Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) I never thought it'd get to the point where im posting this. But ive decided to leave the forum for some time perhaps. My current situation is pretty dire and the truth is I don't think I want to get better, I got about 80 dollars left to my name now. I can't stop using drugs. Im also unemployed and ive sent many applications and haven't gotten anything. Ive had moments of alignment and feeling great, and then periods of not feeling so great. Im gonna be broke and in deep debt. I owe hospital bills, I owe 14k for the car I totaled, im paying nearly 1k a month for my new car plus insurance, I owe money to another bank. My mind can't keep up with this kind of world, my mind is too simple. I never wanted to give up, but im tired of the rollercoaster ride. I think im done with all of this, the spiritual stuff, the trying to improve, everything. Im not sure what im gonna do next, maybe leave, drive away, become a monk, something like that. I started off so motivated today and fell into using drugs and spending a bunch of money, it just keeps on going. My only respite is in knowing that this is only a dream and fundamentally It doesn't matter what happens, my mom will probably be disappointed in me, there's a good chance im gonna be completely broke, but It doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters anymore. I thought I could handle this kind of life, but I can't. Right now im unemployed sending out applications but getting nothing back, got 80 bucks in the bank, im playing videogames and taking substances to numb the craziness. Thanks everyone for being kind on here and listening. It's time for me to leave and see what's the next chapter in my life, in the end it's all a dream anyways so I don't care what happens anymore. Goodbye everyone 🙏 Edited July 13, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 You are in exact same situation as I am.I am applying for jobs but noone is answering me back.It will get better ot's just matter of time.Hope you will make wiser choices in future.This is the first. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Alexander said: You are in exact same situation as I am.I am applying for jobs but noone is answering me back.It will get better ot's just matter of time.Hope you will make wiser choices in future.This is the first. Thank you. Ive been disillusioned with spirituality, im so sick of hearing about enlightenment or anything that has to do with it. It's nonsense, all of it. The spiritual experiences are useless too. Its all a bunch of nice sounding words but none of it actually helps with anything. Thinking in hindsight on it, I wish I never got interested in it to begin with. Edited July 13, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) ❤️I hope the best for you. Don't give up on life buddy, you've just been misled, you can do it, it's just that you've been misled. Want any practical life advice? This forum is a bit toxic, I don't see how anyone would be healthy minded spending much time on here. Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 @Devin Thank you. I don't know who is toxic or not toxic, all I know is I can't do this anymore. Spiritual teachers are always talking about that which can't be attained, so why talk at all? Ive dedicated so much time and energy into trying the various LoA modalities and none of them worked, if they did I wouldn't have 80 dollars in the bank. But of course its because I didn't do it hard enough right.... Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 Although I had good times on here so thanks to everyone. Not everyone is supposed to have a happy ending, not everyone is a hero on some special journey, some people are just losers lol. I'm so tired of chasing that which is somehow never within my grasp yet all the teachers say there is something to seek. I hate it at this point. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 5 minutes ago, Orb said: Not everyone is supposed to have a happy ending, not everyone is a hero on some special journey, some people are just losers lol. I'm so tired of chasing that which is somehow never within my grasp yet all the teachers say there is something to seek. I hate it at this point. I have something I do when I'm down if you want it. Think about something immediately available to you that you will enjoy; watching the sky, kicking the soccer ball at the park, walk around town, jog, glass of water, yoga,.... go do that. Then usually sleep and eat. All those heros and happy endings you see are fake, happiness is just in that moment doing that small thing you enjoy, there's no different happiness, not for a rich man or famous person. Just watch life unfold, the only thing you have to do is enjoy, you don't need to get successful brother, that's not even a minor detail, it is just a minor accent to life. First enjoy, then just try at life, primarily enjoy, often times in the modern world especially that means a lot of resting. You're being too hard on yourself. Jesus " First seek the kingdom of heaven, then." Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) @Devin I've realized that the biggest fear human beings have is living without being attached to some kind of belief system. In this way, we always want to find some kind of religion and loa is no different. Also, how can I trust what you or Jesus have to say? I'm done getting advice from people, sorry. Edited July 13, 2023 by Orb Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 We need someone to tell us what reality is, that we are okay and fine. I mean see this in your own direct experience. Can you really, honestly, be here right now without ANY kind of subtle belief system whether it's a more pragmatic stoic belief system or a LoA belief system? Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 1 minute ago, Orb said: @Devin I've realized that the biggest fear human beings have is living without being attached to some kind of belief system. In this way, we always want to find some kind of religion and loa is no different. Yeah, fear itself is kind of the belief system. The root is fear, which is explicitly not enjoying/allowing/appreciating however life will play out Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 Whatever life you get is beautiful, the problem tends to be being misled into believing/fearing it isn't, wanting a different one, you're lied to brother, just look at the sky, taste that cold glass of water, be nice to someone, that's beautiful, no less than king Solomons life. Beauty is beauty. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 3 minutes ago, Devin said: Whatever life you get is beautiful, the problem tends to be being misled into believing/fearing it isn't, wanting a different one, you're lied to brother, just look at the sky, taste that cold glass of water, be nice to someone, that's beautiful, no less than king Solomons life. Beauty is beauty. It's easy to say that when you're not drowning in debt or on the verge of giving up on life. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 All of the spiritual shit I've said is just what I've been told. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Alexander said: Laziness is not a trait, it's a subconscious reaction to cognitive dissonance, It's you subconciously recognizing there's a problem with the beliefs/values you're operating on; greed, envy, ..... Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 4 minutes ago, Orb said: It's easy to say that when you're not drowning in debt or on the verge of giving up on life. Yep. I'm just trying. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 (edited) That's why I first suggested those easy things that you enjoy, that tends to be key for me. Edited July 13, 2023 by Devin Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 I'm actually pretty good at practical life and finances if you ever want my advice. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 13, 2023 Author Share Posted July 13, 2023 @Devin idk what the hell any of this is and anything told to me isnt true. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 13, 2023 Share Posted July 13, 2023 10 minutes ago, Orb said: @Devin idk what the hell any of this is and anything told to me isnt true. I'm not sure what you mean here. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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