often when I eat and I have felt more ease when talking to them. I think this fever and lack of sleep threw me out of alignment so that's probably what made me more careless and reactive. Same for them it seems because of their fever. Or maybe it's just easy to blame fever and lack of sleep. I experience so much resistance about letting this go without getting to point out everything they do wrong. Forgiving might make me look as the one who did everything wrong. I hate that it seems like it's just me that have to change who I am and that they get to continue behaving how they want. I have already said sorry to my mom once for saying shit to her but that didn't really change much. Tomorrow is my birthday too, wow how well prepared I am with all of this resentment! 😂 I hope I can let go of this before tomorrow because if I hang onto this I might ruin the day for myself. I really just want to feel relaxed and good tomorrow. I think I'm going through the emotional scale before bed. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 A fever is the body’s naturally empowering response in terms of immunity. What works for the body in terms of immunity doesn’t necessarily work for the lens. Ideally, the lens & body are aligned, on the same page. In reading between the lines, more empowerment is whats really wanted. Not sleep issues, tension and resentment. But empowerment can’t be got. It’s not at a store to be bought. No person can give it to you. Empowerment is not a thing, and therefore can’t be lacking in any way. Empowerment is an emotion. It’s higher on the scale than contentment. Contentment is the natural ‘result’ of unfettering, of expressing all of the emotion below, contentment. 50 minutes ago, noomii said: I'm struggling a lot with anger, irritation and revenge about my parents. We have had so many small unnecessary conflicts this weekend. The “struggle”… is only that of “knowing the emotions anger, irritation and revenge are bad”. Emotion is guidance. Emotion is not “good and or bad”, “right and or wrong”. That horseshit is of this world. Emotional guidance is not of this world. 1 hour ago, noomii said: Do you mean express just for myself by journaling or emotional scale, or express it verbally when it's experienced in a conflict with someone else? Just for alignment, for well-being. Not for a myself and not for separate selves. Just for alignment, for well-being. 50 minutes ago, noomii said: I have felt like saying the worst things to them. I want them to be wrong and I want to be right. But is holding that resentment and or being right worth the sleep issues, anxiety and tension? Is it beginning to be seen how you’re creating these? 50 minutes ago, noomii said: Before last weekend I think I've been pretty good at acknowledging anger and irritation and I've been sitting in the same room as them more often when I eat and I have felt more ease when talking to them. I think this fever and lack of sleep threw me out of alignment so that's probably what made me more careless and reactive. Same for them it seems because of their fever. Or maybe it's just easy to blame fever and lack of sleep. It sounds like the fever and belief in lack are bringing about more alignment, communication & clarity. Blame is also an emotion. Fever & lack of sleep aren’t actual “things”. Emotion is guidance for thoughts, not things. Fault is just the concept, fault. There’s guidance for that thought. 50 minutes ago, noomii said: I experience so much resistance about letting this go without getting to point out everything they do wrong. Forgiving might make me look as the one who did everything wrong. I hate that it seems like it's just me that have to change who I am and that they get to continue behaving how they want. I have already said sorry to my mom once for saying shit to her but that didn't really change much. Instead of believing you can change yourself (and other can to)… keep listening to the guidance and dispelling these beliefs. Trust in the guidance - not your mind or thoughts. 50 minutes ago, noomii said: Tomorrow is my birthday too, wow how well prepared I am with all of this resentment! 😂 I hope I can let go of this before tomorrow because if I hang onto this I might ruin the day for myself. I really just want to feel relaxed and good tomorrow. I think I'm going through the emotional scale before bed. Well happy “birthday”! 🙂 Resentment isn’t a thing as well. So you don’t have it. It’s just a concept that feels a certain limiting way. Resentment really means “no thank you guidance, you’re wrong, I’m right, go fuck yourself”. 😆 There is no tomorrow. There is only the concept. Feeling isn’t in a concept. Feeling is feeling… concepts… right now. More expression = less tension, anxiety & sleep issues (no more struggle) More guidance allowed + more communication = less resentment (no more conflict). An amazing thing happens when one listens to the guidance… those around them start to wonder… what is this magic by which you’re feeling so damn good… by which things seem to suddenly be working out for you… by which you’re feeling so inspired and empowered!? And then you’ll find yourself in my shoes. (So to speak! 