Serenity

🤡😭🤯

Navigating away from feelings of shame and inadequacy by adopting a perceived innate superiority attributed to being male. Expressing confidence in superior logical abilities linked to gender, despite instances of weakened cause-and-effect reasoning and limitations in scientific understanding. If you are serious, I would look into shadow work and spirituality to help me get out of delusion and suffering. I like a channel named the Diamond Net that talks a lot about anima integration, helping men with a disintegrated relationship to the feminine and a hyper-identification with the masculine due to complex traumas about not feeling masculine enough. I can recommend it.

Tinder is not an exemplary illustration for behavior analysis. The platform provides a distinct environment and context when it comes to dating (online dating/ based on pictures, profile and swipes). It is an application with specific features that influence a particular outcome, which isn't similar to what is going on in real life. So, it is important not to conflate these datas with the actuality of how the real world works when it comes to dating. Men tends to swipe on all women they find remotely attractive to get a lead, while women will attempt to sort the best fits with the informations available (which are rather superifical due to the nature of the app). I have never used Tinder myself (or just for testing). It doesn't provide me with the experience I am looking for to find a good man. The elements I would be looking for wouldn't translate very well online or wouldn't show at all.

This is merely a half-baked and unconvincing excuse aimed at rationalizing away the points made. Now, there is no need for reflection or questioning of these beliefs.

Yeah. Right... Here is my analysis: Within the incel community, the prevailing rhetoric and beliefs form a movement where men deflect responsibility by attributing their resentment towards patriarchy to women. Regrettably, there is a notable lack of understanding and acknowledgment among them regarding patriarchy as the fundamental source of their suffering, issues, and the challenges they face in ascending the masculine hierarchy—standards that also shape society's current survival criteria. Instead of delving into the genuine origin of societal power held by men, they opt for the simpler route of placing blame on women. This belief stems from the notion that women somehow owe them something merely because they are men. Consequently, this perspective serves as a convenient way to avoid confronting the men positioned at the top of the hierarchy. Furthermore, it manifests in attempts to command women to accept them, despite their resentment towards being relegated to the middle or bottom of the masculine hierarchy. It's a misconception that women are inherently hypergamous, meticulously choosing the top earners or killers, as often portrayed. Instead, this notion seems to be a projection, attributing to women a homoerotic fantasy of what some men believe constitutes an ideal man. In reality, this perspective might stem from these men projecting their own ideals of what masculinity is onto women, shaping a narrative that doesn't necessarily align with the diverse preferences and realities of women's choices.

There is the belief of ego and thus a belief in division. Love is oneness aware of itself as all there is .

Aced it again yesterday. (nearly 15 hours of work) Getting a bit tired today.

I aced that day, baby. 🙌

Great advice. I find that there is mix out of both past and news interpretations when it comes to these emotions. What seems to be causing me a lot of suffering is when despair or helplessness kicks in, and I've got feelings of being back emotionally to an "old space", and this impression freaks me out because it doesn't feel good, on top of giving me the impression that I never managed to extract myself of it for real, despite all efforts. I can't believe I'm still able to fall into places of powerlessness, despair, hopelessness/helplessness and feel jailed in them. I am tired of that kind of self-abuse. To be honest, I think I am depressed just to know these emotions still exist in me, and I'm wondering to what degree they should be explored, expressed, felt and cleared out until one doesn't ever feel them again , or if they are by nature bottomless and should be just moved away from? I am also feeling very confused. My days are like rollercoasters when I do this type of work. I feel emotionally and mentally a bit unstable, chaotic and lost, because there is no clear direction in feeling these old emotions (grief, jealousy, sadness, heplessness, despair, joy, love, fear can alternate) and while there seems to be a lot of release, tonight I am feeling pissed because I've lost a day of work, sitting in the bed the whole day, and I am feeling the irritation from still not being significantly relieved from low level frequency emotions. I feel impatient, sad, tired, disappointed, and unworthy of great things coming my way. I also experience self-disgust. Yet, my eyes are so red and sore because of all the silent crying that I am still hopeful this process is working, albeit not as fast as hope. I also got some beautiful insights.

