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fopylo

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Posts posted by fopylo

    Friendship crisis

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Orb

    Thanks man, appreciate it. Kinda sweet of you😊.

    23 hours ago, Orb said:

    Most friends are transient and will go away relatively quick.

    Yeah man this is kind of a sad truth. I've realized over the years that friends are really something that come and go. It's hard to imagine it in the moment, but it's always been the case that people whom I've considered good friends, just slowly fell apart after a while. It fell mostly due to everyone going their separate path in life and seeing each other less.

    The people I consider best friends are relatively new (like 2-3 years). They are somewhat of a cake, perhaps a little healthier dessert (from the analogy I made in the OP).

    23 hours ago, Orb said:

    But you'll have 4-5 friends for your whole life that are close.

    So yeah, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Seems like friends come and go. Who knows? Maybe in 10 years my friendship life would be filled with completely different people, a different number of people, and a different type of people. Perhaps depends on the direction of my growth. Perhaps my friends says a lot about me.

    Friendship crisis

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    I've got to the point where I don't know anymore who should be my friend anymore. What I want doesn't seem to really fit with reality.

    I am dedicating time almost every day to working out. I like anime. I like to immerse myself in music. I like deep philosophical conversations, and I believe in cooperation and helping each other out so that we all grow together and reap the benefits.

     

    Every friend of mine doesn't have at least 1 from the above, which doesn't make him a great friend.

    There's a friend who likes anime music, and cooperation, but doesn't work out and doesn't like deep complex convos (doesn't like learning).

    There are people who work out and like to grow themselves and be curious about life, but it's hard for me to have a conversation with them.

     

    There are people that are garbage - you don't want to be near them and they don't offer you shit.

    There are people who are like cake - always the easier option, don't offer you much other than a little nice time, and you know deep down you can't be living like that forever. (Damn I just realized how genius this analogy is). These are most of my friends.

    There are people that are like those leafy green packs - seem like the healthiest and can help you grow the most, but still feel a little strange and you start doubting whether this was the best choice, and perhaps you could still live a good life with a little less seriousness and enjoy some cake...

    (How'd you like that for an analogy?)

     

    It's a little hard for me to acknowledge the fact that like all my closer friends don't take care of themselves physically (or at least not much). I'd say about 40% watch anime. And I can only have deep conversations with maybe 1 person, in a good case 2.

    I also got to a conclusion about the people I'm friendly with in general (including my closer friends): I tend to click fast with people who work out and watch anime. And also, most of the people who I clicked with who work out and take care of themselves believe in cooperation and helping people grow to some degree.

     

    What I can say for sure, after having experienced this several times while giving the benefit of the doubt and not to deduct with logic - The people who don't take care of themselves usually won't care much for you, won't care helping you grow, act selfishly, and not be the loved people of a group.

    It's a good thing for me that I'm writing this so that I clarify things from my life.

     

    So anyways, I'm kinda unsure what direction to go, who to approach, who to keep contact with. After all, there are people that I can just casually talk about anime, people who I can talk more in depth about the character development in a certain tv series, people who I can talk with them about fitness and how we can both become superhuman, people who I can have deep conversations with and bring up interesting ideas, and obviously the people who I feel very uncomfortable around and don't want them in my life, but are sometimes hard to scratch off because of their leech-y nature

    feeling purposeless, jealous, envy, and a bit lonely

    in Emptying

    Posted

    Today wasn't such a great day.

    So I'm currently on a break from work due to a tooth extraction I had not long ago so I'm staying home for a week. This is the second time I have it (last time was a month ago, other side of the mouth), and I want to utilize it properly - idk maybe clean a bit my room like my brother's, maybe read more, get back into playing the piano slowly.

    I usually try to make sure first activity in the morning is to read since it low level dopamine and a good start for the day.

    But today I just for some reason decided that I should probably first thing go and watch some YouTube. Oh man, how much it fucked my day. I was literally the WHOLE day on YouTube or Instagram. Just scrolling, mindlessly consuming content.

    My brother was playing guitar this morning with my father (yeah they have a somewhat good relationship). He also comes back home almost every weekend (he is working on a ship).

    He barely has any time at home and he still accomplishes more than me when he is home, while I am home every day and I don't do shit.

    He is also very cool with family. I am not so good with them.

    He has a clean room and is tidy and quick to make changes if needed. I live in a messy room and make changes very slowly, like really.

    He buys his own clothes and has style, nice cologne. Bro I am walking with a torn shoe and I don't care too much to replace it, and have a mid cologne.

    He surrounds himself with friends from all over, and I struggle with social interactions.