😅) Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 9, 2023 Author Share Posted December 9, 2023 On 12/4/2023 at 8:27 PM, Phil said: The references to sleep are… My sleep. Lack of sleep. I wanted to sleep. I go to sleep. I’m not able to sleep. I don’t get much sleep. I crave sleeping. I fall asleep. I didn’t sleep. In noting there is no actual experience of sleep… Can it also be noticed there is no actual experience of the one to whom sleep belongs (my sleep)… The one who knows there is a ‘lack of sleep’. The one who ‘wants sleep’. The one who ‘goes to’, ‘sleep’. The one who is not able to sleep. The one who doesn’t get much sleep. The one who craves sleeping. The one who falls alseep. The one who didn’t sleep. These are thoughts (about another self, and about sleep) - yes? Is that one present now, in accordance with direct experience? Can that one be pointed to? What if it is these thoughts which feel off, feel discordant? And emotions are felt? And guidance is felt? About these thoughts, about sleep, and a second self…? For example…. The thought / belief in lack feels off… because in truth I am abundance. Yes it makes sense that it's just the thoughts about sleep that feel off. I feel maybe worry or overwhelment thinking I have a lot to do and that it's too much to sit down and try to point to a seperate self, so I haven't tried that. I have slept two nights this week without interrupting it. I didn't even go to the toilet for bladder issues at night, I felt like I needed to pee in the morning but I was able to fall asleep again. I think I slept almost 9 hours but I felt like I could've slept one extra hour because I felt so tired when waking up. I also don't feel as much pain in my ears during night and I don't cough as much. On 12/4/2023 at 9:44 PM, Phil said: A fever is the body’s naturally empowering response in terms of immunity. What works for the body in terms of immunity doesn’t necessarily work for the lens. Ideally, the lens & body are aligned, on the same page. In reading between the lines, more empowerment is whats really wanted. Not sleep issues, tension and resentment. But empowerment can’t be got. It’s not at a store to be bought. No person can give it to you. Empowerment is not a thing, and therefore can’t be lacking in any way. Empowerment is an emotion. It’s higher on the scale than contentment. Contentment is the natural ‘result’ of unfettering, of expressing all of the emotion below, contentment. Empowerment have been on my dream board for a while. On 12/4/2023 at 9:44 PM, Phil said: Well happy “birthday”! 🙂 Thanks 🙂 On 12/4/2023 at 9:44 PM, Phil said: But is holding that resentment and or being right worth the sleep issues, anxiety and tension? Is it beginning to be seen how you’re creating these? I thought worry and fear impacted sleep, anxiety and tension the most, not anger etc. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted December 9, 2023 Share Posted December 9, 2023 10 minutes ago, noomii said: I have slept two nights this week without interrupting it. I didn't even go to the toilet for bladder issues at night, I felt like I needed to pee in the morning but I was able to fall asleep again. I think I slept almost 9 hours but I felt like I could've slept one extra hour because I felt so tired when waking up. I also don't feel as much pain in my ears during night and I don't cough as much. That’s really great to hear! 10 minutes ago, noomii said: I thought worry and fear impacted sleep, anxiety and tension the most, not anger etc It does seem like it initially, but it’s really a matter of holding or letting go of conditions. 16 minutes ago, noomii said: I have a lot to do and that it's too much to sit down and try to point to a seperate self, so I haven't tried that It’s more of an effortless noticing than a doing. 17 minutes ago, noomii said: I feel maybe worry or overwhelment It’s great imo to acknowledge the emotions actually experienced, just like that. Though it might not ‘click’ quite yet, noticing self referential thoughts is the same as acknowledging emotions experienced. Both approaches or framings are one & the same; holding conditions, or letting conditions go. It’s most worthwhile and a lot like the fate of Augustus, Violet, Veruca & Mike as compared to Charlie, floating, breaking through the ‘glass ceiling’ & receiving the entire factory. “I’m worried” / “I’m overwhelmed” is quite conditional in comparison to “I feel or am experiencing - worry or overwhelment”. The former is on behalf of a separate self, and isn’t per se acknowledging or actually feeling emotions. The latter is acknowledging and actually feeling the emotions & receiving the guidance therein. Acknowledging emotions & noticing self referential thoughts is a lot like the plot of The Karate Kid movie. How Daniel washes all Mr. Miyagi’s cars and paints his fence in the specific ‘wax on, wax off’ manor. Seem ridiculous to Daniel at first, but when it clicks, oh boy does it, and it’s (imo) most worthwhile, revealing a confidence & not-of-this-world guidance that was previously unimaginable. 1 hour ago, noomii said: Empowerment have been on my dream board for a while. Consider if it’s held as a (self referential) condition, such as I am, am not, or possibly will be in the future - empowered… as compared to empowerment being an emotion which can be readily experienced now / anytime, just like worry, fear, anger or overwhelment. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 10, 2023 Author Share Posted December 10, 2023 On 12/9/2023 at 6:30 PM, Phil said: Though it might not ‘click’ quite yet, noticing self referential thoughts is the same as acknowledging emotions experienced. Both approaches or framings are one & the same; holding conditions, or letting conditions go. It’s most worthwhile and a lot like the fate of Augustus, Violet, Veruca & Mike as compared to Charlie, floating, breaking through the ‘glass ceiling’ & receiving the entire factory. Is noticing a thought or focusing on perception just as effective in letting go as noticing an emotion? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 10, 2023 Author Share Posted December 10, 2023 I have a meeting with my job coach next wednesday and I feel so much worry about what I expect myself to do until then. I've been encouraged to start study but it's not even possible for me with cognitive issues and not being able to read much. But it's been like that for three years already. I hope it changes sometime. Through this unemployment program I'm in, they offer to support me with money while I study, for one year. Education is mostly free where I live and you get supported with a small amount of money while you study but usually it's not enough. In my case they are offering me double that money, which is like $800 every month. If I would just choose to work now, then I would probably not get that opportunity later when I want to study. I don't know what I want to study anyways. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted December 10, 2023 Share Posted December 10, 2023 30 minutes ago, noomii said: Is noticing a thought or focusing on perception just as effective in letting go as noticing an emotion? They’re one & the same. Some thoughts feel discordant, and the discord felt is sometimes believed to have a cause. (A belief). Emotion refers to how the thought presently feels, and is insightful as to why the thought feels that way. (Guidance). Insightful as in revealing of the truth or true nature, and in regard to attracting of what’s wanted, or consciously creating. (Alignment). Sometimes another thought arises as to why an emotion is felt - when emotion is overlooked or suppressed. (Justification) That thought is often a self referential thought. A thought about a self, which isn’t you. A ‘second self’. (The ‘separate self of thought’). In this way a deciphering happens, between the conditioned false idea of self, and actual present self. (Awakening). Withdrawing focus from discordant thoughts & focusing on perception and or sensation is relief from the discord felt of the thought(s). (Self-love). It’s also ‘mindfulness’ & ‘being present’. The false self is never present, in accordance with thought, it’s always in or related to a past or future. (Conditioning / The ego). The true self (not that there are actually two selves) is always present, is presence, and is never in or related to a past or future. (Unconditional). It’s like the kids that tour the chocolate factory and the expressions of conditioning or ego. Augustus’ is gluttony or greed. Violet’s is comparative thinking, always needing to be better or the best. Veruca’s is entitlement, nothing’s ever enough for her. Mike’s is obsession, at the expense of real life experience. The kids are all portrayed as ignoring the guidance and this leading to their demise. Except for Charlie. Charlie doesn’t suppress his natural curiosity, honesty or integrity, and very much welcomes and listens to the guidance. When he finds the ticket, rather than keeping it to himself he shares it with his family. When Mr. Slugworth makes him an offer, Charlie returns the Gobstopper to Willy Wonka. Charlie remains humble throughout the entire movie, and the alignment leads to him to quite literally floating, breaking through a glass ceiling, earning the trust and respect of Willy Wonka, and inheriting the entire chocolate factory, or as Jesus said ‘the kingdom’. 1 hour ago, noomii said: I've been encouraged to start study but it's not even possible for me with cognitive issues and not being able to read much. But it's been like that for three years already. I hope it changes sometime. Through this unemployment program I'm in, they offer to support me with money while I study, for one year. Education is mostly free where I live and you get supported with a small amount of money while you study but usually it's not enough. In my case they are offering me double that money, which is like $800 every month. If I would just choose to work now, then I would probably not get that opportunity later when I want to study. I don't know what I want to study anyways. In letting it go, the lens clears, or is emptied, and insights can then arise in that empty space. This is always the case, as sure as Willy Wonka could walk just fine and the cane and sluggishness were an act. