Jump to content

Am I the only one feeling a bit weird today?


Blessed2
 Share

Recommended Posts

I've felt weird today. A bit worry, anxiety, kind of 'unhinged/uncentered'? Maybe some suppressed feelings and worries and thoughts coming up... Feelin uncomforable. Doubt. Words 'evil' or 'bad intent' or 'sinister' comes up too... 

 

It's full moon today. Just wondering if it has something to do with it... How are you feeling today?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

I've felt weird today. A bit worry, anxiety, kind of 'unhinged/uncentered'? Maybe some suppressed feelings and worries and thoughts coming up... Feelin uncomforable. Doubt. Words 'evil' or 'bad intent' or 'sinister' comes up too... 

 

It's full moon today. Just wondering if it has something to do with it... How are you feeling today?

The body is included by billion of selfs. And no one is on control. So the feeling that you feel is an illusion, you are the thought that who doesn't like that feeling. Let go the thought, be the feeling. Anxiety is just anxiety neither bad nor good.

"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Am I the only one feeling a bit weird today?

Yep.

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I've felt weird today. A bit worry, anxiety, kind of 'unhinged/uncentered'? Maybe some suppressed feelings and worries and thoughts coming up... Feelin uncomforable. Doubt. Words 'evil' or 'bad intent' or 'sinister' comes up too... 

 

It's full moon today. Just wondering if it has something to do with it... How are you feeling today?

Everything is working out for you right now. 

Thoughts arise like a trip that you seem to go on. Emotion, or how the thoughts feel is guidance. 

Right ‘back to’ the present, which is that everything is working out for you. 

The thoughts are appearing, while This is still This. 🤍

 

There is sinister activity like suggesting, threatening, intending and causing harm, but there isn’t a bad or evil entity behind it.

Just like there is aversion from feeling via the activity of thought about a separate self, and all which ensues, but there is no actual devil. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The plot thickens... Had a quick conversation in PMs with Mandy and I said: 

 

"I've always been kind of like that, being super interested and inspired about some subject or discussion and then quickly losing focus or getting bored. Now that I think of it, I actually don't like that. Might have something to due with nicotine, caffeine, alcohol use etc."

 

I noticed that brought up the same feeling I mentioned here about the full moon and the feeling of 'sinister'. Especially something about alcohol feels off. And the "short attention span".

 

Interesting. 🤔 Feels like there's something to uncover here, though I don't see any connection yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Blessed2Snow White is one of the most clearly symbolic stories for this no separate self thing. After this scene where everything in the forest (symbolizing going back within the psyche) appears to her as a horror...

 

She realizes that her fear got the best of her. So she sings with the spooks of the forest. (Forest animals.)

 

 

And she finds the house with the seven dwarfs, her dwarfed (ignored) emotions. She cleans for them and loves and cares for them. The spooks of the forest (animals) even help her clean the neglected place. No accident that the dwarves go down into the depths to mine for gold and treasure, but anyway. 

 

What seems sinister, seems sinister because you're still running through the forest in fear at night. Rather than believing "I've always been like that", the forest animals are just like that, evil and sinister, open your eyes in the light of day and care for the emotion instead. 

 

 

 

 Youtube Channel    Website

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Blessed2

 

57 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

"I've always been kind of like that, being super interested and inspired about some subject or discussion and then

 

That resonates… 

and then… a certain interpretation occurs…

57 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

quickly losing focus or getting bored.

… a conceptualization of focus and of a separate self. 

 

Maybe there isn’t a losing of focus or someone who is bored, but an experience of a defensive interpretation. Defensive as in protective. 

 

57 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Now that I think of it, I actually don't like that.

It might be that you don’t like how pessimistic thoughts feel, and are beginning to acknowledging that’s what’s going on.  In the sense these thoughts don’t resonate & therein obscure focus, and then it seems like there is less, or a loss of focus. When really it’s just that you don’t like how the pessimistic thoughts feel. The focus isn’t diminished or missing, it’s just on the pessimistic thoughts. It can be (in the best way if you will) humbling to allow the awareness of essentially… ‘it’s what I’m thinkin’. 

 

57 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

Might have something to due with nicotine, caffeine, alcohol use etc."

These might have been adopted to cope, in missing the pessimism. Pessimism & coping with substances might be learned, conditioning. Might seem so normal it goes unnoticed, and you might be tired of the discord. 

 

57 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

I noticed that brought up the same feeling I mentioned here about the full moon and the feeling of 'sinister'. Especially something about alcohol feels off. And the "short attention span".

 

Interesting. 🤔 Feels like there's something to uncover here, though I don't see any connection yet.

The sinister might be more of a ‘gloom & doom’ outlook, as if things aren’t or weren’t going to work out. It could be so to speak, that all that stands between you & feeling the way you want to feel, the way you naturally feel - unobscured…free… interested & inspired… is a letting go of the belief in one who is bored, recognizing & expressing out the pessimism, allowing boredom, and allowing contentment.

