Re-Learning social life skills from ground zero

[Someone here]

I posted this in Actualized as well for how serious it is and to get more volume in terms of advice and perspectives. 

so.....

I'm single for almost a year now . My Ex dumbed me because she caught me jerking off in my apartment to something...

So now I'm feeling extremely frustrated. I just came home from one of the most busy crowded malls in my city trying to chat up some attractive girls ..and also since I have zero social life at the moment I tried to chat up guys as well . For friendship purposes and also for dating ..I have no problem having sex with a handsome dude ..in fact that's something I've been trying to do for few years now but I don't have the balls to approach a cute guy and befriending him only to tell him I wanna gabe your asshole ...

So anyways...I tried to chat up few guys ..this guy was really a dickhead to me ...we ended up fighting and he wounded me in my neck..nothing serious. .just a surface little line that will recover automatically within few days. I've drived home crying . I'm losing all my social etiquette because I literally didn't leave my house and exposed myself to the sun since the beginning of 2024 . Only to go to the grocery store ..or to college..or to job meeting ..etc   but no social life .

Right now .. I don't have a girlfriend..I don't a boyfriend (for gay purposes)..and I don't friends period. 

I'm just losing the basics of social life .what I want is to get out of this funk.  What should I do? I'm really serious. 

[Phil]

@Someone here

Awe! I’m sorry to hear that happened! I can imagine how difficult it is. Breathe, relax, be present. Love is real. Good things happen. You’re ok brother. Insights will come from this. Better times ahead. No worries. 

 

Feel good about having gotten out there and approached. Don’t let the incident rob you of the that victory. In the bigger picture there you’re doing great and this, difficult as it is, I’d frame up as some experience, some tweaks made, and get right back out there. 

 

I’d focus on the friends aspect first as foundation. Not to say don’t approach, but man is it easier with a social circle. There’s just always someone who’s a friend of a friend, who just broke up with someone, and or is looking for someone, etc. 

 

Things I wonder about…

 

How forward vs reserved are you when you approach? There might be some opportunity for more potentially well received approaches. I have a hunch you might be coming on a little strong. 

 

Was the guy the incident occurred with straight, gay, bi? Wondering if he was straight and maybe overreacted, or maybe reacted to you presuming he was gay or bi, or maybe proceeding without inquiring in some way first..? The younger the guy the more triggering that stands to be typically. 

 

Also wondering if there was any conversation between you and the ex. Maybe she stands to be more comfortable with her body and sexuality in general? Maybe it was the ‘something’ she took issue with?

 

Maybe this points to some aspects you stand to feel more comfortable with by talking about? 

 

Also maybe some conditioning, some aspect playing out?

 

Thoughts?

 

 

[Someone here]

34 minutes ago, Phil said:

Awe! I’m sorry to hear that happened! I can imagine how difficult it is. Breathe, relax, be present. Love is real. Good things happen. You’re ok brother. Insights will come from this. Better times ahead. No worries. 

Thanks for the kind words .

34 minutes ago, Phil said:

Feel good about having gotten out there and approached. Don’t let the incident rob you of the that victory. In the bigger picture there you’re doing great and this, difficult as it is, I’d frame up as some experience, some tweaks made, and get right back out there. 

Yes of course its a learning opportunity. But honestly I'm interested more in one night stand . I want to "meet and fuck " ASAP as they put It in ads for dating or porn sites.  It's a hustle for me to play all these social games only to get a fucking girl's phone number.  

37 minutes ago, Phil said:

I’d focus on the friends aspect first as foundation. Not to say don’t approach, but man is it easier with a social circle. There’s just always someone who’s a friend of a friend, who just broke up with someone, and or is looking for someone, etc

I agree . 

38 minutes ago, Phil said:

How forward vs reserved are you when you approach? There might be some opportunity for more potentially well received approaches. I have a hunch you might be coming on a little strong. 

Just flirting with girls ..throwing compliments like hey excuse me I like your dress can we have a chat for few minutes I find you attractive bla bla bla ... but I got rejection. 

just don’t get it anymore. It’s bizarre that anywhere I go I constantly see guys with girlfriends/wives & a lot of the time these women are attractive. But it just seems like no one even bothers to talk to one another anymore unless they know them already.

Ive also tried Online dating . It is a huge disaster unless you have an amazing job or top tier looks. So what is it that women are even looking for these days? Why is it so difficult yet I always constantly see people together. It’s like I feel like I’m in some sort of Matrix or something where things are just meant to happen for others when I’m not around. Yet I never ever see anyone get asked out in person or anything. If it’s so difficult how do so many people find it so easy? I’ve heard of people getting out of relationships than finding another in like 3 weeks time. I just don’t get it at all.

How did you meet your wife If you don't mind asking ?

40 minutes ago, Phil said:

Was the guy the incident occurred with straight, gay, bi? Wondering if he was straight and maybe overreacted, or maybe reacted to you presuming he was gay or bi, or maybe proceeding without inquiring in some way first..? The younger the guy the more triggering that stands to be typically. 

