Forza21

@Indisguisehe is ❤️ he has also BIG, BIG, BIG heart ❤️

yeah. Solipsism, it is great excuse to develop pretty big spiritual ego, it expands it, instead dissolving😉 I was at the edge of suicide too, because of that. It's dangerous. And all he says about it that "you just can't handle the truth" . Bullshit. Truth is infinite love, and it doesn't hurt.

It was the first thing Tim said to me, and it resonates so much with me ❤️ it keeps me alive, that if i suffer IT IS NOT THE END of the journey ❤️

The period of "getting through this" doesn't exist, it's a thought. There's only now. Right now i'm anxious, and there are many thoughts like "i'm so alone" " what if i imagine all this, and this forum?" I also feel tired, because i can't sleep, i can't focus for more than 5 min,so i don't even work. There are questioning thoughts on everything, and everyone, and it puts me into the panic attack. I feel so out of love. I cry right now.

To get through this. Maybe this will take some time to digest, and i'll return to normal?🙂 But yes, i remember you said that "hope" indicates that's something is wrong NOW. AND IT'S actually not - So the only way is to completely surrender, and completely accept whatever is arising?

I try, but the terror comes back at night, and i panic 😞 i can't sleep, i'm always tired. But there are some days in which it's much better, so there's always hope! (for anyone who's strugglin)

First of all, thank you so much for your ALL the love and support. I love this community. ❤️ I can't make sense of my LSD trip, i need help with that. Please help me. I still can't sleep, work, or live, because of it. It's been almost a month since it. It was my 12-13 trip, first "bad" ever. I was stuck in the narration of solipsism to begin with. I was really, really afraid of it, I took LSD and i went straight to the GOD realization. Everything was GOD, walls, air, doors, floor, everything. I thought " so it was only my self-deception, and i"m God too". I felt like i was cheating myself to not know. Everything was fine till this point. Maybe if i reframe it i could say it was just conciousness/love/energy. It's fine and it gives me a good feeling. I went to talk to my girlfriend, and i realized that there's nobody else than GOD, so it's no coming back, even if i go to the doctor, all i meet is GOD. I stared to talk to my girlfriend. I have no idea why, but from this point i took it very, very, personal. I thought like there was still a person, "as me", Forza. She said " You are God" . ( she was in the God realization too, she only wanted to make me realize it too, that's what she says). And here, i felt "God" as in Catholic sense, i was raised in it. Maybe that created all the problem? That phrasing? It certainly felt like "i am the one". I felt like i imagined all my life, my parents, all the world. I looked out of the window, and all my neighbors living next houses, just disappeared. There were just 2 of us in the entire world. Then all the buildings collapsed into me. All the physical reality. There was only the face of my girlfriend left, the woman i love so much, only her face, floating in the air, without a body. I asked her "who are you?" and she replied "i'm you" and i took it personally once again. As I created her. Then her eyes went empty. It was pure void. Zero life in it. I was left completely ALONE, staring into my girlfriend dead eyes. Alone, as GOD, who imagined all this, even her. All the horror i ever felt, was fucking joke compared to that. After a few seconds, but it felt like infinity, her eyes went sparky again. I felt like "I gave her a life". But it might be next narration as "person." After that, i wanted to kill myself. I was so close to suicide. I only wanted to forget. I have never felt so terrified, and lonely, in my entire life. Now i can't make sense of it. There are many thoughts like "maybe I'm GOD ( as Forza), and i imagine all the people"? I still believe i'm this body-mind, and it's all in my head. The worse part is i feel so disconnected from love. I still wonder, if i imagine my girlfriend, my parents, if they are even there, or am i completely alone, as Forza. If the world even exist outside my pov. ( i mean it in RELATIVE SENSE, not the absolute. From the God's perspective i know it it's imaginary, but from RELATIVE sense?) there's so much struggle to know what's real in ralative or not. That's the biggest issue i think. And that catholic sense of "God" as the One creator... Maybe "my ego" (thought appearance, which i believe) corrupted all the insight during the trip, and i felt it all personal, as FORZA, as Catholic God, i felt like i was the only thing alive. I can't make sense of it, and it slowly destroys my life. Any advice would be appreciated... i've never suffered so much in my entire life. Thank you ❤️

Yes it might be the case. It' been 3 weeks, and i still can't get over it. Hopefully, 😞

❤️ i'm so sorry to hear that. Hang on in there. ❤️ It hurts as hell, but there's some beauty to it, because it hurts out of love to someone... i feel moved.. ❤️ all the best for you ❤️

Exactly. And that's big part of my suffering. There were many thoughts like: "I'm God" "i've seen through illusion" "I'm alone as God" "It's all MY imagination" and so on... And that's NOT the truth JUST THOUGHTS! and it made me suffer, because my "ego" (just using it as a word) claimed itself to be GOD... and it's unbelievable pain that way, because one's got disconnected from the source... I cried a lot, i've started to notice feelings, and... i've noticed LOVE. It is a CURE for that.

