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The Unfoldment of Light


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The natural way is the best way. Simply sitting among the chirping birds and the sounds of cars and the sunlight shining on the leaves in the morning. 


Thought is the creator of the universe, when it quiets down there is Nothing whatsoever. 


There isn't any story, but thought makes it seem like there is. Thought creates linear narratives that create a sense of direction, also known as thought-movement. The thought-movement becomes more turbulent as beliefs are held onto, then thought identifies with the turbulence and becomes what is known as the "seeker". Like a hurricane that becomes turbulent and believes if it collect more rainwater/clouds it will finally dissipate. 


When I touched down into the Nothingness and came back to the surface, I see the nothingness in the somethingness. I see the empty narratives of thought aren't actually referring to anything, and are self contained. 


This is total freedom, thought can write any story, thought is God's pencil. 


I am infinite love, I love to Love. ❤️

Bless all people around the world, in every planet, in every atom.❤️

May people who are restless find some kind of comfort whether it be through drugs or meditation. ❤️

God Bless Being! ❤️


Although these words are empty and point to nothing, I know my infinitude now 😌 ♾️


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The healing is all in the body. All that's needed is adherence to the practice. 


Stretching seems to be the most effective for this bodymind. 


Any practice that allows the body to release emotional energy, thoughts, and tensions in body/mind is an effective one. 


Old beliefs and tensions can still arise. 


I find being in silence sitting on my couch looking out the window works best also combined with stretching once each day. 


Also, less caffeine will help a lot in releasing tension. I enjoy drinking espressos, but the side effects on the body can be felt. I think only drinking matcha or green tea will be a good step.


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I was at a church event today, it was humbling to see suffering in action. 


So many people lost in their own stories, so much tension in their bodies. I think I felt deep compassion got the first time, felt like a transmuted form of Sadness, like if sadness was emptied out and filled with Love. 


Day by day thought quiets down more. 


It is so clear that the present moment is completely unknown, nothingness. 


Thought can appear and there is an illusion of substance.


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The beauty, the gates have opened up into the vibrational realm. 


The world of vibration is a world of nothing. 


A wisdom beyond language has unveiled itself, the open secrets of the universe are being screamed out loud for eternity, but no one listens. 


In the sounds of cars passing by, humans human-ing, birds chirping, sun coming up and down, there it is, the open secret. The open wisdom for no one to know about. 


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Similarly to what Thich Naht Hanh has said, emotional energies are like storms, staying present and focusing on deep breathing is like staying rooted in the ground during the storm. 


Emotional energies cannot be solved by thought, they cannot be figured out. 


Emotional energies resolve themselves when they are met with calm and focus on breath. 


If fear comes up and there is fear of the feeling of fear, then the fear is perpetuated. 


If anger comes up and there is anger due to the presence of the anger energy, then anger is perpetuated. 


Responding with calmness and focus on deep breathing into the stomach allows the emotional energies to fully express themselves and walk out the door.


Emotions come up to be expressed, but thought can mirror the emotion felt (being afraid of the emotion of fear, being angry that there's anger, thinking pessimistically about feeling pessimimism). 


The only "solution" with emotional energy is calmness.


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Tried Kratom again after 1.5 months. 


It doesn't get me high anymore. What a Great Disappointment 🙂


After taking kratom and not getting high on it, I am sure without a doubt that happiness is already what I am. And when it's believed that X will produce happiness, it all falls flat on it face. 


The next subject is women, let's untangle that 😂.


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Today is the 3rd day of taking kratom. I really hoped this time that I'd feel something, that relief would be felt. 


Yet it's the same exact thing again, the effects are felt but there's no real relief or pleasure in it anymore. 


Today Meditation has been unfolding. First thing in the morning meditation for 20 minutes and for the rest of the day meditation for 20 minutes whenever emotional energies come up to come out. 


It's fascinating to watch the old pattern come up, the pattern of using substances as a form of aversion. Yet this time it's completely lifeless, like the pattern has 20 bullet holes in it and its just barely limping, playing itself out even though it's just about dead. 


The numbness of the body is felt from the kratom, yet it is clear that this isn't "the way". 


Feeling is "the way", not numbing. Numbing behaviors are now lifeless. Theyve played themselves out long enough. 


For the next 2 days I won't have work, the "plan" is to just take L-Theanine, stretch, and Feel, and Walk, and Be In Nature. 


Nature is what the heart longs for, the heart is nature. 


Nature itself is so healing and soothing, it's the raw/spontaneous creativity of source, it is Source. 


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I am Fullness, I am Complete. 


In that knowing the body has calmed down significantly, it operates naturally and perfectly. The beliefs "Im not enough, this moment isn't enough, there's something missing, etc." are like sicknesses that enter the body and immune response turns on. Most people are living with the immune responses always on which is stressful. 


No matter what I can sit down and just feel into the body and know I'm Wholeness. 


When I close my eyes and milk the feeling that can best be described as "I have it already, Peace is already here.", the wholeness gets more and more all-encompassing. 


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God keeps letting me slip and fall but still God loves me unconditionally. 


I feel overwhelmed and afraid. The growner ups don't take me seriously, the younger ones either give me too much credit or hurt my feelings. 


I'm so scared, I feel like crying and breaking down. It takes so much to be a grown up. So much courage. 


I'm behind on so much stuff. I don't know why I'm still alive or why God helps me so much. 


God loves me unconditionally.

Everything's okay. 

God loves me no matter what. 


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Do I want to keep on living? Do I really wanna do this? Do I wanna go on? 


It's like this is all some fucked up joke. All the methods I've tried and I don't have the strength to follow up with them. I just drop them after playing with them a little bit. 


I want it all to die. 


The fear to die, the shame to die, the guilt, the laziness, the worthlessness. 


At work I am super quiet, my throat closes up during meetings, I feel afraid. 

I feel bored with all the work I do in my job. 


And for my other career I don't do much either. I'm not doing as much as I could be. 


What if I'm not destined to be happy? 


What if my destiny is to end it all? 


That seems to be where it's all going to. 


My room is messy, I have bills stacked up that I haven't paid. 


My desk is messy, my hampers full of dirty clothes. 


How do I get the courage to end it all? 


I don't want to leave my little brother behind traumatized or anyone else who will feel sad. 


I feel so useless and childish. 


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