Cosmic Lotus

[Reena]

I want to follow the path of practical spirituality.

 

[Reena]

First thing I wanna do is add that amazing song to my morning playlist and have a morning energizing playlist.

Then I want to imagine that I'm having a spiritually enriched life. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 11 by Reena

[Reena]

Gifts and curses are a buy 1 get 1.

Unconditional welcome. 

 

 

 

Connecting with the universe. 

 

 

Well done is better than well said. 

 

 

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

 

 

Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.

 

 

 

If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.

 

 

 

 

Life imposes things on you that you can’t control, but you still have the choice of how you’re going to live through this.

 

 

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 11 by Reena

[Reena]

This journal is going to be about spiritual things.

[Reena]

My new journal looks pretty. 

[Reena]

I'll call this Energizing spirituality - something more practical. 

[Reena]

Meditation practices -

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

 

 

 

 

My own interpretation of my rape dreams - 

 

I think there's a strong component of power association/dissociation going on. It seems like if someone was severely bullied in childhood (which I was), there was a nexus of power established between me and the bully like a bully contract. According to the terms of this contract, my own submission to the bully was equated with my survival. Survival was only possible by pleasing the bully. Satisfaction was reached when the bully was happy. They didn't give me any trouble. This became the survival dynamic in the early years of childhood. 

This established a power-surrender system and feedback loop. Whenever such surrender to the power was achieved, it meant ceasefire and thus relief. This relief meant a "peaceful survival." In Hinduism intercourse is defined as "sanbhog" or "mutual eating."  I think by offering myself as a food to the rapist, it's like seeking the permission of the Devil. Or offering oneself as food to the Devil till they are satisfied. 

 

There are self-sacrificial elements involved.

 

Forms of power. 

 

 

spiritual power

 

 stage red power 

 

power of kindness and gentleness

 

power of trust and commitment 

 

    

 

Edited April 12 by Reena

[Reena]

 

There's a part of my rape dream where I tend to gain more power over the rapist. Like I get financially more successful and get ahead in life. I become a very influential person and enjoy fame, success and money. The rapist is a homeless pauper living paycheck to paycheck. 

 

Then one day he comes at my door and the dialogues in the dream are as follows - 

 

"Reena, now you're rich, so you forgot me?" 

 

I'm like, what do you want nasty pig. 

 

As I'm doing my makeup in the mirror, he stands behind me lecturing me about how the world is so fake and that I'm a doll stuck in this brutal world. 

 

 

The Rapist -

"all this is temporary nonsense. You'll soon come to me. You silly girl. They give you all these luxuries and you forget me. you forget me. I was like a father to you. I cared for you. Fed you. Saved you from savages who wanted to kill you. And you, you Sit there and ignore me. I know you aren't heartless. "

 

Me (in front of the mirror adjusting my necklace) 

-

" so you're dirt poor now. What do you want? By the way how are you doing? "

 

The Rapist - 

" I'm not doing good. "

 

Me - 

" I think you want money. And that's why you come to me now. "

I pull out a drawer and grab my purse and take a wad of cash out of it and throw it at him. 

" take this money. That's what you wanted right. Now leave me alone. "

 

 

The Rapist - 

He stands really close to me and then whispers into my ears - " I wanted you." 

 

 

Then I soften a bit. I thought he is just a superficial person who wants to use me for his needs. 

But then I see some genuineness in him. He probably really wants me. He probably does care about me. It's just that his love could not be as pure as I wanted it to be. His love is warped. His love is dysfunctional. Yet it's still love. My heart is not big enough to accept such love. 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 12 by Reena

[Reena]

 

In the rape dream, he tells me that I betrayed him. 

That does mellow me a bit. 

He holds me close and then tells me that I didn't do right. I betrayed him. 

I suddenly feel overcome by emotion. What have I done that has made him so upset? 

Have I really done something that is deeply wrong or unfair to him? 

He clothed me. He fed me. He protected me from savages. 

Then how could I forget what he did for me? 

Can I still trust him? 

I spent years with him thinking that I will be free some day. Or that I won't live buried in past trauma. 

Is his concern valid?

Then he holds me close as im drifting between my thoughts, he tells me that I'm his baby, a strong baby, that I was always a strong child. 

He touches my breasts. He feels them. 

 

 

[Reena]

 

Life and the continuation of Life is composed of the following aspects. 

 

 

 

 

 

        structure of morality and primal instinct. Static component.

 

        balance of two forces masculine and feminine 

 

Light Rohaniyat and Dark Rohaniyat

 

 

    ..... Light triad and dark triad 

 

    Obligation

 

      Karma 

 

       growth

 

       harmony and wholeness. Fulfillment. 

 

        wisdom     

 

............ 

 

Edited April 12 by Reena

[Reena]

 

    Wisdom

 

 

 

        

[Reena]

 

 

                                             

 

What's the difference between non true and untrue?

 

Non true is something that is empty of meaning or a complete distortion of the truth. 

 

Untrue means denial or something didn't happen the way described.

 

 

He said that he could not attend as he was sick. 

 

If you think he was lying about his health, then you'll say - 

 

That's non true. What he said is non true. That means there is no real truth in what he stated. This means even though he said he was sick, there is no truth to the fact of his sickness, it means that he was lying about it or there was no truth in his claim. It was without substantiation. 

