What to do when anger arises?

[Bob Seeker]

Let’s say I’m taking a nap and my sister walks by my room making a lot of noise.

 

the thought arises: “she is disturbing my nap” and other related thoughts

 

the feeling of anger arises

 

the thought arises: “this anger is toward her”

 

What is my ideal response? My guess is to feel the anger and any related tension, while simultaneously dropping the thoughts about “why” the anger is there. To let the anger and tension wash over me and let it run its course.

 

is this an intelligent approach?

[Daniel]

That sounds like an intelligent approach to me, yeah - bring attention to the visceral experience of anger rather than getting caught in mental conclusions and judgments, and just let the body relax, breathe, and release.

 

Sounds so easy in theory.😄 You have to turn it into a habit, though, so it's an approach that does require patience and persistence if you want to see meaningful results.

[Mandy]

The saying "let sleeping dogs lie" is because often if you jump on a dog when it's in deep sleep you'll get snapped at. It's the making it personal (someone did this to me) that's suffering. With that said, a conversation with your sister or some ear plugs might be allowing what's wanted. 🤷‍♀️

[Reena]

You have to let go and think of things you can be grateful for. 

[Reena]

Dealing with low quality people inspires anger. That's natural, nothing wrong with how you react. You just have to weed them out of your way and avoid them ASAP and as much as possible. They lower the quality of your life as well. So just throw out that sort of a thing from your life. 

 

[Phil]

@Bob Seeker

Sounds like the ol intelligence, yes. 

 

Sometimes anger can uncover subtle judgements & beliefs in separation too. There’s always something there so to speak, of a lighter, more insightful lighthearted manor. The intelligence as it were is prior to even sleep / so called sleep, and is always intelligence and always at play if you will.

 

Like once I was up till midnight laying in bed, when I typically fall asleep rather instantly. I thought, hmm, interesting. Wonder what this is about. I just watched a movie … 1am, 2am… 3am, still not falling asleep. No judgment though, just some curiosity like what gives? It’ll be neat to seat what this is about.  Shortly after 3, I felt a tick on my leg. (Was in a cabin in the woods). Disposed of it, appreciated the Intelligence and the true nature of, & fell right asleep.

 

Maybe it applies, Idk, you have to see. Maybe as you’re woken up from a nap, there’s an interesting, even somewhat exciting ‘reason’. Maybe it actually makes sense & is even related to what’s wanted. 🙂

 

Guidance / scale wise, disappointment (not I’m disappointed or this, he, or she is disappointing)… imo, points right at This. 

 

Maybe, instead of anger, being frustrated & disappointed and getting lyme disease.. there was just more revealing and reveling in the profundity, nature & guidance of Being. 

 

🎩 

[Reena]

Even though toxic situations can be difficult, they can also be an opportunity for spiritual growth. If we can learn to surrender and let go of our ego, we can find peace and happiness even in the most challenging circumstances.

[Joseph Maynor]

There are no "low quality people" only low quality thinking.  The former seems to suggest that anger is always someone else's fault.  I felt a tiny little bit of anger arise when I read "low quality people", like a very tiny trigger.  I'm observing it now.  Ah, it has passed.  It's ideas being clung to that cause anger.  It's more inside than outside caused.  Some people can get angry at nothing, I don't think nothing is low quality.  There's something else occurring there -- anger is internally driven.  I like realizing that feelings and emotions are impermanent and will pass.  And they are due to the mind.  Oftentimes, a certain thought will trigger passions, feelings, emotions such as a strong identification with the ego.  You feel slighted all the time.  So it's that identification with the mind/body/ego that triggers anger when that identification or I-Thought is strong.  When the I-Thought weakens, the anger doesn't arise as strongly because you realize what you are exceeds the small self in the illusory, transient world known as you.  The underlying issue is how do we help you/me from feeling slighted or threatened on the regular.  Being against anger is a trap.  It's better to remove the ignorance of the nonexistence of a separate self which is causing the anger.  Let the anger be.  Trying to be against anger will only generate new and differently-sourced anger arising from that thought that anger shouldn't exist or that one shouldn't be angry.  Anger is caused by the thought "the outer world (including other people) shouldn't work this way, act this way, be this way toward me".   This is a sneaky trap and thought -- I don't want to be angry or shouldn't get angry, I need to be at peace all the time.  Boy that will generate a lot of anger!    

Edited June 5 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

From ChatGPT:

Q: What causes anger?
 

"Anger is a complex emotion influenced by a combination of psychological, biological, and social factors. Here are some key contributors to the feeling of anger:

 

Psychological Factors

• Frustration: When a person is blocked from achieving a goal or faces repeated failures, they often feel frustrated, which can lead to anger.
• Perceived Injustice: Feeling wronged or unfairly treated can trigger anger. This can be due to personal experiences or witnessing injustices against others.
• Threats to Self-Esteem: Insults, criticism, or any threat to one's self-worth or dignity can evoke anger.
• Stress: High levels of stress can lower a person’s tolerance for frustration, making them more prone to anger.
• Trauma: Past experiences, particularly traumatic ones, can leave individuals more sensitive to triggers that remind them of those events.

Biological Factors

• Genetics: Some individuals may have a genetic predisposition that makes them more prone to anger.
• Brain Chemistry: Imbalances in neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine can affect mood regulation and contribute to anger.
• Hormonal Influences: Hormonal changes, particularly those involving testosterone, can influence aggression and anger.
• Health Conditions: Certain medical conditions, such as hyperthyroidism or neurological disorders, can lead to increased irritability and anger.

Social and Environmental Factors

• Learned Behavior: People can learn to express anger from their family, culture, or social environment. If aggression and anger are common in one's environment, it may become a learned response.
• Social Stressors: Economic pressures, relationship problems, and social conflicts can all contribute to feelings of anger.
• Cultural Norms: Some cultures may have different norms and tolerances for the expression of anger. In some contexts, expressing anger might be more socially acceptable or expected.

Situational Factors

• Immediate Environment: Situations that are physically or emotionally uncomfortable can trigger anger. For example, being in a crowded, noisy, or hot place can increase irritability.
• Provocation: Direct provocations, such as being insulted, threatened, or attacked, often result in immediate anger.

Cognitive Factors

• Thought Patterns: Negative thinking patterns, such as overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, or having unrealistic expectations, can contribute to anger.
• Interpretations: How a person interprets events around them significantly impacts their emotional responses. Misinterpretations or biased perceptions can lead to anger.

Understanding the root causes of anger can help in managing and addressing it effectively through various strategies such as cognitive-behavioral techniques, stress management, communication skills, and, when necessary, professional counseling or therapy."