Frustrated : I think people expect too much out of me

[Reena]

I think I don't have people skills. I always feel like people expect too much out of me. They project their biases on me but when I confront them on their own biases, they get offended and want to cut me out. It hurts. Knowing that this is unfair. If you don't want someone to start a war with you, don't start shit with them either. They act like I'm hurting them. Yet they completely ignore how they might have hurt me to begin with. Why acknowledge your emotions to be valid simultaneously un-acknowledging                    a-nother's emotions? 

Why do people expect out of me what they can't expect out of themselves?

 

[Blessed2]

[Reena]

@Blessed2 the question wasn't about blame. It was about expectations. 

[Blessed2]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

@Blessed2 the question wasn't about blame. It was about expectations. 

 

The problem with people like you is

 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

 

The problem with people like you is

 

Exactly. The problem with people like you is that you go around fixing everyone else except yourself. I don't try to fix others because it's annoying bossing others that way you know. Nothing wrong with what I said, even if you took offense. A lot of people don't appreciate that attitude, I'm no different. 

 

[Reena]

I contemplated on this topic and I wrote this insight - 

 

 

With a narcissist the problem is that you can only get along with them for so long. When they are nice to you, they are nice to you. But you are always on thin ice,so to speak. The day they are bad with you, they might not directly start a war with you, but they will keep throwing little triggers your way to see how much you can take. You don't want to be pissed but how long can you keep up the act? Then you run into a moral conflict of wanting to stay authentic to your emotions versus trying to people please the narcissist. You have to pick one out of the two. I usually choose the former because I can't be emotionally dishonest to myself till my death. It just feels like a life half lived that way. Why why why. Say it like you meant it. I always tell myself - just say it like you feel. If someone really understood you, they would not want you to mask your emotions. They would respect your emotions rather. They would not put their agenda in front of your emotions. Because they too want to be authentic with you, just the way you want to be authentic with them. So just say what you feel and don't hold back. Yes there's a price to pay. But it's too little to what life is in the bigger picture. Life is too beautiful and sacred to be wasted on un-authentic people who don't really care how you feel. If they truly cared they won't let you be smothered in your own misunderstanding, they will build genuine intimacy. 

 

 

 

 

[ThePoint]

Plot twist

It's you expecting others to be the way you want them to be and then you get annoyed when they are not

[Reena]

26 minutes ago, ThePoint said:

Plot twist

It's you expecting others to be the way you want them to be and then you get annoyed when they are not

No. I just expect basic decency and don't wish to be attacked. Not too much to ask for/from someone I have known for a long time. They can even resolve issues privately. Public attacking can impact self esteem badly. I get it that I'm sensitive but if a person is truly respectful they will respect the fact that I'm hurting too. Too often we just don't want to take the other person on board. We want to fill the room with our own selves. The strange part is when they are attacked, they immediately go on the defensive and act offended. How about not offending me? I'm human too? I try to stay patient but the attacking goes on to the point I lose my chill and then I'm like - why should I be the only one to care about consequences? Why should I be the only one to always want to build a bridge and at what price? The problem with toxic people is that they keep testing your boundaries. They wanna see how much you can take. I have taken attacks patiently in the past. Then I begin to feel weird inside. Why am I compromising so much, for whom, for what? People compromise with a bad boss for money. What am I compromising for especially when the other person doesn't give a fuck about how I feel? Eventually when you keep compromising, you become a shell of yourself, you can no longer live in that diminished way feeling wronged even when you weren't wrong, constantly compromising morally and feeling this deep conflict inside. Why comply to something totally absurd to stroke a person's ego right? 

 

It's like this emperor who is naked. You are not supposed to tell him that he is naked because he will be offended. How much will you suppress your own emotions to please someone else? You can do it with little things. But even then, deep down this moral conflict doesn't go away that you're dealing with an EGOTISTICAL BLOWHARD and every time you're supposed to say YES SIR or he feels bad lol. Or he threatens to cut you off. I mean you reach a point where you say - fuck this shit, I'll do I what I want, if you don't like it, shove it up your ass. There is no other way to be authentic. You can't keep playing the game of "namesake." I don't even want it. 

 

I always believe that where your emotions are true, you'll also find people who truly respect you. You never need to put an act, not that it rewards you anyway. 

 

[ThePoint]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

No. I just expect basic decency and don't wish to be attacked. Not too much to ask for/from someone I have known for a long time.

Like I said:

2 hours ago, ThePoint said:

Plot twist

It's you expecting others to be the way you want them to be and then you get annoyed when they are not

 

Doesn't look like staying true to your emotions.

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I try to stay patient

 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I have taken attacks patiently in the past. Then I begin to feel weird inside. Why am I compromising so much, for whom, for what?

 

Exactly. You expect others to be the way you want them to be. You have no reason to stay in a 'long-term' abusive relationship. It is precisely you abusing yourself by staying in it, expecting them to treat you this way or another. Staying true to your emotions? Okay, this person feels bad, goodbye, next one, please. 

 

1 hour ago, Reena said:

I always believe that where your emotions are true, you'll also find people who truly respect you. You never need to put an act, not that it rewards you anyway. 

 

So like the exact opposite of what you are doing in reality?

 

[Reena]

9 minutes ago, ThePoint said:

So like the exact opposite of what you are doing in reality?

It takes time to understand if a person is being toxic or not. I wish I could be more attuned to my emotions right from the get go. 

But then there's another moral conflict and that is the fear of jumping the gun and being too defensive. I don't want to be that way. It doesn't feel like if you are deliberately nice to people, they feel the obligation to be nice in return. In fact paradoxically it leads to the exact opposite. They use your kindness to sorta abuse you and test your patience. It gets to a point where hate becomes the answer rather than love. It's like you are not taken for granted anymore when you tell them to fuck off. We are always taught to be nice to people in all circumstances. It creates a conflict of interest with moral and emotional authenticity. I don't care if someone is offended. Their offense should not come at the price of my emotional and psychological subjugation. I don't need to deal with their maniacal delusional narcissistic disorder due to whatever trauma they went through, dumping their mania on me. They try to keep me on a leash. I'm not letting anyone make me their popular scapegoat. I should take all the blame because they can't handle their shit. 

 

 

[Phil]

There’s nothing wrong with you. 

 

Emotion isn’t different objects or possessions people have. 

People aren’t objects, and therein frustrated is different than frustration.