fopylo Posted December 30, 2022 Share Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) I can't keep suppressing myself and my emotions when I'm with others. I can't keep hiding all my life. Sometimes I wish I was a different person, with a better functioning brain. Sometimes I wish I was born to a better family, a more loving one. I always feel relieved from the troubles and stress from the outside world when I'm alone in my room, getting to feel a bit my inside world. It happens so rare, I just strive for those moments of piece. Can't stop feeling like I'm being tested, without revealing the correct answers eventually, never truly resting at the top. Speaking from the heart clears the mind. Much harder when you think you need something, or try to avoid. OCD, I'm becoming very mental. Feeling protected, got used to that fear, but not really. I can't relate to all those great people, who innocently live and know nothing more outside of themselves. I'm jealous of them. Can't keep ruminating and hating. Falling into darkness, creating a fire, just to realize it is my shadow. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but everyday I've been on YouTube 24/7, or just doing nothing. I say I have ambitions and goals I want to achieve. I also like to think I'm on my way, but God is laughing. I'm waiting for the perfect moment to start. I'm waiting for never. My life in essence hasn't changed much for the last few years. I need a big change in my emotional stability. I need help. It is hard to love, very hard. And I don't mean to really love. I'm talking about the love you all simple normies know how to do, that I find it more difficult. When people are starting to talk nice, I quickly shut down and bring up the highest technology of protection possible. I want to know what it is to be free. I want to know how it is to be me. No one even knows I'm struggling. I'm just too good at that. My struggles are private. But really, I just can't keep living like this. I must start doing more exercise and eat healthy. I must probably meditate or some shit like that. I'm just too stressed. Fucking hell man, honestly I'm way too anxious about people more than the average person, more than the average person who claims he is socially anxious. I can claim that I never truly felt relieved around friends and family after like age 10. I know there is a world way beyond my understanding, and I might get to remember it sometime. Just save me from this current life. I want to be a normal functioning human being, that is living his dreams. They are starting to slip away, and I'm starting to feel it. I can't keep living like this, I should be the hero. Spiritually I'm the hero, but mentally I'm the villain. Edited December 30, 2022 by fopylo Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenity Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 42 minutes ago, fopylo said: I can't keep suppressing myself and my emotions when I'm with others. I can't keep hiding all my life. Sometimes I wish I was a different person, with a better functioning brain. Sometimes I wish I was born to a better family, a more loving one. I always feel relieved from the troubles and stress from the outside world when I'm alone in my room, getting to feel a bit my inside world. It happens so rare, I just strive for those moments of piece. Can't stop feeling like I'm being tested, without revealing the correct answers eventually, never truly resting at the top. Speaking from the heart clears the mind. Much harder when you think you need something, or try to avoid. OCD, I'm becoming very mental. Feeling protected, got used to that fear, but not really. I can't relate to all those great people, who innocently live and know nothing more outside of themselves. I'm jealous of them. Can't keep ruminating and hating. Falling into darkness, creating a fire, just to realize it is my shadow. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but everyday I've been on YouTube 24/7, or just doing nothing. I say I have ambitions and goals I want to achieve. I also like to think I'm on my way, but God is laughing. I'm waiting for the perfect moment to start. I'm waiting for never. My life in essence hasn't changed much for the last few years. I need a big change in my emotional stability. I need help. It is hard to love, very hard. And I don't mean to really love. I'm talking about the love you all simple normies know how to do, that I find it more difficult. When people are starting to talk nice, I quickly shut down and bring up the highest technology of protection possible. I want to know what it is to be free. I want to know how it is to be me. No one even knows I'm struggling. I'm just too good at that. My struggles are private. But really, I just can't keep living like this. I must start doing more exercise and eat healthy. I must probably meditate or some shit like that. I'm just too stressed. Fucking hell man, honestly I'm way too anxious about people more than the average person, more than the average person who claims he is socially anxious. I can claim that I never truly felt relieved around friends and family after like age 10. I know there is a world way beyond my understanding, and I might get to remember it sometime. Just save me from this current life. I want to be a normal functioning human being, that is living his dreams. They are starting to slip away, and I'm starting to feel it. I can't keep living like this, I should be the hero. Spiritually I'm the hero, but mentally I'm the villain. Someone is releasing, expressing and moving toward something new. 😀 I feel good vicariously through you, and you inspire me to do the same. 🤍 Quote Mention “Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted December 31, 2022 Author Share Posted December 31, 2022 @Serenity I'm glad I somehow made you feel better Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loop Posted December 31, 2022 Share Posted December 31, 2022 Fucking God always laughing, why can he just let me cry sometimes 😭 But He is just laughing at the thoughts, trying to dispel them. Who ever told you to start thinking about Spirituality? No one needs to learn, Just A Child’s Heart. Just the psychic world, Neither really spiritual, Or mental. Two polarities both go to Love. Each shoulder, Lowered into the Above. Allow the pain, Allow the joy, But most of all love the Unborn Boy. Quote Mention Ten thousand tears, One Belly Laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fopylo Posted December 31, 2022 Author Share Posted December 31, 2022 @Loop Yeah man it's just that I had a hard week. I believe I have this seasonal depression or whatever. Socially it has become more stressful with the winter entering. I don't know what to expect now. I want good friendships and connections Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessed2 Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 🤍 Awesome. Keep expressing. Keep opening up. That's GREAT! Everything is falling into place. @Serenity @Loop 🤍❤️❤️😂😂❤️❤️ Everything is so fucking FINE. New Years and everything. 🎉🎉🎉 Quote Mention There must be an effortless way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenity Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 (edited) 13 hours ago, Blessed2 said: 🤍 Awesome. Keep expressing. Keep opening up. That's GREAT! Everything is falling into place. @Serenity @Loop 🤍❤️❤️😂😂❤️❤️ Everything is so fucking FINE. New Years and everything. 🎉🎉🎉 Awww. Happy new year to you too, buddy! And to everyone. ❤️🤍 🎉🎉 🎉🤍❤️ Edited January 1, 2023 by Serenity Quote Mention “Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 1, 2023 Share Posted January 1, 2023 You can keep on this way. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted January 27, 2023 Share Posted January 27, 2023 @fopylo The power is in recognizing you don’t have to. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.