Orb Posted April 13, 2023 Author Share Posted April 13, 2023 Phew! Everything is better now! Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 13, 2023 Author Share Posted April 13, 2023 Today has been fucking great! In my heart all is well no matter what, still learning from sensational guidance, I ate a little too much food at once and am experiencing a dip in my energy levels, thus triggering a desire for kratom. I will have a small dose of kratom today. But I got some work done and have been feeling pretty good! Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 Right now I'm feeling crappy. It's most likely the result of the substances and foods I ate yesterday, now today feels like a hangover. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 I'm feeling unstable again. Suicidal thoughts coming up. How do I end this misery? Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 14, 2023 Share Posted April 14, 2023 Call a suicide hotline for ideation, don’t wait, call now. Two cents… receive the message. It’s not about life & death, no need to spiral / spider web / beat yourself to misery. It’s about allowing the receiving of the message. Going for a walk is ideal. The forward movement is ideal. It’ll pass. Express, let it out. It slays results in clarity. Transmutation happens. It’s beautiful. You’re the Beauty that Is. Transmutation is most worthwhile. In accordance with desires, reality is changing. It can get rough as hell, for sure. It’s worth it, absolutely. Infinite love for you here brother! Allow, allow, allow!! Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 @Phil thank you, I feel better, I took some kratom again but a lower dose too. I went for a bike ride on my way to get kratom and forgot how great riding my bike feels. I'm thinking starting next Monday with just riding my bike and replacing kratom w that. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 14, 2023 Author Share Posted April 14, 2023 I'm feeling inspired to start a youtube channel. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 I don't think this career is for me, I wake up and feel so overwhelmed with all the work and obligations I have I wanna die. I am not cut out for the common world. Most people naturally have work ethic, they don't even question it, they have no idea how it feels to experience a life without work ethic. I want to kill myself so bad, it's either that or I run away and let life take care of me however it will. This all feels fake, feels like bullshit, feels like I'm just making spiritual rationalizations to pursue money and wealth and greed. This isn't working, none of this is working. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 Its not just beliefs, the moment I open up the mls or start working I feel sad, I feel like I'm living a fake life, I feel like I am not in alignment with my destiny. Too many people know about my career, seems like I'm in too deep, I just wanna run away from it all. I hate this, I hate the world of business and marketing, I hate the way things are right now. I can't live like this anymore, I feel like killing myself or screaming at the top of my lungs at the absurdity of business and having to produce paper to stay alive. This is all fake. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 I don't see any other route, so many times I feel better then I get back to this point. This life is all fake, Ive been lying to myself. I don't want to work or do any of this bullshit, I want to be in alignment with truth and remain there. I don't care about the stupid American dream that gets implanted into our minds. Im considering running away, letting go of debts and obligations, cancelling all my subscriptions, giving away all my belongings, and leaving. Im not fucking around anymore, I feel the truth building up in my heart, I feel the courage to say unapologetically "I AM FREE, I AM COMPLETE, I AM FEARLESS!!". When I try to live the generic life I take drugs to numb the emptiness of it all. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 Today I don't wanna do any of my work, my room is a mess. I just wish to eat, watch YouTube, jerk off, etc. I am done being a fraud, Im done living a bullshit life. I gotta find the courage to tell my mom I'm done with everything and that I want to leave and go somewhere else, I don't care if I die on the streets or if an animal eats me, anythings better than feeling dead inside and constantly convincing myself that its all worth it. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 @Orb 20 minute drive on my way to work. Skype? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 @Phil unfortunately I'm home with my mom so I'm unable to but thank you for the offer 🙏. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 Car? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 I don't have a car currently. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 @Orb What if it's not an "either/or"? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 @Orb 😬 sorry. If a a parachute day is what is in order, enjoy it! Allow that first. Don’t make decisions when you are not at your best. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted April 17, 2023 Author Share Posted April 17, 2023 3 minutes ago, Mandy said: @Orb What if it's not an "either/or"? I don't see any other option. 1 minute ago, Phil said: @Orb 😬 sorry. If a a parachute day is what is in order, enjoy it! Allow that first. Don’t make decisions when you are not at your best. It's okay, I will try to enjoy it. Quote Mention ♾️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 Just now, Orb said: I don't see any other option. truly, enjoy the parachute day and you will. Just now, Orb said: It's okay, I will try to enjoy it. Allow. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted April 17, 2023 Share Posted April 17, 2023 5 minutes ago, Orb said: I don't see any other option. What if it's not "go total minimalist monk mode" OR play the money American dream game. What if it's always just THIS, and some curiosity, and the fun of cocreation, working with fun people and aligned LOA reciprocity? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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