Hurt °°° Silence°°°stolen°°° Valley Girl

[Reena]

12 minutes ago, Reena said:

The Rapist can also be a hypocrite. 

 

 

He might tell you that he wants only you. Yet he might be frauding you 

 

 

As a result your trust meter is completely out of whack. 

You simply can never trust anyone. Trust them that they will really love you, never abandon you 

But what he gets post nut clarity kind of a situation where he realizes that he only lusts after you but isn't truly into you. 

What if he begins to like another woman the same way he likes you. You'll lose all interest in his romantic games. In all of his "I only want you" bullshit. 

It's the culmination of all these games that should be the focus. 

Love can sometimes be dysfunctional and our adult and child like needs for bonding are associated with these. 

That inner child never really dies. It wants to be clothed, fed and taken care of. 

 

 

(DO INNER CHILD WORK. YOUR INNER CHILD IS TOO HUNGRY). 

 

 

 

[Reena]

9 minutes ago, Reena said:

But what he gets post nut clarity kind of a situation where he realizes that he only lusts after you but isn't truly into you. 

What if he begins to like another woman the same way he likes you. You'll lose all interest in his romantic games. In all of his "I only want you" bullshit. 

It's the culmination of all these games that should be the focus. 

Love can sometimes be dysfunctional and our adult and child like needs for bonding are associated with these. 

That inner child never really dies. It wants to be clothed, fed and taken care of. 

 

 

(DO INNER CHILD WORK. YOUR INNER CHILD IS TOO HUNGRY). 

 

 

 

It's ok for love to be dysfunctional. I have been through all that. All my childhood I have been given dysfunctional love. 

 

Yet.... There's a caveat. 

 

 

You can still look for trust, commitment, faith, value and support. 

 

If there's spiritual love at the core, even the most dysfunctional love will still be love to a degree. It will be closer to real love or pure love. 

The problem arises when this quality is exploited. 

 

A person can be a rapist, in the sense they wanted what they wanted and they wanted to act in weird dangerous ways, in power hungry ways, yet their hearts could be warm enough to hold space for you. Their hearts could be sincere in wanting you, keeping you, valuing you. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

13 hours ago, Reena said:

These rape dreams are a form of trauma release. Don't feel upset by them. It will be ok.

 

Society's moral standards of rape are extremely criminalizing. 

Rape is a crime. Rapist is a criminal. It's all very black and white. 

But a rapist is also a human being. He is acting out his weird atrocious nature. The only difference is that if we act weird, we aren't harmful to someone and it passes off. 

 

If a woman sexually groped a man in the street, it wouldn't be considered criminal. Because it's not considered harmful. 

 

Everyone tends to act weird at some point in some way. Every one has their own weird side 

 

For example there are swingers. They are people who practice BDSM. They are people who do dangerous stunts to entertain people. 

 

There are addicts. We dont say that these people are criminals. In some ways they are, because they can easily entice others to be addicts too. Thus they can be dangerous to society too. If you are friends with an addict, and you have taken up their addiction, they have caused you harm in the process without you realizing it. 

 

What about wage slavery? That's exploitative too. Yet we don't have public outrage against it. 

 

The public creates outrage against some and not against another. 

It's called selective outrage.. 

 

In a similar fashion, society is enraged on the aspect of rape and it's considered criminal and taboo. 

 

Yet... 

 

There are women who go back to their abusers. Women who were raped and abused by their boyfriends. And then they go back to them. What explains this? 

 

Women who have been with their husbands despite marital rape. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

 

Society's moral standards of rape are extremely criminalizing. 

Rape is a crime. Rapist is a criminal. It's all very black and white. 

But a rapist is also a human being. He is acting out his weird atrocious nature. The only difference is that if we act weird, we aren't harmful to someone and it passes off. 

 

If a woman sexually groped a man in the street, it wouldn't be considered criminal. Because it's not considered harmful. 

 

Everyone tends to act weird at some point in some way. Every one has their own weird side 

 

For example there are swingers. They are people who practice BDSM. They are people who do dangerous stunts to entertain people. 