    He is more responsible.

    He is more reliable.

    He is living life more freely, enjoying it more, while I am compulsively comparing myself to him sitting here in this junkyard alone.

     

    Today I felt a little lonely, but not too much. I don't remember when was the last time I really felt lonely. I was just imagining potential relationships, friendships, experiences that I never had and probably never will have and will always ever be in fantasy land, and then I "fell" back to reality realizing that I am this guy, in this body, in this city, in this country, speaking this language, talking to these people. I have very few friends but not a group of friends, which isn't too bad, but I would've want a/some close friend/s that I could feel comfortable enough to talk about how I feel. With my current best friend I am capable of being more honest with my thoughts at times but never really felt comfortable talking about how I feel.

    I know this will sound a bit conditional but I would've wanted a best friend that is about the same height as me, that likes physical exercise like me and more shared interests.

    My current best friend isn't too interested in what I'm interested and is very tall. The main thing that holds our connection is our autistic humor (we are both on the spectrum).

     

    Yeah man, that day was quite pessimistic. Usually on days like these I tend to whistle more and be more sentimental. Perhaps I'd listen to more sentimental  melancholic music, with some nostalgic taste. I let the music do the healing, as well as writing here.

    A quote that I had in mind:

    "It ain't a bad life, just a bad day" - LongBeachGriffy (from the song Dark Days)

     

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil Hey man, just wanted to say that recently I had some funny moments with this dude. It's a mixture of bonding and comparing.

     

    Same goes with a different guy a mentioned in a different thread about him being similar to me yet better than me and that I don't like him and that I'm jealous of him... But also very recently we were bonding a bit - playing a game that involves physical contact.

     

    It's cool to think how the same people can bring up feelings of jealousy and hate, and at other times bring up happiness and appreciation.

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    On 5/25/2023 at 1:11 AM, Phil said:

    Yes. Absolutely. 100%. Also I totally get the ‘cute’ thing now that you added “Keep in touch!”

    It’s endearing. It’s a great aspect. It’s touching in that it’s innocence. It’s funny in that it’s a little unexpected release of any seriousness.  

    Hey man I actually do appreciate it, as well as you explaining what's meant behind those words.

    Thank you for telling me it's innocence. Sometimes I interpret it as "little", "immature", "unmanly".

    Also thanks for telling me my funny-ness is the unexpectedness of release of seriousness.

    If someone were to compliment me that I'm good at relieving with my humor, and that my approach of innocence is inspiring love - I would feel much different about it. It surely feels better that way.

    On 5/25/2023 at 1:11 AM, Phil said:

    Roll with it.

    What do you mean?

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    40 minutes ago, Phil said:

    They say it because you have a problem with it and react. When you no longer hold it to be a problem, you no longer react & you’ll find people no longer say it. 

    Have you talked to him about this? Said something along the lines of I don’t appreciate this?

    So you say not to get embarrassed and just normally accept it with a thank you? Also, why would they stop saying it? It's not as though they're trying to trigger me (I guess).

    I said something along the lines of "I don't understand why you always call me like that" and he says because I'm just "cute, in a good way". It is hard for me to accept it. Usually I just suppress it and act like a victim.

    46 minutes ago, Phil said:

    Maybe take a break from engaging with him. 

     

    I mean, he is a friend in some way. He is nice and it can be funny with him, although he laughs mostly at the fact that it makes me laugh, and following with a "cute" comment.

     

    48 minutes ago, Phil said:

    Why are you comparing? What’s the point?

     

    It's for the following up of what I'm saying after that. Just so you can get a general picture of us. And yeah, to try and feel somewhat better.

     

    50 minutes ago, Phil said:

    What people think is really people’s business. It’s up to you if you make it your business. 

     

    I want to prove people that I know wrong if they think it is inferior. It's like I have this urge to prove them wrong.

     

    52 minutes ago, Phil said:

    There’s probably lots of people who think they are above lots of people. That’s really their business. 

    Ngl I do have a bit of superiority complex (just the type of thoughts that arise with the feelings of insecurity).

     

    55 minutes ago, Phil said:

    If you’re interested in being right about that they aren’t, that’s your business. 

    There are just some people that obviously appear to think like that. If you're thinking like that then at least appear humble.

     

    57 minutes ago, Phil said:
    1 hour ago, fopylo said:

    I like to talk with someone and have the feeling of "I support you, you support me. Together we'll reach our goals and make it" which really inspires me.

    Yeah, that. ‘Be the change you wish to see.'

