Lost friends

[BlendingInfinite]

I lost all my friends and it somehow pressures me, because today someone told me, if you get older it gets harder to find friends. What if I missed an important part in my life🤔

I am 33 and it gets scary now from all the sudden. I don't know why but I feel l8mited by my age.. 

I miss my old friends.. But it is not possible to get them back. 

[BlendingInfinite]

I was in a bar today and spoke with people. If they laugh I didn't feel anything. What is that🤔

It feels like I lost this feeling of togetherness or communion. 

[Mandy]

You have to be willing to actually like people. Just like them, for who they are, see the beauty in it. Don't expect stuff from them, don't expect them to be better, don't think that their "value" is a reflection on your "value". Realize that they owe you nothing, they don't need you, you don't need them, it's all just for fun. Just have fun with people and appreciate them for exactly what they are in the moment. Appreciate diversity. Make amends with your old friends. Reach out, be willing to apologize for your part even if they may have had a part too. 

[WhiteOwl]

I can relate to what you are saying with not feeling something in social situations. I sometimes experience that as well.

 

@Mandy It sounds very true and in my case i surely have things going on with expecting things and value judging. I just have my doubts in changing the dynamic. It seems like a mess trying to change beliefs to appreciate people more and to let go of some of the judgements. I feel some doubt in regards to if its possible with stuff like Byron Katies method. Do you have any suggestions how to go about it?

[Mandy]

Do it on the fly. Strangers/casual interactions are the easy because you have no expectations and no prejudgments, go where you can sit and do some people watching and just look for things to appreciate. Then apply the same to your friends, and parents, etc. Interact less like a fellow character that life is happening to and observe and think more like the Author who creates all interactions out of inspiration. 

[BlendingInfinite]

On 10/2/2022 at 12:23 AM, Mandy said:

You have to be willing to actually like people. Just like them, for who they are, see the beauty in it. Don't expect stuff from them, don't expect them to be better, don't think that their "value" is a reflection on your "value". Realize that they owe you nothing, they don't need you, you don't need them, it's all just for fun. Just have fun with people and appreciate them for exactly what they are in the moment. Appreciate diversity. Make amends with your old friends. Reach out, be willing to apologize for your part even if they may have had a part too. 

I don't dislike people. Often times, they aren't just interesting to me, because they don't say interesting things and are boring.

 

You don't know the situation so you don't know if I have to make amends.

[Phil]

Boredom is an emotion. 

[Mandy]

59 minutes ago, BlendingInfinite said:

I don't dislike people. Often times, they aren't just interesting to me, because they don't say interesting things and are boring.

 

You don't know the situation so you don't know if I have to make amends.

Maybe you just aren't asking them good questions.

 

The situation has less to do with it than you might think. That's the sneakiness of it. 

[BlendingInfinite]

38 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Maybe you just aren't asking them good questions.

 

The situation has less to do with it than you might think. That's the sneakiness of it. 

Or maybe something else or nothing.

 

It is interesting that the first thing that appears to you as a possibility is a failure on my side or some negative thing.

[BlendingInfinite]

45 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Maybe you just aren't asking them good questions.

 

The situation has less to do with it than you might think. That's the sneakiness of it. 

You didn't get it.

 

To repeat:

 

You said:

On 10/2/2022 at 12:23 AM, Mandy said:

Make amends with your old friends. Reach out, be willing to apologize for your part

And I responded:

1 hour ago, BlendingInfinite said:

You don't know the situation so you don't know if I have to make amends

And now you are saying:

45 minutes ago, Mandy said:

The situation has less to do with it than you might think

 

To make it more understandable as you don't get what I am saying:

You say I have to make amends, because I did something wrong and I have to apologize (in your interpretation). Then I respond, that maybe there is nothing to apologize for on my side or maybe it is. But you don't know.

 

So it is like you are making assumptions and now you want to justify yourself, so you don't look stupid. But dear - it is too obvious to obfuscate.

Edited October 3, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[BlendingInfinite]

@Mandy

When I once smoked cannabis, every person was so interesting to me. Just for what he is. Kind of like an interesting character like in a movie.

 

I agree on that level and I would like to manifest that feeling permanently. So in that sense I think the advice is good. But I don't resonate with the others.

Edited October 3, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[Mandy]

Do you think when you talk to people like you just did with me here, that they are interested in talking with you more, or sticking around and being your friend? Because to be totally honest with you, I feel very turned off as to continuing this conversation asides from my interest in the psychology behind it. You don't seem open, you don't seem appreciative of my time or like you even respect me as a fellow human being. I could talk more about how reaching out to people and apologizing in my personal experience was life changing, but it's likely you'd pick it apart and personally try to fault me for something, so why should I bother? 

[Mandy]

28 minutes ago, BlendingInfinite said:

@Mandy

When I once smoked cannabis, every person was so interesting to me. Just for what he is. Kind of like an interesting character like in a movie.

 

I agree on that level and I would like to manifest that feeling permanently. So in that sense I think the advice is good. But I don't resonate with the others.

That's because you were just observing them, seeing how cool they are as they are just as they are. People don't remember as well what you said, but how they felt around you. If you're going around spouting harsh truths and judgements about others but not at all willing to take them about yourself or be open to seeing where you could understand each other a little better, that's not fertile ground for any kind of friendship.

[BlendingInfinite]

31 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Do you think when you talk to people like you just did with me here, that they are interested in talking with you more, or sticking around and being your friend? Because to be totally honest with you, I feel very turned off as to continuing this conversation asides from my interest in the psychology behind it. You don't seem open, you don't seem appreciative of my time or like you even respect me as a fellow human being. I could talk more about how reaching out to people and apologizing in my personal experience was life changing, but it's likely you'd pick it apart and personally try to fault me for something, so why should I bother? 

I already felt turned off, because many things you said to me sounded like prejustices and like I am the person to blame on by default (like I have to apologize even though you don't know how it went apart). And no I am not your lab rat and instead of assigning psychological deficits to others you may look at your self. There is more benefit to gain from.

 

And many people like to talk to me, but I am not that agreeable so of course other people can get upset because I am straight forward.

Edited October 3, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[BlendingInfinite]

@Mandy

You often come across as spiritually elevated, like someone who simply makes assumptions about others, knows everything better, projects and can't admit any mistakes, then tries to turn things around or present them differently. Even if it is obvious. That is then of course also unpleasant.

On the other hand, sometimes very useful things are there 🙂

 

I know you try your best and the intentions are good. I am grateful for everybody who tries to do good in the world.

Edited October 3, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[BlendingInfinite]

30 minutes ago, Mandy said:

not at all willing to take them about yourself

Yes I am willing to, but there must be reasonable and justified. Otherwise, anyone could say anything and I would have to accept it as true by default?

 

I think you know what I mean - be humble and think about it before posting an answer. Best is you don't answer to practice humility.

Edited October 3, 2022 by BlendingInfinite

[WhiteOwl]

On 10/2/2022 at 7:15 PM, Mandy said:

 Interact less like a fellow character that life is happening to and observe and think more like the Author who creates all interactions out of inspiration. 

Thats brilliant