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 11, 2023 Author Share Posted December 11, 2023 16 hours ago, Phil said: They’re one & the same. Some thoughts feel discordant, and the discord felt is sometimes believed to have a cause. (A belief). Emotion refers to how the thought presently feels, and is insightful as to why the thought feels that way. (Guidance). Insightful as in revealing of the truth or true nature, and in regard to attracting of what’s wanted, or consciously creating. (Alignment). Sometimes another thought arises as to why an emotion is felt - when emotion is overlooked or suppressed. (Justification) That thought is often a self referential thought. A thought about a self, which isn’t you. A ‘second self’. (The ‘separate self of thought’). In this way a deciphering happens, between the conditioned false idea of self, and actual present self. (Awakening). Withdrawing focus from discordant thoughts & focusing on perception and or sensation is relief from the discord felt of the thought(s). (Self-love). It’s also ‘mindfulness’ & ‘being present’. The false self is never present, in accordance with thought, it’s always in or related to a past or future. (Conditioning / The ego). The true self (not that there are actually two selves) is always present, is presence, and is never in or related to a past or future. (Unconditional). It’s like the kids that tour the chocolate factory and the expressions of conditioning or ego. Augustus’ is gluttony or greed. Violet’s is comparative thinking, always needing to be better or the best. Veruca’s is entitlement, nothing’s ever enough for her. Mike’s is obsession, at the expense of real life experience. The kids are all portrayed as ignoring the guidance and this leading to their demise. Except for Charlie. Charlie doesn’t suppress his natural curiosity, honesty or integrity, and very much welcomes and listens to the guidance. When he finds the ticket, rather than keeping it to himself he shares it with his family. When Mr. Slugworth makes him an offer, Charlie returns the Gobstopper to Willy Mother F’ing Wonka. Charlie remains humble throughout the entire movie, and the alignment leads to him to quite literally floating, breaking through a glass ceiling, earning the trust and respect of Willy Mother F’ing Wonka, and inheriting the entire chocolate factory, or as Jesus said ‘the kingdom’. In letting it go, the lens clears, or is emptied, and insights can then arise in that empty space. This is always the case, as sure as Willy Mother F’ing Wonka could walk just fine and the cane and sluggishness were an act. To receive the insight or guidence from emotion, is it necessary to acknowledge how emotion feel or do you receive the same kind of emotional insight or guidence when you just focus on perception or sensation? Thanks for explaining the movie, I've seen both of them but it was many years ago so I barely remember anything of them 😂 I think I feel guilt when you reply much more than I've asked for. I don't want to take your help for granted at all, or even waste your time. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 31 minutes ago, noomii said: To receive the insight or guidence from emotion, is it necessary to acknowledge how emotion feel or do you receive the same kind of emotional insight or guidence when you just focus on perception or sensation? Awareness is aware thoughts, perception & sensation. Emotion is how interpretations (thoughts) of perception & sensation feel. Some interpretations include a “second self”. ‘How emotions feel’ is a conceptualizing of emotion (of guidance). Anger feels like… anger. Jealousy feels like… jealousy. Empowerment feels like… empowerment. Etc. The guidance of emotion is for thoughts, interpretations… and is not for a self which is separate of, the guidance. Such a self doesn’t exist. 31 minutes ago, noomii said: Thanks for explaining the movie, I've seen both of them but it was many years ago so I barely remember anything of them 😂 I think I feel guilt when you reply much more than I've asked for. I don't want to take your help for granted at all, or even waste your time. Well don’t. It’s pure joy. 🙂 The guidance might be unworthiness. The ‘self’ referential thought might be ‘I think I feel’. It’s a very, very sneaky situation. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 19, 2023 Author Share Posted December 19, 2023 Thanks. Sorry for not replying earlier. On 12/11/2023 at 2:47 PM, Phil said: Well don’t. It’s pure joy. 🙂 The guidance might be unworthiness. The ‘self’ referential thought might be ‘I think I feel’. It’s a very, very sneaky situation. Yeah I think it was unworthiness felt. There's sometimes thoughts saying people don't actually want to help me and that I want too much attention and help. "I think I feel" - sneaky because there's no seperate self and no thinker who feels? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 19, 2023 Author Share Posted December 19, 2023 I remember dreaming last night that someone or something slit my throat open, so that what was inside started coming out and I tried to hold it back with my hand and asked for help from the people I was with, but I don't think I got a response. Seemed real and it felt very weird with the throat's insides coming out and I felt worry. I have a vague memory that I was physically hurt or sick in some other way too and that I was with a doctor. The throat is probably related to a recent situation with my parents where I felt irritation or anger. