I feel like a failure.

[Reena]

I feel like an utter failure. I feel like a mess. I feel like I can never handle anything. My work never gives me any satisfaction and no job will ever give me any satisfaction. I don't feel motivated to do anything. I never feel truly fulfilled. I find life completely meaningless. I don't know how to and where to find meaning. I feel like I made a mess out of myself. I don't know what or who God is. I just feel like life is endless misery although I tried to keep myself happy in some moments yet failed. It's just like I don't know if anything works anymore. 

[Reena]

Sometimes I seek comfort in nihilism and depression because at least my feelings of worthlessness are true. The feelings of overwhelment and frustration sneak in. Then nihilism begins to feel better because at least it's not lying to me.

 

[Joseph Maynor]

Feelings are caused when the Self is seated in the body.  This is where spiritual enlightenment work can really help someone.  To Re-seat the Self in the Self.  I can tell you've already been doing a lot of this work too.  You already know this.  People on here are already very well aware.  It's like preaching to the choir sometimes.  Like a mirror reflecting on itself an appreciating the reflections of light like looking at a diamond.

Edited May 26 by Joseph Maynor

[Reena]

10 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Feelings are caused when the Self is seated in the body.  This is where spiritual enlightenment work can really help someone.  To Re-seat the Self in the Self.  I can tell you've already been doing a lot of this work too.  You already know this.  People on here are already very well aware.  It's like preaching to the choir sometimes.  Like a mirror reflecting on itself an appreciating the reflections of light like looking at a diamond.

I still feel like a failure. I feel like I just can't do anything right ever.

[ivankiss]

Tell me about it. I am nowhere fucking nearly where I want to be. Nowhere nearly where I know I should be. I put in so much fucking work and I endured so much fucking pain, and I barely moved anywhere. Nothing really changed. It all still sucks ass and I'm just all talk and I'll never be who I want to be. It's me against the world.

[Mandy]

37 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Tell me about it. I am nowhere fucking nearly where I want to be. Nowhere nearly where I know I should be. I put in so much fucking work and I endured so much fucking pain, and I barely moved anywhere. Nothing really changed. It all still sucks ass and I'm just all talk and I'll never be who I want to be. It's me against the world.

Where do you know you should be? 

[ivankiss]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

Where do you know you should be? 

Where I deserve to be! It's mine! I worked my ass off for it! I gave it my all and more! I it's mine!

[Mandy]

@ivankiss That's rationale for why but not where. Where do you know you should be? 

[Phil]

@Reena

What you’re lookin for doesn’t come from life or meaning, it’s within you. Look there, inward.

[ivankiss]

14 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@ivankiss That's rationale for why but not where. Where do you know you should be? 

In a better place. A place I dreamed of for so long. A place I still dream of all the time. A place where everything is just awesome.

[Phil]

No one really knows what a failure feels like. No one’s ever experienced one. It seems most know what thinking I’m a failure feels like. 

[Reena]

@Phil not being able to get out of bed or even do basic tasks definitely feels like a failure. You don't have to experience it because you have a job, a wife and children and you seem to be doing fine. 

 

 

[Reena]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Tell me about it. I am nowhere fucking nearly where I want to be. Nowhere nearly where I know I should be. I put in so much fucking work and I endured so much fucking pain, and I barely moved anywhere. Nothing really changed. It all still sucks ass and I'm just all talk and I'll never be who I want to be. It's me against the world.

I really don't know. I think you had been to Italy or Portugal or some foreign city. You bought a car or something. I don't remember much but you had lots of girlfriends. You had a job. But you used to talk about being homeless too. I hope you're doing okay. If not I don't know how to help anyone going through a bad time, I myself don't ever do any better so I'm the last person to help. 

[Phil]

11 minutes ago, Reena said:

@Phil not being able to get out of bed or even do basic tasks definitely feels like a failure. You don't have to experience it because you have a job, a wife and children and you seem to be doing fine. 

Might sound radical at first but it’s the simplest scenario actually… the same thoughts would feel the same to everyone directly experiencing the thoughts. If I repeatedly believed thoughts that I’m a failure, I would be saying what you’re saying to me, to someone else. 

 

‘Feels like a failure’ is very outward oriented & conceptual. Inwardly, towards feeling so to speak, no such thing as ‘feels like a failure’ is actually found. It’s very humbling and liberating to discover the truth that no one knows what failure feels like, only the conceptualization.  

[ivankiss]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I really don't know. I think you had been to Italy or Portugal or some foreign city. You bought a car or something. I don't remember much but you had lots of girlfriends. You had a job. But you used to talk about being homeless too. I hope you're doing okay. If not I don't know how to help anyone going through a bad time, I myself don't ever do any better so I'm the last person to help. 

I've been to places, done things, enjoyed stuff. For sure. Had a lot more than many less fortunate than me. Still do.

 

Doesn't change the fact that I feel like this sucks and I'm nowhere nearly where I want and deserve to be.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I'm also full of shit.

2 hours ago, Phil said:

No one really knows what a failure feels like. No one’s ever experienced one. It seems most know what thinking I’m a failure feels like. 

This obviously cannot be absolutely true, since @Reena and @ivankiss feel like things suck ass.

 

Edited May 27 by ivankiss

[Phil]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

This obviously cannot be absolutely true, since @Reena and @ivankiss feel like things suck ass.

How the belief in failure feels is true. 

[Reena]

1 hour ago, ivankiss said:

Doesn't change the fact that I feel like this sucks and I'm nowhere nearly where I want and deserve to be.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I'm also full of shit.

Your honesty is amazing. Keep going. Thank you. 

[ivankiss]

5 hours ago, Reena said:

 Keep going. 

You too 🤍 

6 hours ago, Phil said:

How the belief in failure feels is true. 

What can be done? Why doesn't it work if I say to myself that things do not suck, that I have more than enough and I should be more grateful, that I'm not a failure, that I'm doing the best I can, etc...? 

[Mandy]

11 hours ago, ivankiss said:

In a better place. A place I dreamed of for so long. A place I still dream of all the time. A place where everything is just awesome.

What if you aren't the character in this novel looking for home, but the author of it? There's never a better place, because there's ALWAYS a better place? 😂 It's infinite, there will always be more expansion, and imagined better. What could be better than that? 

[ivankiss]

9 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What if you aren't the character in this novel looking for home, but the author of it? There's never a better place, because there's ALWAYS a better place? 😂 It's infinite, there will always be more expansion, and imagined better. What could be better than that? 

You speak the true - true, but what's better than that, is exactly what I envisioned for myself, and I won't settle for less. I don't want an alternative, or something similar to it... I want precisely it!