Caring What People Think

[Mandy]

"Not caring what other people think is its own kind of hustle." - Brene Brown

 

Do you agree? If caring what people think is bondage, what is the attempt to become someone who does not care at all what others think? 

 

What assumptions are there? Is there really someone there who always cares what people think? Do you care what people think when you're asleep or under general anesthesia? What about if you find in the moment that you're so passionate about something, that what you want to say is said with no hesitation?

 

If you believe that you care too much what others think, do you ALWAYS care what people are thinking about you? 

 

What does caring what others think boil down to, if it is not a quality of a person? 

[Reena]

It's always easy to say don't care about what people think. But what people think has consequences for the person they all think about. 

[Mandy]

7 minutes ago, Reena said:

It's always easy to say don't care about what people think. But what people think has consequences for the person they all think about. 

How so? 

[Someone here]

Either you are alone in a solipsistic bubble and there are really no such thing as others and so the others are empty shelves and therefore there is no point in caring what they think because they don't even exist .

Or..there are others and they too have the same insecurity as you and thereby there is also no point in caring either way .

[Reena]

17 minutes ago, Mandy said:

How so? 

For example this forum itself. People (certain members) on this forum thought that Marcel is not a real person, that I created some fake account in that name. This doubt was seeded into the minds of the people here by spreading false rumors. Phil unfortunately bought into this false information and what do I know, Marcel could have been  banned simply based on false assumption. It's me who saved his account by telling Phil to Skype him. That's when Phil realized that indeed it's a real person. What people think matters. If this forum was an employment center and Marcel was an online  employee, he would have been fired for no fault of his own. So I had to step in in a bid to sort of rescue his reputation. He has a good job so if his employers search him online and find false rumors about him, they might believe it. What people think and assume can hurt or possibly damage reputation and sometimes cause people to lose their jobs too. It can have real consequences. If I apply for a new job and employer  reads a negative opinion of me on the forum or words like "whore" or "prostitute" they might falsely assume that I'm working as a prostitute and decline me a job offer. So being online and being oneself is not an easy thing. It has been my greatest insecurity. It affects people more than you would think. That's why having a clean free harmonious personal attack free online environment is important. Maybe in the future it will be possible. Not to mention that false rumors increase trolling furthering the chances of cyber stalking and physical security. I already experienced this on Actualized where a troll account spread false rumors about me and that caused me to constantly receive death threats and rape threats. All of these rumors and assumptions, projections come at a price. People have committed suicide as a result of everyone bullying them. It's easier said than done. When personal reputation is impacted, it can even impact marriage, job prospects, election campaigns, public reputation etc. One cannot simply walk with the attitude of "don't care what people think." 

 

Edited August 1 by Reena

[Mandy]

5 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Either you are alone in a solipsistic bubble and there are really no such thing as others and so the others are empty shelves and therefore there is no point in caring what they think because they don't even exist .

Or..there are others and they too have the same insecurity as you and thereby there is also no point in caring either way .

Why do you say there's no point in caring either way? How can you assume that they also have the insecurity? What is caring at its essence? 

[Phil]

@Reena

That’s not true.

[Mandy]

13 minutes ago, Reena said:

For example this forum itself. People (certain members) on this forum thought that Marcel is not a real person, that I created some fake account in that name. This doubt was seeded into the minds of the people here by spreading false rumors. Phil unfortunately bought into this false information and what do I know, Marcel could have been  banned simply based on false assumption. It's me who saved his account by telling Phil to Skype him. That's when Phil realized that indeed it's a real person. What people think matters. If this forum was an employment center and Marcel was an online  employee, he would have been fired for no fault of his own. So I had to step in in a bid to sort of rescue his reputation. He has a good job so if his employers search him online and find false rumors about him, they might believe it. 

 

No one took any action on this though, it's a "what if" question. What someone thinks is what someone thinks, it doesn't necessarily extend to what people choose to express about you, how they express it, or what actions people take based on what they assume about you.

Do you believe than an employer would fire someone because someone online thinks they aren't a real person?

 

13 minutes ago, Reena said:

 People have committed suicide as a result of everyone bullying them. 

People have also reported being greatly successful as a result of being bullied, and those opinions clarifying more what they want. People have also reported being ruined by their parents by being praised and talked up too much. What if what people say about you does not affect you negatively or positively, but is how you believe and interpret your own thoughts? 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

People have also reported being greatly successful as a result of being bullied, and those opinions clarifying more what they want. People have also reported being ruined by their parents by being praised and talked up too much. What if what people say about you does not affect you negatively or positively, but is how you believe and interpret your own thoughts

You are right to a certain degree. But if it were that easy, wouldn't people have done that. So one has to take into account practical implications as well. 

 

[Reena]

@Mandy in a way this debate is a great topic. It opens up a lot of possibilities to think about. I'll contemplate on it as well. 

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Why do you say there's no point in caring either way?

I just explained it in the reply .because the dichotomy stems from getting to the bottom of what "others " are existentially.  Like really what the heck is an other ? And don't dismiss this as a philosophical useless mental masturbatory question..its the heart of the issue about caring about what others think.

