Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 @Devin I mean I don't know what any of this is, this, like what we call life or reality. And anything anyone tells me isnt inherently true. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 Most of you people here have a good work ethic and grew up with more discipline. You don't appreciate just how much that's helped you. Not everyone has those traits. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 1 minute ago, Orb said: @Devin I mean I don't know what any of this is, this, like what we call life or reality. That's like asking what shape is yellow. 2 minutes ago, Orb said: And anything anyone tells me isnt inherently true. True. What do you want Orb? Joy right, then these questions don't even matter, it's just envy of other self righteous pompous egomaniacs that try to act enlightened to stroke their ego because they're envious of some other pompous egomaniac. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 1 minute ago, Devin said: That's like asking what shape is yellow. True. What do you want Orb? Joy right, then these questions don't even matter, it's just envy of other self righteous pompous egomaniacs that try to act enlightened to stroke their ego because they're envious of some other pompous egomaniac. I just don't want to feel suicidal or unstable anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. I probably look crazy right now. My situation seems so tough and I'm fucking tired of trying to contextualize it in a spiritual way to make it easier. It's fucking scary. I'm on the verge of losing everything and it's scary. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 3 minutes ago, Devin said: That's like asking what shape is yellow. True. What do you want Orb? Joy right, then these questions don't even matter, it's just envy of other self righteous pompous egomaniacs that try to act enlightened to stroke their ego because they're envious of some other pompous egomaniac. Also, I think some of the suffering comes from wishing I was special or enlightened. And that if I just live a normal life I'm somehow not as good as enlightened people. Which is my own interpretation. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 I hate that no one has the balls to admit that life is crazy and makes no sense. Everyone always pretends like there's some underlying narrative to any of this. Like it's all gods plan or it's all infinite love creating or it's human evolution. Like all of those are just stories!!! Aaaaahhhh Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 I just want this voice to shut the fuck up, I want all the craziness to stop. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loop Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 6 minutes ago, Orb said: I just want this voice to shut the fuck up What is the voice saying? Quote Mention Ten thousand tears, One Belly Laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Orb said: I just don't want to feel suicidal or unstable anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. I probably look crazy right now. My situation seems so tough and I'm fucking tired of trying to contextualize it in a spiritual way to make it easier. It's fucking scary. I'm on the verge of losing everything and it's scary. It is a tough situation, but you can get through it. I can only try to imagine how scary it feels. What is the main problem a job, have you tried the low end jobs for something in the mean time? 14 minutes ago, Orb said: Also, I think some of the suffering comes from wishing I was special or enlightened. And that if I just live a normal life I'm somehow not as good as enlightened people. Which is my own interpretation. Yep, we're taught to believe stuff like that. Grades in school, people talking trash about others for things like the clothes they wear, everyone you've heard being critical has built up that idea of comparing yourself to others. They were all coming from ignorance, and you will gain nothing from being that respected sage, or special person, happiness is not dependant on any of that, just more misleading. Quit believing the beliefs you've been mislead with and what's left is happiness, you already have happiness it's just overshadowed by the beliefs we're indoctrinated with. Ignorance ignore-ance, ignoring happiness. Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 2 minutes ago, Loop said: What is the voice saying? Everything that has been said in this thread, all of the suffering, all of the attachments. Sometimes I feel like im in a bad psychedelic trip, you know when you feel so mindfucked that it's overwhelming? like that, sometimes I don't understand anything and none of this makes sense, on top of that im on the verge of losing all my money and my credit is going down the toilet. I wake up and do all the positivity shit like prayers of appreciation, meditation, but none of it helps me pay my bills. 3 minutes ago, Devin said: It is a tough situation, but you can get through it. I can only try to imagine how scary it feels. What is the main problem a job, have you tried the low end jobs for something in the mean time? Yes it's a job, my previous job was a contractor position and my contract expired so I have to find another job. Most of the places haven't responded to me and ive applied to many places already. On top of that I waste my time doing interviews and putting on a suit just for some HR bitch to never reach out to me again and ignore my follow up emails when I need money to pay my bills. Ive been applying to low end jobs too and haven't gotten any responses. It's so easy to talk about all the LoA stuff when you have money in the bank lol. Man what I would give just to have 3k in my bank account like the old days.... Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 Im scared that I may be experiencing the onset of schizophrenia, the symptoms match with what im going through. Maybe im overreacting idk Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Orb said: Everything that has been said in this thread, all of the suffering, all of the attachments. Sometimes I feel like im in a bad psychedelic trip, you know when you feel so mindfucked that it's overwhelming? like that, sometimes I don't understand anything and none of this makes sense, on top of that im on the verge of losing all my money and my credit is going down the toilet. I wake up and do all the positivity shit like prayers of appreciation, meditation, but none of it helps me pay my bills. Yes it's a job, my previous job was a contractor position and my contract expired so I have to find another job. Most of the places haven't responded to me and ive applied to many places already. On top of that I waste my time doing interviews and putting on a suit just for some HR bitch to never reach out to me again and ignore my follow up emails when I need money to pay my bills. Ive been applying to low end jobs too and haven't gotten any responses. It's so easy to talk about all the LoA stuff when you have money in the bank lol. Man what I would give just to have 3k in my bank account like the old days.... Well, I wouldn't worry about the debt, you can only do what you can do, try to get any job for the time being and then you're more hireable when you are already employed, whatever happens with the debt happens, it's okay, not a serious problem. 4 minutes ago, Orb said: Im scared that I may be experiencing the onset of schizophrenia, the symptoms match with what im going through. Maybe im overreacting idk You sound completely normal to me. Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 All of a sudden everything's gotten quiet and i realized I have never been speaking this whole time! Wtf, it really seemed like so much chaos was unfolding. I swear this is what's so weird, one second it's loud and crazy and the next it's silent. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Have you tried a temporary employment agency Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 3 minutes ago, Orb said: All of a sudden everything's gotten quiet and i realized I have never been speaking this whole time! Wtf, it really seemed like so much chaos was unfolding. I swear this is what's so weird, one second it's loud and crazy and the next it's silent. Stress does that Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 Just now, Devin said: Have you tried a temporary employment agency I think so. I've gotten in contact with employment agencies though but I haven't gotten a response. I was on the phone with one guy yesterday and he said the contracting team will reach out to me but I haven't gotten anything yet. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Orb said: I think so. I've gotten in contact with employment agencies though but I haven't gotten a response. I was on the phone with one guy yesterday and he said the contracting team will reach out to me but I haven't gotten anything yet. Yeah, alot of companies have high turnover right now so they have employment adds up for when someone in the future quits, you have to apply a lot of places, anywhere that says open interviews will be hiring then though, you can try Facebook groups in your town asking if anyone is hiring. You will find a job I'm sure. But don't worry about it, take this time to workout or whatever, try to let any judgement from others like your mom roll off your back. You're strong buddy, no one weak would seek what you seek or question what you do, you will make it, you're just underestimating yourself which is normal, don't worry about that either. Do physical activity everyday, jog or something, your hormones or whatever will go extra crazy when you're stressed if you don't. Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 @Devin thank you, yea I took a break from working out because I wanted to start fasting and alsand not gonna have enough money to afford meals like I used to but working out might put mind to rest. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOwl Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 1 hour ago, Orb said: It's easy to say that when you're not drowning in debt or on the verge of giving up on life. I also don't have a lot of money right now. And i have a huge student debt also actually. But its not a reason to feel that bad. You are alive, and i don't think you will die from hunger anytime soon. Its your perspective on what life is supposed to be thats making you miserable. You can change this around step by step, but maybe you are not ready yet and want to feel the burn some more. At some point you will bite the bullet, let go and start a new route to create something more pleasant. Its not going to be fireworks from the beginning, but you will get there. Why not start now? A break is a good idea anyways. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Orb said: @Devin thank you, yea I took a break from working out because I wanted to start fasting and alsand not gonna have enough money to afford meals like I used to but working out might put mind to rest. You're very welcome. Ooh sounds like a good time to learn how to cook some food too, rice is super cheap and delicious, peas(good workout protein), carrots, dry beans, potatos, cabbage egg rolls with shredded carrot!, ... I would not fast when in your type of mindset, that will exacerbate thoughts running wild. Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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