Does socializing feel incredibly frustrating and tiring sometimes?

[Reena]

Like you don't like anything about people. Everything appears frustrating. Like you are forced to do something you don't wanna do but have to do for society's sake but you're simply fed up with, dealing with all sorts of weirdos. 

 

[Reena]

Sometimes I just wanna escape into my own world and only and only talk to myself. Because you kinda feel like you're never truly understood. But in that inner world, it's like you're understood truly by your own self and then someone comes along to pry into your world and sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't and you live in the confusion and paradoxes arising from conflicting experiences. 

 

[Reena]

Then the thought arises - "what if I'm so confusing that literally nobody would understand me." Can you see how that can be paralyzing? Like you (are) trapped in your body? Yeah?

 

Edited November 27, 2023 by Reena

[Proserpina]

13 minutes ago, Reena said:

Sometimes I just wanna escape into my own world and only and only talk to myself. Because you kinda feel like you're never truly understood. But in that inner world, it's like you're understood truly by your own self and then someone comes along to pry into your world and sometimes it hurts and sometimes it doesn't and you live in the confusion and paradoxes arising from conflicting experiences. 

 

This is kinda what positive psychosis feels like.   Your own inner sanctuary and inner world where you talk to yourself and are frequently completely understood and heard (when its not negative).   "Magical powers look a lot like delusion.   And then someone has to come along and ruin the fun by telling you you're not amazing." last post as Artaemis in positive psychosis before being Banned  on Actualized.  People snap you out of it by prying and shaming you out of your inner world of magic and love.  

Edited November 27, 2023 by Proserpina

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

People snap you out of it by prying and shaming you out of your inner world of magic and love.  

It's better to live in delusion where things don't hurt too much. At least it gives me some sanity and some air to breathe, away from the madness of the crowds. 

 

[Reena]

@Proserpina what if absolutely nobody understood me? How would it matter? We just come to this planet and go. Why would it make any sense that someone should care to listen? 

[Proserpina]

@Reena I believe everyone has inherent worth and value. Everyone deserves to be listened to.  When I was in psychosis I would hold the darkness and sadness and listen very closely to it, very lovingly.   And it would stop.  Everything deserves to be listened to and to be held. 

 

The wind loves to be held and listened to. I would dance with the wind in positive psychosis. 

Edited November 27, 2023 by Proserpina

[Phil]

3 hours ago, Reena said:

what if absolutely nobody understood me?

What a relief that would be, right? Freedom from the ‘need to be understood’.

 

If you can never actually understand anyone else and they can never actually understand you, then there is only to have fun and enjoy the sharing. 

I’m suggesting that is the case. Reference is made to ‘understanding’, yet no one’s ever actually seen or experienced it, because there is only the reference, not the ‘thing’. Like Bigfoot. 

 

It’s not that you are x, y or z - and so no one understands you. It’s that no one understands anyone. 

 

The expectation to the contrary is potentially met with frustration, and frustration does seem tiring. 

[Mandy]

Do you understand yourself? 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

Do you understand yourself? 

Yep. Completely. In my own world, yes. 

[Reena]

3 hours ago, Proserpina said:

@Reena I believe everyone has inherent worth and value. Everyone deserves to be listened to.  When I was in psychosis I would hold the darkness and sadness and listen very closely to it, very lovingly.   And it would stop.  Everything deserves to be listened to and to be held. 

 

The wind loves to be held and listened to. I would dance with the wind in positive psychosis. 

How do you show love to yourself? 

 

[Mandy]

55 minutes ago, Reena said:

Yep. Completely. In my own world, yes. 

Isn't the beauty of the world that it's shared and not owned? 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

Isn't the beauty of the world that it's shared and not owned? 

I'm scared to shared. What if I share something and it's villainized instead of being appreciated? 

The deep fear of being ostracized. Because I always see myself as a bit of an eccentric weirdo, unique, different from the general public. So I get picked on sometimes or treated differently. But this makes me feel inside that maybe I'm not "acceptable" in the eyes of society. Because I dress weird, I act weird, I have weird thoughts and likes and dislikes. So it's an eternal struggle to fit into people who are all alike but different from me. I can't blame how I was born. But deep down the fear of feeling different makes me want to hide everything to myself. 

 

[Mandy]

Just now, Reena said:

I'm scared to shared. What if I share something and it's villainized instead of being appreciated? 

The deep fear of being ostracized. Because I always see myself as a bit of an eccentric weirdo, unique, different from the general public. So I get picked on sometimes or treated differently. But this makes me feel inside that maybe I'm not "acceptable" in the eyes of society. Because I dress weird, I act weird, I have weird thoughts and likes and dislikes. So it's an eternal struggle to fit into people who are all alike but different from me. I can't blame how I was born. But deep down the fear of feeling different makes me want to hide everything to myself. 

 

It's already shared prior to giving it as a gift. We see and can discuss the same moon and stars. Shared. 

 

Eccentric weirdos are the only people worth loving, and everyone is one. Some people hide it. How weird would that be?!  Just makes them even MORE weird. I don't know why they bother. It's more about not caring if people get it or not, people secretly LOVE that but they will work through some jealousy cause they are still hiding that they are also an eccentric weirdo.