I have no idea about that . He is probably straight though since he first asked "and who's the top and who's the bottom "? I told him you are the ladyboy ..he immediately punched me in the face. 

41 minutes ago, Phil said:

Also wondering if there was any conversation between you and the ex. Maybe she stands to be more comfortable with her body and sexuality in general? Maybe it was the ‘something’ she took issue with?

 

I met her last year . She brook up with me because she didn't believe that I masturabte and watch porn . I tried to explain to her that every young male on the entire fucking planet watches porn and have a wank every once in a while even if he is not single but she just didn't want to go out with me again .

 

[Mandy]

@Someone here Are you accepting of your own sexuality?

[Someone here]

18 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Someone here Are you accepting of your own sexuality?

Yes .totally.  I'm bisexual and I totally love that .nothing to be ashamed of . I like girls and guys ..although slightly girls more . So my bisexuality is not 50/50 ..it's more like 70/30 towards girls .

[Phil]

4 hours ago, Someone here said:

So what is it that women are even looking for these days? Why is it so difficult yet I always constantly see people together. It’s like I feel like I’m in some sort of Matrix or something where things are just meant to happen for others when I’m not around. Yet I never ever see anyone get asked out in person or anything. If it’s so difficult how do so many people find it so easy? I’ve heard of people getting out of relationships than finding another in like 3 weeks time. I just don’t get it at all.

Yeah. Nobody really gets loa, you just have to see it playing out. It truly is immutable. It’ll last as long as gravity. 

 

Do you allow a strong confidence in that you’re in college and on pace for the financial stability & desirability you’re saying women are looking for? Or maybe beating up on school, short changing yourself of the otherwise attracting vibe you have every right to feel and offer? It’s like how the best way to find a better job is to love the one you have. Take pause and appreciate your efforts & where you’re headed. Be easy on yourself. It’s quite attracting. 

 

Not trying to ‘go there’, but direct experience wise I’m “one of those guys”. Not particularly handsome, not charming at all obviously, but never had any issue at all. But… never actually stopped and thought about it either. When I imagine having all the pick up approach thinking going on headspace wise, the next thought is where the headache pills are. Reality might be saying you’re trying way too hard, and that might not be as attracting as was thought. Might be a situation of re-sourcing didn’t pan out, or highlights the worthwhileness of drawing from the Source directly. I mean, a re-source isn’t what’s showing up as these “ladies” & “guys” you know. Alignment of thought with feeling is alignment with what is, what’s being. What you seek is indeed seeking you. Allowing is crucial. 

 

It’s funny that you never see anyone get asked out in person. Like attraction wise, it’s just kinda blocked out. It’s great in that it’s about to open wide and be enjoyed. Not sure if you get the reference but it reminded me of how in GTA 5 you never see the mechanic drop your car off. It’s always behind you. Quite synchronistic with ‘the situation here’. Source’s got your back man. Relax. Let it do its thing more. Trust in what is trustworthy, watch what happens & receive.

 

4 hours ago, Someone here said:

How did you meet your wife If you don't mind asking ?

No I don’t mind. It’s crazy though. We met when we were five. It was somehow obvious she’s it, it’s done, as if I’d written this story myself. I’ve been the luckiest guy on earth ever since. Sorry for any lording, poor timing but you asked.  

[Blessed2]

13 hours ago, Someone here said:

Just flirting with girls ..throwing compliments like hey excuse me I like your dress can we have a chat for few minutes I find you attractive bla bla bla ... but I got rejection. 

 

I actually doubt that just walking to a woman and saying that they look great has never worked to anyone ever, to anyone. Ever.

 

This whole "approaching" thing doesn't sound very good honestly. I'd suggest to just drop that tactic. Especially starting with a compliment. She knows exactly what's up and it's probably just awkward, scary, or boring to her.

 

Just make a bunch of friends. Establish a social circle. Then you'll meet the friends of your friends and the friends of your friends friends. That's how it goes.

 

None of the intimate relationships I've had has started by approaching someone on the street or even in a bar. All of them has begun by making a connection first in a normal social setting, like in a hobby, school, work, a party, etc. Except the current relationship, which was originally a tinder date.

 

13 hours ago, Someone here said:

I have no idea about that . He is probably straight though since he first asked "and who's the top and who's the bottom "? I told him you are the ladyboy ..he immediately punched me in the face. 

 

This is why gay bars exist.

 

[Mandy]

12 hours ago, Someone here said:

Yes .totally.  I'm bisexual and I totally love that .nothing to be ashamed of . I like girls and guys ..although slightly girls more . So my bisexuality is not 50/50 ..it's more like 70/30 towards girls .

Ok, are you accepting of yourself? 

[Reena]

Complimenting a woman on the street makes her feel more suspicious than good.