The Unfoldment of Light

[Orb]

I look in the mirror and feel powerless. I don't groom myself regularly, it's overwhelming to brush my teeth, shower, and shave.

[Phil]

Great example of a ‘sneaky’ thought which can be let go simply based on how it feels. 

It’s not anything but the discord of the thoughts that one wants to be free of. 

Letting go of a discordant thought = maturity and is not an effort or a doing.

[Orb]

Tried to do nothing all day but I only feel the same pain, this pain is fucking unbearable. I see so many people thriving who I know have never felt this, this is a curse. I looked at my kitchen knives and though about slitting my wrists with one. It's a stupid way to go out but what the hell am I gonna do?

[Phil]

Powerlessness is the emotional guidance to the thought.

How powerlessness feels is both why one lets the thought go, and also lets you know about yourself, about your nature in how the thought / thinkin feels. 

[Phil]

3 minutes ago, Orb said:

Tried to do nothing all day but I only feel the same pain, this pain is fucking unbearable. I see so many people thriving who I know have never felt this, this is a curse. I looked at my kitchen knives and thought about slitting my wrists with one. It's a stupid way to go out but what the hell am I gonna do?

NOT “do nothing”… let thoughts go. (Not a doing). 

 

Great example of another ‘sneaky’ thought. Pain localized. Occurs in a specific area of the body.

Suffering is how not letting discordant thoughts go feels. 

Happiness is readily available now, and nothing need be done to feel happiness, as letting discordant thoughts go is an effortless non-doing.

 

Jealousy is also an emotion, which is guidance. 

The acknowledgement of the emotion, is the relief. 

As in, it’s not about other people… it’s only ‘between you & You’. Listen to You.

 

 

Immediately google suicide prevention and call. Don’t think about it, call now. They can help. It’s what they are trained to do and are passionate about. 

Don’t make rash decisions. The discord will pass. 

[Phil]

You’re doing great, You are thriving. You did some dumb stuff and you have to ‘clean up your mess’.

Guess what?

Everyone does.

Don’t paint a worldview from a low mood!

 

[Phil]

7 minutes ago, Orb said:

it's overwhelming to brush my teeth, shower, and shave.

Overwhelment is an emotion. Acknowledge it. 

It’s not about you, it’s about the thoughts, the outlook, the view. 

You do not know what the future brings. You are not a fortune teller. 

God loves you unconditionally and has great things in store for you.

You are powerful beyond measure, beyond thinking. 

Let go of discordant thoughts and you will be filled with yourself; goodness, innocence, creativity, love.

Don’t give up. 

When life hits you hard, you get up. 

This is how you realize what you’re made of. 

 

[Orb]

@Phil much love for you as always man 💙. 

 

i tried going cold turkey and i feel like shit. I think im gonna take a low dose of my chosen susbtance and use the emotional scale.

[Phil]

Be easier on yourself.

 

Let discordant thoughts go for a month, and you will see the inclination for the substances will naturally fall away.

 

 

[Phil]

The love isn’t for me, it’s you. 

Most important is to recognize Yourself.

 

Nothing I’m saying feels good.

You = the good feeling, the goodness, the love. 

[Phil]

2 minutes ago, Orb said:

i feel like shit

Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

[Orb]

I don't know how to live like this anymore. I feel alone, I can't be myself. I have to go to church and my mom always wants me to go to church and she's the lead pastors assistant so all the people know me. 

 

I'm so tired of being preached to, I'm so tired of my mom telling me stupid Bible shit and I have to pretend to agree with it. I wake up in the morning and my throat feels closed off because I can't honestly express myself. This is a huge reason behind why I wanna kill myself.

[Orb]

And then if I say anything they try to gaslight me. I hate humans, they're so fucking stupid. 

 

If there's a god he's a dumbass.

[Orb]

Okay, I gotta get it together. 

 

Come on Orb, you can do this! 

 

Don't quit! 

 

I'm not gonna give up! 

 

Even if I'm crawling I can learn to walk again! 

[Faith]

@Orb Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  

 

* From a suicide attempt survivor 09'

[Orb]

1 minute ago, Faith said:

@Orb Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  

 

* From a suicide attempt survivor 09'

Oh man I'm glad you're still here even though I barely know you lol 💙💙. 

 

It really is, when everything feels unstable though it's easier to think that it's gonna be like that forever so why evem try. 

[Faith]

@Orb Suicidal ideation can be the fever for depression signaling you need help, now. I'd heed the warning. 💙

 

I tried, but too late and from the wrong doctor (pcp) when I needed psychiatric help. I had one last stressor and got pushed over the edge. Seek help now and stop thinking you can do this yourself. That's my advice. 

[Orb]

@Faith I spoke to my therapist and he said that I should take medication but that scares me 😦

[Faith]

@Orb Sometimes you need to be willing to do what scares you to get better.

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Orb said:

it's gonna be like that forever so why evem try. 

That boredom feels better than pessimism is a most practical (potentially life changing) wisdom. 

 

I also second therapy and calling a suicide hotline. I would call right now and talk with them, I wouldn’t think about it or wait.