The Unfoldment of Light

[Orb]

I want to find a practice that Jumpstarts positivity in the early morning. Meditation stabilizes me more, but it doesn't get me charged up or excited. 

 

I wanna ride my bike in the morning until my legs are sore. 

 

I wanna get my heart pumping, I wanna feel more alive. 

[Phil]

@Orb

When ideation occurs - immediately stop using the forum -  and contact a hotline. 

Immediately doesn’t mean after typing / expressing about ideation on the forum, it means prior to, as in immediately when there is the experience of the thoughts. 

 

 

[Orb]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Orb

When ideation occurs - immediately stop using the forum -  and contact a hotline. 

Immediately doesn’t mean after typing / expressing about ideation on the forum, it means prior to, as in immediately when there is the experience of the thoughts. 

 

 

I understand that. But I'm not feeling suicidal anymore. The next time it cones up I'll call a hotline. 

[Orb]

I'm gonna take a break from here, I need a few days to recalibrate.

[Phil]

@Orb

Thank you 🙏 

[Isagi Yoichi]

@Orb

 

you can try shadow work most of the suicidal thoughts comes from the shadow.

 

seeing your comments it's clear you are having conflict with yourself so shadow work is essential.

[Orb]

@Omar Osama thanks, thats essentially whats been unfolding. 

[Isagi Yoichi]

@Orb I found this amazing video 

 

 

 

[Orb]

Today has been more chill. Started the day off with some quick journaling. 

 

Been letting go of resistance. 

 

Also, feeling tension in the throat area.

[Orb]

Meditation has allowed for a significant amount of relief. 

 

I will stick to this one habit for a month and see what happens. It's great!

[Orb]

Now there's a flustered feeling. 

 

I want to distract from being with this feeling. But there's no choice to feel this. 

 

Thoughts that come up are "what am I supposed to do with all this time?" 

 

I've already played videogames, had some substances, meditated for 30 mins. Now what? 

 

Perhaps dying to this moment is best. Simply putting my head down.

[Orb]

Been unpacking several beliefs, like over 20 of them. Went for a walk and felt an emptying out going on. 

 

Noticed how clear the I Am sense is, it's felt in the head and spinal area. Like right where the spine meets the brain. 

 

There's a sense of an entity in there being in the center of experience, it is the experiencer. 

 

There was focus on that I Am sense. 

 

Now the eyes feel dry and irritated, headache is coming up. 

 

The I Am sense is sneaky.

[Orb]

The healing is occurring! Woohoo!!!!!!!

[Orb]

It's slow but obvious.

 

Yesterday started the day off with journaling, then went on to fuck around and feel sad/suicidal. 

 

Today Meditated and journaled and went for a walk! 

 

And there was some turbulent feelings coming up and I started an impulsive thread in the emptying section but I journaled in my notebook and it calmed down more. 

 

I can say that today for the first time in a while I haven't had a full freak out day! 

[Blessed2]

@Orb See if this is any helpful! For me it works wonders. 

 

 

[Orb]

5 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

@Orb See if this is any helpful! For me it works wonders. 

 

 

Thanks for the suggestion. 

 

Maybe I'll do that when I'm writing.

[Orb]

Started the day off great!!

 

Woke up, made some "Zen" green tea from Tazo, took a lower dose of kratom, and went for a walk while sipping on the green tea. 

 

Walking in the morning is a great way to get momentum going in terms of creativity, energy, and inspiration.

[Orb]

Noticed that all it takes is one step, no matter how small. 

 

When you're in a rut and all seems lost, just taking 10-20 mins to journal is all it takes. The the next day more inspiration arises, then the next day more and more and so on.

[Orb]

I also noticed that a particular "sticky" thought stopped arising for a while and It didn't even occur to me until this morning lol. 

[Orb]

Was sitting in church group last night and during self inquiry it became clear that there isn't any self to find or let go of. So the thought activity to find what is behind perception watching everything stopped.

 

"Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

 

-Jesus