Sunrise

This reminds me of a meditation in which the boundaries of a mind inside a skull dissolved and there was simply appearances appearing. Bird chirps appeared with thoughts and there was no difference between the bird chirps and thoughts appearing. Then fascination arose with space. The bird chirps and thoughts were appearing in the same space - neither was further or closer than the other. Yet the mind could also place the bird chirps at a distance. I was amazed at how precise the distance was. My mind created a map in which the bird chirps were coming from the back-right corner of my yard, about 10 meters above the ground. . . In the context of human evolution, I was fascinated that the mind has evolved this ability to sense disruptions in air and convert that to a sound AND create a precise location of that sound in 3-dimensional space. An important evolution in terms of human survival in their environment. It allows better detection of threatening predators, hunting prey and communication among fellow humans. Just an experience of unknowing of an ordinary occurrence and having new experiences and insights.

@CoolMonkey Some deep introspection and insights, my friend. I can relate to a deeply ingrained sense of separation. Perhaps it’s ingrained in our DNA through human evolution as well as cultural conditioning. I’ve experienced lots of frustration and confusion in this space - especially when I was transitioning into more Holistic spaces. You mentioned a space of Oneness that is magical and mysterious. That World of Oneness can seem quite different than the World of separation. At times it felt like I go back and forth between the two Worlds. Yet then the two Worlds began to merge and interact. For example, at times I’m in a group of people and there is a unique, separate entity of “me” interacting with outside entities of “them”. Simultaneously, there is one collective group consciousness. Now, becoming the observer and creator becomes very interesting. So many insights appear in this space. For me, a key is not rejecting aspects of separation as bad / wrong / undesirable. Rather, to realize separation is an aspect within a larger Whole. That allowed a shift in how I relate to aspects of separation.

I can relate. One thing that has helped me is to get into a mind state in which I am a detached observer of the thoughts and feelings that appear. Breathwork is the best tool to ease me into this state. A mini dose of a psychedelic + breathwork/contemplation/nature can also be helpful. Its helped reveal insights into underlying dynamics and how my mind + collective mind creates these dynamics.

I can relate. It's ironic how unhealthy behaviors can give short-term comfort. Last night, I was watching TV late into the night and I ate so much fruit and nuts that I starting feeling sick and anxious. Yet in an odd way, it was also comforting. Regarding procrastination, I find it interesting how easy it is to procrastinate healthy things, yet quite difficult to procrastinate unhealthy things. For example, I've never met a smoker that said "I keep procrastinating smoking a cigarette". For me, a key is to develop healthy habits with modest goals and consistency. For example, each morning I stretch for about 30min. It's become part of my daily routine. Occasionally I miss a morning due to life events and it feels weird. Ime, fear can be the subconscious trying to communicate with the conscious. When I started college (many years ago), I was partying/drinking a lot and eating poorly. I kept experiencing intense feeling that something isn't right and to change direction. Like I was born to do something and my current lifestyle will prevent me from reaching that potential.

A few ideas. . . First, you may want to recognize that what you are doing is not working to alleviate the fear. This might seem obvious, yet it hasn't sunk in deep enough. If one truly recognized this, they wouldn't be doing the same thing over and over - expecting different results. If the desire to alleviate the fear is strong enough, you will try new things. And those new things seem quite obvious. 1. You seem to have a black or white mindset in which you will live in 100% intense fear constantly or 0% fear (100% happiness forever). You might want to consider a different mindset in which you substantially reduce the fear level. Imagine your life in which the fear intensity and frequency is reduced by 80%. Wouldn't that be a major improvement in quality of life? If you can reduce the intensity and frequency by 80%, it's no longer a big deal. 2. You are making lifestyle choices that intensify the fear. Smoking, being sedentary and eating a crappy diet all accelerate aging. 3. I would consider trying something new. Try a new experiment: create a healthy lifestyle. For the next six months, don't smoke, do moderate exercise for 30min. 3x per week, meditation + yoga 3X per week and eat a healthy diet. Then see how you feel after 6 months. I'd bet your fear is reduced by 50% or more. And that 50%+ reduction will open up space for new healthy feelings and thoughts. . . It may seem like a lot of lifestyle changes, yet consider the alternative - living with intense fear and things like emphysema and type II diabetes in your 40s.

I like how you framed it. I’d add in lack of sleep. When I’m sleep deprived, it’s much harder to let crappy thoughts pass by.

I see moods, such as depression, as complex web of many contributing factors. Neurotransmitters are one of many factors that influence mood. To claim Serotonin levels are (or are not) the sole causative factor of depression is grossly over simplistic on many levels. Not only is there a web of influencing factors on mood, serotonin signaling itself is a highly complex web: 1) there are many different serotonin subtype receptors with different binding affinities, 2) there are many different serotonin signaling pathways, 3) serotonin signaling is integrated with other neurotransmitter signaling pathways. - such as dopamine and norepinephrine pathways. Saying Serotonin is the causation of depression would be like saying temperature is the causation of the flow of river water. Temperature is one of many factors involved. Using SSRIs are a very crude tool to treat depression. It would be like using a hammer to unravel a complex knot. What I wrote is one perspective within a holism that includes many other perspectives. We could write about depression from a neuroscience perspective, yet also personal psychology, social systems and mystical perspectives. These, and much, are all inter-woven together - ultimately into one singularity of nothing / everything.

@Visions Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I’m sitting in the midst of sunrise reflecting upon what you wrote and my family’s relationship with our elderly father. ❤️ 🙏

Today I went to the local park and rode a swing like I was a kid ☺️

Happy Spring Equinox!

For me, it’s easier to find comfort in discomfort for certain sensations/feelings. For example, sitting in a sauna can be uncomfortable, yet it’s pretty easy for the dynamic to shift such that there is comfort with the discomfort. A more challenge ing sensation for me has been hunger. Last summer, I began eating 1 meal a day in a four hour window. So everyday, I go 20+ hours without any food calories (including both food and beverages). My mind-body relationship to food and hunger has radically changed. . . . Other discomforts are even more challenging, such as chronic pain. Overall, uncomfortable sensations are most challenging to me if: 1) I don’t have control over making it stop and 2) I don’t know when the pain will stop (if ever). For example, today I stretched myself into uncomfortable zones during exercise. Yet I knew the discomfort was temporary and I could stop anytime I wanted. I was able to find comfort in the discomfort (and I kinda liked it). Now, my energy reserves are depleted and I feel “discomfort” of hunger. Yet I can shift my relationship with it, such that the discomfort is “good”. Yet again, I know the discomfort is temporary and I can make it stop (eat) anytime I want. I even start to get curious about the phenomena of hunger. In contrast, chronic pain is much more challenging for me. For example, I have a condition in which I feel burning / stinging sensations in my hands and feet. When it gets bad, I can’t make it stop and no pain med helps. I also don’t know when, if ever, the pain will settle down. I’ve worked with my relationship to the sensations, yet it’s a much harder dynamic than those I described above.