    Whoa, we're half way there

    Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer

    Take my hand, we'll make it, I swear

    Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer

     

    This song gives the strongest vibe of "let's make it. We'll surely make it! Keep in touch!" Sorta vibe

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    1 hour ago, Phil said:

    someone tells you you’re cute, just say thanks.

    Bro the thing is that I don't like when people repeatedly say that to me. I literally made a post about people calling me cute (and floaty). I just naturally blush and get embarrassed and don't know how to respond, which just makes me more "cute".

     

    1 hour ago, Phil said:

    Also, as you said, he didn’t actually show you he’s stronger, he commented that he is

    Today in the morning we greeted hellow in a friendly manner - we just banged our heads and started trying to push each other with our heads lol, and then he said he doesn't want to try harder because he would knock me off to that car.

    Yesterday made it obvious after we shook hands and started trying to pull each other and his pull strength is stronger than mine.

    Today when we were next to some machines he said he doesn't want to start flexing.

    He has buckets of protein shakes and creatine above his desk in his office.

     

    We're around the same age.

    He does a mixture of weight lifting and also some weighted calisthenics.

    I currently do just calisthenics and plan to move to weighted calisthenics in a few months.

    He is tall and stronger than me.

    I am normal height and I honestly prefer the body I've been given and I believe I'm a little more aesthetic (showing you the raw real thoughts).

     

    I think what's bothering me really is that he, like other people might think that calisthenics is weaker than weight lifting (there are certainly people who think that because "calisthenics is all body weight" but forget about progressions and weighted calisthenics).

    I personally think calisthenics and especially weighted calisthenics are the best and coolest.

    "I'll prove them wrong someday not too far" is what I think to myself.

     

    Yeah I actually do often appreciate people who train, but the second they give me the feeling like they're talking from above I start hating. I like to talk with someone and have the feeling of "I support you, you support me. Together we'll reach our goals and make it" which really inspires me.

    1 hour ago, Phil said:

    engaging in a different kind of competition, a who’s the better separate self competition

    😂

    Nice

    1 hour ago, Phil said:

    which is confident nor unconfident, which is social nor unsocial, which is neither scared or not scared.

    I think you are confident, social and not scared though, purely from the things you write and from the calls I had with you and from your videos.

     

    1 hour ago, Phil said:

    Matter of fact we laugh about stuff like this daily.

    This is confidence and not scared though

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

    That’s great. What about the wanted aspect of jealousy? That’s the beauty of jealousy, it clarifies what’s wanted. It can also be initially paradoxical. Sometimes it’s believed other’s have something you don’t, while you’re holding something they aren’t. Sometimes what’s wanted is to see how they ‘got out of their own way’. Try to keep in mind you don’t really know. 

    Yeah dude. Today for almost the whole day I didn't feel so good because of that one guy in my team that showed me he's stronger than me (not flexing, but made some comments) and treats me like a cute kid (calls me all the time cute as a compliment but idk because it looks like he's the mature one and I'm the child). He also has it super good socially as for someone with "autism" like me.

     

    The initial wanting aspect of jealousy is to be stronger than him (man I just can't lie. I'm being honest with you).

    So you're saying it's not so much about what they have that I don't, but rather what I hold onto that they don't - that I'm doing the unnecessary work.

    I don't really know what?

    On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

    Maybe they don’t share the beliefs about this not being good enough, themself not being enough, needing to obtaining something, who has it easier, etc.

    Is sharing somehow affecting?

    Is keeping it to oneself different? (Perhaps better?)

    On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

    You don’t know what kind of guys women fall for. 🙂 They don’t even know. They think they know till it happens,

    I'm pretty sure a woman would prefer a confident guy that is social and loving. If he has a purpose and finds meaning and shares joy I'm 100 sure that women would fall for him. I'm also very sure that women would NOT fall for an unconfident man, scared to fully live.

     

    On 5/23/2023 at 4:24 AM, Phil said:

    Wish them well. Be happy for them. Appreciate and vibrationally attract the same.  

    Imma be completely honest with you:

    When I experience some sort of jealousy towards someone, the first thing I think about after some comparison is that I hate them and need to be more than them, better than them, and thus assert my value.

    I think this is a very accurate description.

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    On 5/21/2023 at 5:57 PM, Phil said:

    What about jealousy?

    Yeah I experience lots of jealousy towards people who have it more easy and simple with family and social interactions, now that I'm introspecting.

     

    On 5/21/2023 at 5:57 PM, Phil said:

    What is it that you do want?

    I just answered myself, huh. I want more easygoing interactions with family and that I don't need to worry from offending someone. I want also more easygoing social interactions where I don't need to monitor everything I'm saying and be stressful because of it. I want to speak in an easygoing fashion without overthinking (thinking too much about myself).

