Sexual attraction

[WhiteOwl]

Is sexual attraction something that is created? Is it something that you only have towards certain "people", that might eventually fade away?

 

I recently had sex with an old partner where it wasn't as great as i had hoped it would be. I couldn't relax fully due to too tension and unresolved stuff between us, but i still wonder about the question.

 

How is sexual attraction created if so.

[Mandy]

Desire. Hope is a turn off. Why sex and not a conversation if there's unresolved stuff? Is there a relationship or is it just sex?

[Reena]

I think it depends on the chemistry of the situation. 

[WhiteOwl]

10 hours ago, Mandy said:

Desire

What is a desire? How do you desire 

 

She wanted sex, not me really. I mostly wanted to talk, but she is not interested in seeing me again. I have been an idiot. Also I discovered I started acting in the same patterns I did last time we saw each other, even though things are so different. Kind of like how it happens with family. Not in a good way

Edited July 6 by WhiteOwl

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl What do you want moving forward? If a cold winter makes you want color and warmth, what is the contrast here, what do you know you want that you didn't before?  

[WhiteOwl]

11 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@WhiteOwl What do you want moving forward? If a cold winter makes you want color and warmth, what is the contrast here, what do you know you want that you didn't before?  

I want a relationship with her. I want the amazing intimacy that we have had before. I want amazing sex. 

 

I feel a lot of guilt though for how i treated her. I don't feel well recieving anything from her right now. 

 

And she is also angry at me, for good reason

 

We are just so aligned and what we care about and like to do, and really understand each other. Not going for that would be ridiculously stupid. And i see differently now. I won't blame her for any of my own crap anymore.

Edited July 6 by WhiteOwl

[WhiteOwl]

@MandyWhats your advice for how to deal with this situation. What can i do but apologize.

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl  Express what you want. That's all, it's that simple. Have you told her this?

 

22 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

I want a relationship with her. I want the amazing intimacy that we have had before.

 

We are just so aligned and what we care about and like to do, and really understand each other. Not going for that would be ridiculously stupid. And i see differently now. I won't blame her for any of my own crap anymore.

 

No one hits up someone they had something with for "just sex" without a desire that the relationship comes back together too. Might not be admitted or even conscious, but it is. Just my opinion. 

[WhiteOwl]

Just now, Mandy said:

Express what you want. That's all, it's that simple. Have you told her this?

Not in this clear way. I did it but it happened way too early, kind of the next day after i became more clear. But i needed more time to feel into things i realized. 

 

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

No one hits up someone they had something with for "just sex" without a desire that the relationship comes back together too. Might not be admitted or even conscious, but it is. Just my opinion. 

I don't think so either, but thats what she said. I didn't show a lot of change though in my way of acting which surprised me aswell, but like i said there was some dynamics that have to be talked through or something

[Mandy]

32 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

I don't think so either, but thats what she said. 

You know, you CAN withhold sex until you've had the conversation you want, women have been doing it for millennia.  😉

 

She doesn't want to get hurt again. It's aversion, she isn't aligned with what she wants, she's thinking about what she doesn't want, while wanting part of it. What leadership actually is is just alignment. What good relationships or good sex is is alignment. All you can do is hold your own alignment. That's not going to happen when you're rehashing all the regrets or explaining yourself, but stories can be told from alignment and stories can reveal what lessons were attracted and why.  She wants to know for sure that the lesson was learned, and won't be repeated. No one knows this about any lessons, that's the potentially disappointing thing, there's no guarantee, none of us really learn anything. It's just alignment, and how it feels. You can't really assure her, she has to find her own alignment in the unconditional, and not look for trust in a person. All you can do is express what you want and align with it. 

 

 

[WhiteOwl]

55 minutes ago, Mandy said:

You know, you CAN withhold sex until you've had the conversation you want, women have been doing it for millennia.  😉

 

She doesn't want to get hurt again. It's aversion, she isn't aligned with what she wants, she's thinking about what she doesn't want, while wanting part of it. What leadership actually is is just alignment. What good relationships or good sex is is alignment. All you can do is hold your own alignment. That's not going to happen when you're rehashing all the regrets or explaining yourself, but stories can be told from alignment and stories can reveal what lessons were attracted and why.  She wants to know for sure that the lesson was learned, and won't be repeated. No one knows this about any lessons, that's the potentially disappointing thing, there's no guarantee, none of us really learn anything. It's just alignment, and how it feels. You can't really assure her, she has to find her own alignment in the unconditional, and not look for trust in a person. All you can do is express what you want and align with it. 

 

 

Very spot on thanks a lot. Yes her doubt also comes from my lack of alignment I think. 
 

what’s the best way to bypass all the bullshit and find alignment with someone.

positive aspect list? ☺️

problem has been rehearsing and thinking there is something to fix as you said. No more of that.

 

thanks a lot really. Truly helpful

Edited July 6 by WhiteOwl

[Mandy]

@WhiteOwl ❤️🙏  Feel the guidance of impatience and be ok with it if you don't find alignment with her, don't look for it from her, look for alignment unconditionally. 

 

I keep thinking of this Bashar excitement formula whenever I reply here, so here you go. Step 3 is really what I think you're trying to bypass, and getting bullshit instead. Don't bypass step 3. 

 

 

Step 1

Act on your excitement, your passion, whatever is most exciting to you, in the moment. Do this every moment that you can.

 

Step 2

Do this to the best of your ability. Take it as far as you can go until you cannot take it any further.

 

Step 3

Act on your excitement/passion with absolutely no insistence, assumption or expectation of what the outcome should be.

 

Step 4

Choose to remain in a positive state regardless of what happens.

 

Step 5

Constantly investigate your belief systems. Release & replace the un-preferred beliefs: fear-based beliefs, and the beliefs not in alignment with who you prefer to be.

https://www.bashar.org/formula?r_done=1

 

 

As you see in step 3-5, this isn't just about getting things in our life to seem good on the surface level. There isn't really the surface level, it's all just how we feel about it, which filters the experience. There is no what is. The relationship isn't the end game, no matter what happens, something is being revealed to you. You can't lose.