_1000 love letters to my lover Benton

[Reena]

Meanwhile I'm waiting here to have sex with you in 300 different ways. 

[Reena]

One day I'll die wanting you, desiring you. 

[Reena]

What is it that I did wrong that you always hate me

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Saylor Twift said:

Keep looking inward and eventually you’ll discover why you deserved everything you got.

What do you mean by "deserved?" 

You mean I deserve hate? 

 

Edited December 8, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

@Saylor Twift nice troll. How did I deserve to be hated? 

I think I know English well enough to know the meaning of the word "deserved." but thanks for explaining. 

There's an abundance of people like you on the internet. I wish you well.

 

 

Edited December 8, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

How should we talk?
Why can't you argue with me rather than at me?

One day I want to build something with you. One day I want you to know that I truly deeply madly love you.

 

[Reena]

For years I imagined I wanted a man like you. Then you suddenly felt like an illusion. I remember each and every word you said to me. Was it always something wrong on my end? 

 

[Reena]

You have gone. But the memories of our relationship are here to stay. You have always been the person I wanted. I worshipped you. I still worship you. You will always be in my heart. 

[Reena]

I have all the pictures you shared with me. All our moments. You will always be the special man. 

I feel like I wanted to say a thousand different things to you. Sometimes loving. Sometimes I wanted to whine. I know in your mind you're probably thinking I'm delusional for still missing you. It was hard on me Benton. You're the only one who could truly understand. Sometimes I feel like I have disconnected from you. Like it never was true love. 

 

[Reena]

Did you never love me? Did you only want me as an emotional outlet? 

Was I only good as long  as I was a listening ear? 

 

I feel ditched. Sometimes it's difficult to comprehend because I trusted you beyond my senses. I loved you beyond reasons. 

 

[Reena]

Just now, Saylor Twift said:

True love is only ever what we say it is at any given moment. I’m cynical to ideas about soul mates, true love romances, happily ever afters.. It only ever works on paper and in film. I wish I could say I believed it wasn’t so, that every being holds within them the capacity for completely giving themselves to that special someone, but alas, it’s all fantasy. It’s all stories made up to keep our minds and our hearts preoccupied with the existential boredom of human existence. 

Could be. But my heart will live in denial. 

[Reena]

Your love hit me like a lightning bolt. I was jolted out of my senses. I didn't have to pretend that I liked you. The orgasms were real. You were into me as much as I was into you. And then... It turned into a mirage. You were gone with the wind. But what we created together was the most beautiful enigma of my life. Your body is a wonderland. Can I sleep on it for some time? 

 

[Reena]

I remember you used to tell me that I laughed like a kid. 

 

When I die, the day I die, these memories will become flashbacks and they will be running through my mind. Everything you said. Everything you did. Everything we cherished.... 

 

[Reena]

Maybe some day you would know that I really loved you. Maybe you don't feel it. You taught me a lot of things though. 

[Reena]

You had a huge impact on my life. What you gave me I'll never forget. 

You showed me love when I had nobody to turn to. 

 

[Reena]

One of the main reasons I was so attracted to you is because you gave me hope in a hopeless situation. You radiated hope. You radiated maturity. You grounded me. I was so chaotic and ungrounded because my childhood was so fucked up. But you had that intensity to understand what was happening with me. 

 

[Reena]

To Benton, 

 

I'm very tired of politician like people in my life. They say something, they do something else. I am tired of being surrounded by psychopaths. I am tired of people who shy away from a genuine conversation. I'm tired of people who showed my family hope and trust and then betrayed cruelly. I'm tired of people who acted like they meant well but they never meant what they said. 

 

 

[Reena]

Every time I was far away from reality, you brought me closer to it. There was something about you. 

 

Benton, I was very lonely when I found you. I was very ill too. I didn't know where to turn. I never felt loved. But when I found you, my world became different. There was hope in the middle of frustration. 

 

[Reena]

Then magically you come back again and give me hope in the middle of life loneliness. 

 

You tell me that those psychopaths won't bother me anymore. 

 

You tell me they can never win. You tell me there is another world in which I can be happy. A spiritual world. An emotional world. A world where you'll know my wounds. A world of perfect understanding. A world where I won't feel unloved anymore. You transport me safely to that world. 

 

[Reena]

Benton, was everything perfect in our little world? 

 

I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to be your wife. 

 

You said to me that there was hope. There was hope inside me. The nightmares I have are an indication of evil and a hopeless world. 

 

A hopeful world is where there is love. A beautiful mind. A beautiful heart. A beautiful place. A beautiful home. It's God's home. There is no supernatural beast coming over there to hurt me. Suddenly the walls have stopped talking. Suddenly the leaky tap doesn't arouse suspicion. Suddenly everything is quiet and a new day has begun. The time is running slow but sure. Everything is normal and perfect. The beast is gone. Because there's friendship. There's love. There's you and me. There's comfort. There's Lords power keeping us warm and safe under a blanket. Now nothing can touch us. Nothing can harm us. Nothing can hurt us. We aren't whole. Yet we're dying. We are living. We are playing. We are going. We are having a good time. The bad times are behind us. Now we built a home in our minds. In this home, we collected every twig, plant, herb, bark and we built our safe space and we built our minds, so powerful, so beautiful that no negativity can defeat it. This is the essence of true spirituality. This is our root. This is our purity. This is our freedom. This is our faith. 

 

We will find strength amid chaos. 

God is the creator. That's what matters.

 

Its only the absence of God that attracts the supernatural beast.