 

There are addicts. We dont say that these people are criminals. In some ways they are, because they can easily entice others to be addicts too. Thus they can be dangerous to society too. If you are friends with an addict, and you have taken up their addiction, they have caused you harm in the process without you realizing it. 

 

What about wage slavery? That's exploitative too. Yet we don't have public outrage against it. 

 

The public creates outrage against some and not against another. 

It's called selective outrage.. 

 

In a similar fashion, society is enraged on the aspect of rape and it's considered criminal and taboo. 

 

Yet... 

 

There are women who go back to their abusers. Women who were raped and abused by their boyfriends. And then they go back to them. What explains this? 

 

Women who have been with their husbands despite marital rape. 

 

 

 

Women like these who have forgiven their rapist. 

 

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

 

There's a part of my rape dream where I tend to gain more power over the rapist. Like I get financially more successful and get ahead in life. I become a very influential person and enjoy fame, success and money. The rapist is a homeless pauper living paycheck to paycheck. 

 

Then one day he comes at my door and the dialogues in the dream are as follows - 

 

"Reena, now you're rich, so you forgot me?" 

 

I'm like, what do you want nasty pig. 

 

As I'm doing my makeup in the mirror, he stands behind me lecturing me about how the world is so fake and that I'm a doll stuck in this brutal world. 

 

 

The Rapist -

"all this is temporary nonsense. You'll soon come to me. You silly girl. They give you all these luxuries and you forget me. you forget me. I was like a father to you. I cared for you. Fed you. Saved you from savages who wanted to kill you. And you, you Sit there and ignore me. I know you aren't heartless. "

 

Me (in front of the mirror adjusting my necklace) 

-

" so you're dirt poor now. What do you want? By the way how are you doing? "

 

The Rapist - 

" I'm not doing good. "

 

Me - 

" I think you want money. And that's why you come to me now. "

I pull out a drawer and grab my purse and take a wad of cash out of it and throw it at him. 

" take this money. That's what you wanted right. Now leave me alone. "

 

 

The Rapist - 

He stands really close to me and then whispers into my ears - " I wanted you." 

 

 

Then I soften a bit. I thought he is just a superficial person who wants to use me for his needs. 

But then I see some genuineness in him. He probably really wants me. He probably does care about me. It's just that his love could not be as pure as I wanted it to be. His love is warped. His love is dysfunctional. Yet it's still love. My heart is not big enough to accept such love. 

 

 

 

There are two forms of power. 

One is stage Red power. And the other is Spiritual power. 

The Rapist is abundant in his Stage Red Power. 

 

In a sense he is abundantly gifted in this. Pure power to dominate and subjugate. 

 

He could kill and pressure people. He could become a dictator. He could become an oppressor. 

 

Yet he might lack spiritual power. He might not know how to truly love. To show hope and gentleness. 

 

[Reena]

4 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

There are two forms of power. 

One is stage Red power. And the other is Spiritual power. 

The Rapist is abundant in his Stage Red Power. 

 

In a sense he is abundantly gifted in this. Pure power to dominate and subjugate. 

 

He could kill and pressure people. He could become a dictator. He could become an oppressor. 

 

Yet he might lack spiritual power. He might not know how to truly love. To show hope and gentleness. 

 

Here there are many aspects. 

Interpretations and Aspects and Clues is what this journal  is all about. 

[Reena]

6 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

There are two forms of power. 

One is stage Red power. And the other is Spiritual power. 

The Rapist is abundant in his Stage Red Power. 

 

In a sense he is abundantly gifted in this. Pure power to dominate and subjugate. 

 

He could kill and pressure people. He could become a dictator. He could become an oppressor. 

 

Yet he might lack spiritual power. He might not know how to truly love. To show hope and gentleness. 

 

 

Forms of power 

 

 

[Reena]

5 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

Forms of power 

 

 

 

 spiritual power

 

stage Red power 

 

power of kindness and gentleness 

 

 power of trust and commitment 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

11 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

Forms of power 

 

 

 

 the power of love. 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

 

There's a part of my rape dream where I tend to gain more power over the rapist. Like I get financially more successful and get ahead in life. I become a very influential person and enjoy fame, success and money. The rapist is a homeless pauper living paycheck to paycheck. 