If you notice it, just give your mom as much love as you can. From what i've already noticed, LOVE is the cure. ❤️

I shall listen to it then! ❤️ thank you so much!

1) My level of consciousness” - is a thought, - yes i see it, there's no such thing to be found in direct experience. There is only thoughts' appearance. It comes from nothing, and goes back to nothing. There's no "me" also, only thought of "me". There's only awareness. 2)yes you are right. I can see how much anger and attachment there was. You are right, part of letting go is to accept/ love/ have compassion ❤️ 3) Is ‘separate things’ found in feeling? - No. Is ‘separate things’ found in perception? No - it's all one picture, one "visual field" . Is ‘separate things’ found in thought / found to be, a thought? - here i'm not sure, There's just one thought at the time. But there are many thoughts about "separation" which isn't found in direct experience otherwise. Is ‘my ego’ found in feeling? - No Is ‘my ego’ found in perception? - No Is ‘my ego’ found to be, a thought? - Yes, this is just a thought "my ego" . Is ‘a knower’ found in feeling? -No Is ‘a knower’ found in perception? - No Is ‘a knower’ found in thought / found to be, a thought? - yes Is there a ‘separate self’, separate of infinite consciousness… which ‘knows’… ‘levels of consciousness’? - no Or is this perhaps, thought attachment / believing thoughts /… beliefs? - yes, it's a thought ❤️

yes it works 🙂 is it on consciousness in general, or some info how to deal with solipsism also? i'm very fragile lately to any spiritual concept, i get anxious easily 😞

Yes, i guess it's still mental masturbation for me, and i'm fighting thoughts with other thoughts,... i guess i cant outsmart it. Yes, but the vision of "my ego is the only thing that exist, everything other is imaginary" is impossible to disprove with my current level of consciousness. So i don't know what it's true. So i don't have relationship with truth yet, cause it don't know "what is". 😞

i'll try it, thanks!:)

This isn't so clear for me. Maybe i'm not ready for it yet, because it's still a fresh "wound" and after reading this i become anxious. I don't quite get it yet. I still wonder if people around "me" have experience of their own". 😞 my ego interpretation: "so is it all inside my head? all the world around me? I imagine my grilfriend body? she doesn't have experience? because everything i see is "i"?" I know it's wrong, but i don't get it, that i'm not quite the body/mind/ego, i interprete it as such. Sorry. 😞

I'm me, i'm myself 😄 ? Everyone call themselves "I".

Pure consciousness? 😁

is it just me, or is this answer is full of assumptions, beliefs, and projections? like "they are lazy" "they don't want to do the work" "they recruit here" ? 😞

I would become them. And i would see "Forza" and wonder if he has experience of his own. 😉 is that what you meant by this thought experiement? 😄

Thank you. Noted that. Solipsism should be recognized as belief, not truth. Phil also said this, but it takes time for it to "click' ❤️

Thank you! Did you go through solipsism on your way? How did it help you, and how did you see it's falsehood? I would love to hear that from the perspective of someone who's been there.

Can truth be painful? The big struggle i have, is when I suffer, and I see "God-Realization" through the lens of ego, which claims itself to be God. So it's basically pure solipsism trap, and madness, because ego claims itself to be the only real thing, and everything else is imaginary. All the world, doesn't exist, but this ego-mind of Forza. It's Sick. When there's suffering, there are also thoughts like " what if it's how reality really is, and it's all pure suffering and hell? Maybe when i think otherwise, I avoid the truth? Perhaps "I' (the ego) created all this? Maybe when "I" die, i'll see all the people were imagined by me, (my ego) ? BUT if this was true, and there was no other way to create reality, me, as Forza-God (haha), would never, ever, would want to awake. Like never. Because it would be awaking to pure hell. I would design such reality, without even a single trace of possibility of awaking. So if God leaves all the possibility to one's awaking, through spirituality, meditation, psychedelics, all the spiritual gurus, religions, and much more, it means it wants the best for itself. It serves some purpose. Therefore, the TRUTH must be blissful, must be love, must be happiness. As God, i would want all the best for myself, right? So, the implication of all this is: IF YOU SUFFER, IT'S NOT THE TRUTH. You are missing something. My bet is, what you miss, it "no self" realization. Ego claims God's throne. Because God is truly selfless, so there's no one to be lonely after realization. God is also love, so there's only that. is it correct way of reasoning? Can truth be something other than blissful experience? is reality really perfect? and why? OR MAYBE, Could it be designed other than the way it is?

hahaha, yes. My thoughts were exactly the same. The worse i felt, the more struggle i had. "all people are imaginary, they don't exist" <suffer> <suffer> <suffer> "i suffer, but what if it's true? What if it's truth avoidance to think otherwise?" <suffer> <suffer> Screw this. The way i feel means how connected to the source i'm. If I'm God, i would want all the best for myself. Therefore, the truth can't be bad, right? If it hurts, it can't be truth?:)