Erasing Nahm

[ivankiss]

Before I go into this I want to make it clear that I mean no harm to anyone. 

I will give my best to remain as respectful as I can.

 

This is strictly for "emptying" purposes. If it is against any rules, let me know. 

 

It is more than obvious to me that Nahm has to die. Just like Leo had to die. And everyone else too.

 

I'm sure you have seen this movie before. But I promise to give it a unique spin.

 

 Remember the hospital trip report? 2018. I was in Sri Lanka with this hot little blondie who then ended up breaking my heart and completely destroying my life. Sold everything I got to live in this fantasy with her, on a desolate island, far away from anyone or anything that we ever knew before. We were young, stupid, naive and hurting. But we were in love. We really had something going on there, for a moment.

 

Business was going bad, slowly we ran out of all money and things became really dark. We were trapped on that island, staying illegally, for nearly two years. That story... is a book on its own.

 

In all that mess and chaos... We were both heavily into spirituality. Nonduality. All that jazz. We watched all the videos together. We spoke only the spiritual language. We liked to take pride in being an awake couple. A nondual couple, even.

 

So stupid...

 

I joined the forum because she was pressuring me to read more often and do something new... And that's how it all started.

I joined actualized.org

 

I made the very first post. Nahm's very first reply was "Maria!"

Oh yes. I remember most of it, very, very vividly.

 

Something stood out right away. Of course.

I am sure many had the same experience.

 

There was just something else about Nahm.

 

Shortly after this first post, I started pushing hard with my questions. I really went places back then.

It was all slowly opening up and revealing itself to me. And it was magical. Terrifying too... but still beautiful. 

 

Nahm fucking knew it all. Nahm knew exactly what I was going through, why I was going through it, why I was asking the questions I was asking, what my next question was going to be... everything. He was just right there, man... Right in my face. Right behind my back. Right with me, during, and very often, long after our conversations too. 

 

Nahm made me feel like I was truly heard. Like all these thoughts that were running through my head had a place to be. Like there was someone out there who knows what they mean, why they are there... He know exactly what each and every thought was and he always answered with such precision... it was insanely intense, at times. It was like a fatal chess game, taking place in our minds.

 

I was in love with this Nahm character. So much wisdom. So much understanding, patience, compassion. And not to mention humor.

The guy was just hilarious at times.

 

I was hooked. So very bad.

Doing the work, for real, on some level, yes. But being so ignorant, so neglectful, so blind, so stupid, on many other levels.

 

My girlfriend ended up cheating on me, in the nastiest way possible, with the excuse of me spending too much time on the forum and giving it way more attention than her. Just hilarios.

 

Now you see my dearest Nahm... My truest master... I simply have no other choice.

You made my girlfriend cheat on me. I must break you now. You must be destroyed.

 

JK Of, course.

 

I think we both know what this is all about. 

This is about "a student" realizing that there is no "master". 

 

This is about burning the pedestal. Erasing the idea of you.

 

And now forgive me, my master, but I cannot give it to you all at once.

There is a lot to say here. Rest is needed, time is short.

 

P.S. I made sure to throw all your favourite words in there. "I, me, you, student, master, levels, time..." 

You're gonna love this.

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

One thing - you got great memory. 😆

What do you eat? What's the secret? 

 

[ivankiss]

15 minutes ago, Reena said:

What's the secret? 

 

Lots of suffering. 

And even more love, for something far greater than me.

[Mandy]

What a trip, to think that someone might be finally able to "get you"? 

 

I get it. 

[ivankiss]

This shall be an easy kill. It took a lot more to face my own death.

 

I promise to show honour and respect, but no mercy.

 

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

I get it. 

Careful, you might get your own thread 😄

[WhiteOwl]

15 hours ago, ivankiss said:

This is about burning the pedestal. Erasing the idea of you.

 

Nice reading. Looking back you can't help but loving it a bit right? Its just too good.

 

What about erasing the idea of "me", the student. 

 

15 hours ago, ivankiss said:

This is about "a student" realizing that there is no "master". 

 

 

Edited May 28 by WhiteOwl

[Mandy]

16 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Careful, you might get your own thread 😄

That was some ironic humor there. 😉

 

16 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

This shall be an easy kill. It took a lot more to face my own death.

 

I promise to show honour and respect, but no mercy.

 

So much drama and unnecessary heroism and stories of princess ravaging.  You want to kill the buddha, just to mount its head on the wall so you can lookup to it everyday? Wouldn't it also be ironic. 

 

It's more like Shrek. 

 

 

[ivankiss]

The Sound of One Hand Killing 

 

The first lesson I must teach you Nahm, and all of you witnessing his demise, is... Respect The Shadow.

 

You are clearly blind down here. You can't see a thing. Your eyes have not yet adjusted to the dark.

You never gave them the time they needed. You never learned to see the true intelligence of darkness.

You might think you did... but I promise you, there are depths you never knew existed.

 

The Shadow is God. The Shadow is Being. The Shadow is Infinite Intelligence.

 

It is as intelligent as it is, precisely because fools like you think they can love n light their way out of it. 

All of your blind spots are here. Trust me. I see them bright and clear. 

 

Make no mistake. This is not Revenge. This is truth. This is love.

 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

That was some ironic humor there. 😉

 

It was funny, yes. Not sure why it wasn't funny "over there".