 

That's untrue. This can imply that the fact that he said something along the lines of his health is untrue. Which can mean he simply never made such a statement. That's untrue as in he never said he was sick. 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 12 by Reena

[Reena]

 

Different types of meditation. 

 

 

               concentrative meditation

 

     repetitive meditation

                                      

         transcendental meditation

 

          mindfulness meditation             

 

 

Edited April 12 by Reena

[Reena]

 

I feel sorry and sad for people who genuinely suffer in this world. 

Men who work hard in the furnace or on a ship, or breaking timber. Men who feed their families after a long day of work like my father used to. Men who don't feel entitled to the world's resources. 

Men who carry a baby over their shoulders and clean their diapers. 

Men who don't feel the need to assert their manhood all the time. 

Men who don't constantly whine about their suffering and only care about their own emotions. Men who are truly lonely and suffer mental health problems and rely on drugs to get by in life. The forgotten heroes who suffer in silence. Men who are grateful if a woman is talking to them instead of leeching off her. Men who protect their sisters. Men who speak less and mean more. 

 

If I had a son, I would teach him to respect women. That's the first thing I would teach. 

 

I would teach him to be a man. A man who gives something to this world rather than asking and exploiting. A man who never uses women for sex. 

 

A man who is genuinely suffering and in pain and knows what suffering feels like. A man who becomes a beacon of hope and not some average asshole. 

 

I feel sorry and bad for men who never get recognition. Who are humble enough to admit their mistakes. Who are deeply and truly vulnerable. Who drink not for fun, but in pain. Who need help, love and company. Who are gentle and compassionate and who have manners around women. Who are glad when someone listens to them. Who don't burden others with their problems or feel the need to manipulate others for their needs. Who live in dignity and save their money. 

 

Who don't pride in their manhood simply because they are a man, but use their manhood to help women, children and other vulnerable people. 

 

Who truly suffer and 

Not the ones who try to seek attention, who are loud and bashful, and constantly crying out of self importance and entitlement, who want someone to cater to their needs all the time, who never take accountability, who assume they are the only ones who suffer and have no regard or concern for other's time, emotions, health or suffering at all. 

 

Who live in solitude and keep their word, who genuinely care about others and not fictitious pretentious white knighting men who want to help for their own ego. Who are ready to empathize with a woman rather than belittle her or constantly argue her thought. 

 

Men who don't care about being attractive to women but know that there are bigger things to achieve in life than be a popular jock. 

 

Men who don't like to trouble others with their sorrow, who have the humility to understand that others suffer as well. Who know not to add more stress to other's  burden. Who don't expect the entire world to babysit them. Who have order, structure and displine in their lives. Who don't use a woman only for their needs and discard her once they are done with them. Who are not "me me me me me" all the time. Who have the capacity to understand other's situations and problems and the maturity to do what's right. 

 

Men who don't feel butthurt when their pride is hurt or challenged. Men who reflect on themselves when a woman walks away rather than making her the bad person. Men who aren't too concerned with their appearance and who aren't trying to be the big jock. Who aren't throwing their masculinity into everyone's faces or bragging about how many women they slept with. 

 

Men who know their own responsibilities and don't need a woman's approval to feel like a man. Men who aren't guilting and shaming others who don't meet their expectations. Men who aren't just sitting and eating and getting fat. And place all the burden on their mothers. 

 

Men who understand misery and only want to be of help and provide love and protection and be there when others need them. Men who take pride in being of service to others. 

 

Men who don't act like mama's little boy and always running to someone to bitch about something without looking for an objective way of solving a problem. Men who don't want to bring drama and misery to your life but value, compassion and peace. 

 

And also men who are honest, truthful and sincere, don't weaponize truth to hurt others, don't moralize others with their deluded brains, have the emotional intelligence to go beyond logic, don't judge and prey on other's weaknesses to trumpet their own highness, men who know when and how to speak the truth and genuinely want everyone to be in love and peace. 

 

[Reena]

This guy is so terrible. I can't believe I was in a relationship with him. He tells me to jump off. He tells me to die. He tells me I'm worthless. Then he will say I'm stooping low when I tell him to leave me alone. 

 

 

This is the same person who I have shown the greatest compassion in my life, I have not shown this level of empathy even to my mom. He calls me a flower girl. I was so patient and gently compassionate to him throughout the relationship. And he used to hurl racial abuses at me. Still I forgave him on multiple occasions despite his racist attacks. 

 

 

I regret it so much that I showed empathy to such an undeserving person. So ungrateful for all I did for him. I helped him recover from his problems and he systematically abused and exploited and manipulated me. I used to think it's just his meds, he will improve over time. But no. Even after such a long time, he is still that same racist abusive person that he always was.

 

I lost all empathy for him and he acts surprised. 

[Reena]

This guy looks exactly like Benton lol. Just like a twin minus the black hair because Benton has blonde hair. Man I want to marry this dude because he looks like Benton. 😁

 

[Reena]

He looks so sweet. I'm an INFJ.

 

[Reena]

He is so sweet and cute. The kind of guy I would want for a husband.

 

[Reena]

What do you want to gain from communication? 

What are your spiritual practices? 

Edited April 15 by Reena