     

    On 5/21/2023 at 5:57 PM, Phil said:

    How have people commonly obtained, realized, etc, what it is that you are wanting?

    I don't know how they've obtained it. It just seems that some people just have it easier than others and they didn't need to do any work towards it. Forget work, they just don't seem to be worried about it because they're already doing well.

     

    Now that I'm thinking about it... just today I felt a little jealous of a guy I work with (not in a hateful way.. maybe it was more frustration than jealousy). He was awarded a special rank of an officer and has got this nice uniform. He was there with his wife and family and he seemed happy. He is a big guy (heavy weight lifting) with buzz cut and a clean beard. Really looks like a guy many women would fall for. He is known by many people as a legend, king, chad... he is honestly a good guy and he was awarded the excellent officer back when he did his course. Many people rely on him. He is very kind. In many ways he appears to be the definition of manly.

    Yeah, can't imagine myself to be like him. (I mean, that kinda makes sense since the image of me isn't the image of him...)

    Fear of unleashing old/nostalgic thought patterns and emotions

    in The Path

    Posted

    All those places in this beautiful world... this dream I long to return to

    Work and all those late hours of moving around just make it feel like I'm in a cage, a loop.

    There is this consistent pattern

    Why is it hard to break out?

    Decisions are made now, but why always delayed to a 'future' that doesn't exist and never comes?

     

    I lost touch with music, with languages, and with nature.

    I do workout though, which is a plus, in fact -

    it's my obsession now.

    Trying to master the handstand (yeah I'm really into calisthenics) - a healthy addiction I guess.

    But I still wish to return to a softer place,

    a place of freedom and love -

    being in that place I once was.

    Land of opportunity and curiosity.

     

    Learning something new is scary.

    Damn I kinda miss this week-off I had from work because of my teeth extractions.

    But I have more teeth that are gonna get extracted in a few weeks and I feel hopeful about it.

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    Today it happened again. We met with the cousins and at some points I just felt powerless. Those younger kids are more able to point fingers at others and feel comfortable name calling, but I am scared to stand for myself and be like "You know, this is not really nice to say" or something like that. This just makes me somewhat of a pussy that can't take a joke, just not cool. I mean, yeah these are assumptions but it do be like that that what they say is somewhat more acceptable than if I were to say similar stuff - my father would criticize me in front of the family.

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Cupcake

    21 hours ago, Cupcake said:

    I was trying to figure out if your relationships were with the opposite gender or the same one.

    If someone is a man and being rude to a man, it can mean competitiveness.

    I get you here

    21 hours ago, Cupcake said:

    If a man is being rude to a woman, he is possibly not looking for friendship. 

    This I did not understand

    Sometimes I just feel like I'm not built for interactions

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    5 minutes ago, Phil said:

    What’s a fun & carefree version with laughter and no defending of your value etc?

    That they'll laugh perhaps at something silly I did (without name callings afterwards).

    That the oldest cousin (also a young teenage girl) would stop trying to act "cool" and talk down on people.

    That my grandma will not feel reluctant to have a conversation with me.

    I don't know man... I'm just now thinking about ways in which they can behave that will make it easier for me but I find that I'm fucked up in all of them somehow.

    How much do you Influence your Kids?

    in Friendship, Dating, Relationships, Family, Parenting & Sexuality

    Posted

    @Phil

    7 hours ago, Phil said:

    Life is suffering in the same way Schrödinger's cat is alive.

    Which is to say, that it isn’t. 

    The truth is simpler. 

    That's because it is said that the cat is dead and alive at the same time, but direct experience tells us there's no cat.

    In the same way you say that suffering only exists in thought and can't be pointed to in direct experience.

    However Phil, there's still the undeniable discord felt above anything else in direct experience. Take away the word "suffering" and just know that I am referring to the direct experience of the suffering (discord in body).

    blue balls = high energy for workout

    in Well Being & Conscious Creating

    Posted

    @Pluto Oh ok I think I get you, but:

    20 hours ago, Pluto said:

    Your sexual fluids are the most vital fluids in the body 10x that of blood

    Where did you pull that from? What are "sexual fluids" and how are they more powerful than blood?

     

    20 hours ago, Pluto said:

    and your overall energy is far more balanced throughout the body, and lesser chance of being built-up in one place or region. Daily exercise helps move things through ~

    I do understand this part. I do daily exercise and it is true that I feel less of a need to masturbate. But the question is - is it the "sexual energy" that's circulating throughout my body because of exercise that gives me the energy, or is it solely the act of exercise that gives me the energy throughout the body?

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