 

Then one day he comes at my door and the dialogues in the dream are as follows - 

 

"Reena, now you're rich, so you forgot me?" 

 

I'm like, what do you want nasty pig. 

 

As I'm doing my makeup in the mirror, he stands behind me lecturing me about how the world is so fake and that I'm a doll stuck in this brutal world. 

 

 

The Rapist -

"all this is temporary nonsense. You'll soon come to me. You silly girl. They give you all these luxuries and you forget me. you forget me. I was like a father to you. I cared for you. Fed you. Saved you from savages who wanted to kill you. And you, you Sit there and ignore me. I know you aren't heartless. "

 

Me (in front of the mirror adjusting my necklace) 

-

" so you're dirt poor now. What do you want? By the way how are you doing? "

 

The Rapist - 

" I'm not doing good. "

 

Me - 

" I think you want money. And that's why you come to me now. "

I pull out a drawer and grab my purse and take a wad of cash out of it and throw it at him. 

" take this money. That's what you wanted right. Now leave me alone. "

 

 

The Rapist - 

He stands really close to me and then whispers into my ears - " I wanted you." 

 

 

Then I soften a bit. I thought he is just a superficial person who wants to use me for his needs. 

But then I see some genuineness in him. He probably really wants me. He probably does care about me. It's just that his love could not be as pure as I wanted it to be. His love is warped. His love is dysfunctional. Yet it's still love. My heart is not big enough to accept such love. 

 

 

There are Codependency aspects to this as well. 

If the tormentor gets rid of the object he is tormenting, who will he torment? 

 

If the victim is not relying or codependent on the rapist for their needs then why will the victim stay with the rapist? 

 

All of this is tied together into a Codependency dynamic between the captive and the captor (in this case the rapist). 

 

 

[Reena]

Just now, Reena said:

There are Codependency aspects to this as well. 

If the tormentor gets rid of the object he is tormenting, who will he torment? 

 

If the victim is not relying or codependent on the rapist for their needs then why will the victim stay with the rapist? 

 

All of this is tied together into a Codependency dynamic between the captive and the captor (in this case the rapist). 

 

 

Rape is used as a form of power, control, domination, subjugation and sometimes punishment. 

 

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Reena said:

 

There's a part of my rape dream where I tend to gain more power over the rapist. Like I get financially more successful and get ahead in life. I become a very influential person and enjoy fame, success and money. The rapist is a homeless pauper living paycheck to paycheck. 

 

Then one day he comes at my door and the dialogues in the dream are as follows - 

 

"Reena, now you're rich, so you forgot me?" 

 

I'm like, what do you want nasty pig. 

 

As I'm doing my makeup in the mirror, he stands behind me lecturing me about how the world is so fake and that I'm a doll stuck in this brutal world. 

 

 

The Rapist -

"all this is temporary nonsense. You'll soon come to me. You silly girl. They give you all these luxuries and you forget me. you forget me. I was like a father to you. I cared for you. Fed you. Saved you from savages who wanted to kill you. And you, you Sit there and ignore me. I know you aren't heartless. "

 

Me (in front of the mirror adjusting my necklace) 

-

" so you're dirt poor now. What do you want? By the way how are you doing? "

 

The Rapist - 

" I'm not doing good. "

 

Me - 

" I think you want money. And that's why you come to me now. "

I pull out a drawer and grab my purse and take a wad of cash out of it and throw it at him. 

" take this money. That's what you wanted right. Now leave me alone. "

 

 

The Rapist - 

He stands really close to me and then whispers into my ears - " I wanted you." 

 

 

Then I soften a bit. I thought he is just a superficial person who wants to use me for his needs. 

But then I see some genuineness in him. He probably really wants me. He probably does care about me. It's just that his love could not be as pure as I wanted it to be. His love is warped. His love is dysfunctional. Yet it's still love. My heart is not big enough to accept such love. 

 

 

Aspects of brutality - 

 

If you actually enjoyed the rape and considered it love, it ceases to be rape. 

Do you understand this? 

 

It can't be rape anymore if it's pleasant. Neither is the rapist a criminal. He ceases to be harmful to you. He ceases to be a criminal. Yet he is animalistic in his desires. 

