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Why do some people bother me


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I have one friend, she is an ESTJ, and for some reason I get very anxious when I am supposed to meet her - like can’t fall asleep the night before and really regret making plans with her. 
 

I am INFJ myself and she seems too aggressive/too much all over the place for me. Kind of “win win win no matter what” mentality which overwhelms me. It also annoys me how she complains that she is tired and can’t go to the gym more than twice a week, even though she only has work (I have work and studying going and I still manage to go to the gym 5+ times a week). It also annoys me how organized she is and how she sends me pictures of her meal preps all the time. 
 

Does anyone else experience being so anxious around certain people? 

Edited by Rose
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Don't compete and compare or just watch the thoughts that attempt to do that, and you'll feel much more at ease. She's triggering those thoughts. It's not her, it's a good thing. What you want isn't to be the most fit, most motivated, or the best mason jar salad prepper, you just want the liberation of being who you is. Friends are meant to be fun and inspiring and to expand your world. I'd kinda love to have someone to kick my ass a bit and inspire me to meal prep, lol. It isn't fun or inspiring when you're thinking that it's one more thing you need to do to be "ok", rather than something you'd like to do, or something you're just not interested in doing. If your friendships suck, it's a good sign you aren't being very friendly to yourself in your thoughts. 

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@Mandy but I already feel overwhelmed, and when she talks about meal prepping I feel like there is one more thing I have to do that I don’t have time/energy for

 

She also likes to give unsolicited advice and tell me how I could improve my life. Like she told me the clock is ticking and I should try harder to find someone.. I know the clock is ticking and I am already stressed out about that, I don’t need someone else to poke at it…

 

But I guess I know what you mean, it only bothers me because I am already bothered.. But then there are also toxic people who could make anyone feel bad.. and then there’s personalities - INFJ and ESTJ are different like night and day.. Where is the truth.. how can I know it’s her and not me..

 

The point is, that I am bothered, and that is not something I can fix overnight, and her poking at it makes things worse.. so maybe for the time I am just not in a good place for those kind of people 

Edited by Rose
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2 hours ago, Rose said:

Is it that ESTJs are pure evil and no wonder I am feeling off with her? 

no.. for fuck sake. How do you want to feel towards her ideealy if you had one fucking shot in life feel anything? like you do right now? NO!. Change your fucking mind. Stop all the excuses. Stab your heart with all your proudness and feel better forever after that

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58 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

no.. for fuck sake. How do you want to feel towards her ideealy if you had one fucking shot in life feel anything? like you do right now? NO!. Change your fucking mind. Stop all the excuses. Stab your heart with all your proudness and feel better forever after that

I was very obviously joking, you need to chill

Edited by Rose
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15 hours ago, Rose said:

@Mandy but I already feel overwhelmed, and when she talks about meal prepping I feel like there is one more thing I have to do that I don’t have time/energy for

overwhelm is an emotion, deal with the discordant thoughts, don't think it's her causing them. 

15 hours ago, Rose said:

I am already stressed out about that, I don’t need someone else to poke at it…

 

But I guess I know what you mean, it only bothers me because I am already bothered..

Put feeling first, before thinking why people are the way they are. It will not resolve, you won't find the answer and the discord stays discord. 

15 hours ago, Rose said:

But then there are also toxic people who could make anyone feel bad.. and then there’s personalities - INFJ and ESTJ are different like night and day.. Where is the truth.. how can I know it’s her and not me..

 

The point is, that I am bothered, and that is not something I can fix overnight, and her poking at it makes things worse.. so maybe for the time I am just not in a good place for those kind of people 

That's the thought loops that keep the discord in place. When you set the tone for how you want to feel, and you really put that above everything else no one can sway you. 

 

Why not talk with her about the overwhelm if it comes up?

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