 

Might be a push & pull cycle of sort, pessimism unnoticed but nonetheless the discord is felt, and then substances to feel better. If so, I wonder if the instant that is seen, acknowledged, recognized, expressed… that all you actually want is to feel great… then maybe the habit of holding conditions, of circumstances or yourself not being good enough, starts to fall away. A falling away of the belief in ‘one who is pessimistic’ and ‘one who is bored’… an acknowledgement of the experience of the emotions of boredom & pessimism. Maybe that’s noticed to be a thought about a separate self, which feels discordant because you are naturally inspired, interested, and never short on focus or getting bored. 

 

It might also help to see the ‘bigger picture’ of aversion. That ‘separate self’, the ‘one who is losing focus or getting bored’… can that be noticed to not be present in sensation, and only in the activity of thought? This might also shed light on why misogyny feels off, as it is objectification. Thoughts which are the ‘separate self’ are also objectification. One is yourself as an object and the other is others as objects. Might also shed light on aversion in general… substances, objectifying, state chasing, ‘self image’ / ‘separate self’ being aggrandized to feel better. It all works, but temporarily, as coping. 

 

Maybe the truth is just too dang simple. That you can have a dream, and you can create, have & experience what you want, and you are fully capable, and nothing’s actually ‘wrong’. It might be helpful to call it out, to just say / acknowledge… “this is aversion. I’m experiencing, aversion. There isn’t anyone averting here, this is just the experience of aversion”. Same as with emotions. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Blessed2Snow White is one of the most clearly symbolic stories for this no separate self thing. After this scene where everything in the forest (symbolizing going back within the psyche) appears to her as a horror...

 

She realizes that her fear got the best of her. So she sings with the spooks of the forest. (Forest animals.)

 

 

And she finds the house with the seven dwarfs, her dwarfed (ignored) emotions. She cleans for them and loves and cares for them. The spooks of the forest (animals) even help her clean the neglected place. No accident that the dwarves go down into the depths to mine for gold and treasure, but anyway. 

 

What seems sinister, seems sinister because you're still running through the forest in fear at night. Rather than believing "I've always been like that", the forest animals are just like that, evil and sinister, open your eyes in the light of day and care for the emotion instead. 

 

 

 

4817A34C-395D-4264-8A59-89C219D0B20E.thumb.jpeg.b425633e92dd961f93c5e0043ef86213.jpeg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Mandy said:

Snow White is one of the most clearly symbolic stories for this no separate self thing.

 

She dies, and rises from death, and then lives happily ever after. Once again the same thing. This sort of thing is what I kept thinking and seems am still thinking to this day after the trip. Makes me angry. Makes me feel I'm not sure if you people understand what I went through and am going through.

 

Be it a symbolic story from source, but the symbolism sucks ass and just makes me more worried. 😕

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Phil Pessimism does seem to play a part in it. Feeling pessimism right now.

 

Feeling pessimism so much it's hard to talk about it even, and makes me angry and frustrated even to try. Because even if I tried it wouldn't help. I don't know how to express correctly. It just is and there is nothing I can do about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

36 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

@Phil Pessimism does seem to play a part in it. Feeling pessimism right now.

👍🏻 Exactly. Pessimism is an emotion. Felt

36 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Feeling pessimism so much it's hard to talk about it even, and makes me angry and frustrated even to try. Because even if I tried it wouldn't help. I don't know how to express correctly. It just is and there is nothing I can do about it.

Anger & frustration; also emotion. Felt.

 

The one the thoughts are about, the one the body is talking about; the one for who it’s hard, who is angry, frustrated, trying, who needs help, for who something won’t help, for who there is correct & incorrect, who doesn’t know, who can’t do anything about it…

 

Where is that one? 

 

 

What does how these thoughts feel, and the corresponding emotions of powerlessness, grief & despair say, about the nature of you, as the awareness of these thoughts? 

 

Why is expressing jealousy so gosh darn relieving? 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In the original tale, someone trips and drops her in her glass casket, and the poisoned apple falls out of her mouth and she wakes up. What beliefs are you poisoning yourself with? Barf them up/express them, and don't be like a dog that returns to its own vomit. It's not a story of death and resurrection, it's a story of self poisoning and falling asleep. 

 Youtube Channel    Website

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Something happened... I took a nap and woke up. And the familiar pessimism / joyless heavy bad feeling was there. I daydreamed about my childhood home and felt slight relief. But the joyless hell of despair and just awfulness spread on my body like a dark heavy blanket. I thought maybe I should just let it come and see what happened, and it just got worse... Like all relief and happiness was sucked out and dimmed under the blanket. It felt hard to even breathe. I'm afraid it will never pass. That I did a mistake.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even felt physical pain in my arm, like the blanket hurt my veins and blood circulation. Also the heart feels so heavy and like it might just stop, like there is physically something wrong. I just can't do this. I can't try be good to my girlfriend, it just feels so bad I cannot be but in bad mood. I'm angry and just so heavy and there isn't any joy. 

Edited by Blessed2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By clicking, I agree to the terms of use, rules, guidelines & to hold Actuality of Being LLC, admin, moderators & all forum members harmless.