Thank you, Phil. Lots of old emotions are surfacing up, and I am allowing them to emerge and pass through.

Happy new year! 🤍

@Phil Thank you for answering. I mostly don't see where you were trying to lead me. I appreciate though the efforts you've put in there. In any case, I think it's all working out by itself as I am able to just feel all of that and cry in depth at the moment. So I'll keep staying with the feeling without even trying to understand anything.

Sorry. Thanks for letting me know I am not being clear. What I mean is that I don't understand what is being said in the map https://www.actualityofbeing.com/aversion. Am I supposed to feel and express or am I supposed to run away from the hot stove? The problem being that I don't chose it, I just feel bad emotions and when I pay attention to the thoughts comings, they are mean and self-abusive (which seems to also causes the hot stove). It feels like a loop.

I have read the map on aversion. And it is very insightful and I clearly recognize some elements on it. But here is what keeps me stuck. 1) I 100% have my hand on the hot stove. The thoughts, and feelings I am experiencing do not feel right. They are awful and anyone feeling this would feel bad about it. I get that. And I can also recognize that I want to move away from the hot stove and stop this self-harming behavior. My impression is that I sleep walk and suddenly find myself on the hot stove again. I keep experiencing the hot stove and I am not sure what to do to stop experiencing the hot stove burning my hands. 2) Am I not supposed to feel and express the aversion (in which case, I am totally confused as of how one can express without some degree of mental activity of labelling, conceptualizing, and rationalizing discernening of what causes the situation in the first place) ? I understand that the underlying emotions is what needs to be surrendered to, though, and the thoughts generated by the emotions are of little importance because they are just an consequence of the emotion.

I'll keep going. No worries. I understand why one could think that I am rationalizing how I feel and not working through that. But each of these words have been written shedding tears or instigating them, and feeling/acknowledging deep sadness. These elements aren't getting captured through words hence the impression of rationalization. Also, the outburst is about how I feel constraint by having to maintain a persona while I am hurting inside and how it pisses me off to live in a very codified society that is putting so much pressure on authenticity. I kinda lost my temper and that's quite explosive or acting irrational from my standpoint, which isn't how I act when I am rationalizing stuff.

I am is potent 😁. What's happening is that the trash vortex has been affecting my experiences for a while, but it's time to put it back where it belongs. Soon, it will be recycled into an awareness of my true nature.

😁 These moments feel forever, and obviously, the despair is lying. Thank you for pointing this out. 🤍 Goodness! I've finally found the perfect name for that place. The Trash Vortex. It feels like a powerful magnet drawing in all things undesirable from the outside, because within, it's just as dark...

It feels awful. It compounds the energy of despair and hopelessness in a loop. My impression is that I have written what I felt to release it. I know other perspectives are existing. What I might not be feeling like in the moment is that it's possible for me to move from it. But I have already felt some disgusting other form of powerlessness in the past that felt impossible to move from, and they are gone. So I am just trying to feel it, get it to move by expressing the energy in the shape it takes at that peculiar moment. Yes, exactly. Thanks for encouraging me. It means a lot to receive kindness when one is identified with feeling that gross through some velcrow emotion/thoughts. 😊🤍 I think the real stuff is that I have some still unaddressed traumas around feeling unwanted, ostracized and rejected. Due to my life experience, it would make sense that this is what's hiding behind. I think I fear being ostracized and left to die and rot alone because I am not good enough and unloved/unloveable. That would be a very common fear, but more fueled in my case. Thank you. You too! Happy new year! All blessings.

It's all fine. All of that thread was made possible by a single half cup of coffee ✅. This is why I've spent 32 years of my life never drinking that stuff.