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted December 19, 2023 Share Posted December 19, 2023 5 minutes ago, noomii said: "I think I feel" - sneaky because there's no seperate self and no thinker who feels? Yes, and no knower which knows this. 🙂 It’s because you’re dreaming (being) that it’s assumed you’re inside the dream. The only ‘thing’ which can’t be in a dream is of course, the dreamer. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 19, 2023 Author Share Posted December 19, 2023 I feel worry, sometimes overwhelment, about what I need to get done for next week. Apply for jobs. Look for new homes. Make a call. Prepare for meeting next week. Prepare food for Christmas eve. Clean. Prepare for a 4-day Burn new years celebration. It will be amazing 🙂 I will manage it, it just doesn't feel good at all and I'm extremely ineffective with so much discord and tension. I've not been so good with noticing emotions the last couple of days because I've been sitting all day ordering stuff online. Kind of letting the worry eat me alive. 🙂 I think I need to be more disciplined now with acknowledging any emotion or thought that comes up while I focus on these tasks. I have also ordered Holy Basil that comes next week that I've heard lots of good things about. I want to let go of all these thoughts about obligatons on christmas eve and around new year. It would also be great if I could get a lot of the things done before friday when my sister and her family comes. I think what I will focus on tonight is writing down a list of priorities and choose one thing to get done tonight. 🙂 I have also started to listen to affirmations now daily. This channel is great. https://youtube.com/@Ilivethelifeilove?si=b174lmWHkGkS59Fa Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 25, 2023 Author Share Posted December 25, 2023 I feel dissapointment about the lack of sleep this past week, especially for yesterday and today when I expected myself to feel good for christmas. I guess it's the thoughts about sleep that have felt bad, but it also seem like the lack of sleep caused the way I feel too. I have felt so incredibly stressed this week about things I need to get done, it has taken hours to fall asleep and I wake up too early because the body is so restless. I have done both breathwork & meditation everyday. I've been mindful and taking a lot of slow deep breaths during the day, but I've still felt incredibly stressed. Hopefully it will feel easier today, as I feel a bit calmer right now. I experienced a very intense dream last night. It seemed like I was completely trapped with no control. The visuals were really strange, no idea what it was, seemed like a human later. Felt a bit similiar to when friends have been over my body tickling me and not letting me go even though it's so painful I want to cry 😬 but it also felt like knifes on the sides of my ribcage. And when I resisted and tried to get away it felt like the knifes were pushing deeper into the body. Maybe not the same pain as a knife though. Then I realized there's no way out of this, I have to surrender. Then a man started raping me and I think I thought I just have to get along with it and pretend to like it, to not make the pain worse. At one point when I didn't resist I think I even liked it, lol. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 27, 2023 Author Share Posted December 27, 2023 (edited) I feel so much fucking anger, revenge and irritation about what my dad says to me. In these moments I don't want to talk to him anymore, he's soon 70 so it's not much time left. When I'm forgiving and compassionate I feel worry almost everyday about my parents dying, like my mother have already had cancer once. Or just the other day feeling worry and praying that my dad and sister will be safe in the traffic. I will leave tomorrow anyways for some time so that's a relief. Edited December 27, 2023 by noomii Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted December 27, 2023 Author Share Posted December 27, 2023 I don't really get the attachment to family and worry about them dying, I wouldn't even want to be in contact with anyone in my family if we were not "family" Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted January 1 Author Share Posted January 1 I feel so tired becasue I haven't slept much at all, maybe two hours. Felt a lot of ups and downs at this burn. Soooo much abundance of everything really. Feeling connected and disconnected. I received a massage TWICE from a massage therapist for like half an hour. Kind of unbelieveble to me how someone actually WANTS to freely massage me for so long. I felt sooo tense by the shoulders and she just hit the perfect spots. I feel maybe guilt or disappointment about how I binged on ketamine. I don't even like how it makes me feel but wanted to suppress how I felt. I cuddled with a couple that I felt safe with, but felt worry and noticed how my visuals of the people I looked at got scary. I observed emotions and thoughts and it passed eventually. Most times when using ketamine I've been pretty unresponsible and careless. I just want to see that I don't need drugs to feel happy and content, when I'm with people who is using. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.