 

How can you call it rape when you enjoy it? 

 

It means it wasn't harming you. 

 

You see something is brutal only as long as it's brutal. 

The brutality stops as soon as it stops being harmful in your eyes. 

 

But how will the rapist keep up with his equation of domination and power if he stops being brutal? 

The whole reason you obeyed him and submitted to him was because you either felt threatened by his power (so out of fear) or you felt dependent on him (for your survival). 

So to keep the equation going on, he has to do either of the two or both. He has to invent new ways to enforce his power or keep you being dependent on him. 

 

If he is a true sadist, he will do both. 

 

You cannot have an amalgamation here. You're conflating two things that are completely contradictory. 

 

One where the rapist or tormentor has to show you love. But on the other hand, you also want to him to keep his power on. He can't be powerful if he is too loving. He can't be loving in the act of trying to enforce power and punishment. He can't be both the Devil and the Saint at the same time. 

You want him to play both roles. 

 

In reality, most people who are straight up psychotic enough to rape you might not have any empathy for you at all. They will be maniacs who will go to prison and all your dreams about expecting such a person to be loving will turn to an absolute mockery of your own beliefs. 

 

Such a figure can only exist in fantasy. 

 

 

 

Edited November 17, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

But wait a minute. Such things have happened in real life. 

Case in point - Jaycee Lee Dugard. 

 

[Reena]

My personal story bears similarities with Jaycee Lee Dugard. 

Feeling like I'm living in a prison as a child. Being tormented and controlled for years. Physical abuse and violence. Feeling neglected, unloved and helpless as a child. 

 

And growing up in a pretty dysfunctional manner and trying to cope with life with this dysfunctional baggage weighing me down at the same time. 

 

[Reena]

And this is how I feel whenever I share my story with women. They will call me drama queen or attention seeker when in reality these women are the ones trying to create a drama out of my life. It's sickening how women treat each other. Time and again my experience with women has always been disappointing. Women just love to hate other women, especially western women. 

 

 

[Reena]

You know who the best women are. The ones that respect you but don't dig into your wounds. 

 

It's suffice to say that I have never seen a strong woman. 

 

If I ever see a strong woman in my lifetime I will touch her feet and that's an oath. 

 

My easiest perspective on women - They are a bunch of chickens and Negative Nancys always pretending to be strong but never strong enough to truly support  one another. Women are a joke. All they ever care about is social image and social image alone. They can scarcely ever see beyond that. Their despise and hate for each other is well hidden under the disguise of fake feminism bullshit. A woman will always be the first one to sabotage another woman any opportunity she gets. Mark my words. I speak from experience. 

 

A woman strong like a building and who can love you the way a man loves you was simply never born. I don't know. I never saw them. But I'll call them the real alpha women. Not the fake alpha women like Nancy Grace. 

 

The level of mistrust or "fake trust" that women have amongst each other is on a Biblical scale. 

 

[Reena]

Evil always uses a catchphrase. 

It's like a system of cabals and their catchphrases 

 

[Reena]

Symptoms of evil. 

 

 manipulation 

 Fraud 

greed 

hypocrisy 

conceited 

psychopath levels of self interest 

agenda driven 

entitlement 

ego 

exploitative 

sabotage 

slander, gossip, twisting, conspiratorial

lack of sincerity 

 

 

Any benefit that evil does to humanity is collateral benefit. It's like a by product. It's not from good faith. 

 

 

Edited November 17, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

19 hours ago, Reena said:

These rape dreams are a form of trauma release. Don't feel upset by them. It will be ok.

 

For the rapist to be nice to you, he has to be a nice person in his heart. Don't trust someone so easily. 

Also the reason you're attracted to his power is because this power is essential to survival. This is the STAGE RED FACTOR. 

 

This is the factor you're attracted to. 

This factor is like a life factor. 

It's a form of raw power necessary for survival. 

 

[Reena]

It's not that the situation made the person turn evil. The person was already evil. It's just that their true colors are visible when all bets are off, when all conditions are perfect. You didn't see the true colors before because back then the conditions weren't viable for them to be shown. 

 

Basically fraud.