 

Triggered Mandy says

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

So much drama and unnecessary heroism and stories of princess ravaging. 

Oh really? First of all, is anything in existence really, truly unnecessary? Second, is this not all about "emptying"? Was that not stated clearly enough on the top?

Why you taking it to heart?

 

9 minutes ago, Mandy said:

You want to kill the buddha

Please.

 

Nahm is no buddha. Wake up, now. Nahm is an idea. A very sticky thought.

 

If anything, I am The Buddha. AND NOT EVEN.

 

14 minutes ago, WhiteOwl said:

What about erasing the idea of "me", the student. 

 

Um, maybe go reading my 7365 other threads that I made so far, if interested about erasing the idea of Ivan.

This... is about Nahm, exclusively. Deliberately, consciously and on purpose.

For a very good reason. Yes. Reason. Another one of ya'all favourite words.

[ivankiss]

Second lesson, coming at you at lightning speed, is... recognize infinite creativity when it's happening right in front of your face.

It's coming very soon, I promise. I just need to do some shit around the house first. My girlfriend wants me to be more of a handy man.

 

[ivankiss]

I am being so fucking hilarious right now that a completely new word should be invented for this level of epic humourism. 

I am so fucking in love with me right now. And it is for real, I can tell.

 

If only you could see through my eyes... 

 

[WhiteOwl]

What a show. Enjoy my dude

[Mandy]

@ivankiss Alright, enjoy yourself. 

[ivankiss]

@Mandy @WhiteOwl ❤️

 

You see, my dearest Nahm... While you were meditating your ass off for all these years, I have been doing something a bit more advanced.

I am sorry I must bring you and your crowd down. This confidence is not delusion. I know you all would like to believe that. It would make you feel less uncomfortable.

This confidence is earned. This is true self - respect and self - love speaking. 

 

I have been more enlightened than you and all of your disciples combined since age 6. 

When I first laid my eyes and my hands on a guitar. Never to let go of it , ever again.

 

Oh no, I am not just any old musician. I am not just any hobby feel good busking lunatic clown.

I live and I die for this shit. No questions asked.

And my skills are also otherworldly.

 

Music is, was and forever will be... The One and Only True God.

You and I... We are only in the way.

 

Does 20 years of meditation equal 20 years of just sitting and playing guitar? Of course not. You have to be so much more enlightened to just sit and play guitar for 20 years straight. You would not only become conscious of your infinitude, you would not only master the breath and emotion, you would not only see clearly the beginning and the end of each and every thought...

 

Oh no... You would get so much more. Infinitely more. Just an octave above the root, perhaps.

By just sitting and playing for 20 years straight... You would come to know what true, infinite creativity is.

 

And you and I both know... nothing can stand in the way of infinite creativity. Not even it itself.

Edited May 28 by ivankiss

[Mandy]

@ivankiss You have a pie. The pie is infinite. The pie is love. You cut the pie in order to apparently share the pie. Then the intention of giving/sharing is lost, and comparing takes its place. You have more pie, less pie. Less blueberries on a piece of pie. This piece of pie is prettier than this piece. This piece would be more shapely if it went under the knife again. No, it's not about the shape or the berries, it's all about the crust thickness. Never mind that, this piece is more golden brown on the crust than this one. Infinite ways to compare? No. 

 

It's just infinite pie, all there is is giving and sharing. 

 

No one is bringing anyone else down, it's impossible. It's indiminishable pie. 

 

[ivankiss]

@Mandy I appreciate it, but there is no fixing of any kind needed here. This is emptying, this is expression, this is fun, this is creativity, this is healing, this is truth.

It is perfect as it is.

[ivankiss]

In other words, for you sleepwalkers reading, I do not actually mean this shit. And also, there is no "me" to mean any of this. You should all know that by now. You keep repeating that there is no one here over and over again.

 

This is truth speaking.

[ivankiss]

Even more down to earth and non spiritual gibbersim:

 

I am just working some shit out here folks. My personal shit. Has nothing to do with anyone else but me.

 

So now, if you can, just... please... Mkay?

[ivankiss]

You might think you know a lot about what enlightenment is, but you do not know anything about how enlightenment moves, clearly.

And you know why? Because you are blinded by ideas and beliefs such as: movement is an illusion, time is an illusion, unicorns aren't real.

That's why you're stuck.That's why you're bugging. Lagging. That's why all of this is flying right over your head. 

That's why you're so incredibly boringly one - dimensional. And not even.

 

I am light years ahead of you.

You can't even see me anymore.

[ivankiss]

I wonder how deep the stab wound is every time you read the word "YOU"

[ivankiss]

You fucked up Nahm. You did. Hard.  And not only once. With me, personally, directly. And with others too. 

There's no shame in that. We all fuck up.

But pretending that you're not even there? That you take no part in any of this? 

That's low brother. Can't hide behind this "there is no one here" mask forever.

 

It will backfire, sooner or later.

 

Wow... Look at that Nahm... Seems like I'm not the one who is afraid, insecure and inferior, after all.

There is a perfect word pointing towards those who hide or run away when shit gets heavy... I believe it's "cowards".

 

Now that cuts deep.

 

But since I know you're not there, and can't actually feel shit, I know you won't complain.