noomii Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 I want help. It feels like nothing I do is working. This is pretty much same things I have posted about here before but I feel so stuck. It feels very difficult for me to get things done and I feel so stressed about it everyday. I'm always behind with everything everyday and I'm always thinking about my endless list of what I should be doing. I feel so much overwhelment about it. I feel overwhelment about simply shopping clothes and other things I need, it just takes so much time, I don't find what I want and I feel worry about not having done it in time for when I actually need it. Probably sounds silly to some but I have avoided a simple task like that until I realize I really need clothes. It is the same with all other simple daily tasks that I'm avoiding because I think I don't have time for it, it is just too much to do. I have just a few things my job coach tells me to do every two weeks and I feel like I'm always behind and a lot of times I don't even do what she tells me to. I have really tried to make the emotional scale work but after one week of using it daily I'm incredibly exhausted and it just feels like a huge relief to stop using it. Just because Mandy and Phil manages to use it I seem to think there must be something I do wrong. It feels like I'm pushing myself in a way that feels awful because I think I'm not good enough if I don't manage to do it. I'm mindful of emotions everyday and meditate. But I'm still so ungrounded, I don't breathe properly and I feel so easily stressed. I have used breathing exercises too but that haven't worked. I have tried to question more thoughts but that is just one more task that I feel worry about getting done and guilt about not doing enough of it. I feel so bad about how I will start working in june and how I haven't been able to actually relax and enjoy my free time. I think I have so much to do until I start working too, that I won't be able to really enjoy my time left either. I feel worry that I won't get things done in time. I don't really feel comfortable with my psychologist either. I have met him twice and I haven't got any advice from him yet. It feels like I'm only seeing him because he's the only psychologist they have where I get it very cheap, if I wanted to change I would need to change to a different town and I don't think it's the right time for that. I feel a lot of pessimism too about all this spiritual work, I hate how it feels endless and that I'm doing it thinking I will be satisfied in a future. I really hate working for money too, I don't feel motivated or inspired to work with something I feel passion about. That feels like an endless hamsterwheel too that will make me feel miserable. What can I do differently to end this? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 @noomii what caused the exhaustion while using the emotional scale! Can you go into more depth about that? Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 Meditation slows thoughts / thinking down, and the separate self of thoughts is readily noticed. Thoughts comparing present self, to a second self of thoughts or in time are confusing emotionally because there’s no comparison. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 3 hours ago, Reena said: @noomii what caused the exhaustion while using the emotional scale! Can you go into more depth about that? I don't know, maybe the thought that I should go through the whole scale everyday. I try to be gentle and just surrender when going through the scale. When I said that I'm pushing myself I meant that I force myself to do it everyday despite how it feels Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 2 hours ago, Phil said: Meditation slows thoughts / thinking down, and the separate self of thoughts is readily noticed. At this point I really wonder why my morning meditation is not working Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 The problem is that you have everything given to you. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 12 minutes ago, Mandy said: The problem is that you have everything given to you. I can't see it Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 Just now, noomii said: I can't see it Sure you can. The problem is that everything is given to you, if everything is given to you and there's no problem then there's just appreciation. What if your true position wasn't one of being in need of all these resources you have in such abundance but actually being the source of them. Whose day can you brighten? How can you be the light? Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 2 hours ago, noomii said: At this point I really wonder why my morning meditation is not working What would working be? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 2 minutes ago, Phil said: What would working be? Slow down thought activity, ease, inspired action, feeling better, relaxation, mental clarity, contentment and peace Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 2 hours ago, Mandy said: Sure you can. The problem is that everything is given to you, if everything is given to you and there's no problem then there's just appreciation. What if your true position wasn't one of being in need of all these resources you have in such abundance but actually being the source of them. Being the source of them how? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 25 minutes ago, noomii said: Slow down thought activity, ease, inspired action, feeling better, relaxation, mental clarity, contentment and peace How do thoughts about how it’s not working jive with it working? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 35 minutes ago, noomii said: Being the source of them how? You are the love that you've got in abundance and are trying to cheap out of by being in disappointed in all the infinite variety of healing modalities and tools you have at your disposal. No one is saying you have to use them. Flip the script and ask what you can give. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 10 Author Share Posted May 10 On 5/8/2024 at 10:58 PM, Phil said: How do thoughts about how it’s not working jive with it working? Not so good On 5/8/2024 at 11:13 PM, Mandy said: You are the love that you've got in abundance and are trying to cheap out of by being in disappointed in all the infinite variety of healing modalities and tools you have at your disposal. No one is saying you have to use them. Flip the script and ask what you can give. Ask what I can give to others to take off the focus from me? More often than not I think of what I can get when giving or helping, or out of guilt to make them like me 🙂 Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 16 minutes ago, noomii said: Not so good I’m wondering if letting discordant thoughts go, as in not focusing on them -> believing them -> trying to figure out & solve… is what working is. Maybe that is slowing down, ease, inspired action, feeling better, relaxation, mental clarity, contentment and peace. Maybe the ‘not so good’ / discord of some thoughts conveys this, like in an inherent way. Inherent in how it feels, with no believing, solving, figuring out or even help needed. Or maybe that is the needed help, depending on how you look at it. On 5/8/2024 at 10:05 AM, noomii said: What can I do differently to end this? Maybe it’s about what you’re beginning. Maybe this is what overwhelment, frustration, irritation & impatience convey. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 12 Author Share Posted May 12 On 5/10/2024 at 6:10 PM, Phil said: I’m wondering if letting discordant thoughts go, as in not focusing on them -> believing them -> trying to figure out & solve… is what working is. Maybe that is slowing down, ease, inspired action, feeling better, relaxation, mental clarity, contentment and peace. Maybe the ‘not so good’ / discord of some thoughts conveys this, like in an inherent way. Inherent in how it feels, with no believing, solving, figuring out or even help needed. Or maybe that is the needed help, depending on how you look at it. Maybe it’s about what you’re beginning. Maybe this is what overwhelment, frustration, irritation & impatience convey. It makes sense, I think I already understood that I could resolve all of it if I only were mindful of every thought and emotion or meditated a lot more. But I have thought that it feels too difficult to be more mindful than I am. But I guess that's what I'm not doing enough and why I think it's not working. So now I try to be as mindful as I can everyday and I try to meditate a little bit before every task. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 12 Author Share Posted May 12 I also think there are several things wrong with me physically that make me feel this way and I have thought that's why spiritual practices are not working. I have thought I need to figure out what needs to be done physically in order to get better. But I feel a lot of doubt around that as I don't know what I need and trying to figure it out feels so discordant. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reena Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 1 hour ago, noomii said: I also think there are several things wrong with me physically that make me feel this way and I have thought that's why spiritual practices are not working. I have thought I need to figure out what needs to be done physically in order to get better. But I feel a lot of doubt around that as I don't know what I need and trying to figure it out feels so discordant. Sometimes you might want to take a break from the emotional scale and just focus on your state of being. Quote Mention So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 @noomii Share what is true about yourself. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noomii Posted May 13 Author Share Posted May 13 12 hours ago, Phil said: @noomii Share what is true about yourself. I don't know what to say Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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