If you awaken to the fact that there is literally no others ..I'm you ..you are me ..LITTERALY

.then how can you care about what you do in front of me  when I'm you ?😁

9 minutes ago, Mandy said:

How can you assume that they also have the insecurity?

Not always but memes have exposed that 90% of our deep insecurities and "dirty" habits are alike .

Do you enjoy picking your nose ? Or singing in the bathroom?  Don't be ashamed of that because everyone do this .

11 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What is caring at its essence? 

I don't know how to answer question. Seems highly abstract. 

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

 But if it were that easy, wouldn't people have done that.

 

People apparently have. As inspiring as it can be I wouldn't suggest using put downs as motivation or using them as an excuse to feel defeated, diminished or threatened either. 

 

Do you think that sometimes sharing an observation that isn't necessarily encouraging can be helpful? 

[Mandy]

11 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I just explained it in the reply .because the dichotomy stems from getting to the bottom of what "others " are existentially.  Like really what the heck is an other ?

A body/mind that's not mine?

 

11 minutes ago, Someone here said:

then how can you care about what you do in front of me  when I'm you ?😁

Do we have to go into those reasons? 😂

 

11 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 

Do you enjoy picking your nose ? Or singing in the bathroom? 

 I'm so glad you asked, yes! I'm very enthusiastic about nose picking being more socially acceptable. I'm creating some nose picking pride shirts now. Would you like to weigh in on the design and buy one? I'm thinking of a green t shirt with a drawing of a big nose with a finger in it, with something like "Don't be so picky about what other people pick!" 

11 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I don't know how to answer question. Seems highly abstract. 

No it's not. What does it mean if I say I care about you, or if your mom says that? What does it mean to care about something? 

[Mandy]

15 minutes ago, Reena said:

@Mandy in a way this debate is a great topic. It opens up a lot of possibilities to think about. I'll contemplate on it as well. 

❤️

[Someone here]

3 minutes ago, Mandy said:

body/mind that's not mine

Now come on ..you are supposed to be highly conscious and that.. 

It does appear that others are not you .but 

We know that they are not actually "over there" out in the world. . Like when you look into a mirror. You know the person in the mirror is just an appearance and where the awareness resides is not inside the mirror but here.

 all people are here. 

There is no difference between your thoughts and a voice of your daughter. 

9 minutes ago, Mandy said:

I'm so glad you asked, yes! I'm very enthusiastic about nose picking being more socially acceptable. I'm creating some nose picking pride shirts now. Would you like to weigh in on the design and buy one? I'm thinking of a green t shirt with something like "Don't be so picky about what other people do!" 

Lmao. 🤟

10 minutes ago, Mandy said:

No it's not. What does it mean if I say I care about you, or if your mom says that? What does it mean to care about something? 

That i feel you are part of myself or there is common thing between us on an existential level.

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

If caring what people think is bondage, what is the attempt to become someone who does not care at all what others think? 

 

Yeah. First there appears the belief "I care too much what other people think"

 

Then there appears an attempt to become a person who doesn't care what other people think.

 

But it's like having your car stuck in mud, wheels spinning but not moving anywhere. And then shifting gears to reverse and still not moving anywhere cause the wheels are in the same mud. 😂 "Self-improvement"

 

 

Edited August 1 by Blessed2

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Now come on ..you are supposed to be highly conscious and that.. 

 

I'm supposed to be highly conscious? What makes you think that? 

 

2 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 

That i feel you are part of myself or there is common thing between us on an existential level.

So how does this apply to other people thinking? 

[Mandy]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

 

There is no difference between your thoughts and a voice of your daughter. 

She wants pizza for breakfast, and I don't want to get her pizza for breakfast. So it seems there's a difference. 

[Marcel]

Great Topic.

 

My philosophy on it is.

 

I am interested in what people think about me. Whether positive or negative doesn’t even matter to me. But I do want to know if possible and am grateful for every opportunity.

 

It can give me a lot of insight to read or hear about what someone is saying about me. To me, everything, and it doesn’t matter what it is, I truly don’t mind if someone is tearing me down or is inspired by me or whatever it may be, is useful.

 

It’s all a giant case study to me. Helping me to further my own understanding and possibly leading me to have insights I wouldn’t have otherwise had. It’s all fine to me.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 1 by Marcel

[Mandy]

8 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

Yeah. First there appears the belief "I care too much what other people think"

 

Then there appears an attempt to become a person who doesn't care what other people think.

 

But it's like having your car stuck in mud, wheels spinning but not moving anywhere. And then shifting gears to reverse and still not moving anywhere cause the wheels are in the same mud. 😂 "Self-improvement"

 

 

👍 Isn't self improvement kind of fun though? Sort of like telling the universe you want to see an orange car, and then instead of not noticing you're like "OMG IT'S AN ORANGE CAR!". So when you notice yourself not caring what someone thinks if that's what you're looking out for, it's an orange car. When it sucks is when you start noticing the cars that aren't orange.